I didn’t think a human could cry so many tears. There should be no more water inside my body, considering it’s all over Ryker and the bed below us.

His warmth surrounds me, allowing me to feel safe and protected. This man, whom I’ve loved for so damn long, sees past all the shit I just laid out on him and told me he was all in.

That’s all I have. There are no more secrets. There is no more holding back. It’s all released and floating off my shoulders into thin air. He knows the secrets I’ve been trying to hold close to me, and even though he’s heard it, he still wants to be with me.

Maybe he’s right and I’m not as dirty as I thought. Or, is this just a Band-Aid covering up the grime? I wish I knew the answer.

There is nothing now holding me back from loving Ryker the way he deserves. There is nothing restricting how I act or feel toward him. There is nothing but him and me, and that’s all that matters. I feel it in my soul. He is my soul; has been for years. He’s just confirmed I’m his.

My mother always told me that when the one came, it would hit me hard and fast. What she didn’t tell me is the journey I’d have to go on to find my happiness. After all this clears and the pain of it all dissipates, I hope my happiness with Ryker will be staring me in the face.

I have a feeling it will.

“Do you want the club to know?” Ryker breaks the peaceful silence, knocking the wind out of me.

My body trembles as the panic sets in. “I …”

I feel Ryker’s fingertips under my chin. He lifts it so our gazes connect. “You don’t want to, that’s fine. My lips are sealed until my dyin’ breath. But beautiful, you get this all out in the open, there’s nothin’ holdin’ you back. There’s no question if anyone ever finds out later in life and it blows up, openin’ old wounds. It’s done and over with, and you can move past it all.”

More fucking tears. Everything inside me coils up like a spring ready to snap at any given moment. I rub my feet together rhythmically, wanting to get up and walk, while I fight the urge to stick my thumb in my mouth.

He’s right in some ways, but wrong in others. The weight that lifted when Ryker accepted me for who I am is priceless. On the other hand, people may see me as the dirty girl I thought myself to be for so long. The pity will come back, and I don’t know if I can deal with that.

He’s also right that, if everyone knows, then nothing can be held over my head later in life. The Ravage MC have enemies, and there will always be that little inkling that it will open wide once again at any moment.

“I don’t know what to do,” I tell him honestly. Both ways have their positives.

“Listen to your gut, beautiful. Ravage is your family, and you know we protect our own. Will it be a shock? Fuck yeah. Will people be pissed as hell? Fuck yeah. Will people want to kill that fucker again for what he did to you? Fuck yeah to that, too. Will they look down on you or think less of you? Fuck no. They will not see any dirt on you. They will only be there to hold you up.”

Fear grips me in its hold, threatening to suck the life out of me. This is so much for one person to handle.

I remember how blindsided I felt when Deke pulled me into the room with my father and Ryker, like a two-by-four slammed into my head. It wasn’t on my terms. It was on theirs. I can’t have that again. It needs to be on mine so I’m not smacked again with this years down the road.

I don’t know if anyone will ever find out, but I also thought I could keep my pregnancy a secret and that blew up in my face.

The thing is, as much as I don’t want to stand in front of my family and tell them, I have to be the one to do it. Strength isn’t measured in how much you can bench press. It’s measured in your actions. This will be my action. The last one for this, and then it will all be closed. I can shut the door on this part of my life and move on.

It won’t be easy, but life isn’t meant to be easy. It’s meant to challenge you and guide you. Shitty things happen to people, but it’s how you overcome them and stand on your own two feet that matters in the end.

“Okay. I want this over with.”

Ryker pulls me to his lips. The touch is light but reassuring. “Then we move on from this. You and me.”

“Yeah.”

* * *

Initially, I wanted to do this at my mother’s house, thinking it would be more intimate and warm. After thinking about it long and hard, though, I didn’t want to taint my parents’ home with it. Therefore, Ryker set it up for everyone to be at the clubhouse.

Laughter rings out through the room with bottles tapping on tables. My mother isn’t doing any of that. Her gaze is completely on me, reaching into my brain and pulling out whatever it is she wants to know. Weird how moms can do that.

The children are all downstairs, and I bet if Mazie got her way, they are watching that pirate movie again.

Ryker’s arm is around my waist as I drum up the courage to speak. Sweat breaks out over my skin, and I thank God I put on extra deodorant today. Butterflies swarm in my belly, and bile threatens to escape my mouth. My thumb goes to said mouth as I begin to chew.

A hand comes up, and Ryker pulls my thumb away from my mouth. He clasps his hand with mine, intertwining our fingers. “Ready?”

I shake my head, and as I do, my mother becomes alert, even more so than before.

“Yes, you are. Let’s do this and be done.”

Letting out a deep breath, I squeeze his hand. “Okay.”

Ryker lets out a piercing whistle, catching everyone’s attention. The room quiets.

“Austyn has something she wants to tell ya. Not a fuckin’ word from anyone,” Ryker warns, causing a smile to tip my lips. Damn, I love this man.

As all eyes fall on me, my pulse picks up, my heart threatening to jump from my chest and run a marathon.

Ryker pulls me into his side and kisses the top of my head reassuringly.

Letting out a deep breath, I begin, “You all know I was pregnant.” My eyes veer over to Deke, who has Riley sitting next to him, holding her hand, with Emery on his other. His focus is on me.

Emery gives me a small smile. The bandages on her arm and neck freeze me in place for a moment. It pisses me off that he touched her, but it could’ve been a lot worse. I’m thankful it wasn’t.

Sucking in a deep breath, I focus.

“I’m just going to blurt this out and get it done with. JK was the father of the baby.”

Gasps and wide eyes are seen throughout the room, making my stomach twist into a knot.

I hurry and continue, “He drugged me outside of Club Cam’s and took me to a place—I don’t know where. He and his three friends took turns with … me.”

The sound of several chairs screeching across the floor then falling with loud clashes get me to open my eyes that I didn’t realize I’d closed. My father, Deke, Cooper, and Nox are all up on their feet, their focus solely on me, fury radiating off them like no other.

“It’s done. He’s dead. But … Ryker and I talked about it and thought it was best for everyone to know. I didn’t tell you to be pissed off, but I wanted you to know so this will never come up again. I want this laid to rest and in the past. I don’t want anyone talking about it or feeling sorry for me in any way. I don’t need pity. I just want everyone to know so it will never get held over me or any of you in the future.”

Letting out a deep breath, Ryker pulls me to his side, kissing my temple.

“You fuckin’ shittin’ me!” This, surprisingly, comes from Deke. “This is because of me. All this fuckin’ shit!” he yells, flipping the table in front of him as Rylie screams out.

Only then do I break away from Ryker and walk up to Deke. Ryker tries to pull me back, noting the blazing red fury coming from Deke, but I know he’d never hurt me.

Deke heaves in and out, his fists clenched at his sides. His intense gaze hits me like a brand, but that doesn’t stop me from talking.

“He didn’t know who I was until after it was all over.” Deke’s nostrils flare. “He only found out because he looked through my purse and found my driver’s license. You had nothing to do with this, Deke. It was the wrong place, wrong time.”

“You lyin’ to make me calm down?”

I shake my head vehemently. “I lied to you once and vowed I’d never do it again, Deke. It’s the truth.”

Deke reaches out and pulls me to his chest, wrapping me up. “I’m so fuckin’ sorry,” he says in my ear.

“Not your fault, Deke.”

He squeezes me tighter, and that’s how I spend the afternoon.

All wrapped up in my family.