CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Violet
“I feel like I’m going to explode,” Leighton complains a week later as we clean up from a crazy breakfast rush at The Café.
“You’re pregnant and due in a few weeks. You’re supposed to feel that way,” I remind her as I pull out a chair for her. “Have a seat, prop those feet up, and let me do the work.”
“Funny, sometimes Holden says the same thing, only not about cleaning up.” She has this naughty look on her face that is one hundred percent my friend.
I’ve been worried about her since they positively identified her mother’s body. Especially with the holidays fast approaching, I’m wondering how she’s going to handle it. Hopefully with a baby to care for, she won’t dwell on it too much. I’ve watched her since she was given the information, and except for the first few days after it happened, she seems to be doing well. Leighton’s a fighter, and I expected nothing less from her.
“Have you thought of a name yet?” I ask as I go around, wiping off the tables.
“You just want me to tell you if it’s a boy or a girl,” she accuses, a smile in her voice. “I’m not doing that until he or she is born.”
They’re refusing to let people in on the gender, and it’s driving us all crazy. The nursery is in yellow and gray, so it could be either a boy or a girl. I’ve been trying to get it out of her for weeks now, but she’s not slipping up and saying anything she shouldn’t.
“Tell me about you and Ace,” she requests, taking a drink of the water sitting in front of her. “You two still heating up the sheets?”
“Yeah.” I grin back at her. “More than we probably should be.”
“There can never be too much heating of the sheets, Violet. Mark my words.”
Maybe she’s on to something, but I’ll never admit it. Just as I’m about to say something to her, Whitney comes in with her mom, both their faces white. “What’s wrong?”
“There’s been a wreck at the bottoms, and we don’t know who’s involved, but they say a cop was there.”
I wasn’t here when Trevor wrecked, but I’ve heard about it numerous times and just the things I’ve heard make my heart stop.
“We’re just gonna wait here until we hear from people. Is that okay, Ernie?” Whitney asks as she and her mom take a seat at the same table Leighton sits at.
“Yeah, let me get you all some tea.” He hustles out from behind the back and quickly motions for me to sit down.
Once the tea is delivered, we all glance at each other, and we do the only thing we can do. Wait.
Hours go by before we hear that the people who were in the wreck were elderly out-of-towners and some high school kids. The out-of-towners aren’t doing well, and all I want to do is get home so I can see Anthony, so I can make sure he’s okay.
A car pulls up, carrying Ryan. “Hey ladies.” He comes through the threshold, picking Whitney up as she flings herself at him. “I came to make sure you two got home okay. Havoc and Ace were the officers in the car that responded.” He points at me and Leighton. “They’re fine, just dealing with some pretty serious issues at the crash site. Neither one is hurt though, I promise you that.”
It helps me to breathe easier, knowing that Anthony isn’t hurt and knowing that Holden is with him. “You can take her home, but I’m good. Holden drove her to work this morning.” I point at Leighton. “I can make it on my own.”
He looks like he wants to argue, but thinks better of it before herding the girls up and taking them home. As I watch them drive away, I know that I want to rush back to the duplex to be there for Anthony. I have no idea what he’s faced tonight, but I definitely want to be the person who helps him make it better.
“Be careful, Violet,” Ernie yells as I leave. I give him a wave, before I’m on the door.
* * *
Four hours later, I am sitting on the front porch, nursing a beer, and a plate of cookies when Ace comes home. I’ve texted with him a few times, but he seems off, as if he’s more affected than he cares to let on. I won’t let it bother me, won’t let him shut me out the way I know he probably wants to.
When his squad car pulls in the driveway and he gets out, I don’t run to him. I don’t make a big fuss, or a scene. I let him come to me. Getting out of his car, I ache to put my arms around him. His shoulders are down-trodden and his demeanor is that of someone who’s seen the worst in humanity today. The way he was a quiet strength when I needed it in the beginning, I’m that for him right now. As he gets out of the car, he gazes over the top of it, seeming to try and collect himself.
