I run my hand down my face in frustration; this week at work has kicked my ass, and my second bottle of beer is proving to be ineffective at releasing the tension from my body. Tonight is a co-worker’s bachelor party. I hardly know him, but being the new guy in the office means I’m stepping out of my comfort zone to ‘fit’ in. Ever since leaving Cohen & Sons, I’ve been doing my best to find my feet and get to know my colleagues. It’s a lot different from my last job, and everyone is a lot older and more experienced, but career-wise, this was the best move for me. So with a fake smile on my face, I take a large sip of beer and suck it up.

My phone beeps with a message from Lior, telling me he’ll be here in five minutes. I chuckle to myself because he has no idea what he’s about to walk into. It’s a sectioned off private party, with the worst music known to man playing in the background. Combine that with scantily clad dressed waitresses, serving appetizers and drinks to a bunch of middle-aged men; his reaction will be priceless.

Lior and I met twelve months ago when he moved to the city from Colorado. Working for the same company meant we became friends quickly; your typical bromance the ladies in the office used to say. Now between my new job and him being unapologetically in love with Evie, his girlfriend, a boys night out is rare.

From the corner of my eye, I notice Lior stop and take in the atmosphere. He's undeniably confused and irritated. He doesn’t even bother looking for me, he grabs his cell out of his pocket and furiously taps on the screen. I reach for my phone anticipating the ribbing.

Lior: I’m going to fucking kill you.

Me: I’m sitting near the doors that lead outside.

I watch him walk with purpose. Our whole friendship is based on pulling one up on the other, and if I had to come here, he was suffering with me.

He sits down on the available bar stool next to me. “What the fuck, man?”

“What?” I retort, playing dumb.

“This place? Really? I’m not even sure Evie would like me hanging here with all the practically naked women.”

“Don’t try and get out of it using Evie, I already told her all about it.” Evie and I are basically family, so it isn’t unusual that we speak and have a relationship beyond Lior. Previously married to my half-brother, she and I got to know one another after he died a few years back. It hasn’t always been smooth sailing, but since Lior and Evie have been together, their happiness has had me setting my own “romantic standards” very high. High enough that I may have purposefully made them impossible and unattainable.

“So, why are we here?” Lior asks, just as a waitress holding a tray of beer stops next to us. He avoids eye contact at all cost, grabbing a beer for both of us. I leave more than enough for a tip on the tray. Just to make up for his awkwardness.

“Thanks,” I say as she walks away.

“Don’t you feel like a seedy old man being here? The more I concentrate on looking at their faces instead of staring at their boobs, the harder it is,” he admits.

I laugh at his revelation, even though he’s one hundred percent right. When you’re trying to be as gentlemanly as possible, you end up looking like a rude prick for not talking.

“It’s Joe’s bachelor party, but I think the waitresses are for everybody else’s viewing pleasure because I’m certain he’s marrying someone named David.”

“Couldn’t he just organize a golf day or something?”

“This feels more like a client schmoozing party if you ask me, he’s invited way more people than necessary. And I recognize a lot of them from our rather large company meetings.”

“I guess inviting all the top dogs is a sure way to get noticed. Free alcohol and food, who would turn it down?” he says sarcastically. “So how you been? Evie’s been worried about you.”

The quick change in subject catches me off guard. “What? Why?”

“She says you and Courtney haven’t been speaking.”

I don't know what irritates me more, that they're speaking about us or that Courtney is telling Evie things I want to know. “You guys know that we’re not together, right? And if we don’t feel like talking to one another it’s not really anyone’s business,” I snap. The mention of Courtney has the tension in my shoulders tightening to the point of pain. We haven’t spoken in weeks, and I don’t even know whose idea it was to stop. All I know is that what we do is between her and I, everybody else needs to keep their thoughts to themselves.

“No worries, dude,” he says, lifting his arms up in defeat. “Don’t shoot the messenger.”

I exhale loudly. “Sorry.” I concede. He doesn't need to cop the brunt of it, and maybe it would do good to speak about her. Maybe if I let the words come out of my mouth, I can free her from my mind.

It's eleven o’clock at night, and there's an incessant knocking at the front door. Evie and Lior are on a date tonight, and even if she isn't home yet, I know it’s not her because she has keys.

“Who is it?” I shout across the room.

“It's me, Court.” Her voice is jumpy and frazzled on the other side of the door. I reach the door and open it quickly. I see a usually poised Courtney standing there with streak marks running down her face.

“Court, what's wrong?”

“Is Evie home?” she asks, her eyes darting straight past me.

“No, she's on a date with Lior. At his place.”

