Chapter Eighteen
BELLA WAS STILL thinking about last night’s good-night phone call with Caden when she parked in front of the office of The Geeky Guys (TGG) Monday morning. She loved that he called to say good night each night before he went to sleep. She slept better having his voice as the last she heard before her head hit the pillow, but last night she’d wanted to crawl through her cell phone and climb into his arms. Although neither had crossed the invisible line of saying I love you, their feelings hung in every word. She’d never forget the longing in his voice when he’d said, I can’t wait to fall asleep after making love to you and wake up with you in my arms. She wondered if that was what Vera had alluded to when she’d asked if Bella minded that Caden had a son. There were challenges when dating a man with a child, like not spending the night together and worrying about someone other than themselves at all times. She missed Caden at night, and she woke up in a bed that never used to feel empty, longing for him to be there with her, but she didn’t begrudge Caden for having Evan. She was falling for Evan as quickly as she was falling for Caden.
She liked Evan, whether or not he was going through a tough time. There wasn’t a teenager on earth who didn’t go through trying times. She could tell by the way Evan handled himself around other adults that he would come out on the other side as a good man. He’d been raised by Caden, after all. Bella also knew that when he acted out around Caden, he did so because he felt safe doing it with his dad. Evan knew that Caden loved him unconditionally. No one could behave all the time, and if a child couldn’t act out occasionally in front of those who loved them unconditionally, then where could they?
Bella took a deep breath and tried to push away thoughts about her personal life and mentally prepare herself for gaining TGG for the work-study program. Getting her professional life in order had to be her primary focus. Especially if I hope to stay here with Caden. Stop it. I’m making my career decisions separate from him!
Yeah, right.
Okay, she was trying to.
TGG was the only computer shop within twenty miles of Wellfleet. They handled computer repair, designed websites, and a multitude of other computer-related services. Jamie had suggested that she try them, and as she walked into the one-room office, she wondered if they’d be able to afford to hire anyone at all.
Five sets of eyes turned toward Bella when she stepped inside. Six desks were paired off, facing one another in the center of the room. The walls were lined with deep metal shelves, littered with CPUs, monitors, electronic gadgets, and other digital paraphernalia.
A twentysomething guy with black framed glasses and jet-black hair cropped short on the sides and spiky up on top rolled his chair a few feet back from his desk.
“Hi. Can I help you?”
“Hi, I’m Bella Abbascia. I’ve got an appointment with Frank Kohler.”
The guy peered around his computer monitor at the man sitting behind the desk across from him. “Frank, you’re up.”
Frank had one hand on his forehead as he peered at his monitor with his thick blond brows drawn together. He held up one finger. “One sec, Bell.”
Bell? While she waited, she quickly assessed the office. Four men, one woman, and one unoccupied desk. The employees appeared to be in their midtwenties and early thirties, dressed casually in shorts or jeans, and as far as Bella could tell, not at all bothered by the fact that she was standing there.
“Holy hell.” Frank smacked the desk.
“Frank.” The skinny blond girl who was sitting closest to Bella chided him. She smiled and Bella realized that she was probably closer to twenty than midtwenties. “He’s been crunching that program for hours.”
“That’s okay.” She made a mental note to address foul language if by some miracle they were able to hire any of the students.
Frank rose to his feet, his fingers flying across the keyboard. “Just one sec, Bell. I’ll be right there.”
She wondered if he’d misunderstood her name. A few minutes later he waved her over and pulled a chair from the unoccupied desk.
“I’m Frank.” His handshake was firm, but his hand was soft. Based on that and his pale skin, Bella doubted he spent much time away from his computer. He was just a few inches taller than her, with short blond hair and blue eyes that held the excitement of whatever issue he’d just solved. “Sit down. Talk to me.”
“Congrats on whatever you’ve just accomplished,” she said to break the ice.
