Chapter 8

Kristina

“Tomorrow can you call Mr. Stanley back and get him signed up for the newsletter?” I asked as September stood in the doorway to my office.

“Why? I thought you had that all set up,” September asked.

“I know, but I have a conflicting phone call. I’d really appreciate if you took this one. He seemed open to talking to us as long as we don’t ask for money. So just tell him about our programs and get him signed up for the newsletter. That’s it. He’s going to be a long haul kind of guy, and we don’t want to scare him off upfront.”

“I think I can handle it.”

There was no possible way I could call and talk to Merrick about Girls Tech; I hadn’t told him we had already talked. I had pretty much avoided all conversations about my work and kept it a secret that I really did want him to donate. I was sick to my stomach with worry that he was going to find out that I was lying to him.

My pulse hadn’t stopped racing since I left Merrick’s house. I wasn’t in the habit of lying to people, but I knew I recognized his assistant from somewhere, and after returning home, I remembered she had attended a charity event at Girls Tech about a year before. I didn’t remember seeing Merrick there, and I was sure I would have made a note if I had known who his assistant was. I had no idea why she had come to the event or if she recognized me at all, but since Saturday morning, I had been terrified that Merrick was going to find out.

There really wasn’t anything horrible going on, and I knew that, but I also knew that from the outside it could appear that I was being manipulative. It could appear that I had lied for the sole purpose of tricking Merrick, and that was not at all what was happening. Although I wasn’t sure my choice to keep our original phone conversation a secret had been the best one, it was over now, and I couldn’t go back. I couldn’t go to the first conversation in the ice bar and bring it up; it was too late now.

“Are you alright Kristina? You don’t look like you’re feeling well,” September asked.

“I’m okay. I’m just worried about all this fundraising we need to do. How are the plans coming for the big gala event?”

“Slowly. We just don’t have enough time.”

“I know. I’ll talk to the others and see if anyone can give us an hour or so of their time. I’ve got a bad feeling about all of this; we should probably start brushing up our resumes. You know Maxine doesn’t even seem like she wants to keep running this organization. She hardly puts any time into it.”

“Yeah, I think so too.”

I let September go back to her desk while I tried to concentrate on my plan to bring in more donations. It seemed almost useless to even try, but that wasn’t my personality. I was going to put everything I had into this organization and try to get our fundraising numbers up. Even if we didn’t meet our goal of ten million dollars, perhaps we would raise enough that I could at least keep my job.

I made a list of all the big organizations that had tech friend hiring practices and were near our offices. It wasn’t going to be possible to make the kind of connections I needed to make just over the phone. I was going to have to get my face out there and interact with the men and women who could write the checks.

My phone rang and practically scared me right out of my seat. I had kept my ringer on because I was expecting a call from Beth, but instead, I was getting a call from Patty.

“Hi Patty, how are you?” I asked as I sat straight up in my chair as if she could see my posture through the telephone.

“I’m doing well. I just wanted to check in with you and how your date went with Merrick?”

“It was a very nice evening. I really like him a lot.”

“Did you two hit it off?”

I paused as I contemplated lying to her and not telling her how well we hit it off. But there were just too many lies going on in my life, and this wasn’t going to be another one. I had no choice but to be honest with her and deal with the consequences.

“Yes, very well. I did end up staying over. We have plans for a couple more dates this week, and I’m feeling very optimistic.”

“So you slept with him?”

“Yes,” I reluctantly replied and braced myself for the possible anger that Patty was going to have.

“I know my rules seem antiquated and hard to understand, but they really are for your best interest. Even when you are getting along well with someone, it’s not possible to know them very well after one evening. By waiting, you give yourself the time to really know if this guy is someone you’d like to continue seeing.”

“I understand, and I’m sorry if you think we have broken the rules. I do feel like we are both committed to being exclusive to one another, though, and I took that to be the primary purpose of your rule. Neither of us will be dating other people.”

“Fair enough. I trust that you two can continue to get to know each other within the relationship you’ve established. Merrick also told me he intended to be exclusive to you, so I think you two might have something special going here.”

“He said that?” I asked eagerly as I leaned forward in my chair and almost slipped right onto the floor.

