The Jade Vista Resort was something I had heard about for the last couple of years and had assumed was a far-off, fantastical place that I would never visit. It was for rich people, first of all, and I definitely wasn’t that. But I’d also kind of never believed the hype about the place.

“Oh my God, Sebastian, it was incredible! I never thought I could enjoy a bar so much,” many diner customers had said to me after they’d come back from a trip to Jade Valley, a moderate-sized city a couple hours away from Ellisville, closer to Boise.

All I could ever think was… how good could it possibly be?

But now, standing outside the front of the place, I completely understood. It was unlike anything I’d ever seen in Idaho. It looked like it might belong better in Tokyo or even Las Vegas—a relatively tall building, plenty of gorgeous neon lights flickering their way up and down the building, turning all colors of neon. People were flocking inside already at six o’clock.

Colby had specifically requested that his bachelor party be here. The first ten floors of the building were the actual hotel, and then the second-highest floor was a fancy-schmancy restaurant. But the piece de resistance was apparently the top floor. It was supposed to be a rooftop bar with incredible views but also a sort of retro arcade. Tourists came passing through from all over, playing games and drinking and being merry. It was pretty much the only place like it in the entire state of Idaho.

I’d been looking forward to this for months and… now it was finally here.

“Sebastian, holy shit!” Tony said, stepping out of the building. The other four guys had arrived earlier than I had, checking into their hotel rooms for the night, because I’d had a later shift at the diner. “You’ve outdone yourself, buddy,” he said before catching me in a hug.

“Don’t thank me, thank Colby,” I said. “This whole thing was his idea.” I left out the part where Colby had paid for everything. This place wasn’t cheap, and Colby had endless money, and he’d sprung for all of us to have our own fancy rooms for the weekend.

“The room is fucking nuts, dude,” Tony said. He was already in his peak weekend wear—a linen shirt, half unbuttoned.

“You smell like sunscreen,” I said. “You guys go to the pool?”

“Of course we did,” he said as he led me inside. “And you’ll be happy to know it did not disappoint. You’ll never guess who we saw, too.”

“Who’s that?” I asked. We walked inside the lobby, and I almost felt dizzy, seeing all the modern glass chandeliers and more tasteful neon. The place was already bustling, just in the lobby.

“Beyoncé, dude,” he said, waggling his eyebrows at me.

“What? That’s impossible. It had to be someone else.”

“It was her.”

“Beyoncé does not come to Idaho, Tony.”

He shook his head. “She was passing through town because apparently her cousin lives here. I’m telling you, this place is magical or something.”

“I sure hope so,” I said as I walked up to the counter to check into my room.

And I really did hope so. Even though I’d been looking forward to this bachelor party weekend for months, this past week I had been growing to dread it. Not because of the hotel itself or the trip into town, but… because I didn’t know how I was going to act around Zane.

I had felt like utter shit on the last day of the camping trip. I knew that I had moved too quickly with Zane and also knew that he probably had seen the whole thing as a mistake.

He had kissed me, yes. But I had been the one to escalate things. To go further, to push him against the ground, to fucking straddle him. And it shouldn’t have been a surprise at all when he retreated, when he said he couldn’t do it, when he said we had to stop.

Because of course we did. There was no world in which we should have been hooking up at all, and I respected those boundaries entirely.

But the guilt had stuck with me all day. Because I had found it hot to kiss Zane. I had been hard as hell, and unlike him, that had been a very welcome feeling for me. I had wanted even more. I had wanted everything from him.

And so it had been hard to be around him. The past week had been easier, as we hadn’t needed to spend any time together. But this weekend had been looming large in my head the whole time.

I wanted so badly to prove that I could still be just a friend to Zane. Someone he could rely on, someone he could share feelings and concerns with, and not worry that I’d come onto him. And this weekend had to be my opportunity to show that.

An hour later, the five of us met up at the front of the hotel restaurant. One by one, the guys came down from their rooms, looking fresh and ready for the night ahead. I had spent the last hour upstairs showering and then pacing back and forth, trying to think of what I would even say to Zane when I saw him. There were too many options, and my mind was starting to go nuts just from overthinking it.

I decided to wing it.

