She’s been in that damn room all day, and every time I ask to come in, she shuts me out. I saw it, though. That spark. She still loves me. Yes, loves me. I’ve known for many years, but it wasn’t the right time. Now is the right time, if she would just let me in. She’s locking herself up inside, and it’s frustrating as hell.

Head in my hands, elbows resting on my knees, I unseeingly look down at the carpet in front of me, trying to figure out what my next step is going to be with her. What’s bothering her is deeper than I thought, and going slow is probably my only saving grace. If I would have rushed it like I wanted and taken what I wanted, she wouldn’t have responded. At least I feel better about that decision. Green was right.

Fuck, though, I need to get in there.

The door to the apartment swings open and Emery steps in. “What’s wrong?”

I lean back into the couch. “Ya know, death, destruction, famine—all of it.” The joke doesn’t come off well, and Emery picks up on it instantly.

She drops her things onto the chair, then sits at the other end of the couch, knee cocked up on it, facing me. “Talk to me.”

I think I’ve done enough talking these past few days with telling Austyn my entire life story. “It’s all good. No worries.”

“Liar. Austyn turned you down, didn’t she?”

Damn woman knows Austyn well.

When I say nothing, she continues. “She’s changed. She doesn’t want me to see it and tries to cover it up, but she can’t, not from me. There’s this darkness, like she’s almost given up on a lot of things in life. I know what JK did to her was terrible, but she has too much spark, and to watch it fizzle and burn out is killing me.”

My chest aches, just as my anger rises.

Emery pats me on the leg. “Know you don’t want my advice, but I’m giving it, anyway. She loves you … has for years. I know you’re giving her time because of what happened, and that’s cool of you and all, but you’re going to need to dig harder. She’s erected walls around her that need to come down. Get the sledgehammer out.”

Her last bit makes me laugh as I lie back on the couch. “Ya know she’s gonna be pissed you talked to me, right?”

She shrugs. “If it pulls her out of whatever the hell this is, I don’t give a shit. It’ll be worth it in the end.”

Emery gets up, and I hear the distinct click of her door.

Fuck this.

At Austyn’s door, I hear her crying, which tears a deep part of me to shreds. Checking the lock, I go to my truck and get my kit. Within seconds, the door swings open.

Austyn pops up from the bed, tearstains all down her cheeks and eyes red rimmed. “What are you doing?”

I kick the door shut and lock it, tossing all my shit down to the floor. Pulling off my shirt and taking off my boots, she watches me the entire time, her breathing hitching from her crying bout.

Her bed creaks as I climb onto it and grab her body, pulling it to mine and pressing her back to my front.

“Ryker, stop!” she protests, but it’s half-heartedly.

I lean into her ear. “Shhh, beautiful. I’ve got you.”

Fresh tears hit her, and her body shakes in my arms.

I fucking hate this shit, but I’m happy I’m here to hold her through it.

It takes a while before her tears dry up and her breathing steadies. I continue to hold her, absorbing it all, taking on her pain and feeling it right along with her. She’s too young and beautiful to be feeling any of this.

Suddenly, she turns in my arms, still in my grasp. “Thank you.”

I lean in and kiss her forehead. “Anytime.” Looking deeply into her eyes, I see her hurt and pain shine through like beacons in the night. Whatever is hurting her is deeper than what happened to her when I found her that day. There’s something else lingering that has gouged at her soul, branding it for life.

There’s a hurt so deep, so life-consuming that my insides feel it, too.

“Talk to me, baby.” I keep my tone calm and soft, not wanting to break this moment, yet wanting so badly for her to confide in me.

She shakes her head as wetness pools inside in her eyes.

“Whatever it is, let me take it on for you.”

Austyn continues to shake her head then burrows into my chest, trying to hide from me. I give her that play because she needs it, and because she’s wrapped in my arms. Her body begins to shake again, and I hold on tightly.

Kissing the top of her head, I tell her, “You’re safe. I got you. No one will touch you again.”

Her breaths hiccup, and then she begins to breathe deeply in and out, her tits pressing against my chest.

“I want it to go away.” It’s so soft I almost don’t hear it. “Just make it go away.”

Rubbing her back, I ask, “What do you want me to make go away?”

Her breath catches. “The dirt.”

“What dirt?”

She clutches my chest. “That covers me.”

I tighten my arms around her as it hits me. She feels dirty from what that asshole did to her. She can’t get it off her. She can’t get clean. That would explain the thirty-minute showers. While I thought she just loved being in the water, Austyn’s been trying to scrape him off her. Fuck.

Not wanting to scare her, I ask, “What do you want me to do?”

After what feels like hours but is probably only minutes, she lifts her head. “You called me beautiful. Did you mean it?”

