CHAPTER 35
Lex
Theo excused himself after dinner and started editing the video we’d taken earlier today. After his swift departure, I wondered if leaving was just an excuse to be alone following our conversation about Rashni. My heart broke for him, for Ananya, and for everyone who considered Rashni the hero he was to Theo.
Before that conversation, I’d expected the night to go differently. I had wanted it to. We had had the perfect day, and I was starting to feel bolder around him, especially after some wine. I was desperate to feel Theo’s lips on mine again, to feel him between my legs. His hot breath on my neck.
Flustered, I showered off our day at the zoo, feeling the effects of the sun that had stained my skin. The lightness I’d felt from the wine hit me again when I stepped out of the shower. I glanced at my reflection in the mirror. There was a glow to my skin, my eyes appearing brighter than before. My heart kicked, and I smiled. I felt happy, weightless, and free from all the insecurities that had clouded me over the years.
I couldn’t stop thinking of Theo as I slipped on my rose-gold pajama shorts and matching tank. My hands swept over the silk, up my thighs, over my stomach, and stopped over my breasts, where my strained nipples poked through.
Heat flashed through me as I remembered batting him away when he tried to touch me yesterday morning. I knew if I had the opportunity again, I wouldn’t bat him away.
I closed my eyes, imagining what it would be like to be with Theo. To be wrapped in his arms, skin to skin, his hot breath on my neck, gentle grunts in my ear, his length pushing into me, deeper and deeper, until I unraveled like an untamed spool of thread.
My eyes flew open, my breaths quick, and the space between my thighs heated as a full-body ache gripped me. I shook my head, pushing away my thoughts and letting out a breath. This was ridiculous. My throat burned as my heart pounded. I need water.
The hall was quiet and dark, with no sign of activity in the room across the hall, where Theo’s bedroom was. I took the stairs to the main floor and entered the kitchen, flicking on the overhead light. I pulled out a water from the fridge and chugged it in long guzzles. After replacing the cap, I leaned against the counter, feeling restless and wide-awake. My eyes landed on the closed door that led to the studio, and I knew of only one way to expel the energy that flowed through me.
I descended the dimly lit stairwell on my tiptoes, as though I was trespassing, but when I entered the studio and saw the moonlight cast through the arched windows and lighting the center of the room, all anxious thoughts dissolved.
It took a few seconds to connect my phone to the Bluetooth speaker. I thumbed through my playlist and selected one of my latest favorites, “Confidently Lost.” I loved everything about the soothing track. Sabrina Claudio’s voice, the lyrics, the light percussion, and the highs and lows in the melody—it was all magic.
My muscles reacted as soon as the first note sounded through the speakers. That was what it was like when the music overtook me, when my soul spoke through my limbs and pushed my every move to the max. Every sensation within me was heightened, and I sailed through the song as if the lyrics were crawling through me.
As I stood in the center of the room and the final notes of the song faded, bare feet padded toward me, causing my heart to crash like cymbals.
I looked over my shoulder, our eyes locking on an invisible beat. “Oh.” The word slipped past my lips at the sight of Theo approaching, his torso bare and his damp hair tossed wildly atop his head. My breath caught in my throat as I looked down at where his black sleep pants hung. They were just a drawstring away from falling to his knees, and I wanted to be the one who unknotted them.
A new track started. The first chords of James Bay’s “Wild Love” surrounded us, and the intro sent a wave of chills over my body. He closed the distance, smelling of soap and mouthwash, as though he’d been on his way to bed. His arm eased around me, fingers skating along my gooseflesh until he reached my middle. Then he pulled me to him until my back was flush with his front.
I sucked in a breath and looked up into the mirror. I had a clear view of his hooded stare as he leaned in to kiss my neck. “Dance with me.” His voice was gruff, filled with sleep and sex, making my stomach knot and my lids slam shut. Blood sped through my veins like wildfire.
