Chapter Six
BELLA STRUGGLED TO remain focused Monday morning and to not let her mind wander to Caden. She wasn’t the type of person who usually moved that fast with men, but with him, she couldn’t stop herself. No matter how hard she tried to convince herself that it was shameful and that she was sending the wrong message to him—no commitment, but ravish me, please—she couldn’t. What they did didn’t feel shameful. It felt incredible, passionate. Right.
She forced her attention back to Dr. Wilma Ritter, the superintendent of Nauset Regional High School. Wilma was tall and willowy, with salt-and-pepper hair that she wore in a messy bun. She had a limp handshake, and based on the fact that they’d been walking around the school since Bella had arrived, the inability to sit still.
“We’ve been pushing for this type of program for years, but there was never enough budget, or the right person to head it up, or…” Wilma waved her skinny hand in the air. “I’m just glad you’re giving it a shot.”
They walked down a long corridor lined with lockers. Wilma rattled on about how much red tape was involved in doing anything with the school system.
“It’s the same everywhere,” Bella agreed. “In Connecticut we had the same trouble. It’s amazing to me that professional sports teams have more money than they could ever spend, and our educational system barely scrapes by.”
Wilma pushed open the heavy door and waved Bella through. They were behind the school, facing a grassy field that led to a thickly wooded area. Bella followed Wilma down a sidewalk, along the side of the brick building.
“I have a list of businesses that I’ve been putting together since they hired you. Companies that might have an interest in supporting the program, both nonprofit and for profit.” She stopped walking and nodded toward the edge of the woods. “This is what I wanted you to see. Every year we have a few kids who tend to get into trouble. For whatever reason, that spot has become a gathering place for them.”
“What do you mean a gathering place? Do you mean that any kids who hang out there are high-risk kids?” Bella didn’t see any kids hanging around the area.
Wilma nodded, then took Bella by the arm and guided her back toward the double doors. “Well, it would be irresponsible of me to lump them together definitively, but for the most part, yes. Why they come here during the summer, instead of anywhere else, is beyond me, but they come by every few days. It would be great to get those kids involved in something to occupy their time. During the school year, the good kids avoid that area like the plague.”
They went back inside the school and walked back toward Wilma’s office.
“What kind of trouble, exactly? And if you’re sure they’re getting into trouble, can’t you speak with their parents?” She wasn’t quite sure why Wilma thought it was imperative to show her that area instead of just mentioning it.
“Oh yes. We’ve taken all of the appropriate steps. People like to think that parents can control their teens, but we know better.” She nodded knowingly at Bella. “There’s only so much parents or teachers can do, which is why I hope your program might help get those kids and others like them involved in something more productive.”
“That’s the driving force behind it, and the hope.”
“You asked about the type of trouble they get into, and that’s a little hard to define. They’re the kids who bring tension into the classrooms. You know the type. They interrupt class with jokes; they’re generally disinterested and sneer at the kids who are trying to actually learn. They jaywalk, too.”
“Jaywalk?” Bella stifled a laugh.
“Don’t scoff. That’s where it all begins. It doesn’t take much to move from breaking small rules to landing in jail.”
Bella followed Wilma into her office and refrained from telling her that it was that type of thinking that also led kids to trouble. If they were assumed to make bad choices, they often felt a need to live up to the assumption or to walk farther down Bad Decision Alley.
Wilma leafed through a file cabinet and withdrew a manila folder. She handed it to Bella.
“This is the list I mentioned. There are also companies noted that you might want to stay away from.” She whispered, “Unsavory business owners.”
As Bella headed to her car, she didn’t know what was worse, knowing the high school was run by a busybody like Wilma, who appeared to be looking for trouble and willing to spread gossip based solely on her opinion, or the fact that she couldn’t wait to go home and share her own gossip with her friends. She hadn’t known what Wilma was like before she accepted the summer position, but it wouldn’t have curbed her enthusiasm any more than it did now. She was in this for the kids and the intellectual challenge.
Back at her cottage, she changed into her bathing suit, gathered her laptop, phone, a notebook, and the manila folder, and headed down to the pool. She’d rather go to the beach, but without Internet, she’d have no hope of getting any research done.
She found Tony and Jenna lying in the sun. Tony’s hands were clasped behind his head; his sculpted body was already evenly tanned. Jenna wore a string bikini that was in danger of splitting at the very thin seams.
“You two shouldn’t be allowed out in public with bodies like that,” Bella teased.
Tony squinted against the harsh sun. “You’re not so bad yourself. How was your first day of school?”