“Thanks. I’ve been trying to crack that algorithm for days, not hours.” He shot a look at the blond girl, who rolled her eyes. “Stace doesn’t work on the weekends like I do. Anyway, tell me about your work-study program.”
Stace. She assumed that was short for Stacy, and that Frank was one of those guys who didn’t need friendship or an invitation to shorten someone’s name. Bella explained the goals of the program and what type of commitment was required from each company that signed on.
Frank leaned back in his chair and called to the guy sitting behind the desk to his right, “Sam? Whaddaya think?”
Sam, a dark-haired, clean-cut guy, was poring over a manual of some sort. “Sounds good if they’re not morons.”
Frank shrugged. “Not exactly a politically correct answer, but he’s pretty much right. Anyone we hired would need to be familiar with computers on some level. I’m all for on-the-job training, but they’ve gotta have the basics. You know, understand what batch files are, have some HTML knowledge. Any kid who has a real interest in computers will know those things, and experience with Python, Java, or Ruby is a big plus.”
“Python? My friend’s son is learning that now.”
“Is that the kid Jamie Reed is teaching? He said something about helping a kid learn Python when he told me about the program. We’d love to help someone that motivated.”
She was surprised Jamie had mentioned Evan. “He’s not a senior, so he’s not eligible for this program, but if you’re interested, I’m sure Evan would love to shadow you. He was in the technology club in Boston and he’s just recently moved to Wellfleet.”
“Sure. Why don’t you give Evan my number and we’ll see where it goes with him.”
“I’ll do that.” She could barely contain her excitement for Evan.
“How about an application that asks about the basic computer stuff? Any kid can go to Codeacademy online, and if they’re really driven, they can learn the things we need on their own.” Stace walked around the desks and put a hand on Frank’s shoulder. “My big brother’s quite a mentor.”
“You’re siblings?” She ran her eyes between them.
“Yeah.” The girl held out her hand. “Stacia Kohler. I go to UMass. I’m only here for the summer, but I’d be happy to work with you to outline the basic requirements if Frank says it’s a go.”
“It’s a go,” Sam said over his shoulder.
“Well, I need to know who has signing authority for TGG, because we’ll require legally binding signatures for the contract.”
Both Sam and Stacia pointed to Frank.
“Sure. If you can work with Stace to develop a general list of requirements, we can try this out. I assume it’s a set number of hours each week at minimum wage.” Frank glanced around the desk at the guy with black hair. “Mark, can you put together some type of—” He turned his attention back to Bella. “Is this by school year or by semester?”
“School year.”
He turned back to Mark. “A nine-month guideline of expectations, things we can teach them, that sort of thing?”
“Sure.” Mark looked up at Stacia. “Stacia can help me this weekend.” He smiled in a way that made Stacia blush.
Stacia put her hand on her hip and narrowed her eyes. “Okay, but I’m still not going out with you.” She turned her attention back to Bella. “Stop by my desk when you’re done with Frank and we’ll pencil in a date to go over things.”
Bella went over the documentation with Frank and set up a time to discuss modifications to the application with Stacia. By the time she left the office, she had also received recommendations from Stacia for a bakery and a CPA office that might be interested in becoming part of the program.
When she got in her car, Bella picked up her cell phone to call Caden and saw that she’d missed two calls from Kelsey Trailer, her old boss. She hadn’t spoken to Kelsey since she left for the summer. Kelsey had extended an offer for Bella to return to her old job. She refused to believe that Bella really wanted a change. Who wouldn’t? Bella was as stable as the day was long. She arrived early for work every day, missing only two days out of the last two years, and she stayed until her work was complete each afternoon. Bella had been good at hiding her secret hankering for something more fulfilling—in fact, she wasn’t sure she really believed she’d ever make the change. Until last spring, when it all clicked.
Bella knew Kelsey wanted an answer that Bella wasn’t ready to give. She called her back before calling Caden.
“Bella, how’s summer in Wellfleet?” Kelsey asked.
