CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Violet
Breakfast rush is over, allowing Leighton and I to lazily fill the syrup dispensers and talk about what’s been going on in our lives. Since the wedding, I feel like all of us have been balls to the wall. We haven’t hung out in forever, and after what happened between Anthony and I a few nights ago, I’m wondering if I want to discuss it with my friend or not.
“You and Ace looked pretty close at the wedding.” She hits my elbow with her own as she cuts her eyes at me.
Stupidly I wonder if she can see what happened between us all over my face. I can feel my cheeks heat, and my thoughts are plunged back into how I felt on top of him with his hand caressing my entire body. It would be a lie if I said I have thought about anything other than that particular situation since it happened. Pulling myself out of the memory, I give her a look.
“Just because you’re married and pregnant doesn’t mean that everyone else has to be too,” I joke with her, secretly super happy she and Holden are having a baby. She hasn’t gained much weight, but she’s glowing. Pregnancy looks good on her.
“Oh yes, pregnancy sex is where it’s at.” She purses her lips giving me a nod. Her eyes dilating, a far-off look covering her face, it’s obvious she’s remembering a thing or two herself. “Seriously, favorite thing ever right now.”
“TMI, Leigh. TMI!”
She giggles, seeming to enjoy making me uncomfortable. “Seriously, though, what’s going on with you and Ace the hottie? I figured after the way the two of you shared a room at the wedding, it wouldn’t be long before you had an announcement about being together.”
“I thought you were married to Havoc the hottie?” I try to deflect the questions she’s asked me.
“Let’s be real honest. They’re all hot. Stop trying to ignore my question. What’s happening with the two of you?”
“We hang out, we eat together, and watch Netflix together all the time, but other than that not much.”
My frustration with myself and him is obvious in my tone. I wish I didn’t have some sense of loyalty to Brent, wish I didn’t still feel like a married woman and could live in sin the way so many other people do. The fact is, I want what Ace and I have to last, it feels wrong for me to start something with him when I’m not entirely free.
“You’ve never done anything else? You’re hot, he’s hot. The two of you haven’t looked at each other and just like spontaneously combusted before? Because, when I look at the both of you, sometimes I want to spontaneously combust.”
My cheeks heat and she appears to understand she’s sniffed out a story here. “Why are you blushing? C’mon it’s not fair to keep something like this from me, Vi.”
Quickly, I decide to give her the bare minimum. Let her think she’s got a scoop, and then hopefully we can move on. “We kissed. In Gulf Shores, we kissed,” I blurt out, because there’s no other way for me to ease her into this.
“Oh my God.” She literally vibrates with excitement over this turn of events. “How was it? Have you done it again? Does this mean you’re dating?”
“Slow down.” I put my hand up in front of her mouth. If I let her keep going, she’ll have us married and living next door to her and Holden in five minutes flat. While the idea does have merit, I’m still trying to get used to what we did last night on his couch.
“He kissed me, but he’d been drinking and we haven’t really talked about it since. Which is good,” I continue, “because I don’t want to start anything with him or anyone else until I’m ready.”
The lie feels wrong, like I should be telling Leighton the whole story, but the whole story isn’t exactly one I’m sure of yet. I don’t know where we’re going, don’t know how it’s going to end up. Something tells me Leighton would be as heartbroken as we would be if we didn’t work out.
“You’ve gotta bring it up, Vi. It could be a game changer for your life. Like an epic game changer.”
She’s telling me nothing I don’t already know. I wonder constantly if I’m sabotaging myself by not acting on what we showed each other a few nights ago. That kind of attraction and desire isn’t something that comes along all the time. But what if we try and it doesn’t work out? That’s more than I can take. “I’m trying to save what’s left of my wounded pride.”
Leigh levels me with a glare. “Tell me what’s really going on.”
“I have a moral problem. I don’t want to start something with Anthony when I’m not divorced, and Brent won’t sign the papers.”
She’s the first person I’ve told. I found out a week ago. When your husband is in jail, he’s not hard to serve, and it’s not difficult to get the ball rolling. Particularly when you don’t have kids and you didn’t own shit together. However, I received them back with a note that said he declined to sign them.
“Why won’t he sign them?” she asks the same question I had as soon as I’d opened the packet up with shaky hands. Seeing the note from him devastated me. I’d been doing so well planning the life I could have with Anthony, and then here he was, rearing his ugly head. Brent, miracle of all miracles, can still fuck shit up from behind bars.
“Because he’s an asshole?” I shrug. It was the only explanation I’d had. “The ugly truth is if he’s unhappy, he wants me to be unhappy too. But my lawyer says I can get a divorce because he’s in jail. There are certain avenues we can take to force his hand.”