“Yes.” She laughed. “I think my job is done for now. The two of you should keep me updated, though. I always like to know when a match is successful in the long run.”

“Oh, thanks we will!”

As Patty hung up, I couldn’t stop smiling. Knowing that Merrick had told her the same thing about not dating others was just fabulous. My fingers started tapping on the table as I looked at my computer monitor but didn’t do any actual work. It was funny how something so little could have such an effect on how I felt. My anxiety was calmed, at least for the moment, and I started to focus back on the job I had in front of me.

One company who sent out our flyer to their employees had raised a little over $100,000 dollars. It wasn’t even that large a company, but the employees contributed, and some of them had even paid for scholarships for girls to complete classes. If I could get 100 companies to contribute in a similar manner, I’d hit my goal. Or maybe 50 companies plus our big fundraiser event. It wasn’t going to be easy, but the light was there now that my mind had shifted into a more positive frame point.

***

When Tuesday came around, I watched the clock eagerly as I knew September would be calling Merrick and asking him to sign up for our newsletter. Would he figure out who I was? Would he balk at September calling him instead of me? I had to know what was happening, so I walked down to September’s desk and stood nearby as she made her call.

“Yes, I’m sorry, she wasn’t available. I’d love to talk to you about signing up for our newsletter, though. We are helping women and young girls from around the country have better access to technology education.”

There was a pause as September listened to Merrick. I wished I could have heard what he was saying on the other end of the call, but from the expression on September’s face, it didn’t look like he was saying anything very nice to her.

“Yes, sir. I understand, but if you could take a moment to talk to me, I could answer any questions you might have.” She looked at me and pointed to the phone, but I shook my head no. I just couldn’t take the call. “Mr. Stanley, I know your time is important. It couldn’t be avoided.”

This didn’t sound like it was going well at all, and I had a guess at what might have happened. Merrick felt slighted by me not calling him. The me, as in the woman who had arranged the conversation with him, Miss. Masters. I didn’t blame him; I would have felt the same way, although I would have to talk to whoever had been assigned to take the call with me.

“Yes, sir. Thank you for your time,” September said glumly as she hung up the phone. “He was not nice at all. Why did you have me call him instead of you? He was really pissed off that you didn’t call him. Said it was unprofessional.”

“Thank you for making the call, September. I appreciate it,” I said as I walked away without answering her questions.

My stomach churned, and I felt sweat building up on my temples as I ran back to my office. We could have had his commitment to our program if I hadn’t confused everything and ruined the in I had with him. Now everything was tainted with lies, and I was swimming in guilt that I couldn’t wash away by one quick moment of knowing he liked me. Now, knowing he liked me felt like a burden rather than a gift. How was I ever going to get out of this?

MERRICK: Can we talk?

I looked at the text message on my phone and fell into my chair as I swallowed hard. What did he want to talk about? He must have figured out what was going on? If this were what it was like to be a liar, I really would never be good at it. I could hardly breathe as I looked at the phone and tried to analyze if he did or did not know what was going on with me.

Should I respond to him right away or wait and pretend like I was busy? It was probably best to get things over with as soon as possible if he knew I had lied to him. I didn’t want to start having real feelings for him then have everything come out. I held my breath and sent a reply.

KRISTINA: Sure, call anytime.

I had barely finished typing the message and sending it to him when Merrick’s name showed up on the caller ID of my phone. He must really want to talk to me; this was it—it was all over. I tried to think of how I could possibly explain the lie I had told. How was I going to explain that I hadn’t done it maliciously?

“Can I ask you a business question?” Merrick said right away.

“Sure.”

“If a big fundraising person set up an appointment with an executive and then sent an employee to that meeting, that’s unprofessional, right?”

“Um … well … I …”

“My time is valuable, and I agreed to talk with this woman from a charity, and just now she had her assistant call me instead of her. What a slap in the face that was. I went out of my way to make time for her because I do believe in her charity, but she couldn’t be bothered to call me. It seemed a little rude to me.”

“Maybe something came up; it wasn’t like she lied to you. Right? She sent someone from her organization,” I said as I continued the lie.