She pictured Kelsey behind her desk, her blond corkscrew curls framing her face, wire-rimmed glasses firmly balanced on the bridge of her nose, and a warm, hopeful smile on her thin lips.
“It’s beautiful, as always.” There was no doubt in Bella’s mind. She wanted to be at the Cape, and she realized, she was proud to have made that decision before meeting Caden. Since she had no offer for permanent work here yet, she needed to keep the door to her old job open, even as a last resort.
“I’m just going to cut to the chase here, Bella. Jay quit, so there’s no reason for you to quit. There was no reason before, but I understand why you wanted to get away from seeing him every day. So, what do you say?”
Bella digested the new information. “He quit?” For a split second she wondered why he’d quit, but she quickly realized that she didn’t really care. She still wasn’t keen on the idea of going back to work in Connecticut or to a school where she’d dated a coworker, even if he was no longer there. She was excited about the prospect of the work-study program—and then there were Caden and Evan. The truth was, she couldn’t imagine not being with them. She closed her eyes for a beat to get ahold of her emotions. Separate mind and heart. Separate mind and heart.
Nope. Didn’t work. They were tied together in a knot only an experienced boatman would be able to disassemble.
“Yes. He gave his notice last week, and I waited to call in case it was a momentary lapse in judgment. But he’s serious. So does the offer look any better to you now?”
“I…Kelsey, I need to think about it.” Five years she’d worked there, and in those five years she’d made close friends, and she’d bonded with families and students. She had a life there that was comfortable and safe.
I have a boyfriend here who holds my heart in his comfortable, safe, reliable, strong, sexy, loving hands. Yeah, great separation there, Bella.
“That’s fine, but I need to know before August fifteenth. We have another teacher on the line, and she needs a decision so she can move forward one way or another.” Kelsey sighed, and when she continued, her voice held the emotion of a friend rather than a boss. “Bella, we all love you. You know that. Don’t let one bad relationship throw you off course. You have a career and a family here.”
Bella promised to give her a decision by the fifteenth, which was only two weeks away. She had a meeting with the Barnstable County school board on Wednesday, and now she felt like there was a fire under her butt. She drove down the road to the Chocolate Sparrow and called Caden on the way.
“Hey, babe.” The smile in his warm voice eased the tension in her chest.
“Hi. I’ve got good news for Evan. You know that company in Eastham, The Geeky Guys? They want to talk to him about shadowing them to learn more about programming.”
“Really? That’s awesome, but what about Jamie?”
“Jamie’s only here during the summer, so it works out perfectly. If Evan’s interested, of course.” She told him about the people in the office and the technical things Frank had mentioned as prerequisites.
“I’ve been reading about HTML and other technical things that I’ll never have a use for, in those books we got at the bookstore.”
She loved that. “You have?”
“I have to do something to keep my mind off of you at night.” He spoke seductively quiet. “Not to mention, this way I won’t become the loser dad who is totally oblivious to Evan’s interests.”
“You’re such a good dad. Did you talk with him about the beach?”
“Not yet. I don’t want it to be obvious that you mentioned it. Besides, he’s in a very teenage mood right now. This opportunity should turn that around, though. I think you just got ten degrees hotter.”
Bella laughed. “You’re so cute.”
“Cute? Totally not what I was going for. Do I have to come over dressed as another Village People, YMCA guy?”
“You’re already a cop. Wasn’t there a cop in that group?” She narrowed her eyes and grinned, even though he couldn’t see her. “Maybe tonight we’ll play cops and robbers.”
“I’ll bring my handcuffs,” he said in a teasing voice.
“Don’t bother. I have my own.” She said it just to hear his reaction. She did have a pair of pink fuzzy handcuffs that she’d bought in Provincetown as a gag one night with the girls, but she’d never used them with a man. Come to think of it, she thought they were in her house in Connecticut and no longer at the Cape.
She was met with silence.
“Um…Caden?” She wondered if she’d crossed a line.
