CHAPTER TWENTY
Violet
It’s a dead day at The Café as Caleb and I sit at a booth folding silverware into napkins. It’s been a week since the lake, since Caleb got pulled over. I’ve bided my time, but now I’m interested in how he’s doing.
“How are things going?”
His gaze is intense before he shifts it back down to our task at hand. “I know Ace told you about pulling me over, me being drunk, and then calling my dad. That’s why you said what you did when we were out on the lake.”
“He did, but it hasn’t been my place to bring it up.”
He’s quiet for a few minutes, and I wonder if he’s going to speak about any of it to me. Blowing out a deep breath, he scratches a cheek that looks as if it has some stubble on it. When did Caleb start growing up on us? Eventually he shifts in the seat and begins to speak. “Dad and I had a really long talk.”
“How did that go?” I can just imagine what Mason had to say to his son.
“Awkward as fuck, but he said some things I’ve needed to hear, I guess.” He shrugs as he continues rolling the silverware. “I’ve been struggling since the party, pissed off that so many of us lived through what happened while we lost a friend. It’s been a guilt thing, I guess. He made me talk to Blaze, and Blaze is setting up counseling for the school through her program. I think a lot of us need it.” He runs his hand through his hair and then down his face. “I know I do.”
“There’s no shame in it, Caleb. I’ve talked to someone a time or two about what happened to me here.” I look around the Cafe. Sometimes I can glance around and it doesn’t bother me, other times, I can still see Brent coming at me, a look or rage on his face.
“Does it help?” His voice is doubtful and hopeful all at the same time.
“It does, but you’ve got to be willing to let it help you. Be open to it, work the program. There’s no shame in having to go back to the beginning either, Caleb. Some days it will be like it just happened.”
“I have those days. Sometimes I have nightmares about that night. I dream that I was the one who drank too much, I was the one under that blue tarp. It’s like I’m looking in from the outside and I can see my dad be notified about my death. I’m screaming to him it’s not me, that I wasn’t the one there, but then they pull back the tarp and it is. I wake up in a cold sweat, wondering what the hell happened.”
A thought occurs to me, and I ask it slowly.
“Do you and the girl you were with, do you still talk?”
He rubs against the stubble on his jaw again. “Nah, we haven’t spoken since the funeral. More her than me.” His smile tilts. “Which sucks, because I really liked her, she’s a nice girl.”
“Maybe one day in the future, you and her can work it out?”
“Doubtful.” He scrunches up his nose. “How do you look at Ace and not re-live everything that went on here?”
I’ve wondered that myself more often than I care to admit. It was something that I always thought would rear its ugly head once we started moving forward, but it never has. I’ve never confused my feelings about Anthony with what happened here that day.
I shrug. “He saved me, and maybe that’s part of it. But he and I were talking before then.”
“Even though you were married?” He interrupts, a sly smile on his face.
“Yeah.” I duck my head, not sure if I can take the intensity of his gaze. “I’m not exactly proud of that, but you have to understand the situation I was in.”
He holds up his hands. “I’m not judging.”
But many have. I see the looks, hear the whispers, and in the darkest of hours, I’m my own worst critic. I wasn’t raised to cheat on my husband, I wasn’t raised to give up on a marriage, but there comes a point where you can no longer take being abused. You want someone to touch you softly, you want someone to speak to you nicely, and you desperately want someone to love you. You realize you’re worthy, and once you’ve hit that point, there’s no going back.
“Fuck ’em.” Caleb grins. “Whatever they think they know, they don’t. Fuck ’em.”
I wish it was that easy for me, but if this kid can have that attitude? Why can’t I?
* * *
I’m tired when I get home from my shift today, but I force myself to check the mail, instead of walking straight into my bedroom and collapsing. I’m still trying to recover from the lake and all the fun we had. Shuffling through the mail that still comes for the people who used to live here and bills, a certified letter almost doesn’t catch my attention.
Looking at the return address, my hands shake. It’s from my attorney. Did the judge approve the divorce without Brent signing the papers? So much of this has been done without my input that I feel very disconnected. All I know is I feel like I’ve been waiting for this decision for most of my life. Using my fingernail, I tear through the top and drag the papers from where they’re enclosed.
My eyes scan the document, waiting to see the words that will free me. My heart feels as if it’s about to jump out of my chest as I skim through the paperwork that reads “Petition for Dissolution of Marriage”.
