CHAPTER NINETEEN
Violet
The knock on my door at eight a.m. causes my heart to pound against my breast bone. I know without a doubt that knock is from Anthony. Last night I spent way too much time wondering what it would be like to share a bed with him for real. To give him free reign over my body, and to hand over my pleasure to him.
Today? I’m draggin’ ass, but I’m going to do my best, to keep up with him.
“Morning.” I give him a bright smile as I pull my door open. There’s a smug part of me that’s happy with the dark circles under his eyes. Maybe he had as hard of a time as I did going to sleep last night, after what we shared in the kitchen.
“Morning.” He hands me a to-go cup of coffee, with a soft smile.
I take a grateful sip of the hot beverage and turn in a circle, feeling his eyes on me. “Do I pass inspection?”
I’m wearing a pair of cut-offs and a t-shirt, but I’ve lifted the t-shirt so he can see my bathing suit is a one-piece. Even though his eyes are covered by aviators, I can feel his gaze on me. I know it follows every move I make, it catalogues every piece of skin exposed, and I have no doubt he knows just by looking at me once, everything I’m wearing. Seems to be one of those gifts he has from being an officer of the law.
“You’ll do.” The side of his mouth tilts in a smartass smirk.
“Do I get to inspect you?” I ask, meaning it to be a joke, instead he answers with words that give me pause.
“Anytime you want to.”
While I know it’s probably the wrong thing to do, I circle my arms around his waist and pull him close. I can feel the firmness of the muscles beneath my fingertips. Lifting his shirt from where it meets his shorts, I eye the v-cut he has and the washboard that is his stomach. His hair is hidden by a hat turned backward, and he’s got a small amount of stubble on his face. He didn’t shave, and I’ll take that any day of the week.
“You’ll do, abs of steel, you’ll do,” I echo what he’d said to me, letting the shirt drop to cover his rock-hard muscles.
“Good, now let’s get outta here.”
Grabbing his outstretched hand, I let him lead me to his truck. Being the gentleman he’s been since the first day we met, he opens the door, waits for me to slide in, and then walks around, taking his spot in the driver’s seat. I’m nervous as he fires the engine, a part of me can feel that going on his boat with him means something. What, I’m not sure, but I feel like after today, there’s absolutely no turning back.
* * *
“Have you ever been to the lake before?” Ace asks as we bump along in his truck.
We have the windows down, and when I turn to face him, hair goes into my mouth. Holding it back, in one hand, I answer, “Nope, can’t say as I have. No one else I’ve ever known has been about the lake life.”
“Good thing you met me, baby.” He flashes me a killer grin. “The only one more interested in the lake life is Tank. Too bad he won’t be here today. Somebody’s gotta be patrolling the streets.”
Meeting Anthony was the first round of luck I’ve had in my life. Part of me wishes I could tell him that, the other part worries that if I do tell him, I’ll give him too much power over me. It’s a fear I have after being married to the man I was. Glancing down at my left hand, I see the spot my wedding band used to sit. I took it off last week, and so far no one has noticed. Or if they have, they haven’t said anything. Either way, I feel good. I made the decision to take the ring off. He didn’t make the decision to take it from me. It’s an important distinction that I will continue to make in my mind.
As we pull into the parking lot of the marina, I see a bunch of familiar faces. Caleb and Mason sit on the tailgate of Mason’s truck, while Renegade flies a kite with Stella as Whitney watches with Caleb and Mason.
“Full boat today?”
“Not at all, my boat’s pretty big.”
Something tells me he means that in a way that has nothing to do with his actual boat. I try to hold back the snort, but can’t as he pulls to a stop and we get out of his truck.
“Bout time y’all got here.” Ryan bends over at the waist. “I’ve run this kite back and forth so many times, I need a nap.”
“If you need somebody younger, Whit, I’m your man,” Caleb teases, hopping off the back of the tailgate.
Ryan throws him a glare. “Trust me kid, you don’t know how to handle that woman over there.”
Whitney blows him a kiss and reaches out to take Stella in her arms. “He’s right.” She winks at Caleb. “Not many men can handle me, but good luck on your future endeavors with older women.”
“Ouch.” Caleb grabs his chest. “Anybody see my pride hanging around here anywhere?”
“You’re young.” Anthony puts his arm around the teenager. In the gesture, I see Caleb accept what’s an unspoken apology about last night. He leans into Anthony and listens as he speaks. “You’ll get used to getting shot down a lot in life. It builds character.”
I take a good look at Caleb. He looks lighter than he has in a while, almost as if he’s not carrying the weight of the world like he has been these past few months. None of us have any idea what happened with him and Mason after they were released from the traffic stop last night, but I hope they’ve talked. I hope Mason was the father I’ve seen him be. Next time I work with Caleb, I’ll be sure to ask him how things are going and today if there’s a chance, I definitely want to pull him aside and talk to him.
