I had known all along that Colby and Erica’s wedding would be a big deal.

But it wasn’t until I was standing up by the altar, watching it all play out, that I really understood. From where I stood, sandwiched between Sebastian and Austin, I could see everyone, really. If I looked to my right, it was Colby and Erica, standing at the altar, and to my left were the other groomsmen. Then, radiating outward in a giant half circle, were all the benches for all the guests.

When Erica walked out to the music played by the four-piece quartet, no one would have ever known that minutes ago, she’d been weeping with me and Sebastian. She looked picture perfect, and the wedding started only five or ten minutes later than scheduled.

I saw, perfectly clearly, the tears rolling down Colby’s cheeks when Erica finally arrived at the altar. I had never in my life see such sheer joy on his face.

And from then on, it was an unending parade of tears and laughter. When Colby and Erica exchanged their vows, there wasn’t a dry eye in the place—I turned to look over at the other groomsmen and saw that even Austin was blubbering like a baby.

And once everyone was sufficiently emotional, the ceremony was over, as quickly as it began. Colby and Erica shared their big kiss, and we all clapped and cheered and hollered as they made their way toward the building, and we followed soon after.

It was then that the real festivities were set to begin. Directly after the ceremony, there was a short cocktail hour while the bride and groom were whisked off to take photographs. Big double doors inside the building were opened to reveal a giant bar, and the people flocked to it immediately.

I was shocked at how many people came up to me to have short conversations. While I sipped my gin and tonic, I must have talked with at least eight different parties of people—it seemed like anyone Colby and Erica befriended was just as friendly and social as they were. It made sense. But I hadn’t realized how truly kind and warm all of the guests would be.

Of course, every few minutes, my eyes scanned the big room for Sebastian. It was as if I wasn’t even in control of it—naturally, I just wanted to know where he was, hoping he was never too far away.

And every time I did find him, there was that same little pang in my heart, as if I was remembering all over again the impact he had on me. I knew I should have been leaving it alone, been trying to forget he existed, detaching myself before I had to leave town.

But it felt impossible.

Two hours later, as the wedding reception got into full swing, I felt largely the same, but considerably tipsier. All of the usual dances had just happened—Colby and Erica’s first, then Colby with his mom, and Erica with her dad.

And then it came time for the speeches. It made me nervous, even though I wasn’t even giving a speech. I had seen Sebastian glancing down at the paper in his hands intermittently today, and I hoped to God he would do okay.

I thought for sure he would nail it. But I wanted the best for him.

And after various family members gave speeches—all of them hilarious, touching, exactly the kind of speeches one would expect for Colby and Erica—it was Sebastian’s turn.

I watched him stand up, right next to me at the long table, and I felt my heart swell. Jelly had been lying down in her little dog bed, right behind all of us, but even she perked up when Sebastian stood. I was so close that I could see the paper in his hands shaking a little as he grabbed the microphone and began to speak.

“Hi everyone—if you don’t know me, and I know a lot of you don’t—I’m Sebastian, Colby’s best man. I’ve been friends with Colby for a few years, and he’s changed my life in ways I couldn’t have imagined. And it makes sense, now, meeting so many of you today, that Colby is at the center of so many beautiful friendships and relationships. I’m going to keep my speech brief tonight because I know you all want to dive into the dancing as soon as possible, but there are just a few things I want to share about Colby and Erica.”

Sebastian scanned the crowd, looking out, and I felt like I could almost see the nervousness dripping away from him.

“Colby has been my friend at times when no one else wanted to speak with me. He’s good at things like that—he doesn’t care for things like gossip or controversy or anything like that. He only sees who you truly are. And I’m sure everyone in this room knows how true that is. Once, my power went out in the middle of a snowstorm, and Colby made the trek over to pick me up, despite so many weather warnings we’d been given. Now, some of you may say that was reckless and dangerous—Erica, I know you had those ideas—”

Erica grinned up at Sebastian, nodding her head. “Yep!” she replied.

“—but that is exactly the kind of person Colby is. He would do anything for the people he cares about. Not because he has to, but because he wants to. And, Erica, I know, from the bottom of my heart that that’s the kind of husband Colby will be to you. You will always be first in his heart, and he would do anything for you.”

I looked out and saw that Erica’s mom was smiling wide, dabbing at her eye with a tissue. It seemed that she had come around since earlier.

“And lastly, I just want to say that Colby and Erica’s relationship has been an inspiration to me. I’m nowhere near the man Colby is when it comes to having an open heart—it… it can be difficult, sometimes, to be so kind, so receptive, and such a good support for your loved ones. But no one in the world makes me think love is possible more than you two do. You give me hope. You make me see that if you fight for it, love can permeate every corner of your life. And I hope every day that more people can learn to love like you two do.”