This was the moment. I needed to just tell him that it was me and deal with the consequences. I couldn’t keep the lie going any longer. It was getting too messy. I was confident that I had not done anything wrong; now all I needed to do was muster the energy to tell him what had happened.

Maybe he would even think it was a little funny. It was a strange coincidence. What could the odds be that I’d have talked to Merrick the same day that Patty set the two of us? If you thought about it, the odds had to have been astronomical, and maybe it just furthered the idea that we were meant to be together. Perhaps when I told Merrick, he would laugh and think we were even more right for each other than we already felt like we were.

“It doesn’t matter. The truth is the truth, and if someone doesn’t say it right up front, then I don’t want to hear it at all. She said she would call, and there was no reason given except that she was unavailable.”

“I’m sure there is a decent explanation.”

“I’m sorry for burdening you with this. It just annoyed me. How is your day?” Merrick said as he changed the subject.

I fought with myself to just blurt out what had happened, but as the conversation topic changed, I felt my willpower diminishing with it.

“Um, it’s going okay.”

“Are we still on for tonight?”

I had to tell him. Right then and there, I had to say something. If I had him on the phone and didn’t admit to what was going on, there was no way I could ever continue seeing him. He might not even want to continue seeing me after I told him, but there was still a slight chance he would think it was a humorous coincidence.

“Actually, there is something I need to tell …”

“Right, I’ll be right there. Just tell them I’m on my way, Wendy,” Merrick said as his hand slightly muffled the phone. “Sorry, Kristina, I’m going to have to go for now. I’ll pick you up tonight at six. Okay?”

I was stunned into silence. Just as I had gathered up the strength to tell him, he had to go. I had to say it right then and there, or I was going to lose my nerve.

“Yes, but I um …”

“Okay, we can talk more tonight. Have a great day,” Merrick said before hanging up.

There was no way out of it now; I was going to have to go on our date and no matter how hard it was, I was going to tell him everything. The longer I let things go by without saying something, the more it looked like I was purposefully lying. Which technically I was purposefully lying, but not out of malicious intent, only out of a desire to keep getting to know him.

As six o’clock approached, I felt my stomach churn with nervousness. Merrick was coming over to take me on a romantic date, and I was going to tell him all the lying I had done. It didn’t matter how unintentional it was at this point; it had been days since our first phone call and hours since he had been called by September instead of me. I wasn’t looking forward to this evening at all.

“Come on up,” I said as I pressed the buzzer to let Merrick in.

I took a deep breath and shook my arms a little to calm my nerves before opening the door and letting Merrick in. This was it; I had my nerve up. I knew exactly what I was going to say; I was going to tell him about our conversation before we had been matched up.

“Well now, you look beautiful,” he said as his blue eyes fixated on mine. “I swear you’re even more beautiful every time I see you.”

I melted when I was around him. His dark blue suit fit him like it had been tailored exactly to his measurements, which it probably had. His lips were plump and looked so kissable that I had barely been able to keep myself from flinging my arms around him. All the things I wanted to say flew out the window as his hands touched mine, and he came into my apartment. All the power and nerve I had saved up just disappeared when he looked at me so flatteringly. I didn’t want to let go of that beautiful look in his eyes. I couldn’t risk him thinking less of me, and I stayed silent.

“You have grocery bags,” I said.

“Yep, I think you deserve a nice home cooked meal tonight, and I’m just the man to cook it for you. I’ve got a nice bottle of wine and all the ingredients I need. Why don’t you pull a seat up to the counter here, and we can talk while I cook.”

“A man who can cook. Hmm, I think that should have been an upfront selling point on your profile.”

Merrick was feeding into every fantasy I’d ever had in a man. He had willingly arrived with food to cook for me. What kind of man actually still did that? I hadn’t experienced a guy like that yet. It was sad, but it was true.

My previous dating life was pretty sad all around. I could hardly remember any of the guys I had dated. They were all a blur, mediocrity and sadness. I knew that no matter what happened between Merrick and me, I was going to remember him. I was going to remember the feeling I got when I was around him, and I wasn’t about to settle for a guy who offered anything less.