He cleared his throat. “Hold on. I’m trying to get an image out of my mind.”
She breathed a sigh of relief, and after they made a plan to get together later in the evening, she drove toward her next appointment revved up in more ways than one.
CADEN WAS GETTING ready to go see Bella when Evan threw the front door open and slammed it shut. He was already tired of this teenage attitude.
“Hey.” Caden shot him a look.
Evan stalked into his room and slammed that door, too. Caden had had just about enough of this behavior, regardless of if it was typical or not. He knocked on Evan’s door, and when Evan didn’t answer, he walked into the room. Evan stood at the window with his back to Caden.
“What’s going on, Evan?”
Evan slid his hands in his pockets and rounded his shoulders forward.
“Ev?” When Evan didn’t acknowledge him, he took a step closer and forced himself to tether his anger. “Evan, look at me when I’m speaking to you.” Caden didn’t like having to pull the parental look-at-me card, but he liked being ignored even less.
Evan turned with his neck bowed, eyes trained on the floor.
“What’s going on that’s got you slamming doors?” Life was so much easier when Evan’s biggest issue was fighting over a toy car in a sandbox or wanting a new cell phone. This world of him having a life that felt separate—and far too secretive—from Caden was bull.
It’s normal teenage bull, he reminded himself.
I hate this.
Evan shrugged.
“Look at me.” Evan lifted his eyes, and Caden hated the feeling of what he did next—looked for bloodshot eyes and heavy lids. He was relieved that Evan’s eyes were clear, even if brooding and angry.
“I know you’re going through a lot right now, but I won’t have you slamming doors and ignoring me. If you want to talk, I’m here. If you want to keep it to yourself, that’s fine, too, but I won’t be ignored when I ask you a question. Got it?”
“Whatever.” Evan sat in front of his computer.
Caden blew out a frustrated breath and paced the small bedroom. “No. Not whatever, Evan. That’s not even an option as an answer.”
“Fine. I’ve got it.” He clicked something on his monitor, and a PC game emblem filled his screen.
“Ev.” Do you want to talk? He knew him well enough to know he didn’t, but leaving the room without talking felt wrong. Too wrong.
Evan looked up at him and opened his mouth as if he were going to say something; then he turned back to his computer.
Aw, hell.
“I’m right here if you want to talk.”
Evan pushed back from the computer and fidgeted with the edge of the chair.
Caden sat down on Evan’s bed and waited.
“Can we take a trip back to Boston soon?” Evan asked.
“Absolutely. Want to see your friends?” Stupid question. Of course he did, just as Caden wanted to see his parents.
Evan nodded.
“We’ll plan a trip, but, buddy, is something going on with your friends here? You never used to come home angry after hanging out with friends.”
Evan shifted his eyes away. “The kids here aren’t my friends, Dad. They’re just kids to hang with, talk to. You know. But they’re not my friends. They don’t even like the same things I do. It doesn’t matter. I’m not hanging out with them anymore. They suck.”
Caden felt a little guilty for being relieved, and that guilt merged with the realization that this was his fault for moving them out of Boston.
“That stinks. I’m sorry, Ev. Hopefully, when you start school, you’ll meet kids who are interested in the same things you are.”
“Whatever.” He turned back to his computer.
Caden rose to his feet. “It’s not whatever to me. It’s important to me that you’re happy, and I’m sorry we moved, but I still think it was the right thing to do.”
“Because of Bella or because of the job?”
The question hit him like a punch to the solar plexus, but it was the innuendo behind it that pissed him off.
“I’d never jeopardize your well-being or your happiness for anyone, Evan. Not even Bella.” He strode out of the room, then hesitated, as the words hit a little too close to home. He drew in a deep breath to calm his anger and turned back to his son.
“Listen, buddy, I can stay in tonight if you want to hang out.”
“No thanks.” He didn’t miss a beat in his game.