“Fuck yes.”

She closes her eyes then opens them. “Then make me feel it.”

I cup the side of her face, gently moving my thumb back and forth. If she wants me to show her how beautiful she is, how much I desire her, I have no problems doing so. Keeping myself in check is going to be the most difficult part because taking her the way I want isn’t an option. She’s giving me this, though, and I’ll take it.

I graze my nose along hers, hearing her breaths hitch. Then I touch my lips to hers in a sensual kiss. Austyn gives it back to me, but she’s hesitant and unsure.

Leisurely, I caress her bottom lip with my tongue, and she opens for me. She loosens up and meets me stroke for stroke, digging her nails into my shoulders.

Cupping the back of her neck, I take it deeper, and then it’s as if her brain shuts off. She melts into me, the starchiness in her body completely disappearing as she gives in to it.

She rolls to her back with me hovering over her. I pepper kisses down her neck, moving my hand to the hem of her shirt. As I drag it up, her breathing accelerates, and then it seems as if nerves hit her as she brings her hand to mine, halting my movements.

“Talk to me.”

She exhales, almost like she’s willing herself to go through this.

“Show me.”

She releases my hand.

Looking into her eyes, I feel the go-ahead in them and move my hand up her shirt, feeling her warm skin underneath. Her eyes close, and her hips jolt.

I move the shirt up and up ever so slowly then take it away from her body. She clenches her fists like she wants to wrap her arms around her body and cover herself from me, but she doesn’t. This is my cue.

I begin to explore her body with my lips and mouth. Neck, shoulders, chest, abdomen, arms, and fingers. Her small gasps and groans only make me want to do more, so I do.

Reaching around her back, I unlatch her bra. She gives a slight hesitation as I take it off, but then falls back to the mattress.

Giving her nipples special treatment, I lick, nip, suck, and caress her breasts one at a time until her hips are practically bouncing off the bed.

She threads her fingers through my hair, holding me to her chest and pulling my hair in tune with her thrashings on the bed below me.

“Ryker,” she gasps, saying words for the first time instead of noises. My cock hardens at hearing my name on her lips while she’s like this. It presses painfully against my jeans, but I do my best to ignore it.

I slowly kiss my way down her abdomen to her belly button then her shorts. I pull them and her underwear off gently, which seems to take longer because of her gorgeous long legs. Grazing my hands up those legs, I stare at the wetness between her thighs.

“Ryker?” The uncertainty in her voice has my gaze popping up to hers.

“You’re the most beautiful thing in the world. Let me love you.”

Austyn’s resolve vanishes, a smile playing on her lips that’s sexy as hell.

I lean down and kiss her inner thigh, already smelling her, which ratchets up my arousal and desire for this woman.

For me, sex has always been about getting off. This, though, this is so much more. I feel like I’m giving her what she needs. The urge to drive my cock into her isn’t as strong as I thought it would be. Just pleasuring her seems to be enough. This has to be a first in my book.

Kissing her, I move to her core, rubbing my nose up her pussy and inhaling her scent, memorizing it. With one large lick, her taste explodes on my tongue. I’m ruined. She is absolutely perfect.

Feasting on her pussy, I can’t get enough of her. The more I lick, the more she intoxicates me.

Her hips seem to rotate on their own as she moves her hands to the sheets, gripping them tightly. She’s on the brink.

Inserting two fingers, I rub her internal walls that are hot as hell. Austyn’s back arches off the bed, a shrill cry coming from her lips as she comes hard. So much so her juices flow out of her body.

Watching her come is now my favorite thing to do. I always knew it would be fantastic, but she went above and beyond my expectations. This is Austyn, though. I should have had no doubts.

She wants me to show her she’s beautiful, fine by me.

Attaching my lips to her again, I build her until she explodes a second time.

On the brink of the third, she looks down at me, eyes wild with post-orgasmic lust. “I don’t think I can take more.”

My lips curve against her. “You sure can, beautiful.” I show her again she can take it.

My cock throbs mercilessly, straining to get out and sink deeply into her. The pull to do just that is difficult to shake, but remembering that this isn’t about me, that it’s about her and showing her how beautiful she is, I will him down, though he’s close to coming in my jeans. Fuck, I haven’t done that since I was a teenager.

Austyn’s body sags with exhaustion, telling me that she’s done, at least for now. I spread soft kisses up her body then latch on to her lips where there is zero hesitation this time.

She pulls away, her eyes half-mast. “Thank you.”

“Beautiful, any time you want it, you can have it.” I kiss her lips once more then pull her head to my chest.

