I’d be an idiot if I missed all the hints he’s been dropping. All night long, any chance he gets he’s been telling me he loves me. He hasn’t used any words, and it makes all the difference. Actions speak louder and I can see it in every look and feel it in every touch. I welcome it. I want it. All of it, with him. I’m ready to strip down the layers and tell him everything. I want to share my past, explain my fears, and for once bask in the possibility of a future.

The four of us are gathered around a small high-top table, fighting over all the hors d’oeuvres that come our way.

“What are you guys doing after this?” Evie asks.

I look over at Elliot, who is in deep conversation with Lior. “We’re going to go back to my place,” I say proudly.

She cocks her head to the side, and a slow smile spreads on her face. “Really?”

“Really.” Hands surprise me, snaking around my waist. He pushes me into him, while his lips graze the nape of my neck.

“When are we going home?” he asks.

I turn my head to him, giving him my attention. “You managed to hear that did you?”

“There’s nothing you say I don’t hear.” My heart beats furiously inside my chest, his attentiveness has no bounds. It shouldn’t, but it surprises me. Every. Single. Time.

“Is that okay, with you?” I ask.

He places his hand on my shoulder and spins me around to face him. “It’s way more than, okay.”

“Even if I do live with my mom?”

“Yes,” he says, leaning in for a quick, but soft kiss.

“Even if Mr. Stone will be up waiting for us to get home?”

“Yep.”

“And what if we don’t end up having sex tonight?”

“Even if we spend the whole night sitting on opposite sides of the living room in silence, with your mom and the old guy there with us.” His last reassuring kiss lingers longer than the others. “I’m there.”

“Can you two stop eye fudging one another,” Evie’s high pitched voice comes through, disrupting our moment.

“Really Evie, eye fudging? It doesn’t even mean the same thing when you say that. You can say fuck. You’re an adult,” I tease. “Nobody here is going to wash your mouth out with soap.”

“Whatever. I think I’m going to go to the bathroom and throw up.”

I reach over the table and grab her forearm. “Relax, you’re going to do great.”

“I don’t think I’m ready,” she admits.

Lior walks up behind her, kissing the top of her head. “Baby, you got this. And if you don’t you just walk straight into my arms and we will go home.” Evie closes her eyes and sinks into his embrace. I don’t think I’ve ever seen any two people in the world love each other as much as they do.

“How long till you do your speech?” Elliot asks.

“Um, about half an hour, why?” Evie looks between her watch and Elliot, trying to work out what the reason behind his questioning is.

“Okay, I’ve got a great idea. Just follow me.” Intertwining his fingers with mine we all walk across the great expanse of the room. He leads us to a corner where there’s a long line of people standing around a photo booth, dressing up and waiting their turn.

“What are we doing here?” I ask.

“We’re going to spend the next half an hour taking these silly pictures so Evie can relax.” Evie looks around and manages to pick up a pink feather boa, she wraps it around her neck. “Okay, I’m ready.”

The four of us tumble into the extremely tight booth. Wearing hats and large sunglasses, each of us dressed up and smiling stupidly and repeatedly at the hole in the wall. After overstaying our welcome, we take off our props and begin to pile out one by one, but Elliot grabs my arm and pulls me back in, till I clumsily land on his lap.

“What are you doing?” The smile on my face impossible to hide.

“Nothing. Is it a crime to want a few minutes alone with my girl?” He buries his face in the crook of my neck, biting my collarbone. My body tingles as ripples of desire flow through me. Him and I, right now is how it should be. “I’m your girl, huh?”

His hands roughly separate my knees, his fingers drawing patterns all the way up my inner thigh until he’s pressing on my throbbing clit. “Aren’t you?” he murmurs against my skin.

I sigh loudly into the thick air, “Yes.”

* * *

The three of us are huddled next to one another getting ready to listen to Evie’s speech. Sitting between both men, I feel the nervousness radiate off them. Our earlier, playful mood has disappeared and anxiety has made itself at home. I grab Elliot’s hand and kiss him on the cheek. And then reach for Lior. Disrupting his train of thought, he looks at me with confusion. “Stop worrying about her, she’s going to do great,” I assure him.

“I know she will. You know I just can’t help worrying and I hate seeing her upset.”

“She’ll be okay. She’s the strongest woman I know, she just refuses to acknowledge that.” He squeezes my hand and we all stare at the stage, waiting. It’s in this moment, I realize how powerful Evie’s presence has been on all of us.