He took my hand with his, and he guided my hips left, then right—his palm still on my center. The thin fabric of his pants left nothing to the imagination either. He was hard and completely shameless about it.
As his hand slid from my stomach to my hips and then around to my ass, every conflicting emotion I’d ever felt between us swirled through me. Our first heated exchange in the theater. That horrible moment during the audition when I knew he didn’t want me there. My shock when he barged into the staff room and caught me sleeping, followed by his request for help. Our almost kiss on the Santa Monica Pier, followed by our actual kiss in his car, one block away from Gravity. And now this. Him, dancing with me, for pleasure alone.
I’d never before danced with someone and felt the lyrics so wholly. Partnering made me vulnerable—it gave a man permission to invade the deepest parts of me.
And while one song transitioned to another, Theo still didn’t let go. Our breathing was heavy, every inhale as intense as our locked gaze in the mirror. He spun me, pulled me to his chest, and settled both palms on my ass. He squeezed, bringing the material of my shorts higher.
My breath hitched and my palms rested on his chest, giving him unspoken permission to continue.
He leaned in, his nose skimming my ear before his lips landed just below it.
A moan slipped my throat. He kissed that too.
I felt myself shake. He held me tighter.
And then he was leaning me back, dipping me until my hair swept the floor. When he brought me up, his eyes roamed my body until they reached my eyes. “What are you doing to me, Lex?”
I leaned in, pressing a kiss just below his neck. “Probably the same thing you’re doing to me.”
Theo’s fingers found my chin, guiding it up until he was peering back at me. Depth to depth, soul to soul. I’d never been so present with anyone in my entire life. “And what’s that?” he asked.
“Breaking the rules.” I shivered at the sound of my own voice, so foreign, filled with flirtation and want for a man I wasn’t allowed to have. I worried that made me want him more, but deep down I knew that wasn’t true.
He was nodding, a smile filling his mouth. Then he kissed me. A soul-stealing, heart-shattering, life-altering kiss that detonated everything I’d ever known inside of me. My mouth parted, and his tongue wasted no time tangling with mine. He lifted me off the floor, his hands back on my ass. My legs wrapped around his hips.
I didn’t know where he was going when he started walking with me, our lips twisted together. But when my back landed against the mirror and his hips pushed into me through our clothes, nothing else mattered.
My mouth separated from his in a gasp. He took the opportunity to move to my collarbone, sliding his tongue across it before bringing it back to my neck. “Were you hoping I’d come down here and see you?” His teeth nipped my skin, and I could have sworn I felt him smile, knowing.
My body hummed. “Maybe.”
“I know you were,” he murmured.
So cocky. It made me even hotter, and I knew if he pushed into me right then, I would be slick and ready.
“Did you wear this outfit for me too?”
My heart was beating out of control. “Maybe.” I swallowed and gasped when his hot mouth hovered above my hard and aching nipple. My eyes squeezed shut, anticipating his next move.
He brought his mouth down and wrapped his lips around me through the satin of my top, his tongue darting out and swirling in a slow circle. I gasped again when he bit down slightly, shooting sparks off within me.
This was how it was supposed to feel. Passionate in a breathless sort of way. And wrong in a way that also felt right.
“You aren’t wearing a bra,” he growled. “That wasn’t very nice of you.”
God, the things his gravelly voice did to me. I slid my fingers into his hair and ran my teeth along his ear then along his tight square jaw that I loved to hate. When I reached his neck, he pumped his hips into me so hard through our clothes, I thought they would tear off. He ground his hips and whispered my name.
“Fuck,” I moaned as the ache grew stronger.
His fingers pressed into my jowls. He tipped my chin back, his eyes blazing as he stared back at me. "What did you say?"
I could barely breathe, let alone talk. But I tried. "Fuck," I whispered and watched as his expression grew fiery.
He shook his head. “Your mouth is too pretty for dirty words.” He leaned in, his lips at my ear. My lids slammed shut as I sucked in another breath. “The next time you talk like that, I better be inside you.”