Okay, sure, it probably had been a bad idea to invite Zane over for dinner, knowing that I was trying not to fall for him.

Because I kinda had a thing for cooking dinner for people. It made me feel like I was caring for someone, like I could give them something I made myself.

It had been a long time since I’d had someone over for a meal. Sure, I’d had friends and acquaintances over, usually to eat takeout and watch some TV show. But I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a guy over to entertain—a guy I was involved with, at least. David certainly had never come over for a meal.

And, so… of course I’d wanted to do something a little more than just pasta. I’d picked up the fruit and veggies on the way back from Colby’s and had still had plenty of time before Zane showed up.

I even lit the candles on my tiny, two-person kitchen table. They hadn’t been lit in many months, and Zane lifted an eyebrow when I held a match to them.

“Sebastian, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were trying to wine, dine, and seduce me.”

“Oh, so you think I’m just going to give it up that easy?” I said, returning his raised eyebrow. “We’ll see if you impress me enough with your conversation over dinner. I only sleep with guys I really connect with, you know.”

A smile came across his lips. “Well, I hope we connect, then,” he said, “because to be honest, I had half a mind to turn off the stove earlier and just go down on you right there in the kitchen.”

“Goodness, Mr. Milzane,” I said, holding my hand to my chest in mock surprise.

He just watched me, reaching out to give me a quick squeeze on the arm.

“All right, I’m going to actually go back to cooking now,” I said, turning around. “If I have to look at you any longer, I’m just going to end up kissing you, and then I’ll never get any work done.”

“...I, for one, would be okay with that.”

“Hush,” I replied, and he squeezed my ass before heading back out to the living room.

Dinner was surprisingly much easier than expected. After earlier, at Colby’s house, I was afraid that it would be awkward again, but Zane made great conversation, asking about the decorations around my house and what it’s like living in my neighborhood. I asked him about Los Angeles, and he told me about his daily life. I liked hearing about the city, but the main thing I loved was when his eyes lit up, talking about his favorite museums and hikes and how beautiful the sunsets could be. When Zane was comfortable, he was a great storyteller, and he told me about when he first moved to the city, and how naive he had been. Jelly hovered around the kitchen table, but we made sure not to feed her scraps.

After dinner, he helped me clean up, the two of us a good team, making quick work of the dishes. I tried not to notice the surprise on his face when he realized my house didn’t have a dishwasher.

We took Jelly outside afterward. The night air was already cooling down. It was strange, this weird simulacrum of playing house. In one world, this would have been exactly what I wanted. This type of intimacy with someone like Zane was such a tantalizing fantasy, but right now, it felt more like a tease, some kind of torment, something I knew I could never really have.

Every beautiful moment that night had a tinge to it, a background knowledge that all of this would soon evaporate, that no matter how good it felt, I really shouldn’t get used to it.

But I couldn’t help but love it now. The way he smiled when Jelly leaped against me, the way he wrapped his arms around me, holding me close when I said the air was cool.

We came back inside and sat down on the couch, tucking in under the soft throw blanket that I hadn’t used in months. Zane pulled me over next to him, putting his arm around me, making it impossible to forget how good he felt near me.

I let out a long breath, finally allowing myself to lean against him and rest a little.

“You okay?” he said softly, rubbing his hand along my shoulder slowly. “You’ve seemed… maybe a little down, this evening. Ever since we finished dinner.”

“I have?” I asked, but inside, I was panicking a little. Zane had noticed? I thought for sure I’d been keeping my melancholy to myself.

“Just a little,” he replied, squeezing my shoulder.

“Ah… yeah,” I said. “Well, you know, the wedding is so soon. I’ve been looking forward to it for so long, and now that it’s here, it feels crazy. I know I don’t feel it half as much as Colby must be, but….”

“No, I understand,” Zane said. “It feels like the end of an era, sort of.”

“The end of a little chapter in my life, yeah,” I said. I didn’t mention the fact that the biggest reason I was dreading the wedding being over was what it meant about me and Zane.

