Chapter Sixteen

Caroline awoke suddenly from a dream and felt empty inside. She turned to find that she was in the arms of her husband, Mike. She had been having the same dream about Joshua for weeks, and she needed it to end. It was driving her nuts. Dreaming about Joshua made her feel more alone than ever. She hated it, in fact. It was the last thing that she wanted to do, and she didn’t understand why she kept having the same dream over and over again. It was a little humiliating to say the least.

Caroline and Mike had been married now for almost six months. She had expected their marital bliss to last so much longer; after all, why wouldn’t it? But things had not been going well between them, and she wasn’t sure what to do about it. Caroline couldn’t figure out why things were falling apart for them, but it happened rather quickly. Too quickly. Then the dreams started occurring, and she had to believe it was because her happiness was disappearing. It just made her wonder if she had really made the right decision all those months ago. Maybe she should have chosen Joshua and believed in the spark that they had. She just hadn’t expected her marriage to start falling apart so soon, or ever for that matter. She had every reason to believe that they were a good match, and they loved each other, so what was happening to them?

Caroline and Mike had been happy, blissfully so for awhile, which was why things were so confusing to her. After the wedding, they had gone on their honeymoon and had the time of their lives. It had been one adventure after another, and she loved every moment she had spent with him. Upon their return, they had made arrangements for Caroline to move into his studio apartment, and things were official. They quickly fell into a routine together, and she couldn’t have been happier about it.

At first, it had been a little bittersweet for her to leave her own apartment; there were so many memories. Not to mention it was the first real thing she had of her own, and that she had acquired on her own. Selling it was not only a sign of a fresh start for her future but also an end of an era, and that’s what made her sad. She was so used to being on her own, happily independent, and now things were just different.

Despite having to sell her apartment and move in with Mike, she had been ecstatic about the future. Who knew what was in store for them? His business was doing well, and they were newlyweds. Although she had moved into his studio apartment, they weren’t planning on staying there. She had always wanted a home of her own, a house to raise a family in. Once they returned, they had started to make arrangements to find the home of their dreams. Mike hired a real estate agent, and the hunt was on. It didn’t take long at all before they had found a great place in the country. It was quite the grand colonial structure, the kind of home she had always dreamed of living in. It even came with a guest house in the back so people could come, stay with them and have their own privacy. There was a lot of acres to the property, and the backyard was built for entertaining guests. The best part of the home was the studio inside that she could use for her designs. There would be times that she wouldn’t have to drive into the city—she could just work from home. She could create without distraction and have her designs come to life in the comfort of her own home.

Caroline laid in bed thinking about when they had moved into their home and how happy they had been together. She felt sad thinking that she may have made a huge mistake. After they moved into the house, they were blissfully in love for about a month before things started to change between them. She shook her head as she thought about it. Just a month. Maybe she had been a fool, after all, to get married so quickly, without any thought to how well they really knew each other. Yes, they fell in love quickly, but would that love last a lifetime? She was no longer sure of that.

Caroline wasn’t sure exactly when the change had suddenly occurred. Just one day things were different, it was a little bizarre. It wasn’t as if they had a huge fight, nothing major even happened, things were just different for them.

When she had married Mike, she didn’t question her love for him or the fact that he had made her very happy. She had wanted to marry him. He was the perfect man if there was such a thing. He was attentive and kind and bent over backward for her. She couldn’t dispute the fact that he treated her like a goddess, which was really nice. She never felt scared around him; in fact, he always made her feel safe. Not only that, but they had a fulfilling sex life, so things between them certainly had been off to a good start.

They had a good union, and although it wasn’t that crazy feeling she used to get with Joshua, it was built of something good and pure. It was enough for her; she could have done that her whole life. Yes, life had been pretty spectacular for awhile. So why had Mike gone and ruined everything between them? It sickened her just thinking about it. At that point, she wasn’t even sure what to do about it.

Things had changed so much between her and Mike over the past few months that she found her mind drifting back to Joshua and what might have been. She knew it was wrong, and that she should be focusing on Mike, but he was really making it hard for her to do so. Mike had changed; she couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but there was definitely something off about him. In fact, there were times where she barely recognized the man she had married, and that scared her more than anything. It was too soon for them to be having these kinds of problems in their marriage. Wasn’t the honeymoon stage supposed to last a whole year? Mike clearly hadn’t got that memo because things between them started to change almost immediately. It made her wonder if Joshua had been right when he told her Mike was just trying to lock her down so he didn’t lose her. Could that have been possible? She didn’t even want to think about anything like that, and yet Mike had changed drastically since they married. Had it all been an act? Again, she couldn’t be sure because she couldn’t pinpoint when the changes had occurred, which made the situation all the more frightening. How could she have been so wrong about someone that she loved so much? Her judgment was rarely poor when it came to meeting new people. In fact, it was usually on point. There wasn’t a time that she dated someone that she wasn’t sure of from the beginning. Yet, she managed to marry a man that she was beginning to believe she didn’t know at all.

Then there was Joshua, the man she had always loved. She had turned her back on him because he had seemed such a flake at the time. He couldn’t seem to make a decision about them, and it had driven her insane. If only he had come to her long before and expressed his love. Things may have been different. Or maybe it was her fault all along for not accepting his love when he finally did give it to her. She was so torn up inside wondering where she had gone wrong and whether or not she had chosen the wrong man.