Anthony grabs my hand. “Daylight’s wasting, let’s get out on the water.”
* * *
“Come with me?”
I turn to see Anthony staring at me. I’ve seen him drive, seen him ride inner tube after inner tube through the water, and seen him take some hits that I was sure broke his neck or his back. But each time he’s gotten back onto the boat with the biggest smile on his face. I have yet to go out into the water.
“I don’t know, it seems pretty rough. I mean I have to be able to walk tomorrow so I can wait tables.”
“They’ll take it easy on ya,” Whitney promises from where she lies on the deck, soaking up the sun. God I hope I look like her after I have a kid. “You can’t come out here and not do it at least once.”
“Yeah, go on.” Mason points from where he’s driving the boat. “You become a true resident of Alabama when you ride around the lake at top speed, screaming your head off and laughing at the same time. It’s an important initiation, but if you’re scared, I promise to not go full throttle.”
“Heaven forbid I don’t become a full-fledged member of Alabama society.” I reach out, grabbing Anthony’s hand. “Please initiate me.”
At some point, he’s taken off his sunglasses and his green eyes are clear as the day we have. Our gazes lock, and I see the raw need there. “It would be my pleasure to initiate you.”
The sexual tension is immediately all through my body, and I wonder if anyone around us can feel it. Clearing my throat, I allow him to help me on to the inner tube, and we hold on for dear life as Mason takes us through the lake.
There in that moment, screaming and laughing with Anthony, I get a glimpse of the future I could have. Of the future and life I desperately want and can seemingly have right at my fingertips.
* * *
The sun is setting over the tree line as we lazily float on the lake. Many of the boats have docked, families going home for the night, but we’re still floating.
“I’m gonna wait a little while, let the dock calm down before I pull in,” Anthony explains as he notices me looking. “It’ll be insanity if we try to go now. I have a slot at the marina, but we’ll just be stuck in the line trying to get there.”
Nobody seems to be in a real big hurry to leave. Whitney and Ryan sit on their side of the boat, Stella held in between them, as they put their heads together, whispering to each other. Mason is sitting by himself, looking out over the water, and I sit next to Caleb. This is my chance, the opening I’ve been waiting on to speak to him.
“I’m not going to pretend like I know how you feel about losing your friend, Caleb, but I do want to tell you about what happened when I lost mine.”
He turns, all ears as he pays attention to what I’m saying. “We had plans, she and I, to go to college and make something of ourselves. When she was killed in a car accident, I withdrew from everyone and fell in with a wrong crowd. That’s how I met my husband.”
“The one who beat the shit outta you?”
“Yeah, that one. It became easier for me to let other people make my decisions. To stop being a leader and to be a follower. It was like when she died, I lost my will to be something better than what I was.” I reach out, putting my hand on his forearm. “I’m not saying any of this is what you’re going through, but I’m begging you not to let your guilt and hurt put you in a bad situation. Don’t allow your feelings to lead you astray. It’s okay to be sad, to feel guilt, and to question why it wasn’t you; they’re all normal reactions, but don’t let this change who you are.”
He swallows roughly. “I’m drowning, Vi Pie, drowning in this sea of nothingness, and I’m fighting hard to keep my head above water.”
“Keep fighting,” I encourage him. “Keep treading water, and at some point, the days won’t seem so bleak, you won’t wonder how to put one foot in front of the other. It’ll all be easier.”
“God, I hope so. Do you know how embarrassing it was for Ace to pull me over last night? How much of a dick I acted toward him?”
“Kinda like you were with me and Leigh the other day?”
He ducks his head. “I’m sorry, I’ve not been the easiest person to be around.”
“Apology accepted, and no one expects you to be the easiest person, but we do expect you to tell us if you need help.”
The moment hangs between us, and I decide to take pity on him.
“I can imagine it was embarrassing, but he didn’t tell me anything about how you acted.”
“That’s because he’s a good guy.” Caleb laughs. “Anyone else would have taken me to jail, they wouldn’t have cared who my dad is.”
I glance over to where Anthony is driving the boat. Our eyes catch in the dying sunlight, he crooks his finger at me, motioning me over to where he is. Turning back to Caleb, I mean to ask him if it’s okay if I leave, but he’s already up, walking over to where Stella is.
Left alone, I get up and make my way to where Anthony sits. “Were you lonely?”
He pulls me down into his lap, both of us not caring who sees, both of us sick of fighting it. He buries his lips in my neck, and I accept the kiss by tilting and giving him room. When he pulls away, he puts his arm around my waist, holding me close. “I’m always lonely when you aren’t around.”
And those right there are the type of words I’ve waited to hear my whole life from a man who cares for me. Out on a lake, with friends, and the peacefulness of the day, I realize this was the perfect place, perfect time, and this is the perfect man.