“Nah, I like to keep it a secret. Actually, I haven’t cooked for a woman in at least ten years, “ he said as he took his suit jacket off and rolled up his shirt sleeves.

“Really?” I said in total surprise. “I find that hard to believe.”

“Oh, believe it. I wouldn’t lie to you,” he said with a wink and a kiss on my cheek.

My already shaky stomach churned into knots at his words. He poured me a glass of Moscato, and I watched patiently as he unpacked his groceries and started to make dinner. Every moment that went by was a moment lost as I thought of how I could start the conversation. This shouldn’t have been as hard as it was; I just needed to make it light-hearted, fun, nothing too serious. I wasn’t trying to trick him or cheat him; I really had not had any malicious intent. He certainly would have to know that when I told him.

“Sorry about today when I called you. I get worked up sometimes. But I don’t think we should talk about work at all. I just want to enjoy a nice evening with you and get to know each other. How does that sound.”

“It’s okay; I didn’t mind. I did have something work related that I wanted to talk about, though.”

“Nope, not tonight,” he said as he came around the counter and pressed himself between my legs. “Tonight is all about the sensual taste of food and desire. I won’t have any work talk at all.”

He grabbed a strawberry and pressed it toward my lips as I parted them and the fruit slid slightly into my mouth. I bit down, and the juice of the berry slid down my chin, but Merrick quickly pressed his lips against it to prevent the spillage from hitting my clothing. The touch of his lips and mine were again more magical than I was prepared for, and I wrapped my arms around him and enjoyed the tasteful pre-dinner appetizer of him.

The rich aroma of his cologne mixed with the fruit and wine as we continued to kiss and make out for at least five minutes before he returned to the other side of the counter. I sipped my wine and stared at him dreamily as he started cooking the meal.

“You know, I’m not sure a man has ever cooked for me before.”

“Really? Now isn’t that a total shame?”

“I know. I think the saying should be that the way to a woman’s heart is through her kitchen.”

He laughed. Merrick’s laugh didn’t seem like something that he normally did, but his smile and look toward me were so genuine. He wanted to be there with me; he wanted to be making me dinner and getting to know me, but I wasn’t sure it would last too long. A man like him was used to dating beautiful and intelligent women. He was committed to getting to know me, but I was guarding my heart in case he decided to move on.

“On Saturday, are you alright if our date takes all day?” Merrick said with a boyish grin.

“Sure, I don’t have another date that night.” I laughed.

“Oh, yeah, yeah; you better cancel any other dates you have. Patty would be angry,” he joked. “She scares me.”

“What are you cooking? It smells delicious.”

“You know what; I’m not going to tell you. It’s a surprise,” Merrick teased as he stood in front of the stove.

“Nope. That’s not allowed. I don’t like surprises. You have to tell me.”

Merrick came back over to my side of the counter, and the look in his eyes told me that he had something much better than dinner planned for us that evening. I couldn’t stop smiling as he stood over me with his boyish grin.

The way Merrick looked at me was exactly how I had imagined a man would look at me. I could still remember talking with my college girlfriends about finding our dream guys. We giggled and reminisced about how our husbands would only have eyes for us. How they would look at us with such desire that we would never want another man as long as we lived. It had been young girl talk, and long before we knew the way of the dating world. I had been sorely disappointed by most of the men in my life up until the moment I met Merrick.

“I’m not going to tell you. What are you going to do about it?”

I quickly slid my fingers around his belt and pulled him close to me. My legs spread apart, holding him right there next to me. I loved the feeling of having him there in front of me like that. His tall body looking down on me, his longing washing over me like a comforting blanket.

“I’m not going to let you go until you tell me,” I threatened.

“Okay.”

His hands grabbed my hips and lifted me up so quickly that I instinctively let go of his belt and wrapped my arms around his neck. He held onto me while he walked back to the stove and flipped the burner off. I had to laugh at how responsible he was.

“We don’t want to start the building on fire now do we?” he whispered as he walked down my hallway with me wrapped around him. “I can’t wait to taste every inch of you.”