He held up his champagne glass, and everyone in the room followed suit.

“Join me in raising a glass to the bride and groom. May their love know no bounds. To Colby and Erica!”

I held up my glass and took a giant swig before I started crying, myself. Sebastian sipped and then sat down, beaming, proud.

And I didn’t care how awkward or distant things had been with us all day—I couldn’t help but to put my arm around his shoulders, draw him in close, and give him a hug.

“You did amazing,” I said. “Beautiful speech.”

“Thank you,” he responded, smiling back at me as he pulled away. There was a hopefulness in his eyes that I hadn’t seen all day—or maybe it was just relief. He had done it.

I couldn’t help but swell with pride for Sebastian.

He was a perfect best man. And for the first time, I found myself proud to be a groomsman, if I was doing it by his side.

After another two speeches, the time had come to dance. I’d been to plenty of weddings where people really phoned it in—they’d dance to a few songs, sit down, maybe call it an early night.

But not at Colby and Erica’s wedding.

It was an all-out, hours-long bash. The band was fantastic, and after a few drinks, even I couldn’t stop myself from heading out to the giant dancefloor. The sun had begun to set, and the big doors at the edge of the reception hall had been opened to let the breeze in.

I danced with Colby. I did the electric slide next to Erica. I got sandwiched in between Austin and Tony in a line dance and laughed so hard I cried when Austin did makeshift break dancing on the ground in the middle of a circle of people.

It felt like a catharsis, the culmination of weeks of emotions and months of tension.

And as the dancing began to be less insane and more subdued, I still felt like I was emerging from some sort of months-long cocoon.

I stopped at the table, again, just to sit and rest and grab a drink of water, and soon after, Sebastian came to do the same. We were some of the only people sitting down in the entire room, and from our short distance, we watched the mass of people dance and laugh under the lights.

“It’s incredible,” I said, shaking my head.

“It’s the perfect wedding,” Sebastian said. “Colby and Erica did it. They won. No one will ever have a wedding quite like this.”

I gave him a nod.

For a few minutes, we sat there, in peaceful silence, just listening to the band and watching the crowd. I didn’t feel awkward tension between myself and Sebastian, and it kind of felt like a miracle.

I just felt good getting to share this moment with him.

And when the song changed, and the band started playing a slower tune, I didn’t want this moment with Sebastian to end. I wanted to do anything to prolong it, to stay near him, even though I knew I didn’t deserve to. I looked out and saw that Austin and Tony had joined a big group of women, and they were attempting and failing to salsa dance together. All of the women laughed and laughed at their moves.

Finally, a thought ran through my head that hadn’t been there in a while. Fuck it. It was calm, more like a shrug than a bleeding heart manifesto.

But I wanted to be around Sebastian. And I wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of me trying.

“Come dance with me,” I said, turning to him.

He was in the middle of a sip of white wine, and he coughed a bit, his eyes going wide. “Huh?” he asked.

“Come dance with me. I love this song.”

“Oh,” he replied, realization slowly hitting him. “Okay,” he said after a moment.

I stood up, taking his hand in mine, and even just that small touch made me realize just how damn much I’d missed him. I led him out to the dance floor, disappearing into the crowd, finding a comfortable spot in the middle of it all.

The blue and purple lights danced across Sebastian’s face as I put one hand to his waist and held his hand with the other. He kept his distance at first, but as we swayed to the music, eventually he found his way closer to me until his head was resting upon my chest.

And I just let myself feel it. I let myself love this moment, everything about it. I loved being close to him, loved the sea of dancing people around us, loved that I didn’t feel awkward or wrong.

It might have been the alcohol, but I was pretty sure it was just the real me, finally coming out of the cave I’d been in for months. But I felt like I could say what was actually on my mind, without caring about the consequences.

I sighed against Sebastian, squeezing him a little tighter against me.

“You know, I could do this every fucking day,” I said, shaking my head gently.

He pulled back a little, tipping his head up to look at me. There was a question in his eyes, but I just looked down at him, steadfast.

“What… do you mean?” he said.

I shrugged one shoulder. “I mean what I said. I could do this every day.”

“...Dance? Go to a wedding?” he asked.

I laughed softly. “Definitely not go to a wedding,” I said. “But… yeah, dance, maybe. If it was with you.”

Sebastian gave me a polite smile, but then he just sighed, putting his head back on my chest again. “We both know that’s not possible.”

“Yeah,” I replied, holding him close. “Every day probably would be hard to manage. But what about… weekends? Holidays? How about every single time I have time off work?”