When he finally speaks, it’s not at all what I expect to hear.
“Shit’s not fair.”
“What happened, Anthony?” I ask as I hold my hand out to him, letting him take mine as we enter my side of the duplex.
Grabbing the beer and cookies, I bring them in with us, before shutting the door. Walking over to the breakfast bar, I set them down and then look at him expectantly, waiting for him to let it all out.
Ace
“I act like shit doesn’t bother me.” I turn around so I don’t have to face her, don’t have to see those amazing eyes of hers look at me with sympathy in them. “But it does. It bothers the fuck out of me. Especially when people do stupid shit like this.”
“What do you mean?” she asks, walking to me, reaching over to hold my hand.
There’s dried blood on my uniform pants, and irrationally I don’t want her to touch it. Flinching away from her touch, I put my fingers through my hair. It’s longer than even I like it, but right now I use it as a distraction. “They aren’t sure if the older couple will make it. Those kids that hit them? They were drunk. We found bottles of moonshine in the truck.”
“But I thought…” She shakes her head, letting the words trail off.
“That we got rid of the threat when we arrested Jefferson?” I get up from where I’m sitting, wanting to rip my skin from my bones. This feeling is horrible, takes me back to the helplessness I felt when my unit came under fire, and I had to watch as my best friend died in my arms. “You’d think so right? But nah, sweetness, bad never stays gone forever. There’s always another villain ready to step in.”
The way the silence stretches between us kills me. I’ve never not been able to talk to Violet, but the way this feels is fucking foul. We’re not connecting, and that’s something we’ve never had a problem with. “What are you thinking?” The words are ripped out of my throat.
Lifting my hand up, I almost cup her cheek in my palm, but then I see a dark slash of oil or maybe dirt on my forearm. Hell, based on where they wrecked, it could be cow shit – I’m not sure. I drop my hand, feeling too dirty to touch her, too wrecked emotionally to be this bare in front of her.
“I’m thinking you’re misinterpreting this look in my eyes.” Her voice is strong, yet soft. “If anyone knows there’s always a villain ready to take over, it’s me. And if anyone knows what it’s like to hurt, it’s me. Don’t hide how you’re feeling, Anthony.”
Nobody, except the shrink I got sent to after I started to venture into civilian life, has ever asked me how I’m feeling. “You sure you wanna make that statement, sweetheart? What I do for a living isn’t all about directing traffic, community outreach, and helping damsels in distress change their flat tires. Sometimes what I do is the real fuckin’ deal.”
Violet looks like I slapped her, she literally and physically takes a step back from me. “I think I know better than most your job is the real fuckin’ deal. Did you forget you came to my rescue while I was being beaten? While I was bleeding all over the floor of The Café and being flung around like I had no bones in my body? That you arrested my husband? You see the worst in humanity, nobody knows that better than I do.”
“Ex-goddamn-husband,” I growl because I can’t stand to hear that he once had a claim on her.
“Does the title matter?”
“Yes.” My voice is deadly calm. “He’ll never have a claim on you again.”
She straightens, showing that backbone I love. Standing tall and proud, she faces me, raising her chin. “And neither will you if you don’t learn how to let me in. That’s a hard limit for me, Anthony. We’re in this together or we’re just friends. Trust me and let me help you, the way you’ve helped me. Simple as that.”
“Not so simple at all.” I duck my head, feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. “There are days I see the absolute worst humanity has to offer. I’ve done shit I can’t ever talk about. Shit I would never want to admit to another human being. How do I deserve your help?”
“How about you let me decide what you deserve from me? What’s got you so spooked?”
I don’t want to tell her. Make myself that vulnerable? I swore to myself I’d never do it again, but she’s right. I can’t be strong all the time and expect her to lay it all out for me. If I want her trust, then I have to trust her with all the parts of me. Including the parts that I’ve never shared with anyone. The ugly, the sad, and the ones I’m not so proud of.
For the first time since I came home, I think maybe I do want to open myself up. And maybe this is the woman I want to open myself up to.