CHAPTER 24
Lex
I didn’t tell Amie and Reggie I had left until Theo and I were already on the road. When I sent the group text, I told them I’d called a ride service and was already in bed. The fact that being with Theo forced me to lie should have been enough for me to change my mind and have him take me home. But as my gaze slid to his profile, his jaw locked tight, arms stiff on the wheel, and his focus set forward, I knew I couldn’t leave him and whatever internal battle he was fighting.
I didn’t ask where he was taking me. I didn’t really care. It was nice to be free from the heavy city traffic for once, to feel the warm breeze whip against my hair and cheeks, to know there was more to this place than secret clubs and dancing. Before us stretched miles of road lined with city lights and palm trees and beach. There were rural areas and parks. And thirty minutes into our drive, I started to see hints of the most beautiful beach, set below a sparkling, moonlit ocean.
A familiar pier came into view, illuminated by multicolored lights, its reflection bleeding into the water below. A Ferris wheel towered above the smaller rides and buildings. And even at this midnight hour, foot traffic was heavy throughout. The faint sounds of laughter and screams came from the game booths and rides, and something about the entire scene made my cheeks lift in a smile.
Theo parked and looked at me. “You ever been to Santa Monica Pier?”
My eyes followed the giant wheel as it circled. “No. I haven’t left LA since coming here.”
He put the top up and stepped out of the Ferrari. I followed and met him at the hood. “I don’t like the crowd, but I put up with it for the pier. Walk with me?” He held out his elbow, and I eyed it for a second, contemplating whether I should or shouldn’t before sighing and taking it.
We walked through the crowd, past a burger place and an arcade, along with the typical mouthwatering carnival vending booths—caramel sour apples dipped in crushed peanuts, rainbow-colored shaved ice, pink and blue cotton candy, freshly dipped corn dogs. I wanted it all. I laughed at the screams coming from the slowest-moving roller coaster I’d ever seen and smiled at the giant multicolored Ferris wheel.
We continued down a dock lined with white lights, the Pacific wrapped around us. Couples strolled along, holding hands and stopping to peer over the rail into the ocean or pausing for a meal at the umbrella-covered hot dog stand. Music from the main pier played through a speaker system and followed us past a Mexican restaurant as we made our way to the final section of the last wharf.
The pier was loud, and traffic was heavy, but quiet filled the air between us. It was sacred and intimate, and I felt selfish for not asking about Winter. When I was with Theo, I was present in a way I’d never been before. In a way that sent a quiver through my bones and rattled my chest.
When we paused at the end of the pier, our hands on the ledge in front of us, Theo finally spoke. “This tour means a lot to me.”
His voice caught in the wind and whipped through the air so faintly, I thought I might have made it up.
“I’ve always thought a concert like this would be the pinnacle of my career, an opportunity few are given. But with that attention comes a responsibility to not fuck it up.” He glanced at me, sending chills through my body. “I’ve already fucked up in so many ways, Lex. There are things that can’t be undone—mistakes I’ve made, people I’ve hurt along the way. It’s easy to get caught in the game of it all, but I don’t want to do that with you.”
I swallowed, fighting my subconscious not to dissect his words and make more of them than I should. “You don’t have to pretend with me.”
His eyes softened. “You’re good. Too good. You were right about me. I am a jerk. I’ve used people my entire career to get where I want to go, but after this tour, I’m not sure what’s left.”
My heart squeezed. “What do you mean? You can’t stop dancing.”
He looked up and chuckled lightly. “Nah, I could never stop. Not even if I tried.”
My brows bent in. “Then why would you be unsure of what comes next?”
“I don’t know if I want to keep doing this. Schmoozing, partying, giving my soul to this industry when no one gets it. Dance saved me once, but it’s killing me now. Rashni, the owner of Gravity back in the day—he was my mentor—he took me under his wing and introduced me to the dance world, a community I gave my everything to. What he did for us kids, it meant something. I feel like I’ve tarnished the gift he gave me.”
My pulse raced as I leaned in. The jigsaw puzzle of Theo was clicking together in my brain, and I was starting to understand him, at least a little. “Have you ever thought about taking a break from the scene and maybe going back to your roots? You do have a gift. A beautiful gift, and what you do with it is still within your power. You haven’t tarnished anything. You’re just at a crossroads.”
His neck twisted as he looked at me. The seriousness in his gaze warmed my cheeks.
“You’re beautiful, you know that?”
I tore my eyes from his and focused on a light reflected in the water. “You shouldn’t say things like that.”
“Why? It’s true. And you told me I didn’t have to pretend with you.”
My gaze clicked back to his, our smiles spreading at the same time. “You’re ridiculous.”
“But you like me.”
I swallowed. “I shouldn’t.” My honesty felt surprising out in the open like that. “This tour means a lot to me too. It’s everything, actually. My first break. I understand the need to play by the rules to get what you want. So whatever you’re doing with Winter, I don’t judge you for it.”
His head rolled back in clear frustration, and he faced me. “I’ve never cared before. I do what it takes to make my clients happy. It’s the only life I’ve known since I was a boy trying to get noticed by women choreographers. But I saw the way you looked at Winter and me today. I saw the disappointment in your eyes, and it makes me hate what I’ve become.”
I felt shaky. “Why? I’m just a dancer.” I said the words without believing them. I would tell him whatever he wanted to hear to dissolve his pain. “I meant what I said earlier.”
His hand cupped my cheek, and I turned into it instinctively. My heart beat fast, and I closed my eyes.
“You’re not just a dancer, Lex.”
I opened my eyes.
I shouldn’t have opened my eyes.
His head dropped down, his thick lips merely inches from mine. His eyes closed. And I knew any moment I would be kissing Theo. Blood sped through my veins at lightning speed. Wasn’t that everything we had said was wrong? Career-ending wrong? I couldn’t do that to him, or me. I slid my cheek to the right, feeling his mouth graze my skin.
My insides screamed—lungs bursting, muscles quivering. I wanted to cry.
Theo looked at me, his face crumbling. “Shit, Lex.” He tugged my body toward him, growling and burying himself in my shoulder. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”