He pulled back again, narrowing his eyes at me. “Zane… what are you talking about?”

“It would be hard as hell in the car. I mean, fourteen-hour road trips are great and all, but that could wear thin. But… a two-hour plane ride from Los Angeles to here isn’t quite that bad.”

I was still swaying to the music, but Sebastian had stopped cold. He was staring up at me, almost with anger in his eyes.

“Don’t do this,” he whispered, almost inaudibly.

“Don’t do what?” I said.

“Don’t,” he said more firmly. I could see that a tear was forming at the corner of his eye, and my heart squeezed in my chest. I reached up my thumb to brush it away.

“Don’t get my hopes up for something that isn’t going to happen,” he said, looking me dead in the eye.

“Why can’t it happen, Sebastian?” I said. Somewhere inside me, I knew that what I was saying was massive, was ludicrous, was probably completely inadvisable. But I was on a beautiful dance floor, surrounded by wonderful people, and in my arms was a man who had worked his way into my heart.

I wasn’t exactly operating at a normal level. And I had let go.

“It just can’t…” he said, his voice low again, as he looked to the side.

“Why? Because you hate me?”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Of course I don’t hate you. I… I almost fucking broke down and cried when you asked me to dance.”

“It seemed kind of like you hated me the other day. After your mom’s house.”

He shook his head. “I… was not in a good place,” he said. “I was reeling. But that doesn’t mean I actually wanted to push you away. God damn it, I wanted the opposite.”

I paused, looking at him, and I squeezed his waist. “Then why don’t you think we could do it?” I said, a sudden urgency in my voice. “Why don’t you think we could try at… this? Why can’t I come visit you in Ellisville—anytime, all the time, whenever you fucking want? Because I’ll do it, Sebastian. I don’t care anymore. I’m tired of trying to deny it. Why not?”

“Because I’m not worth it,” he said, looking up at me with big, teary eyes, the lights dancing off of his skin. “I… I can’t even escape my own judgmental mom. My shitty small town. It’s… it’s not enough for you, Zane. It’ll never be enough for you. I’ll never be enough.”

I paused, my throat clenching for a moment. “You’ve always been enough,” I replied, more serious than I’d been all night.

A big tear broke off and rolled down Sebastian’s cheek.

“I’m… Jesus, Sebastian, it’s crazy, but I’m starting to think that I can’t imagine my future without… without you,” I said. “I can’t imagine what things might be like if I don’t take a shot. How often does this happen? How often is there someone you find this strong of a connection with?”

“Zane,” Sebastian said, his voice cracking. He looked away, toward the band, and I saw the faraway lights sparkling in his eye. “You’re going to break my heart.”

“And you’ve already broken mine,” I said. “I didn’t even feel like I was in my own body the other day. Losing you… I can’t, Sebastian. I just can’t.”

He was silent, but he was looking back up at me again. My hand was squeezing his so tight that I thought I might dissolve into pieces if I ever let go.

“It’s crazy. I’m not an idiot. I know it’s crazy. But I can visit. You can visit me. Anything.”

“Zane…” he started.

“Tell me that you don’t want it, and I’ll stop asking right now,” I said, intense, staring him in the eyes. “If you can tell me that, I’ll stop. And I’ll leave you alone, and you’ll never hear from me again. I promise you, Sebastian. Tell me you don’t want it as much as I do.”

Sebastian didn’t say a word. I paused, watching him, making sure that he understood how truly I meant what I said.

But he couldn’t tell me he didn’t want it, too.

“I should be so afraid,” I said, my voice low. “I should be so afraid of this—of relationships, of anything serious. It would only make sense, after my breakup. But I’m so unafraid. You… you came into my life, and you started to feel like home, Sebastian.”

He started to shake his head, and a sharp worry hit my chest. Was this it? Was this him saying no?

But instead, as he shook his head, he started to smile, at the same time as tears fell from his eyes.

“This might be a crazy, idiotic idea,” he said, letting out a small laugh. “But I want every minute of it.”

And then he was leaning upward, closing the distance between us, and crashing his lips against mine in a kiss. I held him close, rocking him in my arms as I kissed him back, holding him like nothing else mattered in the world.

He had said yes to trying. He was willing to try at this. He felt what I felt, and that meant that I wasn’t the only one. And my heart soared so high above the dance floor I thought it may never come back down.

When we broke apart, he was smiling up at me, and I squeezed him in a tight hug. I looked around the dance floor, half expecting to see Colby or Tony staring at us, in shock that we’d just kissed.

But instead, everyone’s attention was on a little kid, far on the other side of the dancefloor, who was doing a perfect rendition of the moonwalk.