“What are you doing?” I laughed as we got close to my bedroom. “I thought you were cooking dinner for me. You had me all excited about getting a nice home cooked meal,” I joked.

“I wasn’t very satisfied with my performance the other night. I think we need a do-over. I have a lot of things I want to do with you. A lot of long delicious things that I’ve been thinking about since I saw you last.”

“Right now? You were in the middle of cooking dinner?”

“Yeah, well you said you weren’t going to let go until I told you, so don’t let go.”

His husky voice penetrated me as I continued to hold onto him. He wasn’t even holding me any longer as I felt his hands slip down to unbutton his pants, and then he slid them down to the ground. Then he reached for the buttons of his shirt and started undoing those.

“Are you seriously going to take all your clothes off while I hold onto you? This seems really dangerous to me.”

“Yep. I might even manage to get most of your clothes off too,” he teased. “Hang on.”

I couldn’t stop laughing at how crazy it all was. He expected me to hang onto him while he stripped down and then stripped me naked. This wasn’t like any second date I’d ever been on, but then again, I was pretty sure already that Merrick wasn’t at all like any other man I’d dated.

My arms stayed wrapped around him as I started kissing his neck softly before biting softly on his ear, which made him let out a grunt of desire that drove me even wilder. I’d found his weak spot. I wanted to hear his moans. There was a power in being able to get him to respond to me like that.

“Oh, you like that?” I whispered.

“I like your lips. And I’m pretty sure I’d like them anywhere you put them.”

I bit softly on his earlobe a little more and felt his body hardening underneath me. My desire for him took over, and there wasn’t anything I could do to stop it. I needed to feel him again. My body longed to feel his inside of me over and over again. The power of our attraction drove us, and I felt my insides building up with a tingling that I couldn’t have anticipated.

“I like your lips too,” I said softly.

“I’ll give you all the lips and tongue you can handle,” Merrick said as he kneeled on the bed and lowered me down.

He made quick work of ridding me of my clothing, and before I knew it, his tongue was lapping against me as my toes curled into the bed with pleasure. His large hands held my thighs open as I rotated my hips against him, the pleasure building up higher and higher as I resisted and gave in to him all at the same time.

“I want you,” I moaned. “I want every inch of you.”

“Oh, you’ll have me, but only after I’ve had you,” he said between pleasuring licks to my body.

I grabbed the sheets tightly as my body tingled with desire, and I closed my eyes to take in all the pleasure he was giving me. The more I thrust against him, the harder it was to stop myself as my body gave in, and I screamed out with total delight. My legs shook, and my hands grabbed tightly into his hair when my body jolted full of desire. But Merrick wasn’t about to let me enjoy the moment without heightening it even more, and he quickly slipped protection on and slid inside of me.

My muscles tightened around him hard, and I felt his body slow as the feeling of pleasure hit him. The intensity of our lovemaking was amplified by the connection I felt with Merrick. Nothing was the same as with other men. I welcomed the power of letting go while in his arms. I urged my body to give in and release in total happiness.

“Let yourself go, Kristina,” he whispered as his hips moved deep inside of me.

I wrapped my arms and legs around him and let him take control as he moved harder and harder, and I started to shiver with the full pleasure of the moment. I did let myself go. I gave up all the worry, the thoughts of everything else but that moment and felt the pleasure like I hadn’t felt before.

His lips were only inches away from my ear, and I heard his moans as his body gave into the pleasure as well. Soon, we were both thrusting and moaning in total delight as our bodies came together in pleasure. Sweat dripped off of his body from the exertion of it all.

Sex was almost always enjoyable for me, but at that moment, I got a glimpse of what it could be like with someone you truly cared about. Even though we hadn’t known each other long, the feelings I had for him were building, and I didn’t want to let him go. Not in that moment, not ever. He was what I had been looking for. He was the man of my dreams, and I wasn’t about to let some silly phone call we shared ruin that for me.

My arms continued to feel like jello as Merrick lowered himself onto me, and I felt the comfort of his body. Within the hour, we were back at it again, though, and again before the morning. The two of us just couldn’t get enough of each other. It was as if we needed the pleasure that the other one was giving, and neither of us was willing to give it up.