Tony looked relatively the same as he had earlier. Austin wore a tight, collared shirt that showed off his bulging biceps and golden tan. Colby came down next, looking perfect as he always did, like a J. Crew model with a warm smile on his face. I chitchatted with the guys, listening to three versions of the same story about the Beyoncé sighting, as we waited.

I started to feel like I could do this. I could power through and act like a normal human being around Zane tonight.

And then he actually showed up, and all of my manufactured poise and confidence fell away.

Because it just wasn’t fair how good he looked. For the first time, I was seeing him in slightly classier clothes—a button-up, nice slacks—and it made his usually gruff looks look even more refined in contrast. His facial hair was freshly groomed and highlighted his jawline in an obscene way. He was exactly the kind of person I would normally flirt with, except… I couldn’t flirt with him at all, of course.

His eyes fell on me immediately, and he caught me staring at him.

“There he is,” Tony said. “We ready to go have this incredible dinner?”

“Hey, guys—hey, Sebastian,” he said, his eyes bright for a moment as he acknowledged me.

“Hi!” I said, my voice definitely a little too chipper. “How’s… how’s it been going?”

“Going well,” he said, nodding.

“Right, right,” I replied, nodding too, feeling like a bobblehead.

It was the most fucking awkward I’d been since the eighth grade.

“So… ah… where’s Jelly this weekend?” I asked.

“Erica’s taking care of her,” Zane said. “She’s so good with her. I figured this might be a bad environment for a dog.”

“True. Very true,” I said. The conversation immediately stalled again, and I couldn’t do anything to fix it.

Where was I going with this? Why the hell couldn’t I keep up a conversation, when in most cases, I couldn’t shut my mouth? It was like I was tongue-tied and my brain had ceased to function, all at once. My cheeks were burning.

“Well, we’re all here. Let’s head to our table?” Colby finally said, and I nodded, thanking God he still at least had the sense to keep us on track.

There was a table at the front full of hostesses that looked like Amazonian goddesses. They greeted us immediately as we walked into the lavish restaurant.

“Hi,” I said to one girl. “Is our reservation ready? The bachelor party, for seven o’clock.”

“We actually have two bachelor parties here tonight,” she said, beaming. “I hope you boys are ready to have fun!”

“Hell, yeah, we are!” Tony said.

“Ready as we’ll ever be,” I said as she led us over to our table.

For the first few minutes after we sat down, I still felt strange being around Zane again. I resorted to mostly looking around at the other guys and avoiding his gaze from across the table.

But an amazing thing happened as we spent more and more time at the table. I found that despite all my nervousness, I actually was enjoying myself. Firstly, I’d spied the other bachelor party from across the roo, and realized that it was being held for two gay men. They both were wearing sashes around their shoulders and every so often rubbing each other’s backs or leaning in for a kiss.

And it heartened me more than I knew possible. It was a simple thing, but the kind of thing I didn’t think I’d ever see in Idaho. It was beautiful. It was liberating to be in any town where a bachelor party for two men wouldn’t turn any heads—it would just be a sweet, normal thing that wouldn’t cause gossip around the whole restaurant.

And the longer we sat around the dinner table, the better I felt being around my group of friends. It seemed as if everyone was in good spirits—even Austin.

When the second round of drinks was brought out, Tony held his mojito up to make a toast.

“First of all, I want to say thank you to Sebastian for planning these last couple weeks of activities,” he said, looking at me. “I know I’ve been a little… difficult at times because I’m basically a twenty-two-year-old in an older man’s body,” he said. “But really, from the bottom of my heart, I appreciate it.”

“Aww,” I said, holding my own glass to his. “I’m shockingly touched, Tony.”

He nodded. “And to Colby. My man—my fuckin’ man! It’s been a long road since the college days, but look how far we’ve come, right? I want you to enjoy this weekend like none other, as a celebration of your love for Erica. I know you’re not the type to go for strip clubs and wild parties, but you know how to have a good time. And tonight, we are going to do just that. Okay?”

Colby laughed, holding out his glass. “Yes, sir,” he said.

“I love you all,” Tony said. “Even you, beefcake,” he said to Austin. Austin rolled his eyes but smiled anyway.

“To the best groomsmen party of all time,” Tony said, holding his glass out to everyone.”