Her breaths even out, and she falls asleep across me. That has to have been the best non-intercourse encounter I’ve ever had. Hell, it might just be the only one. But fuck me, it was beautiful.

Once I know she’s asleep, I ease out from under her, leave the room, and shower. I lather the soap, grip my cock, and remember her taste. It only takes moments before I’m exploding down the drain. The release is empty like many of the others I’ve had, but I know once I’m inside Austyn, it won’t be. Nothing will ever be the same again.

Drying off, I climb back into bed with Austyn, curl her up against me, and fall asleep.

* * *

Movement wakes me. Austyn is trying to slip out from under me. I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her back to the bed.

“Morning, beautiful. Where’re you runnin’ off to?” I kiss her ear.

The tenseness is back in her body, and I hate it.

“To get dressed.” She tugs at my arms, but I pull her back flat on the bed and look down at her. Worry lines appear around her eyes, and a hint of panic is inside them.

I kiss her softly on the lips. “I got you, Austyn. Promise you that.”

She heaves out a breath. “This can’t happen, Ryker. I’m sorry I asked you to do that last night. I shouldn’t have.”

“That was my pleasure, beautiful. And yes, it will happen … repeatedly.” As I move closer, her eyes dilate and her breathing comes quicker, telling me she’s turned on just as much as I am.

Her head falls to my shoulder, and her body relaxes. “I just can’t, Ryker.”

“Tell me why.” I keep my tone calm for her, not wanting to scare her away. It’s like she’s a rabbit. One little noise is going to make her burst out in a run. That isn’t an option.

“You don’t want to be with me.”

Leaning back, I lift her chin with my finger until she makes eye contact with me. “You let me be the judge of that.”

She shakes her head. “You don’t understand.”

“I understand you think you’re dirty. That you don’t deserve to be happy. Beautiful, I’m here to tell you that shit just isn’t true.”

She tries to move away, but I hold her steady. “You don’t get it.”

“I get that I’ll spend the rest of my fuckin’ life showin’ you how beautiful you are every damn day.”

She gasps then begins to thrash in my arms. “Let me go!” she screeches, and I do, only for her to jump out of bed and throw on her T-shirt, covering her sexy body. “This can’t happen, Ryker. It can’t. Not again.”

Austyn storms out of the bedroom, shutting the door behind her. I hear the shower turn on and know it’s going to be thirty minutes before she comes out. Fuck.

* * *

My cell rings as I sit on the couch. Austyn still hasn’t come out of her room, and it’s been over three hours. I look at the ID. Cooper Calling.

“Yeah?”

“Clubhouse, now.” He disconnects. Fuck, they must have something.

I move to Austyn’s door and knock. She doesn’t answer. I turn the handle, noting it’s locked.

“Austyn, we’re going to the clubhouse. Need you out here.”

The door swings open moments later, and the shield I’ve come to recognize is over her. Those walls are back up, strong and secure.

Not giving one fuck, I sweep her in my arms and kiss her hard. After last night, she’s not doing this shit. I’ll do whatever I have to do to keep them down.

When she relaxes into my kiss, it’s then I break away. I grab her hand and pull her out of the place. She must be out of it a bit because she doesn’t hesitate.

The clubhouse is hopping with the guys, their ol’ ladies, and a bunch of kids.

I lean into Austyn’s ear. “Be back. Do not fuckin’ leave.”

I swear I can hear her rolling her eyes, although that’s not possible, as I walk away and into the clubhouse church room where the brothers are sitting around the large table.

“You notice Deke’s here. He’s family, and that’s the end of it,” Cruz declares.

This turn of events is a bit shocking, considering prospects normally don’t come into the church room, but whatever Cruz says goes.

I lift my chin to Deke, then focus on Cruz.

“How’s my girl?” Cruz asks from his spot at the head of the table, his sole focus on me.

Leaning back in my chair, I answer, “Not good, brother.”

Silence comes over the room, everyone giving me their attention. Better to get this shit out there now than let it hover.

“Something’s goin’ on with her that’s deeper than what happened with JK. I haven’t figured it out yet, but I see it in her eyes.”

When Deke rubs his hand over his face, my focus goes to him.

“You know somethin’?”

He stares at me, telling me without words that there is, but shakes his head.

“Fuckin’ tell me!” I order, slamming my hand down on the table. “I can’t help her if I don’t know.”

“It’s not mine to tell.”

“We’ll discuss this later,” Cruz demands, looking at both of us. “You two stay, and we’ll deal with this shit. Right now, we have bigger shit that’s going to interest you, Ryker.” This catches my attention.

“I want JK done, and now.”

“Don’t we all,” I grumble. That fucker needs to pay for putting his hands on Austyn. He needs to hurt for touching what’s mine.

