CHAPTER TWELVE
Violet
Anthony hasn’t mentioned the kiss from last night, and I haven’t either. To be honest, I’m not sure how to bring it up. If he can’t remember it or if he did it because he was drunk, and it meant nothing…it will devastate me.
That’s not to say it didn’t affect me. I went to bed with my lips tingling and spent all night convincing myself not to cuddle up next to his warmth. By not mentioning it, I figure I’m saving us both the embarrassment – him for doing it and me for thinking it might have meant something.
“You look amazing.” Anthony’s voice is hoarse as his green eyes sweep up and down my body. I can feel it in the fiber of my being. My skin pricks with awareness, and I can feel my breasts swell against the lace of my bra. I didn’t start having actual physical reactions to men until this one came into my life.
This dress is the prettiest thing I’ve ever owned. An aqua blue color with a lace overlay on top, flowers running up and down it. Whitney went through her closet a few weeks ago and invited the ladies over to “shop”. When I saw it, I wanted it, and prayed that no one else did. It sat on the couch for an hour, before Blaze stalked over, picked it up, and handed it to me.
“You’ve been eyeing it since the moment you got here,” she told me as she dropped it in my lap. “If you want it, take it.”
I’d taken it, but I hadn’t tried it on until I’d gotten home. And when I did, I’d spun around like a princess in a cartoon. Hell, I’d even clapped my hands and did a curtsy. In some ways, that moment and this dress signaled the change I needed in my life. I’d been floating by, doing my day-to-day, but I’d stopped challenging myself. After that day, I started to take charge again, I went after things I wanted.
With one exception. Anthony. Because if he rejects me, I’m not sure how I’ll handle it.
Now here I am, wearing the dress, staring down the man who gave me the best kiss of my life last night, and my heart is pounding as I wonder what kind of move I’ve going to make.
“We need to leave if we’re going to make it in time.” He’s slipping on his shoes, and I realize I’ve waited too long and lost my window.
Instead of being disappointed in myself, I promise myself that next time I won’t let the moment pass. There will be another opportunity. I know there will because we’ve been dancing around each other for months, and I have to believe I can be someone desirable. That my husband didn’t ruin me for other people. As soon as the ink dries on the divorce agreement, I’m going to make my move on this man, and he’ll either accept me or reject me on my own merit. In some ways, that’s worth all the heartache I’ve gone through. If I can find my true happiness, I’ll accept everything that happened before was in preparation to show me what goodness was around the corner. Maybe it taught me how to appreciate a good man. More than anything, I hope I get to experience the kind of happiness the other people in my life are experiencing right now. To know the feeling behind the smiles on their faces? I’d be the luckiest person in the world. The luckiest person who now understands her worth, even if it’s hard for me to realize it sometimes.
Grabbing my purse, I give him a smile. “I’m ready when you are.” And I realize those words apply to so many areas of my life.
* * *
“They Pinterested the fuck outta this wedding,” Anthony whispers as we make our way to the stretch of sand Whitney and Ryan have selected to say their vows on.
I shoot him a glare, but giggle too. “What do you know about that?”
“My sister.” He rolls his eyes and sighs heavily. “Did the same with hers, and now I’ve had to get a motherfuckin’ account so I can be added to some damn private board to plan our mom’s birthday. Do you know what that does to my masculinity? To know I have the Pinterest app on my phone, and I’m adding shit to it?”
Now my giggle has turned into a full-blown laugh. “Does anyone know this about you?”
“Just you, Vi.” He slowly snakes his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer. “And I’m counting on you to keep my secret.”
He doesn’t have to worry. As long as he keeps touching me, I’ll keep every single secret he chooses to confide in me.
“Oh, son of a bitch.” He points to a sign at the back of where the chairs are set up for the guests. “Does she have Renegade’s balls in a vice? With sandy toes and salt-water kisses, we became Mr. and Mrs.? How fucking lame is that? So lame…”
Putting my hand over my mouth to hide the laughter, I lean into him. “Let them have their fun. You never know, maybe one day you’ll think there’s a woman worth making a cute little rhyme about.”
He gifts me with the sexiest smile I’ve seen him give anyone. “What? You mean something like, Oh Vi, you look so fly?”
Slapping his shoulder, I give him a look. “Stop, don’t make fun.”
And for some reason it hurts that he’s just made up that little rhyme. Like all that optimism I had when we were in the hotel room is gone.
“I’m not making fun.” He grabs hold of my chin as we come to a stop in the middle of the aisle. Other guests of the wedding have to go around us to get to their seats, but Anthony doesn’t let my chin go, doesn’t break his gaze from mine.
“It feels like it,” I whisper.