I laughed, nodding over in that direction, and Sebastian looked, too.

“He’s good,” I said, holding Sebastian close at my side.

“He’s great. Are you kidding?” he said, laughing.

And it was perfect. A perfect reminder that while we were the center of our own universe, that the normal world still went on around us, even if we’d just experienced our own private earth-shattering revelation.

But it also was a sweet moment we shared—the first of what I hoped would be infinite little, special moments.

Because I liked seeing the world with Sebastian.

And I finally felt like I might be able to.

It was close to midnight when the festivities of the wedding finally began to dissipate. Family members began tapping out, one by one, and soon the reception hall emptied out. The live band went home, and instead, simple music just played over the speaker system. The cleanup crew got started, and Colby and Erica made their rounds, hugging every last person goodbye.

Sebastian and I waited by the edge of the room, saying goodbye to people, too, but mostly just waiting to say goodnight to the newlyweds. People came by to pet Jelly, who was contentedly hanging out near us. My feet ached like hell from dancing in dress shoes for hours, and I was so tired I could have fallen asleep on one of the tables. But I didn’t care. Every feeling in my body was drowned out by the sheer joy, the completely improbable feeling of Sebastian saying he would try at a relationship with me.

“God,” Sebastian said, pulling his phone out of his pocket, “I haven’t checked my phone in hours. Nothing like a wedding to make me live in the moment, huh?” He smiled, looking down at the phone, and I pulled him close, putting my arm around him.

“Anything important?” I asked.

“Oh boy,” he said, “I’ve got two voicemails from my mom. I better check this.” There was a twinge of nervousness in his voice. He put the phone up to his ear, listening close.

My heart pounded in my chest as I waited for him to listen. After all, his mom certainly wasn’t going to support the fact that Sebastian and I were going to try long-distance dating. The little reminder that she was a huge part of his life was a reminder that I had a lot to prove.

But unlike the other day, when I was at his mom’s house, I actually felt capable of living up to that challenge now. Sebastian had been worth it to me all along, but when before he had seemed incapable of standing up to her, he now seemed strong.

As Sebastian listened to the voicemail, though, a slow smile spread across his face. He slipped the phone back into his pocket when he was done, and he turned to me.

“This morning, I dropped off the chess set you got her,” he said. “Apparently she opened the box this afternoon, and she left me a voicemail absolutely overjoyed.”

“That’s fantastic, Sebastian,” I said.

He nodded, giving me a quick, tight hug. “At first, she was a little… skeptical because the gift came from you. But she said that she couldn’t believe she had a real Danbury chess set. She told me that you must be a real gentleman to give such a nice thing.”

“Wow,” I said, smiling back at him. “I might stand a chance, after all.”

He nodded. “Especially because the second voicemail, from two hours later, was her saying not to worry—she is taping, on VHS, another Western movie she loves. She says she wants to give the VHS tape to you, since she knows you liked Stetson Heights so much.”

“Oh, Sebastian,” I said. “Your mom might actually be a sweetheart.”

He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Zane, she… she is not a perfect person,” he said, growing serious. “And no matter how much she might like you, she is not going to instantly warm up to the situation if you and I…”

“...If we… what?” I asked, smiling teasingly at Sebastian.

“Y’know, if we… date.”

“You mean, if I’m your boyfriend?” I asked, reaching up and brushing a stray lock of hair from his forehead.

“Oh my God,” he said, smiling and shaking his head. “Boyfriend.”

“I know she isn’t going to be a quick sell, Sebastian,” I said. “And… I also know that it’s going to be hard for you. You can’t just flip a switch and stop caring what your mother thinks about your life.”

“But I think I’m ready to, more than ever before,” he said, shaking his head. “God, Zane, I felt like I’d been pummeled the other day. I… I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve that kind of blowup at my mom’s house.”

“It hurt, but… I understand. Just promise me one thing,” I said, taking his hand in mine.

“Anything,” he said, looking at me, and I knew he meant it.

“If… you ever are upset by something your mom says—and it will happen again, likely, considering she is on her own journey—please talk to someone about it. Don’t clam up, don’t shut it away, don’t blame yourself. I don’t care if you talk to me or Colby or Erica or anyone at all, but don’t push it away.”

Sebastian swallowed hard, nodding. “You’re right,” he whispered. “And thank you, Zane.”

I hugged him close, and as we pulled apart, I spotted Erica and Colby coming our way from across the room.

“Oh my God, we did it,” Erica said, beaming as she came our way. She gave us each a huge hug. “I’ve been smiling so much my cheeks hurt,” she said.