Or the fact that it meant he was leaving forever.

“A chapter in my life is ending with the wedding, too,” Zane said.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. The one where I’m a fucking groomsman.”

We both laughed. “You really don’t like being a groomsman, do you?” I said, snuggling a little closer to him. “What’s so bad about it?”

He pulled in a breath, shrugging. “There’s no one thing that’s bad about it. But it just wears on you when you have to go to wedding after wedding. It’s… it’s always about someone else. And with someone like Colby, I’ll be overjoyed for him. But being a groomsman so many times makes you think about love a lot.”

“Is that a bad thing?” I asked.

“Not necessarily,” Zane replied thoughtfully. “But it can be sad, seeing couples fight on their wedding day or fight with their groomsmen or get cold feet. And for two of the weddings I was a groomsman in, the couples are already divorced. I don’t know. Sometimes it feels like I’m just an actor playing a part in a play or something.”

“So you’re saying you don’t believe in true love anymore?” I asked. I moved my hand under the blanket, reaching over to find his. He laced his fingers through mine, holding my hand.

“I never said that,” he replied. “I think I do believe in true love. Colby and Erica certainly have it. I just… think that true love has nothing to do with weddings. Clearly, Colby and Erica loved each other long before the wedding ever happened.”

I hummed in agreement, thinking about what he was saying. “I don’t know,” I replied. “Maybe it makes me a sap, or maybe it’s just because this is the first time I’ve been a best man, but… I kind of love weddings.”

Zane laughed softly. “I understand that. Makes sense why you’re sad for it to be over.”

Jelly suddenly appeared at the foot of the couch, popping her little head up so that we could see her. She looked at us hesitantly for a moment before launching herself up onto the couch, making three awkward little circles near the opposite end, and plopping down.

I laughed out loud. “I love her so much,” I said.

“She’s growing on me,” Zane said. “She certainly loves you.”

“I’m so glad I got to meet her,” I responded. I took a deep breath. “And… I’m so glad you’re here, Zane.”

“You’re crazy if you think I’m the type to turn down a home-cooked meal.”

“No, not just… here tonight. I mean here in Ellisville,” I said, holding his hand a little tighter.

“Oh,” he replied, clearly a little surprised. “Yeah. I… I am too.”

I sat upright, turning to face him, incredulous. “Really? You’re glad to be in Ellisville? Man, I never thought I’d see the day where you said that.”

“Oh, hush,” Zane said, leaning in and pressing a light, quick kiss to my lips. He then pulled me in close again so that I was lying back against him, my back to his chest, close to his heart.

“You know it’s true, though,” I continued. “When you first got here, talking to you was like trying to talk to a cement block.”

“Wow, you really think so highly of my intelligence,” Zane responded, giving me a playful slap on the shoulder.

“Oh, you know what I mean,” I replied. “It’s not about intelligence. You were just… closed off.”

“I know I was,” Zane said, growing quieter for a moment.

“And I know why,” I replied. “You had every reason to be. Having to be part of a wedding, so soon after….”

“You can say it. I won’t explode if you say the word ‘breakup,’” Zane said.

“I know, I know. I still kind of feel like a dick for even bringing it up, though.”

“You shouldn’t,” Zane replied. He pulled in a long breath. “It’s… good, actually. To talk about it like it isn’t a big deal. And you would think that being a groomsman would be bad for me… and at first, I thought it would be bad, too. But… it’s been so worth it, being a part of this group.”

I snorted. “Really? This group? God, I’ve felt like a circus wrangler, trying to deal with Austin and Tony.”

“I know, and you’ve done an amazing job,” Zane said. “But no. I guess I don’t mean them. I… I know I should say it’s because I’m a good friend to Colby and I’m just so happy for his love. But really…” he trailed off.

After a long pause, I worried that Zane may have fallen asleep. I shifted in his arms to look back at him, though, and saw that he was watching me very closely.