“I’d never make fun of you, and I’d never make fun of the way I feel for you, Violet. A lot of times I’m the one who brings the laughs, and I’m okay with it, but I hope that you of all people can see behind the laughs. You know the pain a smile hides, and I hope if I can ever be myself with anyone, it’ll be you.”
Finally he breaks our gaze and his hold, ushering us to our seats. My mind is full of turmoil at the words he spoke, twisting around like leaves in an autumn storm. I have a feeling he was trying to tell me something important about himself. But I don’t want to make assumptions, and without concrete proof, I have no idea what his words mean.
Ace
The whole crowd gasps with joy when they see Stella making her way up the aisle, throwing petals on the runner covering the sand. She’s cute as can be, her chubby legs toddling. When it looks like she might take a tumble, Caleb rushes in from the side, grabbing her hand.
Stella gazes up at him like he’s some sort of prince charming, smiling so widely at him you can see a little dimple in her cheek. He smiles back at her, and I realize it’s been a long time since any of us saw Caleb freely give one of those. The barn party last year changed us all, but no one more than Caleb. We’re all still trying to recover from the shock of losing one of our own in the community.
“C’mon, Stell Belle,” he whispers loudly. “Let’s get you up there and get your parents married.”
He swoops her up in his arms, giving her a little kiss on the cheek that makes her squeal before depositing her next to Blaze, who holds out her hand. Stella grabs it tightly, while we all stand for Whitney. Reaper and Harmony sing from the left-hand side of the aisle, it looks like another member of Black Friday plays guitar as they sing their number-one duet.
“This is so exciting.” Violet beams back at me. Her hair is highlighted by the glow of the setting sun behind us. There’s a slight breeze blowing, and if I’m honest, this couldn’t be any more perfect. “I’ve always wanted to see Reaper and Harmony, and this is like a private concert.”
I’m ashamed to say I don’t know much about either one of them; I just know they’re one of the most popular celebrity couples in the world and they had a whirlwind romance. Over the past few weeks, as the girls have prepared for this wedding, they’ve talked about the sweet love story between these two. I’ve watched more celebrity gossip shows and YouTube videos about this couple than I’ve probably watched my entire life.
But if this makes her happy, then there’s nothing I want to change about this day. Keeping that all to myself, I give her a little bit of the story as it was told to me.
“Holden mentioned we were all coming down for the wedding to Reaper and they were looking to take a small vacation before Black Friday has to head back into the studio. They knew they wouldn’t be bothered here with us, and they offered to sing. I knew you liked them, so what better way for you to see them?”
For just a few moments I feel like the most bad ass guy in the place, because I helped put that look on her face. I didn’t give up every time she tried to blow me off. The fluttering in my stomach as she grins at me is worth every time I’ve wondered if what I was doing was working. Stepping forward, I put my arm around her neck, letting my hand hang down against her chest so she can grasp mine with hers.
She still doesn’t trust enough to let all her walls down with me, but it’s a start, and a start is all I’ve ever wanted with Violet.
“She looks gorgeous,” Violet whispers as we watch Whitney come to the head of the aisle.
My eyes drift from Whitney to where Renegade stands at the end of the aisle waiting for her. The look on his face is one of complete and total love and devotion. There’s a passion I see as he watches her, even a few tears make their way down his cheeks. He’s saying something, but I can’t tell what it is because he’s put his hand over his mouth. I’ve watched these two friends of mine fall in love, and I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’ve wanted it for a while. Knowing they’ve been able to have it gives me hope.
As I look down and watch her gaze follow Whitney up the aisle, her tear up as they exchange vows, and the way she puts her free hand over her own mouth when they kiss gives me hope. I have hope she remembers what a happily ever after is and that she allows me to give it to her. Nobody else in this world deserves it more than she does, and nobody else wants to give that happiness to her more than I do.
When the minister pronounces them husband and wife, I close my eyes and send up a little prayer for myself. Renegade waited a long time, and if he did, so can I. With all the crazy shit he’s been through, he persevered, same with Whitney.
I open my eyes just in time to see them break apart and lean down, grabbing their daughter. As they make their way down the aisle, after they’re pronounced husband and wife, I’m hit with a feeling in my chest I’ve never felt before. It’s the type of emotion that steals your breath, makes you want more than what you have, and to be the best version of yourself you can be.
That shit doesn’t happen overnight though, it doesn’t strike like lightning. The feeling might, but the reality of it is so much slower than the realization. That shit takes time, it takes understanding, and diligence.
Not to mention all the stars aligning and maybe a little bit of luck. No big deal, right? I got this. When it’s supposed to happen, it happens. And I believe right now, more than ever, that Violet and I? We’re supposed to happen.