Caden stood in the doorway, mired in guilt and struggling with indecision. He knew that staying home wouldn’t help. Evan would be chained to his computer for the next few hours regardless of where Caden was. He wrestled with the message he’d be sending by leaving. Would Evan think he was less important than Bella? Or was Evan using Bella as a manipulation to derail Caden from whatever was behind his bad mood?
Caden studied him, fully engrossed in a PC game, and decided this was probably a case of the latter. “I’ll see you later, buddy. Call if you need me.”
He pulled up to Bella’s ten minutes later, and when she answered the door with smiling eyes and open arms, he breathed her in. The guilt and anger that felt like a companion only moments ago dissipated with Bella’s warm embrace.
“I really missed you,” he whispered.
“I missed you, too.”
He lowered his mouth to hers, and when their lips met, the lingering guilt was swept away. How could he feel guilty about being with someone who meant so much to him?
“I bought a bottle of sangria. Would you like a glass?”
“I don’t want to move from holding you in my arms.” He kissed her again, deep and slow. He wanted nothing more than to disappear into her, but he also wanted to talk to her about Evan. He forced himself to draw his lips away. “Sangria. Sure.”
He followed her inside. She reached up to retrieve wineglasses from the top shelf of the cabinet, and the sundress she had on lifted, flashing the sweet curve of her rear. He couldn’t keep himself from circling her waist from behind and nibbling on her neck.
“You look delicious in that outfit.”
She leaned against him, tilting her head to the side, giving him better access to her neck. He kissed his way up to her earlobe, then laved it with his tongue.
“Caden,” she whispered, then turned around.
He sealed his lips over hers. His arms slid to her lower back, and he pressed his hips to hers.
She smiled against his lips. “Is it bad that I want to make love to you every time we’re together?”
He touched his forehead to hers. “Are you kidding? I was thinking the same thing.” He inhaled deeply.
“We should talk, right?” She bit her lower lip and wrinkled her brow.
“Probably. We should go outside and cool down before that look you’re giving me gets you in trouble and I carry you into the bedroom.” He wanted to lose himself in her love, and afterward, when the guilt and pain were pushed too far away to recall, they could talk, but he knew that was backward. Talking with Bella would make him feel better, and then he could make love to her with a clear head.
They moved in silence, carrying the wine and glasses outside. Bella’s cheeks were flushed, her eyes seductive and dark. They sat beside each other on the deck chairs, restraint tightening his nerves and written all over Bella’s face as they tried to calm their desires. He drew her legs onto his lap and moved his chair closer; then he poured them each a glass of sangria.
“You guys are still going fishing with us tomorrow, right?”
“We wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
She smiled. “Good. I picked up four new businesses for the work-study program, and TGG referred me to two other companies and I’m meeting with them on Thursday.” She wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek to his chest.
“That’s fantastic.”
He clinked his glass to hers. “To a full-time job at the Cape.”
“I can’t imagine that this isn’t going to come through as a full-time job.” She sipped her wine and traced the condensation with her finger. “I also got a call from my old boss. She wanted to let me know that Jay quit.”
Caden’s stomach clenched. He knew how much she loved working there, and with Jay out of the picture, he wondered if her excitement over the work-study program and their relationship was enough to keep her at the Cape. He settled a hand on her thigh.
“She said she needed a decision by the fifteenth, so I have another two weeks.”
He was unable to read her steady gaze. “And how do you feel about it?”
She ran her finger along the edge of her dress. “Conflicted.”
“About?” was all he could manage. Did she want to be with him, or did she want to move back to Connecticut?
She sighed. “There’s a lot to consider. On the one hand, if this job comes through, it’s because I created something valuable that could really make a difference in a lot of kids’ lives, and that’s exciting. On the other hand, I have a life in Connecticut and friends and a job that’s secure.” She ran her finger along his forearm. “And then there’s us to consider, too.” She leaned forward and kissed him.
“I’m glad to hear you say that. I know you want to make your decision free and clear of our relationship, but, Bella…” He stopped himself from saying more. This was her decision.