“Hmm?” I hummed, just gazing into his eyes for the millionth time.

“Ah,” he said as if he’d just remembered how to talk. “Well… I think the main reason it’s helped me so much to be here is that I met you.”

I swallowed hard, letting Zane’s words sink in as he wrapped his arms around me again.

Because it should have been one of the sweetest things anyone had ever said to me. I should have been purely overjoyed. And a huge part of me was fizzy and elated that he’d said it. But it also just felt like another punch to the gut, another nail in the coffin of me ever being okay again after Zane left town.

I wanted to be able to give myself over to him completely. I wanted to sink into this relationship, let it carry me away with abandon. It was what every cell in my body was urging me to do.

“Zane,” I finally said, my voice quiet, “why… why are you so kind to me?”

I hadn’t realized I was even going to ask the question before it came out of my mouth, but once it was there, it felt like I’d just exposed my soul to him. My heart began to pound, and for the first time, I was glad that I was tucked against him at that moment instead of looking in his eyes. Because that would have been all too much right now.

“What?” he replied, incredulous.

“I just… I didn’t do anything all that special to deserve it. I’m just some random guy in a small town that you happen to be a groomsman with.”

“I mean, I kind of like everything about you,” Zane said.

I smiled. “Zane, you’re drunk again,” I said. “I know you had three glasses of wine, but I didn’t think it would affect you that much.”

“I’m a little tipsy. But that doesn’t make it any less true. Sebastian… I don’t think there’s been anything I haven’t liked about you since I met you. And for a crabby old idiot like me, that’s saying a lot. When the whole world seemed like too much to me, you… didn’t.”

Now my heart was pounding even faster. I wished the damn thing would just calm down already because I swore Zane must have been able to feel it against my chest.

“I like the way you see the world,” Zane said. “I like your optimism. The way you treat people, the way you act when you see something cute and you can’t help but be full of love.”

I was pretty sure I was going to melt into the couch and never return to normal again.

“I love the way your eyes look in the morning,” Zane was saying, his voice low and velvety near my ear. One of his hands was reaching down to my chest now, his hand just above my heart. “I like the way you sound when you come.”

“Zane,” I said, shifting so that I was facing him, and then burying my face near the crook of his neck. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, halfway between hugging him tight and burrowing and hiding from the wave of emotion he was suddenly making me feel.

Because how could he just do that to me? Go on and on about all the little things he had noticed about me and then whisper in my ear that he loves how I sound when I come? I was feeling so many emotions at once that it was difficult to even process them: joy, fear, arousal, awe.

Of course, I’d gotten hard, now, too. I’m not exactly capable of having a guy I like whisper to me about loving when I come and not get hard.

“All I’m doing is telling the truth,” Zane said, hugging me back now, running a warm hand from my shoulders down to my lower back. “I love all of it, Sebastian. For fuck’s sake, I’ve loved every moment I’ve spent with you.”

I let out a pained sound, something between a moan and a whimper. I pulled back slightly, finally allowing myself to look Zane in his eyes, and I could tell that every word he’d said was true.

And so I leaned in and kissed him. I kissed him hard, not holding back anything. I couldn’t compartmentalize the part of my brain that was screaming that this was a bad idea, that this was only going to hurt me when Zane was ripped away from me, but in that moment, the scales had tipped way too far in the other direction.

The direction of only wanting Zane. Of only wanting to show him that I’d felt the same way, that no matter how frustrating or scary any of this had been, that I wanted it too. So incredibly badly.

Zane’s hands were all over me again, and my cock was rock hard. I shifted until I was in a straddling position on top of him, Zane reclining on the couch and me atop him.

And more than ever before, I felt like I couldn’t stop myself. I was pulled toward him. I rocked my hips forward, and soon I was thinking of only one thing. That this position was some imitation of what it might feel like if he were to fuck me, if I could ride him just like this.

