CHAPTER 26
Lex
The moment Theo ended class, I grabbed my things and headed for the door. To say it had been the worst day in LA since getting the job as one of Winter’s Ravens was an understatement. After my solo performance, the tension in the room remained at an unbelievable high. Even Amie and Reggie were on edge with me. And Winter’s sugary sweet demeanor after she’d walked in from her chat with Theo made my teeth ache. Whatever they’d talked about had pleased her, and I hated that I wondered what he’d said or done. Because it didn’t matter. He wasn’t mine.
I made it to the front door of my apartment building as Theo’s black Ferrari pulled into the lot. I caught the reflection in the front door and debated dashing inside before he could get to me. But like an idiot, I released the door and turned to catch him jogging up the steps.
“Hey,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets.
My heartbeat quickened, and my anger immediately began to dissolve. His expression was genuine and more of an apology than words could have conveyed. I couldn’t turn away. There was something lost in his eyes, something I wanted so desperately to find.
“Hey.” I would hear him out, with open ears and a stubborn heart.
“Today was … unexpected.”
“You could say that.”
“I’m sorry. It should have never gone down like that. To put you in the spotlight … I hadn’t thought it through.”
I let out a breath. Only in those few moments before I walked to the center of the floor to perform had I gotten that icky feeling. Something had felt wrong. When I opened my eyes, I knew that despite my good intentions, helping Theo was the wrong thing to do.
“You couldn’t have known they’d react like that.”
He nodded, and silence hung between us. I could tell there was another reason he’d come here. Then he said, “After today, I feel pretty shitty asking you this, but—”
He looked up, and I already knew where he was going. He still wanted me to help him with choreography. Why?
Emotion swarmed my chest. “No,” I blurted out. “I can’t.”
“C’mon. None of that was about you today. The dancers were pissed at me. Winter was definitely pissed at me. It’s just one last dance. That’s it. I need a partner for this. I need you.”
A thickness was building in my throat, the pressure growing with each second. I crossed my arms over my chest and shook my head again. “Ask Amie or Brenda or any of the other girls. Ask Winter. But it can’t be me.”
“It has to be you.” His voice was shaky, rising.
“Why?” My voice matched his in volume.
“Because,” he spit out, his words continuing to rise in volume and emotion. “I can’t dance with anyone else. Just you.”
I hated how I loved his words. I hated how I needed them. How they filled me. How they seeped through my pores and clung to my soul as if they were the center of everything. The center of us. Because what he now had the courage to say, I had failed to believe until that moment.
He stepped forward, bending slightly so our eyes were level. “Come with me, Lex. Forget about what everyone thinks, what you fear they’re saying behind your back. Forget it all just like you do when you dance.”
His words felt like a gut punch. What was Theo asking, exactly? To pretend the world didn’t exist when we were together? To pretend there were no rules? No consequences?
We’ll just be dancing. I repeated the words in my head, as if one day I would be convinced. “Okay.”
He didn’t smile. He simply reached for the handle of my duffel bag then waited for me to walk down the steps.
“Hungry?” he asked when he started the ignition.
My stomach chose that moment to rumble, and my gaze floated to his. “I could eat.”
We pulled up to Mel’s, an old-fashioned drive-in diner with a speaker box for placing our order.
“You like shakes?”
“I shouldn’t.” I threw him a grin.
He chuckled. “Not what I asked.”
I twisted my lips as if I were deep in thought. “Then yeah.”
“Strawberry?”
“Vanilla. And don’t you dare call me boring.”
A hint of a smile appeared on his face. “Two boring vanilla shakes,” he said into the speaker. “Two fries and two double burgers.” He looked at me. “Anything else?”
“No, that’s fine.” I wondered why he’d taken me to a fast-food joint when we were planning to dance right after, but I didn’t dare ask and ruin the heaven I was about to pour down my throat.
Silence sizzled through the air before Theo’s quiet voice spoke up. “I slept with my assistant last summer.”
The warm air billowing around us did nothing to thaw the slap of cold I felt in my chest. I took a breath and faced the windshield, bracing myself. “Okay.” What this had to do with anything, I didn’t know.
“Mallory had only been my assistant for a few months, officially, but she danced backup to some songs I choreographed for an awards show in New York. That’s how we met. One day we got to talking, and she convinced me I needed help. With errands, dance steps, anything. I knew she had a crush on me, but her offer was appealing. Winter’s Vegas gig was a possibility at the time, and I was still tying up other contracts, so I hired her. It was kind of on a whim, and she was great at first.”