“Is it that important to you, to be divorced before you start living your life?”
It’s a hard situation to explain to people, but I don’t feel as if I’m free. What if I’m never truly free? What if he gets out of jail and stalks me to the ends of the earth? What if I have children with someone else, and he hurts them? These are thoughts that continuously cycle through my mind. But if there’s anyone I can be honest with, it’s Leighton.
“It’s very important to me. If I think about my life as a whole, I don’t feel as if it started yet. There was a small window of time, back when Brent and I first got together, when I was happy. The rest of the time, I’ve been living in some sort of anxious fear. There were moments where it wasn’t paralyzing and I could enjoy aspects of life. There are others when it was paralyzing and I couldn’t even get out of bed. I’m using this time to figure out who I am, Leigh. Anthony doesn’t deserve half a woman who’s unsure of who she really is. And what if there’s a problem with the divorce and he wants to move forward, but we can’t?”
“Now you’re inviting trouble.” Leigh tsks me. “Why don’t you wait and see where this situation with Ace goes before you start explaining it away. The first thing you need to do is confront him about the kiss the two of you shared.”
She will not let this go.
“Do you know how embarrassed I’ll be if he says it was a mistake?” And I’m not exactly talking about the kiss, I’m talking about the night on the couch, when we almost let our bodies take control, instead of our good sense.
She turns it around on me. “Do you know how good it will feel if he tells you it’s been keeping him awake at night jacking off to the memory?”
“Leighton.” I spit out the drink of water I’ve just taken.
“Oh come on, Vi. Imagine his big body alone in bed, naked. Those ab muscles of his tightened up as he wraps his hand around his length, working it furiously at the memory of your kiss.”
Dear God. This woman. “Leighton,” I groan. These are things I don’t want to think about. “My imagination doesn’t need your imagination piled on top of it.”
Leighton gives me a smile. “Well, thank God you aren’t a nun, and you’re at least thinking about the piece of man meat you have at your disposal. Trust me, Vi. I’m sure Ace is thinking about you too. One of you is going to have to make the first move, and maybe he did it when he kissed you. Especially since neither one of you have mentioned it since it happened. How are you going to know?”
For the first time I’m thinking about it in terms that aren’t black and white. What if she’s right? What if this whole time he’s been waiting on me and I’ve lost my chance? I promise myself I’ll talk to my lawyer tomorrow, and I’ll get a direct answer from the judge. Suddenly I’m desperate to move on, and Anthony Bailey is definitely the man I want to move on with.
* * *
“How are you ladies doing?”
We both look up from where we were gossiping to see Caleb, slowly making his way in and going behind the counter.
“You’re late.” Leighton gives him a hard time. “You were supposed to be here like two hours ago. Where have you been?”
She’s grinning at me, and I’m grinning back at her, because we like to joke with him. It’s fun to see him get riled up. However, neither one of us are prepared when he whirls around, a mean look on his face.
“What does it matter to you? You don’t have to mother me anymore, Leighton. Go be a mom to your own kid.”
The hateful tone rubs me the wrong way. “Hey, don’t talk to her like that!”
“What, you wanna come at me, too? Your husband didn’t teach you not to mess with people bigger than you?”
Another voice enters the conversation, and I sag back down into the chair with relief when I hear Holden.
“Look kid, I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but you won’t speak my wife the way I just heard you speak to her, and you owe Violet an apology, too.”
“What? You gonna run and tell my dad?”
I’m trying to figure out what happened to him from Gulf Shores to here. There he seemed to at least be happy, but I’m reminded that I too put on a smiling face for a long time, and no one ever bothered to look beneath it.
“No, you’re an adult, you can take responsibility for your own actions,” Holden steps up to the counter. “Now apologize to both of them.”
“Fuck you.” He flicks the dishtowel he’d been about to use in our general direction before turning on his heel and leaving The Café, the door slamming as he takes the sidewalk at a jog.
“I don’t know what’s gotten into that kid.” Holden shakes his head. “But I’d like to bust his ass.”
“He’s hurting.” I watch as he runs out of our sight. “He’s hurting so bad he doesn’t know how to deal with it, so he’s lashing out. Either he’s going to come to his senses, or something will force him to.”
“You seem to speak from experience.”
Nodding, I still remember the scared girl who married a man she thought she was in love with, picked up her entire life, and moved away from her family. It had ended up being the worst mistake of her life, but had brought her the biggest blessing when she came to this town. Hopefully Caleb won’t make the same mistakes I did.