Before I knew it, I was groaning, half in defeat and half in desire. Zane had undone the top few buttons on my shirt and was kissing the skin there while I essentially was grinding my cock against him, clothed and desperate and overeager.

When Zane reached around to my ass, gripping me tight there and pulling me in close to him, I lost it.

“God, I want you to fuck me, Zane,” I said. I hadn’t quite planned on announcing it like that, but there it was, out in the open, and I couldn’t take it back now.

Zane’s eyes went wide, and he looked up at me. “You do?”

“Don’t make me say it twice, Zane. You know I do.”

He hummed deeply, pulling me down into another hungry kiss. I let him have me like that for another minute before I broke away, standing up and running my hands through my mussed hair.

I looked down at Zane, still on the couch, splayed out and flushed and so fucking beautiful, and quickly realized I needed to move fast. If I waited another second, I might get lost again, lost in disbelief that this man existed, let alone wanted to fuck me tonight.

I held out a hand to him. “Come on. Come with me,” I said.

I briefly checked on Jelly, who was incredibly still happily snoozing on the edge of the couch. I led Zane to my bedroom, gently closing the door behind us before basically leaping into Zane’s arms again.

He let out a low laugh. “Impatient, huh?” he said as I kissed along his neck.

“You have… no idea,” I said, punctuating my words with kisses.

Zane let me free for a second, and immediately I started to undo every button on my shirt. I kicked off my pants, and when I looked back up at Zane, he was just watching me with a smile.

When I moved to take off my underwear, my last remaining clothing, he reached out and caught my wrist in his hand.

“Let me,” he said. And instead of hooking his fingers inside the waistband, he dropped to his knees, kissing my straining cock through the fabric of my underwear.

I let out a frustrated groan. “Don’t tease me this time, Zane,” I said, reaching down and threading my fingers through his hair. “I want you.”

“I know what you want,” he replied, pressing a harder kiss to my cock. “You’ll get it, Sebastian. Patience.”

“I don’t have any of that,” I replied. I rolled my hips forward, pressing my cock against his lips. He glanced up at me, and I saw a warning in his eyes.

But I got what I wanted, anyway. After giving me a stern gaze, he finally pulled down my underwear in one swift motion, and I took them off.

And then he took mercy on me. He quickly put his mouth over my cock, taking the whole length of me at once, to the hilt.

“Oh fuck,” I said, gripping my hand tighter against his head. After a few moments, I realized what he was doing, though. This was just another form of torturing me. Because I loved his mouth on me. He knew that he was distracting me with his tongue, but that he was never going to let me come until he had fucked me. Until he’d done what he knew I wanted the most, tonight.

And so I did something that was exceedingly difficult. I pulled back, taking my cock out of his mouth. Everything in me was screaming at me to continue, to fuck his mouth harder—hell, a part of me knew I could come from that and enjoy every bit of it. But still, I paused.

He looked up at me, surprised.

“Nice try,” I whispered down at him. He stood up, a smile coming over his face as he realized that I knew what he was doing.

I reached to the hem of his shirt and quickly pulled it up, discarding it. I kissed against his chest, his nipples, his stomach. And then I moved my hand down, reaching to grip his hard cock through his pants. I squeezed, and he let out a shuddering sigh.

And then all at once, I moved away. And he let out a frustrated sound.

I was the one teasing him, now, giving him a taste of his own medicine.

“Want… you,” he said, more just a breath than his true voice.

“You do, huh?” I said, moving in close to him and dragging my lips along his neck before kissing against his collarbone.

“Sebastian,” he said, holding me tight against my waist. “You know I do.”

I hummed in response, still just teasing his cock with my hand. And that’s when he let out a groan that seemed even hungrier, even needier than his others.

He took me firmly by the waist and pushed me backward onto the bed. I fell down across it, lying on my back, and propped myself up on my elbows to look at him. “Now who’s impatient?” I asked.

He was looking at me like he did best. Undressing me with his eyes, even though I was already totally naked.