At some point, my eyes had slid back to him. His Adam’s apple bobbed, and his hands tensed around the wheel. “A few months later, we were in New Orleans for a gig, and she somehow managed to get a key to my hotel room. She snuck in late at night and hopped in my bed naked. I didn’t turn her away.”
“Theo,” I said, my gut churning. “Is there a reason you’re telling me this, because I really don’t think I want to hear it.”
He threw his head back against his headrest and turned to me. “I’m sorry. I’ll cut to the chase.” He faced front again, speaking to the windshield. “I fired her the next morning. I was pissed and didn’t think twice about letting her go. She started calling me obsessively, showing up at my house, sending me threatening texts, killed my old car with a bat, claimed she was pregnant … It was a fucking nightmare.”
My eyes widened, and I no longer tried to block his words from my mind. “Oh my God, Theo. She was pregnant?”
He squeezed his eyes shut. “I didn’t believe her, so I made her book a doctor’s appointment to confirm. She didn’t want to go, but it was the only way I was going to support her pregnancy. And I would have.” He let out a breath. “After the doctor confirmed what I suspected, that she’d never been pregnant, I offered to take her to see someone who could help her.” He shook his head. “She refused. Had me drop her at her hotel. That was the last night I saw her.”
“Do you know where she is now? Is she okay?”
Something clutched my chest the moment I caught the flicker of pain in his eyes, telling me I shouldn’t have asked. “This all happened three months ago, Lex. She committed suicide that night. Slashed her wrists in a hotel bathtub. She sent me a message before she did it, but I got there too late.”
He faced forward then, but I’d already seen the red in his eyes and the sheen of tears. His knuckles went white when he tightened his grip on the steering wheel. “I, uh, went through a pretty rough time after that. It’s safe to say I’m not completely over it. But that’s why I’m scrambling to finish this choreography.”
I swiped at the first tear that fell from my eyes, hoping to remove it before Theo could see. I didn’t want him to feel worse than he already did.
His eyes latched onto mine. “I’m sorry.”
I shook my head. “Don’t be. I’m glad you were able to tell me.” I swallowed, not knowing what to say or if he even wanted me to say anything. Maybe he just needed to get it off his chest. “That must have been awful.”
He nodded. “Yeah, well, Winter knows the whole story. I was concerned the media would get ahold of the news and twist it into something it wasn’t, so I asked for her help. That’s part of the reason she flipped on me today. She, um, thought you and I had something going on.” He let out a light chuckle.
Something dark and ugly swept its way through me. Did Theo really find it that appalling of an idea? I felt defensive and flushed in embarrassment. “I just wanted to help.”
His eyes widened. “You have been helping,” he said. “But I understand if you can’t do it anymore. I mean, after today, and now that you know everything, I’d completely understand. I just thought I should explain.”
He was giving me an opportunity to back out, and as much as I knew I should run for the hills, something stronger made me want to stay. “I’ll still help. If you want me to.”
We were silent for the next few minutes, my mind on his assistant. When the food came, Theo thanked the guy, paid, then set the greasy bag between us on the console before starting the car. “There’s a park down the road. We can eat there.”
Light was already fading from the sky. I didn’t realize it had gotten so late. “Are we going to dance there too?”
He smiled. “We’ll get to that. Food first. Never come between a man and a good meal.”
I bit the inside of my lip, thinking fondly of my best friend. “Yeah, I’ve been well educated.”
“By Shane?”
“By Shane,” I confirmed.
“Sounds like a good guy.”
I laughed. “He’s all right, if you’re into bossy control freaks with stiletto fetishes. I swear he has a better shoe collection than I do.”
“Ah,” Theo commented with a hint of humor. “Bossy control freak, eh? Sounds like he prepared you for someone like me.”
I wasn’t quite sure that was the truth. No one had prepared me for anyone like Theo. But as he was backing out of the lot, I turned to get a better look at him. His cocky expression was back—shaded eyes, small smirk, cool and concrete posture—and for the first time since I’d met him, that made me happy.
“Someone like you?”
“Yeah.” He shrugged. “Someone who believes in discipline and taking control.” His glance slid to mine at the word “control,” making me blush. “I get what I want out of life, Lex.”
I wasn’t sure that was true either. I wasn’t sure Theo completely knew what he wanted out of life. Sure, he’d succeeded in becoming the best dancer he could possibly be, and a household name. But there was so much more to life that I wasn’t sure Theo was even aware of. A fulfillment he’d yet to grasp. Our conversation at the pier had clued me in to that.
“Is that why you wanted to be a choreographer?”
He tipped his head. “What do you mean?”