“To us,” Colby said.

From then on, the drinks were flowing, and the food kept coming, and the night took a turn for the better. By the end of dinner, all five of us were having an incredible time.

“I swear to God,” Austin said, shaking his head and looking down at his empty plate. “That was the best steak I have ever had in my life. I would suck someone’s dick for that steak, and you know I’m not gay. I would give my left arm for it. Hell, I’d give up all other meat for the rest of my life if I knew I could have this once a year!”

“Wow, holy shit,” I said, smiling at him. “So tell us, Austin, did you like your steak, or not?”

“I’m going to get on my knees and propose to this steak.”

“You don’t usually get on both knees to propose, you know that, right, Austin?” Zane asked, grinning.

“Well, unless you’re in some sort of kinky BDSM scene or something,” Tony said, winking. “Who knows what that could be like. ‘Oh, baby, please punish me, let me be yours forever!’”

“Shut up,” Austin said, laughing. “I’m not into freaky shit like that.”

Tony cocked his head to the side. “Hey, man, don’t knock it ‘til you try it, y’know?”

“All right, all right, that’s enough for this dinner,” Colby said, smiling wide. “Let’s get our asses up to the rooftop.”

“Hell, yeah,” Austin said. “I’m ready to cream all your asses at Whack-A-Mole. You don’t stand a chance.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Colby said. “I was the Whack-A-Mole champ in high school. You don’t know this side of me, Austin.”

“And you don’t know who you’re messing with. My reflexes are lightning fast, and they are unparalleled,” he said, grinning gleefully. I didn’t even know that “gleeful” was an available option to Austin, but here it was.

“Have fun tonight, guys,” Colby said. “I know this is my bachelor party, but that doesn’t mean all of you shouldn’t be having just as good of a time. I treated you to your own nice rooms for a reason. Let loose. Find somebody pretty to kiss tonight.”

I snorted. The only pretty person I wanted to kiss was someone who I was unlikely to ever kiss again. I could hardly make conversation with him anymore, it seemed.

But at the same time, I wondered if Colby was right.

Maybe I should find someone pretty to kiss tonight.

Maybe it was time to find someone who wasn’t Zane, someone who meant nothing to me, just some random hookup. If it was good enough for twenty-four-year-old me, maybe it would be good enough for me now. And most importantly, it would show Zane that I didn’t need anything from him. Maybe that would set things right again.

And so as the five of us headed up to the rooftop, I let myself feel the anticipation in my chest, and instead of pushing it down, I let it grow. For once, I actually felt that slow kindling of desire, a sense of potential for the evening, and I swore I could see it on the others’ faces as well.

There couldn’t be any place better for a party, either. The moment we stepped out onto the roof, it was clear there was a reason people came to this place for their bachelor parties. The rooftop was massive, with a big covered area featuring the bar and arcade games, and then the open-air outdoor area that seemed more like a full-blown festival than a bar. People filled the seats of lounge chairs and benches, congregated at the railing of the deck, and crowded around the various games.

It was everything I would have dreamed of as a kid, except a full-blown adult version.

“Jesus Christ,” Tony said, the five of us stopping at the top of the stairs to take everything in.

“Right?” Austin agreed, gawking.

“Wow. You… you did a great job, Sebastian,” Zane said, turning to me for a moment. “This is perfect.”

“Like I said, Colby’s idea,” I said, but I let myself hold onto the warm feeling I got from Zane’s compliment.

“Worth it, right?” Colby said, nodding. “Now let’s go.”

We headed to the bar first. Everyone got more mojitos, the bar’s house specialty drink. We weaved our way through the crowd, watching a few rounds of air hockey that another group of guys had gotten involved in.

“Hey! There’s the other bachelor party,” Zane said, pointing over at one of the men who had the sash around his shoulder. “We should go say hi.”

“Let’s do it,” I agreed. I was so glad to have something to do with Zane that wasn’t awkward.

“Have fun,” Austin said, waving us off. “I’m about to go hand Tony’s ass to him in Whack-a-Mole.” He gave us a salute before the two of them headed off, Tony already regaling him with reasons why he’d be the winner.