“Fuck, I forgot.” Her body is literally bouncing, if she could come right out of her skin, she would. She turns to walk back to the elevator, but something pulls at me, pushing me to call her back.

“Court,” I shout across the hall. She ignores me. I'm not okay with her leaving like this. I jog up behind her, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Court, wait.”

Courtney has indirectly become an important part of my life. She’s Evie’s best friend. She’s responsible for helping Evie return back to the land of the living, even if right now she looks like she’s the one who needs saving.

She turns and her green eyes cut straight through me. They’re bloodshot. Red around the rims, enhancing the depth of her emerald irises. Tears filling up just as fast as they're falling, her sadness speaks to me. “You can’t leave. Not like this,” I tell her. “Evie would kill me. Come inside.”

She wipes her nose with the edge of her sleeve and shakes her head. “No, it’s ok. I should've remembered she had plans, I’m just going to go home.”

I reach out, stopping her from walking away. Her gaze drifts between our joined hands and back up to my face. Her eyes are a kaleidoscope of emotions. Fear, pain, confusion, and curiosity; each feeling stirring up shit of my own I’ve kept hidden. Memories I’ve been trying to bury deep. Looking at her, I want to hold and comfort her. I wish I could tell Courtney everything will be okay. More importantly, I wish I believed it.

Pulling her close, we’re finally face to face, near enough that our breaths are mingling and our chests are touching. I use my thumbs to wipe her tear stained face while my eyes remain focused on her lips. This is wrong, but for a split second, I drown out the truth and believe the lie. I need her to want this distraction as much as I do, I cup my hands on either side of her face, and selfishly, I kiss her. When the seconds feel like minutes, I pull back, only to have her hands circle my neck and pull me toward her. Her kiss has fervor and purpose as she takes the lead. I let my tongue swipe the seam of her mouth. The salty taste of her tears, drives me to make her forget. It turns from hesitant to heady in no time, and I let my hands roam down her body to cup her ass. I push her into my hard length; she moans. Bending at the knees ever so slightly, I lift her up. Naturally, her legs wrap around my waist. I walk us back into the apartment, slamming the door with cause. Right here and now, it’s only us. Every painful secret is on the other side of that wall, and while she’s with me, that’s where it will stay.

We reach the bedroom, and I let her body slide off of me, slowly. Standing at the edge of the bed, with no expectation of finesse and romance, we begin to take off our own clothes. No longer glassy and sad, her eyes are filled with need and desperation. As each layer falls to the floor, we let our eyes wander all over our bare bodies. There’s no doubt she’s a showstopper, but when I first met her my head was in the clouds; preoccupied with life. I didn’t appreciate the full beauty that is Courtney. But now, with every inch of her available to me, there is nobody else I would rather share this moment of weakness with.

I resume our kiss from earlier, our tongues entwining at a faster pace; caressing and exploring. The adrenaline picks up, and I lower her onto the bed. The heat of our bodies surrounds us in a blanket of lust. I skate my lips down the length of her neck, nipping and licking. “Are you sure about this?” I ask.

“No,” I feel her pulse quicken, as she whispers, “but I want it anyway.”

“So does that mean you’re going to tell me what went down between the two of you?” Lior asks, interrupting my thoughts.

“There’s nothing much to tell,” I say truthfully. “We both wanted casual—”

“And she wants more?” he asks, cutting me off.

“No,” I correct him. “Neither of us do.”

“So what the fuck am I missing here? You’re both down to be friends who fuck, but you want to put a stop to it because…?”

“I don’t know, man. We’ve had a few run-ins that could turn tense, and I don’t want to put Evie in an awkward situation.” Bringing up Evie is a low blow, but I also know she’s is Lior’s priority, and as soon as her name left my mouth his interest in Court and I would take a turn.

What I don’t, but don’t tell him, is there’s so much more to Courtney than sex. Unfortunately it’s the only side of her she’ll let me see. She comes in the night with vulnerability and passion, her body open and willing. I know what it’s like to run from your problems, better yet, I’m great at ignoring them. But I can’t fall into another co-dependent relationship. I won’t be that guy again.

Lior shakes his head at me while taking another sip of his beer. Slamming the empty bottle on the table, he stands up. “Whatever, man. If you’re not going to explain yourself, that’s fine with me, but I can’t stand another minute in this place. It’s like the playboy mansion, only without the mansion and money. And definitely more old men.”

“Fine.” Standing up I grab my jacket from the back of the chair. “Where do you want to go?” I ask, making our way to the exit.

“Dude, for coming all the way here, you owe me a feast.”

“Angelo’s then?” I ask, knowing he’ll agree in a heartbeat. I've never known someone to eat so much pizza from the same restaurant, more than once a week.

“You know it.”