“More importantly,” Jenna interrupted. “I didn’t get to talk to you last night after the barbeque. Wanna spill on the mysterious twenty minutes when you and Officer Sexy disappeared into your cottage?”
Bella glanced at Tony and said, “The school was a fact-finding mission, and it was interesting.” She sighed at Jenna. “Twenty minutes in heaven.” Bella set up her laptop on a glass table and shifted the umbrella so she could see her computer screen.
Jenna held her hand out to Tony. “Five bucks.”
Tony reached for his wallet. “You guys get more action than I do.”
“We didn’t do that, so don’t pay her.” Bella stretched out on a chair beside Jenna in the sun.
“I thought you had to work,” Jenna said.
“I do, but I want five minutes of sun before I hunker down and do real-world work.” She closed her eyes and sighed.
“You still have to pay me,” Jenna said to Tony. “The bet was if they hooked up, not if they had sex, and twenty minutes in heaven says way too much to be innocent.”
Bella remembered the look in Caden’s eyes when he was kissing her belly, and the feel of being in his arms. Oh, how she’d wanted to stay in his arms. Forget the ecstasy of kissing him. Just being that close to his warmth and feeling his heart beating against her as he carried her to the bedroom was heaven. He felt safe and sure, and his words held promise for so much more than lust.
“And that smile says even more.” Jenna touched her arm. “Care to share?”
Bella sighed. “He’s confusing.”
“Like women aren’t?” Tony quipped.
“I never said that. I know I confuse the heck out of him.” She’d been thinking all night about what he’d said. I thought I made it clear that I wanted to sleep with you, but I wouldn’t because you won’t commit. She’d also been thinking about what Jenna said about not classifying their relationship. The truth was, Bella was a classifier. She had never been the type of woman to date more than one guy at a time, and she didn’t have any interest in that now, either. She also knew it probably seemed silly to tell Caden or her friends that she didn’t want to date or commit when she was clearly interested in Caden, but it didn’t feel silly. It felt like she was trying to stand firm to her convictions—even if she and Caden were already doing intimate things that she didn’t normally do outside of a committed relationship.
Maybe life choices weren’t as easy as she’d hoped.
And if she were honest with herself, it wasn’t Caden who was confusing at all. It was her.
“What kind of guy won’t…you know…with a woman who’s offering no strings attached?” Bella asked.
“The gay kind,” Jenna answered.
“I’m going to put on my therapist hat for a minute.” Tony sat up and leaned his elbows on his knees.
“You’re not a therapist. You’re a motivational speaker and a surfer, neither of which qualifies you to wear a therapist hat.” The truth was, Bella had gotten lucky in the male friend department. Tony’s advice was usually spot-on.
“Fair enough,” Tony said. “Then I’m putting on my man hat, and I know I am qualified to wear that. First of all, since when are you looking for a scrump and dump?”
Bella rolled her eyes. “I’m not looking for a scrump and dump. I just don’t want to have a scrump-and-be-lied-to or a scrump-and-make-bad-life-decisions experience.”
“Because you dated some jerk who told you he was divorced and he was really working things out with his wife? What power did that guy have over you to make you change who you are? You’re Bella Abbascia, the epitome of strength and confidence. You’re beautiful and smart, and you built an amazing career for yourself. What did that guy do to you for you to leave that all behind?” Tony rose to his feet and paced beside Bella’s chair. “And if he did something so bad, then why on earth didn’t you call me so I could beat the tar out of him?”
“Excellent point,” Jenna said as she rolled onto her side and put on her sunglasses.
Bella rose from her lounge chair and sat at the table with a sigh.
Tony came to her side and placed his hand on her shoulder. “You’re not alone in this, Bella. No matter what it is.”
“I know.” She leaned back and kicked out a chair. “Sit down.”
Tony lowered himself to the chair, and Jenna joined them on Bella’s other side.
Bella pressed her palms flat on the table and drew in a deep breath. She’d held the truth in for months, and it would be a relief to get it off her chest. It would also be a slap in the face, and she knew how much that slap would sting. And she knew that she could spill her guts to Jenna, Tony, or any of the other friends here at Seaside, and they’d soothe that sting with more love than she could ever hope for.
“Okay. The truth is, it wasn’t him. It was me. It is me. This was my decision any way you cut it. Jay was nothing. He lied to me. Yeah, that stung, but I broke up with him the moment I found out. But changing my life—taking control of my life?” She shook her head. “That’s all me, baby. I took a good look at my love life and my professional life. And trust me, it wasn’t easy to take off the rose-colored glasses and open my eyes, but I did. You’re right, Tony. I’m strong, and you know what? I’m not sure that’s a great thing when it comes to relationships. I’m loud. I say things that can be harsh or misconstrued. I joke about things that other people might not, but I like who I am.”