“All right, battle of the bachelors,” Colby said as we walked over toward the other party. “We should challenge them to a duel. Air hockey? Pinball bracket? Fistfight out in the parking lot?”

“Colby, you couldn’t hurt anyone even if you wanted to,” Zane said. “Remember when that guy wanted to fight you after graduation, and instead you ended up hugging each other in tears?”

Colby nodded thoughtfully before taking a sip of his mojito. “While that may be true, it would be worth it to be the best bachelor party in this hotel. Someone’s gotta be the winner, right?”

The other group of guys was standing between the bar and a pool table, and the bachelors were currently looking quite the couple, one guy with his arm around the other, pressing the occasional kiss to each other’s forehead. I would have thought it was nauseating if I hadn’t been so happy.

We walked over and faced them, and I was ready to challenge them on behalf of Colby.

And then I saw who the man wearing the sash was. Blood drained from my face, and I felt my limbs go cold.

I was looking right at David.

Otherwise known as the former mayor of Ellisville. Who I had fucked, secretly, in shitty hotel rooms, until the town blew up in gossip and he dumped me without a trace.

But now, David’s face lit up immediately, and he broke into a huge smile when he saw that it was me.

“Sebastian!” he shouted, immediately tackling me in a hug.

But I couldn’t hug back. I could barely even think, let alone respond.

How? How could this be him? It seemed like some clone of him—a happier version, a glowing version—not at all the man that I used to know. The man who used to nervously corral me into motel rooms, the man who was afraid to even be seen with me in public.

And now here he was, out in the open, canoodling with his… fiance?

“D—David?” was all I could muster, my voice coming out a squeak.

“Sebastian! How the hell are ya? Oh, it’s been too long, Sebastian. It feels like a lifetime.”

It had to have been a lifetime for him to be this different. For him to be getting married. But really it had only been two years.

I suddenly remembered Zane and Colby were at my side. I was so dumbfounded that I’d been accidentally rude, forgetting to introduce them. I shook my head quickly.

“Uh—Zane, this is David. David, do you remember Colby Danison from Ellisville?”

“I think I do, yes,” David said, beaming as he shook Zane’s and then Colby’s hand. “And I have someone special for you to meet, too—this is Emmanuel, my fiance.”

Emmanuel smiled and held out his hand to me. He was cute, to be sure. He had light hair, piercing gray-blue eyes, and Jesus, how the fuck was his skin so soft when he shook my hand? The guy must have bathed in moisturizer.

Actually, Emmanuel reminded me of… me, if I were five years younger and a little bit prettier in every way.

“Enchanted to meet you,” he said, and immediately I realized that he had a French accent.

Christ. So not only had David left me, never to speak to me again—he’d also somehow come out of the closet, shacked up with a hot European man, and gotten engaged.

His life really was better now that he had moved on from me.

“So,” Emmanuel said. “You two are the other bachelors?” He pointed between me and Zane.

“What?”

“Uh—” Zane said.

“No,” I said. “No. I’m single. Very single. He’s the bachelor.” I gestured at Colby. I tossed back the rest of my mojito as David enthusiastically congratulated Colby.

“Wonderful—it’s just wonderful,” David said when he turned back to me. “How have you been? Still in Ellisville, huh?”

I nodded.

“Are you seeing anyone?”

“Ah… nope,” I said, pausing to drink more and remembering that there was nothing left in my glass. “Not seeing anyone. Still working at the diner.”

“It’s okay, Seb,” David said. “Everyone goes at their own pace. Hell, you remember—I couldn’t admit I was gay back in Ellisville. It felt like my life had ended when I left town. But after moving here, I… I found myself. It sounds cheesy, but I really did. I’m more comfortable than I’ve ever been. And of course, I found Em, too.” He pulled Emmanuel close to him, and then—God fucking help me—they brushed their noses against one another.

They may as well have been sucking each other’s dicks for how intimate it looked. I felt like I may throw up my mojito at a moment’s notice.

“Ah,” I said, nodding, trying my hardest to appear polite. “I’m sorry, I think I left something back in my hotel room—give me just a second,” I said quickly. I broke off from the rest of the group, not caring that my excuse had been as flimsy as plastic wrap.

