Lying in my bed next to Evie, my breath still hitches from the excessive amount of crying I did when I got home. The tension from the car and hearing Elliot talk about his dad and the pain of James’ death; all hit a little too close to home. And when Evie asked me how my day was, the mask fell off and my body collapsed in a heap of exhaustion.

“I’m so sorry for keeping you here all day,” I tell her. “I didn’t expect to go to Elliot’s mom’s place or for us to fight, and it took so long to get home.”

“Hey, you don’t need to rehash it for my sake. I had a pretty easy day. Your mom took one look at me and locked herself in her room all day. Can’t say that’s ever happened before.” She sits up on the bed, her back leaning against the headboard. “I did hear her door open, so I’m assuming she had a pee break at some point.”

I scoff, irritated that my mother is at the point where she won’t even put a show on for guests. “She’s just a delight to be around,” I say sarcastically. “Honestly Evie, even though it didn’t go as planned, thank you for offering to be here and watch her, especially when watching grass grow probably would’ve been a more fulfilling experience.” I tag a little joke on the end hoping to lighten up our mood. “And I know how hard it is for you to be away from Loverboy. Have you spoken to him, are you both surviving?” I say with a smirk.

“I can function without him, you know,” she argues.

“I know, I know. But where’s the fun in that? Giving you shit ranks highly on the list of things that bring me joy.” She throws a pillow at my head, and I let myself laugh, the tension from earlier slowly leaving me.

“Okay, so commercial break time,” Evie announces. This is what we say when we need to switch topics with no segue whatsoever. After one too many conversations where we realized we were talking about two or three unrelated topics, we decided to implement rules. “You know you have this really nice neighbor, he kept me company for most of the day.”

“Are you crushing on him?

“Yes, Mr. Stone and I are going to run away and get married,” she falls into character without missing a beat.

“Lior won’t be impressed,” I tell her. “Maybe you can keep him as your side piece?”

“Definitely. Let me text him now and see if he’s down.”

“He’s always down to fuck, Evie. You should know that.”

“I take it you’re no longer sad now because your jokes are on point.”

“You provide a good distraction. Especially this new love triangle you’ve got going on.” I sit up and scoot my ass to the top of the bed, joining her on the headboard. “So, tell me about Mr. Stone, what did he have to say?”

“Nothing much. He was doing something to his plants while I was drinking a cup of coffee on the front porch, next thing I know he’s walking toward me telling me he would love a drink. I didn’t have the heart to ask why he couldn’t just get one from his own house. So I invited him in and now we’re BFF’s.”

“Right. None of this is making sense, but continue, what else did you two talk about?

“Well, he didn’t waste any time at all. He asked about your mom, said he hadn’t seen her lately and he was worried. I think he’s got a crush on her.”

“Crushing on her how exactly? She never leaves the house.” My voice is full of disdain whenever I’m forced into discussing my mom’s social regression.

“Maybe they knew each other before all the heavy stuff went down, I don’t know, but it was very sweet,” she says with a shrug. “He was definitely interested, and after talking to him, I’ve come up with a plan.”

“A plan. Cupid, please put your arrow away.”

“Not that type of plan, well not yet anyway. Why are you ruining all my good ideas?”

“Okay. I’m sorry,” I say with remorse. There’s no point taking a lifetime of irritation out on Evie, especially when she’s just spent the day here trying to make my life easier. “What’s the plan?”

“Why don’t you let him pop in from time to time to check on your mom, and you can start cutting the cord between you two. Maybe you can share the load with this strange man that’s invested in your mom, and it can ease the resentment between you two.”

“I don’t know him enough to leave her with him.”

“Well, get to know him,” she insists. “Because this has got to stop. It’s ruining your life.”

“That’s a bit dramatic, isn’t it?”

“Is it? You had both the best and the worst weekend of your life because of this very reason. You’re holding back, and you’re hurting yourself and Elliot.” It seems like every time Evie and I are together lately, this is all we talk about. It used to be laying the hard truths on her and using her to avoid my own issues. But now my biggest secret is infiltrating every aspect of my life.

“He’s putting himself out there for you and you’re not making the same effort.”

“What? I’ve been trying. What is this anyway? An ambush, why are you taking his side?” Anger bubbles to the surface, feelings of regret and shame are turning into words I won’t be able to take back.

“There are no sides here, Court. It’s simple. Do you want to be happy with him or not?” She throws her legs off the side of the bed, and I know I’ve pushed her enough that she’s ready to go home. “You know how much he’s done for me, and how much you’ve done for me. I don’t have some hidden agenda on why I want two people I care about to cut the shit and be together.” Her voice lowers and the rage dissipates ever so slightly. “You and him have lived almost through the same things. Why don’t you want to share it with him?”

“It’s not him,” I sigh. “It’s me. I don’t think I can open that box up. It’s the reason my mom would rather drown herself in a bottle and confuse herself enough to think Renee is still alive. It’s the same reason I fill my time with things that don’t require me to think about my life or my losses. I haven’t said goodbye to her and I don’t think I ever will.”