“I know.”
He took her hand in his. “I adore you. I know your life is up in the air right now. I also know that what we have is worth considering.”
“I know. I’ve never felt this way before. I couldn’t not consider us, Caden.”
He kissed her again, silently thanking her for caring enough to keep him in her mind while she decided their fate.
She took another sip of wine. “My realtor also called. She has a verbal offer on my house and expects to have it in writing tomorrow.”
“That’s good, right?” He took a drink, then ran his hand along her thigh. He loved her legs. He loved her, and he would have told her tonight, but with the job and house offer on the table, he worried she might think he was saying it just to keep her there.
“Yeah. I think so. I mean, I came here with the intent of starting fresh. New job, new digs, new life. Now at least the option is stronger, but I still don’t have the offer from the school board here.” She smiled, fisted her hand in his shirt, and pulled him down so they were eye to eye. “Even though I didn’t come here looking for a new boyfriend, I’m really glad I found you.”
He kissed her again. “I think I found you, remember?” He slid his hand up the outside of her thigh, beneath her dress. “I sure do. Your hair was caught in Leanna’s window, and your black silk panties were begging to come off.”
She tightened her grip on his shirt. “Only for you.”
How was he supposed to concentrate on anything other than how good she felt when all he wanted to do was love her until all the other complications disappeared? She released his shirt and settled back into her chair.
“You know you’re killing me, right?”
“That’s my evil plan.” She finished her wine and went into a slow, off-key rendition of Carly Simon’s “Anticipation.”
“I was thinking more along the lines of ‘You Shook Me All Night Long’ by AC/DC.”
She laughed. “Okay, okay. We should be serious. How’s Ev? Did you talk with him about the job?”
“Serious, huh?” He rolled his eyes, but it was a farce. He loved that she cared about Evan. “Not yet. He came home pissed off, so I thought I’d wait until he was in a better frame of mind. You were right, though. He doesn’t like those other kids. He said he’s not going to hang out with them anymore.” He debated telling her what Evan had asked him about moving and Bella, but with everything else that was going on, he refrained.
“Wow. I wonder what went down.” Bella’s brows drew together.
“He didn’t tell me much, just that they weren’t like his old friends. I’m going to take him back to Boston this weekend for a visit.”
“That’s great.”
He scooted his chair closer to Bella’s. “Would you consider coming with us for the day?” The idea had come to him as they were talking. He hated the idea of spending any time away from her, and he was looking forward to showing her where they’d lived and introducing her to his parents.
“Are you sure?”
He pulled her onto his lap and ran his fingers through her hair, then drew her lips to his. She pressed her hands to his cheeks and deepened the kiss.
“I love when you do that,” he admitted.
“Kiss you?”
He shrugged. “Kiss me, touch my cheeks like they’re yours.” He wanted to fill his senses with her like she filled his heart. He wanted to hear her voice gasping his name, and feel every inch of her luscious body beneath his.
He stood with her in his arms, carried her inside, and laid her on the bed. This time he remembered to close the bedroom window; then he closed her bedroom door, leaving no room for interruptions. He took her in a deep, passionate kiss. When he drew his lips away, her eyes fluttered open.
“Come back.” She wrapped her hand around the back of his neck and pulled him to her again.
He didn’t need the help, but, boy, did it turn him on. He would kiss her until her body was on fire and her thoughts melted together. She felt so right beneath him, soft and feminine. He felt her love for him in every kiss. He brushed his lips over hers, and when she arched to meet him, he drew back. He loved feeling her writhe with need.
“Bella. You’re so feminine and sexy you make me lose my mind.”
She scrunched her nose. “I’m hardly feminine.”
He glanced down at the pink comforter. “Why do you hide it? What happened that you feel like you have to be so strong?”
She turned her face away but not before he saw the pain in her eyes. He touched his forehead to hers.
“Tell me, baby.”