I nodded over to my nightstand. “Top drawer,” I said, watching as he went over and retrieved a condom and the little bottle of lube I had inside. He took off his pants and boxer briefs, then, more quickly than I would have expected.

I thought I was in for at least an hour of more teasing and waiting, but I saw now that Zane was just as hard as I was, looking down at me.

And for a moment I had to pause and just take everything in. It was throwing me for a loop, seeing Zane here, in my room, somewhere I never could have imagined him being in. When he’d visited me at the diner, it had made me see everything in a different light, and now I was having the same experience. Zane’s presence in my room felt incredibly powerful. It made him look taller, seeing him in this tiny space.

But more than anything, I was struck by how comfortable I was having him here. Back in the days when I’d hooked up with guys all the time, I had never really been happy with them coming into my space—it had felt wrong, sometimes, like they didn’t belong.

It felt like Zane belonged. It felt like he made the space better, even.

And then my whole entire plan was ruined. This was supposed to be hot, urgent sex, free of too many emotions and overthinking. I’d been overthinking myself to death all weekend after finally spending the night in Zane’s room. I thought it would be simple tonight. Cook him a good dinner and then make him fuck me senseless.

But here I was, getting swept up looking at him before his cock had even been inside me.

“You okay?” he asked, taking a step closer. He set the condom and lube bottle down at the side of the bed near me, instead just sitting down next to me naked and reaching for my hand.

“I’m fine!” I said in what was hopefully a cheery, normal voice. “You just… look hot,” I said. It wasn’t a lie. He looked incredibly hot.

But I guessed it was better not to tell him what I was really thinking. Every room is better with you in it.

I had to stop before I got ahead of myself. I smiled at him, then gave his hand a squeeze before flipping over onto my stomach. I turned my neck, looking back at him.

“I’m ready,” I said. “Please fuck me, Zane.”

He hummed, reaching up and gliding his hand down my back all the way to my ass. He shook his head, then reached for the lube. “I’m not fucking you without warming you up first.”

“Try me,” I said, my voice firm. “I’ve done it before. Lots of times. It hurts a little at first, but… it’s whatever. I can take it. Just fuck me.”

I realized I sounded a little desperate, but it’s because I kind of was.

Zane had slicked one of his hands and now moved it to slide against my hole. “Not,” he said, looking me in the eyes, “without doing this first.” He pushed one finger inside me, slowly but steadily.

I moaned despite myself. I had to admit some sort of defeat—I couldn’t help but love how Zane’s finger felt inside me, even on its own.

And I never would have admitted it, but I knew that this was better. It kind of killed me, actually, having him refuse to be anything other than perfectly caring and slow, refusing to do anything that might hurt me even for a second. Even if I had asked for it.

He slid a second finger inside, and that’s when I had to give up completely.

“Oh God, that is good,” I said, relaxing further onto the bed, pushing my face against my pillow.

“You needed this,” Zane said, his voice low.

“I know,” I replied.

And I hated how right he was. It was destroying me, how right he was. For God’s sake, he was now tenderly fucking me with his fingers, and already it felt like so much—I couldn’t imagine how it was going to feel when his cock was inside me.

I felt myself giving over to the sensation, putting full trust in Zane and knowing that he would take care of me, no matter what. There was nothing selfish about what he was doing; his focus was completely on me. And of course that was too good. Of course it overwhelmed me, almost made me nervous. Because I was realizing, more with every minute of every day I spent with him, how stupidly perfect I found him.

I felt safe in his arms, safe with him next to me, safe with him inside me.

My cock was straining beneath me, pressed between my body and the sheets as Zane worked his fingers in and out of me, steadily increasing his rhythm. After a while, I began to push back against him, gently moving my hips up to meet his pace, and he bent down, moving to kiss me at the back of my neck.

He let out a sort of groan or growl and whispered in my ear, “Do you want me to fuck you, Sebastian?”