Jenna lifted her brows. “We love who you are.”
“Thank you, Jen. I love you guys, too.” She sighed. “I just realized that maybe the reason relationships don’t work for me is that I’m not supposed to be in one. It seems like we women are always looking for Mr. Right, and I realized that I don’t need Mr. Right. I just need to be happy with myself, and I am. So, I decided to take charge of my life and make a change. Sink or swim. And part of taking charge of my career and my life is setting aside the pathetic need to be in a relationship.”
“Bella—” Tony began.
“No, let me finish. You guys know me. I’m a no-bull person. What you see is what you get with me, right?”
Jenna nodded.
“Pretty much, but you hide a lot, Bell, even if you don’t want to admit it,” Tony said.
“I hide?”
“Yeah. You tuck away parts of yourself. I can’t explain it, but I’ve known you long enough to recognize it. It’s not a bad thing. It’s like when I’m surfing. The people I meet around my competitions want to know me because of what I stand for, not who I am. So around those people, I don’t show my real self. You kind of do the same thing. Maybe it’s not the loud part of you that makes relationships difficult, but it’s keeping that other part of you walled off that, I don’t know, creates a gap. Guys feel that, you know. When you women think we don’t know you’re hiding something, we totally see it.”
She chewed on that thought for a minute. There was probably some truth to it, but she wanted to finish her thoughts, and she was too distracted to define those pieces of truth just then. She pushed the thought away to deal with later.
“Okay, maybe you’re right in some ways. And you’re also right, Tony, about me not screwing around for the sake of screwing around.”
“Wait. Hold up.” Jenna held her palm up toward Bella. “Timmy Brown? Taylor Marks? Do either of those ring a bell?”
“Okay, so maybe there were a few times. For crying out loud, Jenna, what were we? Twenty-two? But it’s not a habit, and you know that. I might talk big, but I want love like everyone else does. I want the stupid white picket fence and the, Hi, honey; I’m home, and all the other baloney that goes along with it.”
Tony shrugged. “Okay, but why can’t you have that and a career?”
“Don’t worry. I’m not some desperate woman who thinks she’s not worth being loved.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m so not that person.”
“We know that.” Tony reached out and touched her hand. “I was just worried that you gave up everything because of a guy.”
“Nope. He was just a nudge to get off my butt and do what I really want to do. I’m a realist. I can handle this, and it’s a good thing. I might actually get to live in my favorite place on earth and fill my creative soul with a challenge.” She inhaled deeply, feeling her smile fill her with happiness. “So my very long-winded answer about why he had the power to hurt me is that he didn’t. He lied about his wife and about his commitment to me, and yes, that stung, and maybe it even made me worry about guys knowing how to not lie. I am only human. But I didn’t make my decision to change my life and my dating habits because of Jay. I did it because of me. I happened to realize what I wanted at the same time that I broke up with him.” She shrugged again.
Tony sat back and crossed his arms. He slid a concerned look to Jenna.
Jenna shrugged. “The woman does know how to take control.”
He shifted his eyes back to Bella. “I can’t argue with that. You’re right. It’s actually a ballsy move.”
“Thank you.”
“What about not-your-date?” Tony asked. “What’s your plan with him? He brought his kid over. Chances are he’s not a scrump and dumper.”
“Not-my-date and I have a not-a-date tonight. Speaking of which, now that I’ve spilled my pathetic guts, I need to get some work done so I can be ready by six.”
CADEN STOPPED AT the hardware store on his way home from the station to pick up extra window and door locks for the house, and while he was there, he picked up locks for Bella’s cottage, too. There had been another break-in last night, and he was not taking any chances. He put his bags on the kitchen table and unbuttoned his shirt.
“Ev?” he called down the hall.
Evan didn’t answer.
“Evan?” He knocked on Evan’s bedroom door, and a minute later, Evan opened it. His hair was uncombed, his shirt was wrinkled, as if he’d pulled it from the hamper.
“Hey, Dad. Sorry. I didn’t hear you.” He went to his computer and studied the screen. “We’re going to Jamie’s at six, right?”
“Yeah. I need to shower and change, and you should, too.” He moved behind Evan and scanned the monitor. “What’s Python?”
“A program.”