“The control aspect of it. Setting the rules. Telling others what to do. That’s your specialty.”
He grinned as if I were complimenting him. “You don’t exactly play well with others,” I added, watching as his grin slipped. “I can’t imagine you taking direction from someone else. There’s just that brilliant vision in your head.”
“Did you just call me ‘brilliant’?”
I rolled my eyes. “Of course that’s the only thing you got out of that.”
He shot me a look as he drove. “I’m a control freak. Born that way, I guess. Who cares? It gets shit done, and people take me seriously.”
“I suppose,” I said, amused. “They also call you names behind your back.”
“And some call me names to my face.”
My cheeks burned, and I turned my head toward the window as he veered into a lot for King’s Road Parkland. It wasn’t what I expected, just a small grassy area tucked among the residential neighborhood. The only signs of life were a couple walking a dog, and a child and his mom running around the playground.
“What’s your weakness?”
His voice almost surprised me, then I repeated his question in my mind. A laugh burst from my throat. “And why the hell would I tell you that?”
He shrugged. “Figured it was only fair since you think you have me figured out. I have you figured out too, Alexandra Quinn.”
“If you had me figured out, then you wouldn’t be asking what my weakness is.” I winked.
His lip curled up on one side. “I didn’t need to ask. You’re as transparent as they come.”
I shot him a glare, my lips pinched in an effort not to laugh. “Am not.”
“You are.”
“How so?”
“You’re shocked when anyone compliments you. You never think you belong—anywhere. And you’re completely blind when guys check you out.”
My heart galloped. Has he checked me out? Have I missed that too? Those were questions I wouldn’t allow myself to entertain, so I scrubbed them from my brain. “You should have seen me when I first arrived in LA. I’ve adapted well—I think.” I was hopeful, but I was still unsure. I knew I had changed. There was no way I would have had the nerve to audition for Winter’s Vegas show when I had first arrived. But I still didn’t feel as though I fit in completely.
“You have. But you’re still adorably naïve.”
I didn’t know whether to take that as a joke or a compliment. Instead of figuring it out, I grabbed the greasy bag from the console and fished around for my meal. He parked just as I had everything ready to hand him. We stayed in the car and ate in silence while we watched the sun drop between the trees.
“In high school, my parents were adamant I quit dance. They believed it was ruining my future as their little protégé.” I threw him a look, knowing I had to tell him more. “My parents own a publishing company in downtown Seattle. My moving to LA and dropping out of college was a big deal. They didn’t understand why I was destroying my future for something that was only temporary. A hobby. Not to mention, once my body started changing, so did the rules. My father thought dance was corrupting my soul. He would have killed me if he ever saw me wear this.” I gestured at my bare stomach and cleavage that peeked out from my sports bra.
Theo got quiet as his eyes traveled the length of my body, heating my insides.
“Shane helped,” I added, trying to steer the conversation back to safe territory. “He was the only person in my life who didn’t tell me my dreams were childish or sinful.”
“As someone who’s been doing this professionally since I was eighteen, I can tell you your dreams aren’t childish. And there are certainly more sinful activities than dancing. This is your purpose, Lex. You were put on this earth to be exactly who you are right now, exactly who you were yesterday, and exactly who you will be tomorrow. I’m so glad you didn’t listen to your parents. And give yourself some credit. You’re doing just fine on your own.”
My gaze traveled the features of his face. I couldn’t help it. Theo was sculpted like a blond James Dean with his perfect proportions.
He smiled, and my heart caught. “You’re the only one that gets to wear your skin, Lex. No one else. You might as well feel good in it.”
There was something so incredibly warming about his words, his tone. So similar to the pep talks Shane gave me but without the sass. It didn’t hurt that I could stare at Theo’s incredibly sexy lips as he spoke. Damn my heart for wanting him in that way. And damn the rules for ensuring there was never a chance.
“It is nice skin, though,” he added. “Whatever you decide to do with it.” His tongue shot between his teeth to tell me he was teasing.
I scrunched my nose. “Maybe we should go back to talking about you.”
“Oh no.” He popped a fry into his mouth and continued talking. “I confessed enough today. Besides, I didn’t buy you dinner so you could psychoanalyze me. You chicks love that, don’t you?”
I laughed. “Well, how about you don’t buy me dinner again?”
The way his gaze searched my eyes next caused a rush of heat to pool in my belly. “Try to stop me, Lex.”
I was hot everywhere just from the way he said my name, so calmly, with a tinge of warning. A tease. I couldn’t ignore it even if I tried.
For once in my life, I wanted to break the rules, just to find out how good the consequences could be.