“Please,” I called out, definitely too loudly. “God, please, fuck, yes—”

He hummed close to me, giving me a gentle bite on my shoulder before pulling back. Slowly, his fingers slid out of me, and I turned back to see him rolling the condom on.

“Turn over,” Zane said, motioning for me to lie flat on my back.

I hesitated. I had been worried that I might shed a single tear, even when he’d been fucking me with his fingers—I had no clue what I might do if he was actually fucking me. And I really, really didn’t want him to see me accidentally cry while his cock was inside me. I couldn’t imagine anything worse. But I got easily overwhelmed, and even when it was sheer joy, sometimes a few tears came out.

“How come?” I asked. “You can fuck me like this.”

“Of course I could,” he replied, “but I want to see you. You’re beautiful.”

I took a deep breath, trying to ignore how overwhelmed even that little statement made me feel. I turned over onto my back, lying down, looking up at Zane as he sat slicking his cock at the foot of the bed.

And again, I expected him to immediately push inside me. But instead he shifted until he was on top of me, leaning down over me. He bent low to meet me in a slow, deep kiss, taking his time.

I let him take it, this time. I tasted the faint wine and cloves on his lips, smelled that same clean scent that had driven me wild the first time we’d been close during the camping trip.

Finally, mercifully, before I had a chance to wind up an emotional mess, he broke it off. He shifted, moving down, and took my legs in his hands, pushing them up so that his cock could line up with my hole. I felt the tip of him against me, big and slick, and I looked to his eyes.

He sank inside me slowly, and I let out a long breath. He was big, to be sure, and I knew immediately that him warming me up had been the right idea. As he moved inside me, he had the most incredible look on his face. I’d never seen him so in the moment before, so clearly focused and lost in the two of us.

He finally pushed all the way inside.

“Sebastian, you feel so good,” he said, breathing out. “God, you’re….” His eyes were completely open as he looked down at me. He saw me. Just like he always did.

And despite every effort not to think this, I thought it anyway. I felt like I was looking at someone that I could fall in love with one day.

I knew I couldn’t cry, not even a single tear. It was all too much. And so I just bit my bottom look, giving Zane a hard gaze.

“Fuck me,” I said.

He obliged. He started to work up a steady pace, pushing inside me and drawing out, and finally I was able to focus on that instead of how his eyes made me feel. After a few minutes, he started to fuck me hard, and I rocked my hips in time with him.

I realized idly that I was making ridiculous noises as Zane stroked into me, but I had no reason to try to be quiet. Instead I let it out, every curse and moan and oh my God, knowing that to Zane, it was probably a compliment to his skills, anyway.

And God, he sure didn’t look annoyed. He looked positively blissful, fucking me deep and steady, his eyes raking over my body. I reached down, gripping a hand against his hip, and he hummed at the touch. I’d always thought Zane was attractive, but right now he looked like some sort of god, his lean muscles flexing in time with his rhythm, a light sheen of glistening sweat all over his body.

He let out a long groan, leaning a little forward as he thrust into me. He paused for a moment, deep inside me, shaking his head.

“It’s so good, Sebastian,” he uttered. “You are tight and perfect, and Jesus, I just—”

“What is it?” I asked, squeezing around his cock.

He groaned again. “It’s too good, I just—I felt like I was about to come—”

I felt electricity course through me. No matter how overwhelmed I’d been over the course of tonight, it was undeniably fucking hot to hear a man tell you he was about to come while he’s still deep inside of you. And when that man was Zane, well… I didn’t really stand a chance.

“You can come, Zane,” I said, reaching down to grab one of his hands. “I want you to. Really fucking badly, actually.”

I rocked my hips a little along his cock, and he shuddered slightly. He finally nodded. “Okay. But God, I… I want this forever,” he said, shaking his head as he started to rock inside me once again.

I wasn’t sure if he had meant the words in quite the way I heard them. He could have just meant that it felt good to be fucking me, a throwaway thing to say in the heat of the moment.

