Wednesday, June 8
Ride a jet ski on a lake.
I am on the back of a jet ski with my arms wrapped around Kale.
I might be screaming.
Not because I’m scared though.
Because I’m having a blast.
In Idaho, my family lives on a farm just outside of the city. Kale was always over. He, Jason, and I used to ride four wheelers all the time. Kale and Jason were always a little scary to ride with. Kale on a jet ski is possibly even more scary than he was on a four wheeler.
“Do you know where we’re going?” I ask him, yelling over the motor noise. We’ve been riding around the lake for a good thirty minutes, and we’ve made a lot of turns.
“Yeah,” he yells. “The lake isn’t that big. It’s kind of hard to get lost.”
I trust him. He obviously has a better sense of direction than I do. But I don’t think this lake is that small. It seems huge to me, but I’ve never been on another lake to compare it to.
I like the feel of the wind blowing through my hair. The sound of other boats. There are people riding inner tubes that are being pulled behind boats. And people here wave at us as we drive past them. It reminds me of where I’m from in Idaho. They were always super friendly. I do the polite thing and wave back.
Really, I don’t think anybody ever waved at me in LA, unless it was their middle finger. And that seemed like a daily occurrence when stuck in traffic.
“Everybody is so nice here,” I tell him, as he lets off the throttle.
Just head of me, I see a huge rock wall, and a group of kids on top. Each of them jump off, one by one, screaming the whole way down.
I think I’m going to be sick.
“Kale, I was kidding about the whole cliff diving thing,” I say, even though I actually wasn’t kidding. “I mean, I changed my mind. I do not want to do that.”
He turns off the motor when we get closer. “Come on, Juliet. This is on your list. You know I can’t let you chicken out.”
“I’m scared. I don’t want to,” I say, stubbornly crossing my arms over my chest. There is pretty much no way I am going to get off of this jet ski.
“You kids want to tie your jet ski to my boat while you jump off?” a guy with a strong southern accent laughs. Some of the kids who just jumped off are getting on his boat.
“Sure,” Kale says. “That would be great.”
He starts the jet ski and drivers closer, very slowly. Once he’s close enough to grab the side of the boat, the turns off the jet ski. The guy helps him pull closer and ties it for us.
“Thank you so much,” I tell the guy.
“Where are y’all from?” he asks.
“Is it that obvious we’re not from here?” Kale asks, laughing.
“Your accent gives it away,” the guy says.
“I’m from LA,” I say, at the same time Kale says, “I’m from Idaho Falls.”
The guy looks at us like we’ve sprouted horns. “What the heck are y’all doing in Arkansas?”
“We’re road tripping for our honeymoon,” Kale answers.
“Oh, my God!” a girl screeches from behind the older guy. “You are Juliet and Kale! I watch you guys all the time! I’m totally team Kalet.”
The guy looks at us. “You two celebrities or somethin’?”
“No,” I answer. “We’re YouTubers... I guess we’re sort of famous online.”
If you call having three point one million subscribers famous.
“Wait, I know you,” the guy says. “You were on the news. Everybody is talking about the two YouTube stars who eloped to Vegas and are documenting their road trip.”
“Oh, my God!” the girl screams again. “Am I going to be in your vlog?”
“Sure,” Kale tells her. “Do you think you can film us while we cliff dive? I’d hate to not have it recorded.”
“Yes!” her eyes get big as Kale passes her the waterproof camera he has hung around his neck. He turns to me. “Ready, baby?”
Baby.
I hate the way that word makes my stomach tighten. I know he’s just saying it because they’re with us, but I still like the way it sounds... it makes this feel more real. Like we’re on a real honeymoon.
Or, maybe my stomach tightens because of the fact that I’m about to jump off of a cliff into the water.
“No,” I answer.
“Too bad,” he says.
We both get into the water. The guy tells us where to climb up and we start swimming over. It’s hard to swim with a life jacket on, but at least if I hit my head and die on the way down they won’t have to drain the lake looking for my dead body. I’ll be floating right on top.
We climb to the top. There is a ledge lower down, but Kale keeps going. I follow him up to the very top.
I look over from the ledge.
I think I’m going to be sick.
“If I die, tell Mom, Dad, and Jason that I love them,” I say.
Kale rolls his eyes. “You’re so dramatic.”
“I wasn’t kidding.”
“Juliet, hold my hand,” Kale says, holding out his hand for me.
I grab his hand.
I like holding his hand. It helps calm my nerves, just a little. I mean, how calm can I be? I’m terrified of heights.
This seemed like a much better idea when I was in my room, safely on the ground.
“On the count of three,” he says, not giving me time to back out. “One—two—three.”
And we jump.
I scream the whole way down.
I land feet first in the water and go under a little before my lifejacket forces me back up. When I come up, I see Kale there. He has a huge grin on his face.
“You did it!” he says.
“That was fun,” I say.
I faced my fear and I conquered it.
In that moment, I realize I am lucky. Most people don’t know when they’re going to die. A lot of people die instantly—in car crashes, or in their sleep. Maybe they drop dead of a massive heart attack. But not me. I have just under six months left to live and I know it. I think everybody should face death, just once, so they can do the things that they were scared to do. The things that once upon a time would’ve terrified them, but it doesn’t matter when you’re facing the end of it all.