“Sebastian, your speech… thank you so much,” Colby said. “And Zane, I know you’re going to stop by my place once more before you leave tomorrow, right? All the groomsmen, one final brunch?”

“I will stop by tomorrow morning,” I said. “Somebody’s gotta wish you a fond farewell before you’re off to Paris.”

“God, I’m still so jealous,” Sebastian said, shaking his head. “You’re going to have the best honeymoon.”

I stifled a yawn, and Colby patted me on the back.

“I know you both must be just as exhausted as we are,” Colby said. “I’ll let you guys get back home, now. Well, home and hotel, I guess.”

Sebastian and I exchanged a glance, and both of us smiled at one another at the same time.

“Well…” Sebastian started to say.

“Actually… we’re probably both just going to go back to Sebastian’s place.”

“Oh, really? Did you leave something there?”

I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. “Well, Sebastian’s bed is a lot more comfortable than the one at the hotel,” I said.

“Yeah. And sleeping alone kind of just sucks—I’d rather have Zane next to me,” Sebastian said, completely nonchalant.

“And Jelly likes it better at Sebastian’s, too.”

“She does like it. And, y’know, I’d like to be able to kiss Zane goodnight in bed instead of at his hotel.”

Sebastian and I paused, watching the expressions on Erica and Colby’s faces turn from confusion to shock to disbelief to realization.

“I knew it!” Colby shouted, his face lighting up. He clapped, pumping his fist in the air. “I knew it. That morning, after the bachelor party, when Sebastian was in your hotel room?”

Sebastian just nodded, grinning at Colby.

Erica was laughing, and then she gave Colby a double high-five. “Babe, our plan totally worked,” she told Colby. “Oh yeah, we forgot to mention this, but we totally were trying to play cupid for you two.”

“What?” I said, incredulous.

“Well… we knew it was a long shot. But I always had an inkling that you two might like each other. We were kinda rooting for it the whole time.”

“That was all Erica,” Colby said, shaking his head. “I just wanted my two best friends to have a good time.”

“Hey! What’s this about ‘best friends?’” a voice said, and we turned to see Tony and Austin coming up behind us. “You better not be saying Sebastian and Zane are your best friends. Clearly I’m the best.”

Tony laughed, going up to give Colby and Erica hugs. After a few minutes of catching up, all of us split up, knowing we’d see each other one more time at brunch tomorrow.

And for the first time, Sebastian and I left together, as a couple.

It felt strange and perfect and surreal all at once, walking through the big building holding Sebastian’s hand and traversing the big ranch all the way to the big parking lot together. We didn’t say much, just enjoying each other’s company as we made our way.

We passed a few lingering wedding guests on our way, and as we approached our cars, we heard a peal of laughter.

Sebastian smiled, pointing over at an older couple, standing under a lamp post and talking.

“Guess who that is?” he said, his voice a low whisper.

“No clue,” I said.

“That, right there, is Al—the owner of Millie’s, the corner store—and Aunt Clara, Erica’s dear old aunt.”

“You never told me Erica’s aunt was with Al.”

“She wasn’t... until today, maybe. They just met earlier, but they seemed to hit it off immediately. I think I sense a romance in Al’s future.”

“Wow,” I said, smiling. “Only in Ellisville, huh?”

“Ellisville sure does make for some interesting pairings,” Sebastian said, looking up at me and arching an eyebrow.

I smiled, bending to kiss him, not caring at all who was around. It felt incredible.

“So, how does it feel, knowing you’re gonna have to spend more time away from the big city you love to come to this weird, tiny place?” Sebastian asked. “Still worth it?”

“Sebastian, I think I’m going to be leaving one city I love for another city I love. Well, town, I guess.”

Sebastian’s jaw dropped. “What? Did I just hear you say that you love Ellisville? Alert the presses. Zane has lost it,” he said, laughing.

“What can I say?” I shrugged. “This place has won me over in quite a big way.”

“Oh yeah?” he said. “And why’s that?”

“It’s the people,” I said. I pulled him in toward me, wrapping my arms around his waist. And somehow, just then, Sebastian looked more beautiful to me than ever. I was seeing him truly happy, I realized.

And I knew why. It was the same reason that I felt truly happy at that moment. We were free.

Free of the million constraints we had put on ourselves. Free from what we’d been so scared of, what we’d run from.

Once we had shed all of those fears—or looked them in the face and told them that no, we were going to try this anyway, going to try to live our best lives—we were truly free.

I realized then that freedom wasn’t a road trip alone or leaving your city behind or having no responsibilities.

True freedom was love. Accepting love, letting it into your life when it seemed impossible or far-fetched. Sebastian and I were saying yes to the blossoming of our love. And nothing could have been more real.