But I felt crazy, impossible things when I heard the word forever on his lips. I knew just how rare it was to find a person like Zane—someone who I not only loved being around, but who also treated me with care and reverence, who was deeply concerned about how I felt. Let alone the fact that he was so fucking hot in bed, and that I wanted to freeze this moment in time, to be able to come back here, to remember how special I felt.

He reached down, running his hand along my thigh as he fucked me until he reached my cock. And for the first time tonight, he wrapped his hand around me, starting to stroke me at the same rhythm as he thrust inside.

I had all but forgotten my cock even existed. I was so wrapped up in the moment. I had been content to let it ache and drip, but Zane didn’t seem satisfied with that.

And it felt so good I immediately felt myself coming close to the brink.

“Oh Jesus,” I cried out, arching my back. “I’m gonna come if you keep doing that.”

“Good,” Zane replied, his breath heavy. In his eyes, I could see that he meant it. “Come for me, Sebastian.”

“Oh my God,” I whispered under my breath, briefly squeezing my eyes shut. Because in my head, I could only keep thinking one thing:

Only for you. I want to come only for you, Zane.

Zane picked up his pace, and I realized with a start why he was particularly eager—it seemed like he was on the brink, too, trying hard to hold back, to wait until I was ready.

So I let go. The feeling of Zane’s hand tight around my cock while he pushed inside me was beyond incredible, and finally, I let myself open my eyes and watch him.

And God damn it, I felt at home with this man. I cried out as sensation flooded me, and I felt myself begin to come, working from so deep inside of me that it felt like my whole body was made just for him. I lost control, coming all over his hand and my own stomach, feeling myself squeeze so tight around Zane’s cock.

“Fuck—fuck, you’re perfect—” I was calling out, but I was only dimly aware of the words I was saying. I was lost and gone. The only thing I could focus on still were the sounds he was making, how close he clearly was.

“God, Sebastian, you—you’re all I want,” he said, and I realized that he was coming now, too, groaning loud as he pressed deep as he could inside me. He leaned forward, and I gripped my hands around his waist so tight, holding him as he came while still inside me, and feeling undeniably that this was what I wanted.

This was everything I wanted. There was no denying it, no deluding myself into thinking that I hadn’t started to fall deep for this man.

Because it was too quick. And it was too soon. But it didn’t make any of it less real. And in those deep, bliss-drunk moments after we had both come, nothing could get in the way of the overwhelming wave of emotion I felt. A few tears had come loose from my eyes, and I knew it, and I knew he could see it too, but I couldn’t stop. I no longer was in control.

Minutes later, we had cleaned up, and we were lying next to one another on my bed. I had come down from my orgasm, but nothing felt any less overwhelming—I was reeling from how good it had been, reeling from how much more I wanted, too.

Before we fell asleep, Zane got up and disappeared into the kitchen for a while. I lay on my back, staring up at the ceiling, breathing steadily.

Maybe I was okay. Sure, I couldn’t remember the last time I had been fucked that well. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been so cared for, felt so right with another guy. But maybe I would still be okay when Zane left. Maybe I could convince myself that it was all just sex, and hell, maybe if I needed to, I could start going to Boise more often, trying to go on more dates.

But I sort of knew it was all lies. I knew I didn’t want any other guy, right now. I didn’t even think it would be possible to kiss someone else right now, let alone go on other dates and hook up with people.

It was going to take time for me to get over Zane after he left. My heart had run wild—it was good at doing that—and I had fallen for him.

A few minutes later he appeared at the doorway again, clutching two glasses of water. He put one down on my nightstand.

“Thought you might be thirsty,” he said, smiling down at me. The only light was the dim haze of the streetlight floating in through my window, but I could see Zane perfectly clearly, the glimmer in his eye, the serene mood he’d been in ever since we’d had sex.

He lay back down, getting under the sheets next to me, and leaned in to press a kiss against the side of my head.