Everybody needs a Kale Johnson in their life to help them achieve their bucket list too.
7 p.m.
Not caring feels really good.
Kale and I decide to get a hotel that night, because the humidity in Arkansas is real.
Like, I feel like I may die of a heat stroke.
Wait, that’s a real thing, right?
After cliff diving, Kale and I took our jet ski back to the marina and then we rode around with the guy and his family in that boat. His name is Christopher Ayres. His wife is Elizabeth. And they have three kids—Hannah, Kaylee and Anthony. Hannah and Kaylee both are avid watchers of my videos, and Anthony loves watching Kale’s videos. Especially his prank videos.
Boys.
After riding around in the boat, and even riding on the inner tube, they invite us back to their campsite. They are staying in a camper trailer. But we sit around outside, eat pizza, talk, and play Uno.
“Uno,” I say, looking at my one blue card.
Kale is determined for me not to win.
By the time it gets back to me, somehow it’s still blue. I slap my card down.
“Yes!” I yell, because I’ve lost seven games so far.
Yep.
SEVEN.
I do a little victory dance and when I look up, Kale has a camera pointed at me. I don’t stop dancing. In fact, Hannah and Kaylee join me. And we dance, even though there is no music. And we laugh.
Tonight, here in Arkansas, is magical. It might possibly be the best day of my entire life.
I hear Kale saying something to the camera, but I’m laughing so hard that I can’t hear him.
The mom, Elizabeth, gets up and joins us. She’s a terrible dancer, but it’s hilarious. We laugh even harder. And before too much longer, Kale, Christopher, and Anthony get up too. Sure, people in nearby campsites might think we’re drunk, but for once in my life, I don’t care what anybody else thinks about me.
Not caring feels really good.
Later on that night, Kale and I are lying on the grass, looking up at the stars. We’re not ready to go back to the hotel just yet.
“Kale,” I say.
“Yeah?”
“Today was the best day of my entire life,” I tell him.
He looks over at me. “Me, too, Juliet.”
“I wish I would’ve been this brave before.”
“You’re making me braver,” he says.
“We’re you scared?” I ask.
“Of cliff jumping?”
I nod.
“A little,” he admits.
“You didn’t look scared.”
“I was being brave for you,” he says. “That cliff was a good thirty-five feet. I seriously thought I was going to vomit.”
I giggle. “But you always go skiing with Jason.”
“Skiing down the side of a mountain is one thing,” he says. “Jumping off a cliff is another.”
“True,” I say. I’ve been skiing quite a few times in my life—it’s a given when you live in Idaho. I was never scared to do that, though I didn’t exactly ski any crazy slopes. I always did the ones for beginners and intermediates. Kale and Jason are the ones who did the extreme ones. In fact, Jason broke his arm when he was fifteen on one of those slopes. He cried like a baby, too. And I did what any good sister would do. I took a video of him crying and put it on YouTube.
“Taking this trip with you has changed my life. I mean, we’re only nine states in and I can already tell. Nothing will ever be the same again,” he says, then grabs my hand. “I can’t imagine a world without you in it. I don’t want to live without you.”
“Yes, you do,” I say. “You have so much to live for. Someday, you’ll find a girl to marry that you’re actually in love with. And you and she can finish my bucket list together.”
Even as I say the words, my heart stings at the thought of Kale being married to another girl. Which is silly, because he’s not really mine. He only married me because of my bucket list.
“No,” he says. “If something happens to you before we finish it, I will do it by myself. Besides, I don’t think I’ll ever fall in love with anybody else. Nobody can compare to you, Juliet.”
I smile at his words. I know he’s just saying it to make me feel better, but I don’t care. I love every single thing he’s saying. If I weren’t dying, I could truly see myself falling in love with him. But I am dying, so I can’t even entertain that thought.
“Kale, I know I shouldn’t have asked you to do all this,” I say. “It’s too much. But thank you for doing it with me.”
“You didn’t ask me. I asked you,” he says. “And I don’t regret one second of it.”
“Thank you.”
“I’ve been praying. I’ve never really prayed before,” he says. “But I’ve been asking God to spare your life. I don’t want you to die.”
“Why would you want that? We got married, Kale. You’d be stuck with me then.”
“That wouldn’t be so bad.”
“Don’t worry,” I say, turning on my side to look at him. “If God does answer your prayer, I wouldn’t make you stay married to me. It wouldn’t be fair to ask that of you.”
“Is that what you would want?” he asks.
“No,” I answer. “I mean, I never imagined getting married at nineteen years old. But if a miracle does happen, I wouldn’t want to undo this thing between us. I think if I wasn’t dying that I could probably fall in love with you very easily.”
A couple of weeks ago, I never would’ve said something like that. But I guess when you’re dying, you somehow become brave. You can say things that maybe you were too scared to say. And I’ve never felt braver in my life.
“Good,” he says. “Ready to go to bed?”
“Yeah.”
He stands and then helps me up.
Marrying Kale might be the most impulsive thing I’ve ever done, but it’s also the best decision I’ve ever made.
Out of everything on my bucket list, he’s my favorite.