“It’s stupid. No one but Jenna, Amy, and Leanna know about it.”
He kissed her mouth, her cheek, her forehead again. “You don’t have to tell me. But one day I want to share all our secrets.”
That drew her eyes to his. “Tell me a secret and I’ll tell you.”
He smiled at the tit for tat presented with mischief in her beautiful eyes.
“Okay.” He propped himself up on his elbows beside her. “The truth is, moving was hard. I was scared to death to move away from Boston. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever made. I was scared about starting a new job, afraid that Evan would hate me, afraid that my parents would need me and I’d be two hours away.”
“Oh, Caden.” She leaned up and kissed him softly.
“And now I’m scared that I’ve messed up Evan for good.”
He rolled onto his back beside her, surprised at the truth streaming from his subconscious. He’d never admitted his fear to anyone before, or just how deep it ran.
She stroked his cheek. “I’m sure you didn’t mess him up for good. He’s just settling in. This time next year he’ll have forgotten how hard it was; he’ll have new technology club friends. You’ll see.”
“I hope so. It would kill me if I realized that although I moved here with the sole intent of protecting Evan, I had somehow made the worst decision of his life, while it was the best decision of mine.” He closed his eyes for a beat, and when he opened them, he noticed Bella’s eyes were damp.
“You’re such a good dad, Caden.” She pressed her lips to his, and her voice turned serious. “Are you considering moving back to Boston?”
He shook his head. “I moved here for a reason, and that reason hasn’t changed. I just have to believe that it was for the best. That it was fated to be.”
“You believe in fate?”
“Well, I think you and I were destined to be together. And I also think you’re skipping out on sharing your secret.” He kissed her again, then ran his finger down her cheek. “Why do you pretend that you don’t have a love of all things girly?”
“I don’t pretend. It’s just not part of my personality.” She ran her finger along his arm.
“But it is, babe. You’re very feminine.”
“I’m brash, and loud, and take charge.” She furrowed her brow, and it made him smile.
“You are self-confident, independent, and secure. But you’re also feminine. You wear dresses every day. You walk with graceful steps, and your hips swing in an extremely feminine fashion. You flirt like a seductress, and sometimes you get this look in your eyes when we’re talking.” He breathed her in, giving himself a second to catch his breath. “It’s tender and sweet. Your essence is girly, babe, no matter how much you try to deny it.”
Her cheeks heated. “I don’t try to. I just don’t share it with many people. I like knowing that I can bang nails into my own deck and move furniture, or…” She rolled her eyes. “Whatever else I need to do. And as a woman, when you can’t do those things, I think it makes you vulnerable. It lessens your strength and independence.”
“Does Amy do all those things?”
She laughed. “Are you kidding? No. Neither does Jenna.”
He arched a brow. “So, I don’t get it. Do you have any less respect for them?”
“Of course not.” She lay flat on her back and covered her face with her arm. “It’s just my thing. I can’t even believe I’m telling you this. Really, when did you enter the zone that has always been reserved for just my Seaside girlfriends?”
“Since we fell in love,” he whispered.
She reached for his hand, needing the safety of him while she exposed her secret. “I was really girly when I was a teenager, but it seemed like every time I asked a guy for help with anything—my car, carrying something heavy—they always wanted something sexual in return. I learned pretty quickly that guys tended to take advantage of girly girls, so I decided not to be that person anymore, at least not publicly. Is that a big deal? That I keep my girly side private and only share it with those I really care about?”
He shifted so she was beneath him. “It is a big deal to me, to be included in those you care about.” He kissed her chin. “I adore your girly side.”
She licked her lips. “Would you rather I got my handcuffs and took you every which way on my terms?”
He took her in a greedy kiss, aroused by the thought of being restrained by her.
“One day I’d love to see you take control.” He kissed her again.
“But not tonight, lover girl.” He kissed her softly. “Tonight I just want to be close. No games, no props, no diversions. I just want to love you.”