“Tonight has been… I don’t even have words to describe it, Sebastian,” he said softly. He was stroking his fingers through my hair now, which almost stoked the same level of emotion in me that the sex had.

“I’ve loved it, too,” I said.

“I feel like… myself, around you,” he said simply. It sounded so easy coming out of his mouth, as if all of these feelings weren’t a struggle for him at all. As if he was paying no attention to the fact that he and I could never really be together.

Maybe he didn’t mind that it was just temporary. Hell, maybe he preferred it.

“I feel comfortable with you, too,” I said. I bit my bottom lip, wondering how much to admit to him. Would it ruin the moment if I came right out and said it? If I said what I was really thinking and told him that I was falling way too hard and I was scared about what happened when he left town?

“Zane, I… can I tell you something?” I asked quietly, turning to look at him in the soft light.

“Of course,” he said. “What’s up?”

“Well, I… I don’t know if you feel this way at all, and tell me if I’m just being… I don’t know, too dramatic or something, but—”

Just then, a thump came from the bottom of the bed. I shot up, looking down, half expecting that someone had broken into the house or something.

But a moment later, I saw what it was. Jelly’s little head popped up at the foot of the bed as she jumped up high to see us, then fell back down on the floor.

“Oh my God,” I said, laughing, releasing the momentary tension I’d felt.

“Shit, I’m so sorry,” Zane said, looking down at the dog. “We can put her back on the couch if you want. I didn’t know she’d run in here.”

“What? Are you kidding?” I said. I slid out of bed, and Jelly jumped over toward me, wagging and happy. “Hi, sweetie,” I said. I picked her up and plopped her down at the foot of the bed, and immediately she made herself comfortable, lying down.

“Are you sure that’s okay?” Zane asked.

“Of course it is,” I said, getting back in bed next to him. “As long as you don’t mind.”

“I don’t at all,” he replied. “Just didn’t wanna presume that you’d be okay having my dog in your bed. Lotta people wouldn’t want that.”

“I think it’s goddamn adorable,” I said. And as I settled back in next to Zane, and he pulled me close to kiss me again, I realized just how good it was.

It really did feel like my house was a home, tonight. And that was so scary and so beautiful, all at once.

“What were you saying before?” Zane asked. “You had something you wanted to tell me?”

“Oh,” I replied. “Right. Um—”

It felt like all the courage had drained from me. Everything was so perfect—the sweet dog, the incredible night, Zane’s warm arms around me. I couldn’t imagine asking what I was going to ask. For all I knew, Zane’s answer would consist of some version of yeah, we probably will never see each other again after I leave for LA, but I’m just having fun for this week.

It was the most logical and predictable answer. But I didn’t think I could handle it right now if that’s what he ended up saying.

So I made a promise to myself. Tomorrow, I would have that talk with Zane. I would ask what he was really getting out of this, where we stood, and what, if anything, I should expect.

But I wasn’t ready now.

I tucked in closer to his arms, sighing peacefully. “I was just wanting to tell you how amazing you are in bed,” I said. “I never knew you’d be able to move your hips quite like that.”

He smiled softly. “What, you doubted that I would be good with my hips?” he asked. “Just wait until I ride you. Then you’ll really see what my hips can do.”

I felt like he had just completed a circuit and electricity was now coursing through me, hot like fire. He… wanted to ride me? I’d always just assumed he was only a top, and would never want me inside him.

Jesus Christ, this man was too perfect.

I let out a long breath that I hadn’t even known I was holding. “You’re fucking amazing, Zane,” I said, shaking my head and cozying up to him. He held me close, spooning me from behind, and every few minutes as we fell asleep, he would lazily press a kiss to the back of my neck or to my shoulder. It was as if he’d be nearly falling asleep, but then would remember he was holding me and have to kiss me all over again.

And no matter what tomorrow might bring, I couldn’t think of anywhere else in the world I’d rather be than in his arms.