“For?” He felt out of touch with Evan lately, and he didn’t like it. His interest in computers was just one aspect of the distance that had crept between them. He’d decided last night that he was going to do whatever he could to spend time with Bella and explore his feelings for her, and now he made another commitment. He was going to study up on technology so he could at least understand the basics of the things Evan was interested in.
“There was another break-in last night.”
“I know.” Evan’s eyes remained trained on the computer screen.
“How do you know?”
Evan pointed to the computer. “That stuff’s public information. Wellfleet has a daily crime report that they publish.”
“And you read it?” Caden thought he knew his son pretty well, but he never would have guessed that he’d have an interest in a crime report. He wondered what else Evan was reading that he didn’t know about. He had parental controls on the computer to keep him off of porn sites, but he of all people knew there were other dangers lurking out there.
“Dad, you’re a cop. Haven’t you drilled safety into my head since I was, like, two?” Evan shook his head. “You always say that it’s the people who don’t pay attention to their surroundings that get themselves into trouble.”
“That can get hurt, actually,” he corrected him.
“Whatever. You know what I mean. Besides, what’s the big deal? Someone broke into a few cars and a cottage. They took a laptop and a couple bucks they had lying around.” Evan shrugged.
“What’s the big deal? Seriously, Ev?”
Evan sighed. “You know what I mean. It’s not like they killed someone, or they robbed them of everything they owned.”
Caden lowered himself to Evan’s bed and rubbed his temples with his finger and thumb. “Ev, you know how wrong that attitude is, don’t you?”
Evan shrugged.
“How is it that you can remember what I said about knowing your surroundings but not about respecting other people’s property?” Caden watched his son turn and face him. He might be running on hormones, but his face still held the soft qualities of a boy, and it was that softness that eased Caden’s worry.
“I remember. It’s not like I’m the one doing it, Dad. I’m going to study computers tonight. Remember?”
Caden smiled. “Yeah. I remember.”
Evan turned back to his computer. “I like Bella.”
“Yeah. She’s nice.”
“And hot.”
Caden raised his brows. Hot? His son was looking at women as hot?
“Yeah, she is pretty hot,” he admitted.
“Are you going out with her tonight?”
Evan asked it so casually that it took Caden by surprise.
“Why don’t you date, Dad? Is it really because of work and me?”
“You? Buddy, I don’t date because dating takes time, and in case you haven’t noticed, I don’t have much free time.”
“So make it.” Evan spun around in his chair again. “She’s obviously into you. She looked at you all night, and she did the whole hand-on-your-leg thing.”
“What do you know about the hand-on-the-leg thing?”
Evan laughed. “I’m almost fifteen, not in second grade. There are YouTube videos about picking up girls and taking hints.”
“There are?” And you’re watching them?
“Yeah. You should watch them. There’s this one guy, MasterDater—”
“MasterDater?”
“I know. It’s a stupid name, but he’s really smart. He goes over everything.” Evan waved his hand in the air. “How girls like eye contact, and they hate when you talk about yourself. And how if you aren’t interested in what they have to say, you shouldn’t even consider dating them, because girls love to talk. He says you have to smell good, too, or girls won’t like you.”
“Really? There are videos on that stuff?” Caden made another mental note to look up this MasterDater dude.
“Heck yeah. There are videos on anything and everything on YouTube.”
“Wait. Does he go over sex stuff, too?” Caden had had the talk with Evan when Evan was twelve. He’d come home from school one day talking about a boy who made out with a girl in the bathroom, and that spurred weeks of detailed conversations about sex and love and the importance of respecting women. Caden had expected to feel funny talking to Evan about those things, but Evan was a very practical kid, and he didn’t blush or act embarrassed. He wanted to understand it all, and it made for easy, open lines of communication.
“Nothing that you haven’t already told me about. He talks more about not pushing girls into stuff than the actual activity, if you know what I mean.”
Activity? That’s a great word. He was impressed with Evan’s attitude and pleased to hear that he was researching the more respectful parts of dating than the sexual side. He also wasn’t naive, and he knew that Evan could be cushioning the truth.
“Anyway, are you going out with her tonight?” Evan asked.
He’d hoped he’d avoided the question altogether. “Yeah, but it’s not a date.”
“Why not?”
Caden pushed to his feet and headed for the door. “I need to shower, and you need to get cleaned up, too. Remember to put on a clean shirt.”
“Yeah, yeah. I know. But you can’t avoid the question. Why isn’t it a date?”
He couldn’t explain something he didn’t understand himself.
“It’s complicated,” he said before heading to his room.