I flip the page, ready to come out of my skin, when my gaze jumps to the bottom and I see the sentence I feel as if I’ve been waiting my whole life for. Dissolution of marriage is granted. I look to make sure the judge has signed it, and then I give a little shout of excitement. This wasn’t what I expected today, but I’ll take it any day of the week.
Running up the stairs of the front porch, I all but beat down Anthony’s door, waiting for him to open it. When he does, I launch myself at him, taking his lips with mine, surprising the hell out of both of us. He catches me in his arms, and I give myself over to this kiss.
It’s a melding of bodies, a melting of souls, and a promise of the future to come. I pour every bit of desire I’ve had not only for him, but for the life I felt everyone else always got to live into this kiss. His fingers dig into my hair, before he pulls back.
“What was that for?” he whispers, licking his lips, voice husky, eyes cloudy with what I’ve learned is passion.
“I’m free,” I whisper back, and in that moment the tears come, rolling down my cheeks. “I’m free,” I repeat, letting the tears fall. In my hands I hold the papers, and as he lets me, I pass them over to him.
“Is this what I think it is?” The excitement is apparent, hope is a living thing between us. This has been the one thing holding us back.
Nodding, I reach out to grab his forearms, as he reads them. “It’s over, it’s completely over.”
“You know what this means right?” He reaches out, cupping my cheek in his hand.
“What?” I whisper, not quite believing what’s happening. If I’m in a dream, I pray that no one wakes me up.
“I can do this anytime I want.”
He leans in and takes the kiss I’m sure he’s wanted since the first day he saw me. He pours as much emotion in this one as I poured into mine. Faintly, as if in the distance, I hear the door close, then I feel my body pressed against it. Easily, I take his weight and revel in it, loving the feel of it, wanting to have the experience of our naked skin against each other. I’m already imagining it – the slide of his sweaty skin against mine, the way his chin will feel against me. How my nails will rake down his back, what my fingers will feel like when I wrap them around his length. All things that have driven me crazy since I moved in here. Seconds or hours could have passed when he pulls away.
“While I would love to continue this, Vi, I have to be on shift in the next thirty minutes,” he groans as he leans his forehead against the door.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t plan this well.” I giggle burying my face in his neck.
“Sometimes those are the best moments, don’t you think?” He pushes the strands of hair that have fallen from my ponytail back, as he lifts my head off his shoulder. “I’ll take any surprise you want to give me any day, Vi, and this is one of the best I’ve ever been given. If I knew someone could or would take my shift, I’d call them right now.”
“I know.” I turn my cheek into his palm. “But I couldn’t help coming to tell you. I’ll be here waiting for you when you get home.”
“Those are the best words I’ve ever heard. Will you be here on my side of the duplex or yours?”
My heart pounds and my pulse speeds. This is a huge step for us, a big deal in the grand scheme of things. I’ve never allowed myself to come into his space with these intentions, not yet. I’m not sure if it’s because I didn’t trust men, or I didn’t trust myself around him. But today, I know many things have changed. With the papers we hold, my entire life has changed. In some ways, it’s finally beginning. The answer to this question means everything.
“I’ll be right here when you get home, meaning I’ll be on your side. I’ll be sitting in your couch or lying in your bed.” I wipe at the tears still silently streaming down my cheeks. “As long as that’s okay with you.”
Bringing me in for another kiss, he drops one on my lips, before he uses his thumbs to remove some of the moisture under my eyes. “Believe me when I say, nothing on this earth has ever sounded better to my ears.”
I giggle, and it’s the most carefree noise I’ve ever made. I feel as if I’ve lost the weight that’s been bearing down on my shoulders, as if I’m the carefree adult I never got to be. This won’t last forever, real life will make itself known, but I’m going to enjoy this for as long as I can.
“I’ve gotta get dressed and get going. The quicker I get going, the quicker I can get back. And knowing you’re going to be here is going to make this the longest shift of my life,” he groans as he throws his head back in frustration.
Pulling him in for a peck, I twine my arms around his neck. “Please be safe, Anthony. You got a woman here who desperately wants to live her life with you, and can’t wait to get started.”
He gives me the most magnificent smile. “I can’t wait either. We’re gonna take life by the balls and make it our bitch.”
Those words are the best I’ve heard, and I’m vibrating with excitement to get started on our lives together. It looks like I’ll have to wait at least nine hours though, and in those hours, I’ll allow myself to mourn the life I had and plan for the life I’m anticipating. One thing is for sure. Anthony will make sure it’s damn exciting.