Things had gone sour between Mike and Caroline, and she wasn’t sure that it could be reversed. They had a perfect marriage together for about a month. They had gone to all sorts of lavish parties and events, giving off the impression that they were the perfect couple, and they were. Or, at least, she had thought so. Mike often had to make appearances at football games, and she had reveled in the excitement and energy of those games. It had been thrilling to see his life, how his job worked. Together they had made one hell of a great team. Then one day out of the blue, everything just changed.

Mike started asking her questions about Joshua; at first, it had taken her off guard, and then it became worrisome. The questions made him angry, and the answers rarely satisfied him. He wanted to know everything about their relationship, even though she had insisted to him that none of it mattered any longer. Mike wanted to know why they had ended their relationship and how long they had been together. He even wanted to know how many times they had sex together. She had scoffed at those questions, but it only made him believe she was trying to hide things from him. She couldn’t understand his obsession with one of her past lovers; it all seemed to just come out of nowhere.

When the questions became too personal, she refused to answer them, which would set him off completely. Caroline insisted that her past with Joshua shouldn’t matter to him, and that he was obsessing over it for nothing. Mike was sure that Caroline was still hung up on her ex, even though she had not seen or heard from Joshua since he had shown up at her apartment the night before the wedding. It was madness, and his accusations were starting to eat away at their relationship.

Caroline had begged Mike to drop it all and allow them to be happy without worrying about the past, but he just couldn’t seem to let it go. There would be times when he never spoke of it, and she thought he finally let it go, but then it would creep back in and then next thing she knew he would be asking her questions all over again. The process had become exhausting for her. His insecurities over Joshua were destroying their marriage.

The badgering from Mike became so hostile that she started canceling event invitations and avoiding galas altogether. She worried that on one of those occasions she would end up running into Joshua while she was with Mike, and there would be a scene. She couldn’t even think of anything more embarrassing, and she wanted to avoid it at all costs. She had seen Joshua a few times on the news in the past few months, and his philanthropy crusades were well-known in the city. There would be a good chance of running into him if she went to an event. Seeing Joshua on the news made Caroline wonder if Mike had seen him around as well. Maybe the fact that Joshua was so visible in the news sparked Mike’s curiosity on the subject. It was obvious, however, that her husband didn’t trust her one bit, and that was something she had a hard time living with.

In the end, she had been completely honest with Mike about the relationship she had with Joshua in the hopes that he would finally be able to let it go. She just wanted them to be happy and had hoped that once he knew everything he would come back to her in the way that he used to. Unfortunately, as she had suspected before, it only made the situation worse. Caroline had been trying ever since to make him happy and to forget that there was ever another man. It wasn’t like she had cheated on him, so she felt his anger towards the situation was completely unwarranted.

Caroline was waiting for Mike to return home from work. She had some exciting news to share with him and hoped that it would change everything between them. All she wanted was to get her marriage back on track and have the love of her life back. If things didn’t change soon, they would be finished; she couldn’t live that way. She hadn’t done anything wrong and yet she felt like she was being punished for something.

Caroline was in the kitchen whipping up some salmon with a salad for dinner when Mike came through the door from work. He stepped into the kitchen and smiled warmly when he saw her. It made Caroline feel like maybe things were going to be okay. She always loved his smile, especially when it was directed at her. It looked like they might have a good night after all.

“Caroline, you look ravishing. How was your day my dear?”

She smiled as he came around the kitchen island to kiss her on the lips. “My day was wonderful, thank you. Things are going well in the studio. My new designs are almost ready to showcase, and I was able to get home on time to make my special man a delicious dinner.”

He chuckled. “It smells terrific.”

He handed her a box, and she looked down at it confused. “What is it?”

“It’s me telling you that I’m sorry. I don’t want to lose you Caroline, and I’ve been a fool lately.”

“Mike, you know I love you. I just want things to go back to the way they were. I miss how things were.”

“I know. I’ve just been upset with your involvement with Joshua. I thought maybe you wanted him more than me, that you regretted marrying me. I’m worried that you are going to leave me and go back to him. I realized, though, that it would be my own behavior that caused that. I haven’t been very nice to you lately.”

Tears started to stream down Caroline’s face. It had been what she had been hoping for all that time.

“Oh, Caroline, I’m sorry. Please don’t cry. This is all my fault. I’m the one that pushed you away, and I just hope that I can fix things now.”

Caroline looked back down at the book and opened it to find a diamond bracelet inside. He wrapped her in his arms and held her tight. They parted for a kiss, and she hoped that this would be a new beginning for them.

“I also have some good news to share with you.”

“Oh? And what’s that?” He smiled at her with curiosity sparkling in his eyes.

She took a deep breath and said, “I’m pregnant.”

Shock marked his face. Caroline almost laughed at the sight of it. He definitely didn’t expect that one. He started to laugh along with her. “Wow, you definitely did catch me by surprise with that one.”

She hurriedly asked, “But it’s okay right? You’re happy?”

“Of course I am sweetheart. I just didn’t expect it that’s all. This is wonderful news.”

“I love you Mike; everything is going to work out just fine.”

“I love you too, Caroline.”

He pulled her in for another hug, and Caroline finally felt safe there again.