Because dear God, I had to get out of there. I beelined for the opposite end of the bar, ordering a second mojito and specifying for it to be very, very strong. I then traversed the deck, pushing through group after group of sweaty, dancing, laughing people, until I reached the open-air part of the roof. There was a small section near the edge of the railing that wasn’t overrun with people, and I leaned against it, taking a deep breath of the night air. The rail was cool against my burning skin.

The view would have been beautiful, but instead I just squeezed my eyes shut.

And I let myself breathe.

How had David come so far in two years? I took stock of my last two years and realized I couldn’t say anything had changed. I hadn’t dated anyone new. I’d barely even hooked up with anyone. I still had the same job, still took care of my mom, still was in Ellisville.

Nothing at all was different for me. And here David was, thriving, about to be married, truly a new man.

I was still young, but somehow I had resigned myself to having… this life, forever. I couldn’t picture anything different, and even if I could have, it would have been too scary. Because I knew deep down that I couldn’t leave Ellisville. The town was all I knew. It was the only place I had friends and family. And besides, Mom would never go anywhere else.

I was trapped. And I just never let myself think about it that way, because I knew there was no way out. I knew that it was better to be happy where I was than to bash my head against it.

But... was I really happy?

“Sebastian,” a voice came from behind me, and at first, my skin prickled. I said a silent prayer hoping that David hadn’t come after me.

“What is it?” I said, not even turning to look behind me.

“Are… are you okay?”

I turned. Zane was behind me, worry in his eyes. I just looked at him for a moment, afraid that if I said anything, I might start to cry. I just nodded, turning back to the view of the city below.

Zane came over to my side as I took a long drink from my mojito.

“Are you… sure?” he asked.

I shrugged, staring out.

And then he laughed. I couldn’t believe it at first. The pressure in my head felt like it had been about to explode, and Zane was unmistakably laughing at me.

I glanced at him sidelong.

“You better watch out, Sebastian. You’re kinda acting like me, y’know.”

I narrowed my eyes. And then, as I watched Zane’s goofy grin, I felt myself start to smile, too. I realized then that this was the first time Zane and I had been together one-on-one since the camping trip. It had seemed impossible before now, but nothing about it felt weird.

Actually, I was incredibly happy that he was by my side. Instead of feeling like I was freefalling through the air, I now felt like I had a parachute.

“I can’t believe you just got me to smile,” I said, shaking my head. “You know… you know that David was David the mayor, right?”

Zane nodded. “I figured that had to be him,” he said. “Sebastian, I’m… I’m so fucking sorry. That’s terrible luck.”

I shrugged a shoulder. “I mean, it’s wedding season, and if you search for the best bachelor party spots in Idaho, this place is at the top of every list. It isn’t exactly weird that we’d run into them. But… Jesus, Zane, I can’t fucking believe he is getting married. He’s thriving.”

“He does seem to be, yeah,” Zane responded. “But I’d say that you are, too.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m just wasting away in Ellisville.”

Zane paused for a while. “I thought you loved Ellisville.”

“I… I do. I love… aspects of it.”

“You want to know something weird?” Zane asked, leaning over the balcony. “I actually have found myself warming up to Ellisville this past week.”

“What? You?”

“I know. I never thought it would be possible either. But… God, if the place doesn’t have its own charm. I think I was also trying to see the town through Colby’s eyes, too. Or through your eyes. See it how other people might see it.”

I turned toward him. “You were trying to see it through my eyes?”

He nodded. “You’re always so positive, Sebastian,” he said. “You’re that rare true optimist. You actually see the best in people, see the best in whatever place you’re in.”

I snorted. “Except tonight, I guess.”

He shrugged. “Even optimists are allowed to get sad sometimes,” he said. “But… seeing Ellisville through your eyes makes me see it as so much more than a small town. Every corner has some incredible bit of beauty on it. And everyone I run into is unique. I went into this corner shop twice, and the second time I went in, the store manager gave me a brand-new toy for Jelly. You couldn’t dream of finding that kind of person in Los Angeles.”

I smiled lightly. “Do you mean Al? The owner of Millie’s?”

Zane’s face lit up. “Yes,” he said. “I guess it makes sense you know him—seems like he knows everyone in town.”