She walks and stands behind the lectern with such poise, and even though she’s not paying attention to our smiles, we’re all beaming with pride. Evie is what brought us all together. As her words fill the room with numbers, names, and labels; I feel the shared heartache between the four of us. I feel the loss of loved ones and the loss of lives; theirs and ours. I hear Evie start to share her story, to talk about the guilt, the anger, the hate and the all-consuming blame game. She sprinkles little pieces of hope throughout the room, pulling the string that tethers us all together, tighter.

Unfortunately, we’re built to try and break those connections, to believe that everything needs to be dealt with alone, and that ugly scars can’t be turned into life-changing achievements. This mindset is so entrenched it becomes destructive. It’s where I was at. Or am at, but it’s definitely where I don’t want to be anymore.

With Elliot, the dark cloud has lifted. It isn’t anything he’s done specifically, but rather the unconditional presence he provides day after day. He never wavers, time and time again I come off erratic, cagey or rude, and he deserves to know it wasn’t all in vain. His true colors shine at every chance and it was silly to think I could remain immune to his charm. He doesn’t just have a heart made of gold, he’s funny, sweet and sexy as hell. And I want to scream from the rooftops that he’s all mine.

I hear Evie mention James, and instinctively I look over to see Elliot’s reaction. He listens with an unbreakable attentiveness, hearing her describe a man he’ll never know and a man she almost forgot existed. That’s the thing with suicide, you become so focused on the person they were toward the end, you often forget to celebrate their life and indulge in the good memories. It’s often an impossible task to put the two and two together.

The speech becomes background noise as my mind takes a trip down memory lane. To the moment where you wish you heard the cry for help, the time you took a smile for granted and thought everything will be okay.

“I’ve had such a great day.” She plops herself on the couch, shopping bags all around her.

“Do you think you bought enough?” I tease.

“I’ll probably regret not buying donuts for the ride home, but my ass will thank me later.” We both laugh at her joke because she’s the size of a toothpick and her ass probably could do with two boxes of donuts.

“You two seem like you had a good day.” Mom walks over from the kitchen, her eyes boring into mine questioningly. She’s silently asking me whether today was a good day for Renee, and with a carefree smile, I answer her honestly. “It’s been the best day we’ve had in awhile.”

“So good I need a nap. Oh, wait,” she screams excitedly. “Mom, you have to see what I bought you.” Pulling out a white, medium-sized jewelry box she hands it over to her.

‘What is it?”

“Open it and see.”

Mom opens the box and squeals. “Oh, honey, it’s beautiful. You didn’t need to get me anything.”

“I did,” she says seriously. “You’ve done a lot for me, and I needed a way to say thank you.”

“Baby girl,” she coos, while lifting the gold locket out of the box, “there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”

Renee takes the necklace out of Mom’s hands and places it around her neck. She turns mom around so she can get a good look. Her eyes flicker between the necklace and Mom until she finally settles a kiss on my mother’s cheek. “Thank you, Mom,” she whispers.

Waking up the next morning we realized, yesterday wasn’t just about her telling us she loves, and she was grateful. Yesterday wasn’t a step in the right direction. All yesterday really was, was goodbye.

Tears roll down my face, as the memory surfaces and Evie’s parting words wrap themselves around my heart. She’s right, healing takes time and a shoulder to lean on. I glance between Elliot, Lior, and Evie who is striding toward us. These are my people, they will go to the ends of the earth for me, if I needed them to. While there are moments in my life that I regret, the memories of tonight will be positive. Because tonight's the night I take my life back. Take control, make decisions and live for me.

“How was it?” Evie says. Her hands are fidgety, her mascara slightly smudged from a few tears I’m sure she shed, but overall she’s smiling.

Lior picks her up off the floor and spins her around, and kisses her proudly. “It was perfect. Just like we said it would be.”

She looks at each of us, her eyes filling with tears. “You guys have no idea how much you’ve helped me. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for any of you.” She takes a deep breath to stop the onslaught of tears. “Everybody needs people like you three in their lives.” The lump in my throat prevents me from saying anything, and it seems the prolonged silence between us means everyone is feeling just as emotional. But she’s right; friendship, loyalty, and love. It can do wonders for a person.

I feel Elliot’s arm circle around my waist. “You ready to go?” he says in my ear. His voice low and raspy; his intention one hundred percent clear. I’m ready as I’ll ever be. Tomorrow will be filled with tears and heartache, as I tell him everything he needs to know. But before I unlock my past, I need him to know he’s my future.

“I need to tell you something first.” I twist in his grasp and link my arms around his neck. His eyes are blazing, mirroring every beat of my heart. “Elliot Ramzy, I love you.”

Our lips collide the second I utter the words. He sets my body alight with every stroke of his tongue. Pushing me into him, desperation pours off of us. We break apart, our chests heaving.

“Let me take you home. Let me show you how much I fucking love you.”