Cruz nods at Buzz, who looks at me. “Your girl hacked the computers. She’s got all the information we have on JK, and she made all his money evaporate.” He gives a soft smile, then on a shrug, says, “She did learn from the best.”

My hands go into my hair, giving it a tug as this all computes in my head. All eyes come to me.

“I didn’t know shit about it.” If I would have, I’d have had her ass.

“Why do you think she’d risk getting caught to get this information?” Cruz asks, though he already knows the answer, just like I do.

“She’s going after him. That’s why she didn’t want a bodyguard. She can’t go out and do what she needs to do with me tagging along.” And that’s why she goes to her bedroom early every night. She’s probably on that computer of hers, trying to track him down. Fucking hell.

“She’s tenacious, but I expect nothing less from my girl.” Cruz folds his hands behind his head and leans back. I try to get a read on him, but it’s coming up twisted. Part of him is proud of her. Another part is pissed she hacked into the system. And another is seriously concerned.

“What’s the score?” I ask, waiting for the bomb to drop.

Cruz looks around, then at me. “You’re on her. She doesn’t go anywhere, including sneaking out at night, without you knowing about it. Buzz tapped into her computer, so we know what she’s doing. I get why she needs to do this, but she will have us at her back. This fucker will go down.”

“Right.” It’s my turn to lean back in my chair. She just earned herself every night with me in her bed, on alert. I don’t give a shit what has to be done, no one will touch her again.

“Everyone good with this?” Cruz looks around and gets nods, which surprises the shit out of me. Not even Dagger, who’s known for his smart-ass remarks, has anything to say. “Good. Everyone out but Deke and Ryker.”

“Dad?” Cooper asks, rising from next to Cruz.

Cruz shakes his head. “Nope. Out.”

Cooper reluctantly goes, the door clicking shut behind him.

Deke sits on the opposite side of the table from me with his arms crossed over his chest, obviously not wanting to tell me what the hell is going on with my girl. Yes, my girl.

“Brother, you need to tell us what the hell is going on,” Cruz says. “This is a club issue now, and we need to know this shit going forward. You don’t want everyone to know, fine; that’s why I had them leave. But us right here, we need to know.”

“Can’t,” he responds without hesitation. “Made a promise before I became part of Ravage. Can’t go back on it.”

“If I knew something about Riley that was tearing her up from the inside out, that was making her feel dirty and unworthy of any kind of affection, wouldn’t you want to know, Deke? Wouldn’t you move hell or high water to get the information?”

His jaw ticks slightly. “Yep.”

I slam my hand on the table. “Then fuckin’ help me!”

“I tell you, she’ll never talk to me again. She’ll wipe me clean from her.”

“And what, her living in pain and cryin’ all the time is better than her bein’ pissed at you? Seriously, man?” Keeping my anger tapped down is becoming harder and harder. The man can fight. I’ve seen him in action, but fuck, I want to punch the living hell out of him.

“No, it’s not, but this shit isn’t easy. I don’t go spreadin’ people’s shit around everywhere.”

“Deke,” Cruz interrupts. “This is important. We need to know what’s eatin’ at my little girl. She’s not right, and if you can help, we need you to.”

“Is this an order?” Deke asks, knowing Cruz can say it and it’ll be.

“Do I need to make it one?” Cruz challenges.

Deke contemplates, looking back and forth between us. Coming to a decision, he says, “Bring her in here.”

I’m taken aback by his statement, and from the look on Cruz’s face, he is too.

“I’m not spillin’ her shit. Bring her in here. She’ll tell ya if she knows I have to talk,” he responds.

“No one comes in here, Deke,” Cruz reminds him. This is church. No one comes in church except patched and prospecting members.

“You want to know, make the exception.” Deke doesn’t back down from the club president. “Wasn’t the man I needed to be for Ravage for a long fuckin’ time. Learned shit, lived shit, and fuckin’ ate shit. This is not my shit to tell. You bring her in, she knows I didn’t break my word, but my hands are tied. She’ll do what needs to be done.”

Cruz looks at me, and I nod. She’ll be pissed, but I’m at the point I don’t give a fuck.

“Deke, go get her.”

He nods once then leaves the room.

I rub my hands over my face. “This is going to go bad.”

“Yep, but we’ll have some answers.”

“Right.” I just hope she’ll get through this.

I want to beat the answers out of Deke to spare Austyn any pain. I also want to shake the man’s hand for being so bold and standing behind my woman when she felt she had nowhere else to turn. He’s an honorable fucking man, even if he pisses me off.

That was my mistake. One that won’t happen again. I’ll always be the person for Austyn to turn to from now, until my very last fucking breath.