“Al really is a special guy. He probably does know everyone in Ellisville. I’ve certainly known him my whole life.”

Zane shook his head, smiling. “That’s the kind of thing I’m talking about. It’s a really special place. I’ve gone to the same coffee shop for five years in LA, and the same barista has worked there the whole time. But he couldn’t tell you a damned thing about my life, I guarantee you.”

“There are good and bad parts to having a town where everyone knows you, though,” I said.

Zane hummed in response, and we lapsed into silence for a minute. I felt like I was in some state of aftershock—the strange serendipity of seeing David, and then the equally strange feeling of talking with Zane again for the first time since the trip.

For the first time since we’d kissed. Looking at him now, I couldn’t believe it had even happened. How had I been so close to him? And fuck it, I would have given anything at that moment to lean in, to feel his arms around me, pulling me close. I was rudderless and restless, feeling more alone than I had in months.

Being close with Zane seemed like it would be some kind of cure.

He was looking out over the balcony, eyes lost in the view, when suddenly he turned to me. I swore I almost jumped, being caught staring at him—staring at his lips, specifically.

“What?” I asked reflexively, even though he hadn’t said anything. His eyes were gazing straight through to my damn soul.

He just shook his head slowly, looking at me. “…Why haven’t I talked with you all week, Sebastian?”

If his gaze was a shock, this question was like stepping into a pool full of ice. I froze in place, having no idea how to respond, how I was meant to respond. Zane had never been so forward with me before. Usually he was the one being indirect, and I was trying to lure him into conversation.

I didn’t know how to handle this. Finally, Zane was comfortable around me, and now I wasn’t.

I took a long sip of my drink, forgetting how strong I’d asked for it to be.

“Um…” I started, “I’ve just been busy, I guess. First, I had to take my mom to the mall, then the hair salon, and then the diner was busy for a few days, and… life happened, I suppose.”

Zane was still watching me as if he knew my excuses were bullshit. Sure, I’d been busy, but no more busy than usual. In truth, I’d been avoiding talking with him. Even though I’d thought about our kiss every day.

“Well,” Zane said, shaking his head before looking back out, “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’ve kind of missed you. All the texts. Even the annoying ones. God, I swear, before this week you’d sent more selfies to the group text than I’ve ever seen before in my life. Not that it’s bad—I mean, they’re good pictures, and you always look good—Jesus, I am talking too much, aren’t I?”

I puffed out a small laugh, trying to hide the fact that my heart was pounding in my chest.

Zane missed me? How could that possibly be the case? Again, I was at a loss for how to respond.

“I’m sorry, Sebastian,” he said after a moment had passed. The look on his face was a little more reserved now—maybe even worried. “I’ve drunk too much already tonight. I’m gonna try to stop bothering you now.”

“You’re not bothering me,” I said, quickly and firmly. It was the first thing I felt like I was sure I needed to say, and saying it felt natural. I reached out and touched his arm. “You’re not bothering me at all. You… you never have, I don’t think. I don’t know if you’re even capable of it.”

He laughed, relaxing again before rolling his eyes. “Me? Not capable of being annoying? Try telling that to the other guys I’ve been attracted to.”

At that exact moment, Zane and I caught each other’s eyes, and finally it felt like both of us were freezing in place, on the same page.

Other guys I’ve been attracted to.

A shift occurred in my body, one I couldn’t quite place but could feel in every cell. It was as if David had vanished from my mind. All I could think about was that Zane seemed to have just drunkenly admitted that he was attracted to me, and it was liable to make me lose my mind.

“I’ve missed you too, you know,” I said, breaking the silence. I swore I could see Zane visibly relaxing again.

He took a long sip of his drink, watching me, then nodded over toward the arcade area.

“Come play pinball with me.”

And then, in an instant he’d taken my hand in his, and he was pulling me back through the crowd. I felt as if I was being pulled by a current, drunk on the mojito and the sudden sense that Zane was mine again—mine like he had been that morning in the tent, just the two of us forgetting every reason why we shouldn’t be together.

This time, we were in a sea of people, and still he didn’t hesitate. We walked right by David, hand in hand, and Zane didn’t pull away.

Like I was worth it. Like nothing was going to stop him from being next to me.