With tears running down her face, my best friend gets back on the bed and wraps her arms around my shoulders. “You know I’ve been here, and there were people who refused to take no for an answer. One of them I get to wake up next to every day, and the other is here forgetting the most important piece of advice to come out of her own mouth. You are not alone, Court. No matter who you choose to lean on, you are never, ever alone.”

* * *

My eyes are swollen, and my throat is parched; a night of crying will do that to you. Walking to the kitchen, I grab a bottle of water out of the fridge and two Tylenol to relieve this pounding headache. After I cried some more with Evie, Lior came to pick her up and take her home. She insisted she could stay the night, but after such a draining twenty-four hours, I was ready to be alone.

I find my mom sitting in the kitchen with her head in her crossword puzzle, and figure what better time than now to quiz her about the guy next door.

“Mom,” I call out over the table, she looks up with a raised eyebrow unimpressed by the interruption.

“Are you friends with Mr. Stone next door?” Her face remains impassive and buried in the newspaper. “Well, he was here yesterday asking about you. I think I’m going to let him come over more often, what do you think?” She bites her bottom lip, deciding whether she would rather argue with me or play dumb.

“I don’t need a babysitter, Courtney, how many times have we gone over this?”

“Enough times for me to disagree,” I bite back. “I wish you didn’t though, especially since you’ve mastered the art of rudeness. Why couldn’t you be nice to Evie, yesterday?

“Because, I don’t need a babysitter,” she repeats. I don’t have the energy to argue with her, and if she’s not going to give me the information I want, I’m sure someone else will happily oblige.

Fifteen minutes later, I’m showered, dressed and knocking on Mr. Stone’s door. His eyes widen in shock when he opens the door. “Courtney. Hi. I didn’t expect to see you here.”

I look at him quizzically. “You know my name?”

“Yes, of course.” He’s a well-kept man, his hair is short on the sides, long on the top and peppered with grey. He’s tall, with broad shoulders and the smallest hint of a beer belly. He’s more than likely the same age as my mother, and not at all unattractive. “Is your mom okay?”

“Yes, sorry. She’s fine, I just came to…” Confused on how to broach the subject, I change my angle of approach. “You spoke to my friend Evie yesterday and she told me some things that had me thinking you could help me out.”

His eyes soften, as he gestures for me to walk inside. “Of course, I would be happy to help any way I can.”

Sitting at the dining table, I wait for him to bring a jug of water to the table. I can’t help but look around in amazement at all the photos that line up the walls in his house.

“Like what you see?” he asks, placing the full jug in the middle of the table.

“You’ve been everywhere,” I point out.

“Perks of being a bachelor, I guess.”

“Oh, never married then?”

“No, marriage wasn’t in the cards for me.” Drumming my fingers incessantly on the table top, I continue to look around, awkwardly avoiding eye contact, and regretting even thinking this was a good idea.

“Courtney,” he says, placing his hand over mine, attempting to stop the tapping. “You’re always welcome here, but how about you let me know what it is I can help you with.” Sliding his hand back, he holds my eye contact and waits.

“Evie said it sounded like you knew my mom. Knew her before…” my voice trails off unable to finish off the sentence.

“Before Renee died,” he says softly, giving her the reverence she deserves. “Yes, I did know her.”

“What happened?”

“Besides the obvious?” he says rhetorically. “Your mother died that day too.” His words albeit jarring are simultaneously comforting. I haven’t been in touch with anyone that knew my mom before, and knowing someone else is aware of her transition into a walking corpse is a relief. In an instant, I suddenly feel less alone.

“Were you guys together?”

“I don’t know about labels at our age, but we were close,” he explains.

“Is it safe to say she blocked you out after it happened?”

“That’s exactly what happened. I tried for months and months to call and come over, but after a while it was useless. You were both so distraught, I don’t think you even noticed me coming and going.” He pauses to take a sip of water, and I stare at wonder at the idea of my mom having a life I knew nothing about. “And then it just got too much to see her that way. I decided to keep an eye out from afar,” he continues. “She wasn’t going to let me back in, and I needed to accept that her grief was something I was never going to understand.”

“So you just watch her?” I ask skeptically.

“Not like a stalker,” he laughs. “I just see to it that she gets to the liquor store okay, or I keep a stash here for her. I know it’s wrong, but it’s the only way she’ll see me.”

“That’s you? You’re basically her drug dealer,” I hiss.

“I’m not proud of it, Courtney. I’ve justified it in my head that if I don’t watch out for her, she’ll get lost on the street and walk to Renee’s house.”

“You know about that?” I ask.

“Courtney, I care for your mom more than I can explain, there’s nothing about her I don’t know, and nothing I wouldn’t do for her.” I rest my elbows on the dining table and rub my eyes relentlessly. I’m so confused. Should I be annoyed this man I don’t know helps my mom? Should I be annoyed my mom never told me about him in the first place? There’s nothing black and white about any of this, but I’m a girl that’s in need of help, and my gut tells me the man declaring his love for my mother, is the only one who can.