Chapter Four
SUNDAY ARRIVED WITH the promise of sunshine and a swarm of butterflies in Bella’s stomach. She was supposed to be focusing on getting her new life together, not getting all quivery about going to the flea market with a man, and yet there she was, walking into the flea market beside a handsome, charming man and his soft-spoken son. She’d even taken extra care in choosing the brightly colored sundress she wore, and Jenna had insisted that she wear her sexiest bikini beneath, along with matching sandals, because that man deserves sexy. She tried not to stare as she ran her eyes over his handsome face. He had a chiseled, square jaw, and today it was peppered with stubble, darker in the cleft of his chin, giving him an edgier—and impossibly sexier—appearance.
The flea market was held in the parking lot of the Wellfleet Drive-In movie theater. They sold everything from designer duds to cheap jewelry and antiques, and even when it rained, the place was packed. They crossed the parking lot toward the sea of vendor tents and booths, set up in long rows for as far as the eye could see, and joined the crowds of tourists and locals looking for great deals they couldn’t pass up.
“Can I take off, Dad?” Evan shoved his hands in the pockets of his camo shorts. His hair was damp and uncombed, and in his gaming T-shirt, he blended in with every other teen wandering around the flea market.
Caden withdrew a twenty-dollar bill from the pocket of his shorts and handed it to Evan. “You have your phone?”
Evan held it up, like he’d been asked the same question a million times. He probably had.
“Okay. Text if you need me, and don’t leave the grounds.”
“I know,” Evan said with an exasperated sigh, then disappeared into the crowd.
“He’s a sweet kid,” Bella said.
“Usually. He’s in that stage where testosterone can win out over common sense, so if he appears snappy at times, or disinterested, I apologize ahead of time.”
“I’m a high school teacher. I know probably more than I should about teenagers.”
“So you’re a teacher?” He ran his hand through his thick hair, then placed it on her lower back as they maneuvered through the crowd.
He emitted a confident and tender vibe, and it was such a strange combination that Bella found herself sneaking peeks at him. She tried not to focus on how nice his hand felt on her back, and forced herself to respond.
“I’ve been teaching in Connecticut for the last five years, but I’m working for the Barnstable County school system this summer. I’m hoping it leads to full-time.”
She stopped to look at a display of necklaces, and Caden’s hand slipped away. She sensed him behind her, protectively shielding her from the masses as they meandered by. Bella was not a woman who needed protecting, and she’d never had a man treat her like she was. Everything about Caden felt different from the other men she’d dated, and she wondered if it had anything to do with his having a son and being a cop, and protecting others for all those years. It was a strange sensation to have a man she wasn’t dating stand so close that she could feel his warmth and smell his earthy, spicy, almost primal scent—and, wow, she loved the smell of him.
Bella looked for Leanna, but her vendor space was empty. She wondered what had come up that would cause her to leave the flea market so early, but she knew if it were something bad, Jenna would have tracked her down. Probably one of Kurt’s surprise outings.
The crowd thickened near a popular L.L. Bean display, and Bella felt his big hand settle on her lower back again as they wove their way through to the next booth. His hand felt nice. Maybe too nice. I’m not getting involved. It’s just a hand. She rolled her eyes at the thought and reminded herself that she wasn’t really going to swear off men, just commitments.
“So you’re moving from Connecticut?” He stopped and flipped through a box of CDs.
She was considering how much she wanted to reveal about her current situation when he glanced up with that easy smile that distracted her from her thoughts. She realized she was staring and turned her attention to the CDs.
“You don’t share personal details of your life very easily, do you?”
“I just don’t want to bore you.” Even as she said it, she knew it wasn’t the truth. He was so easy to talk to that it took effort not to share everything with him, but she’d made a promise to herself. She knew it would be ten times more difficult to make life decisions based solely on what she wanted if she were involved with a caring, protective man like Caden. He wasn’t someone a person just dated. She knew that already. Caden could be a game changer.
“Bore me. Please.”
His voice was so full of sincerity that it drew her eyes to his again. Heck if they weren’t also honest and interested. Definitely interested.
“There’s not much to tell. I’m in a transitional period, looking for a new job. You know, figuring things out as I go.” And shoot, why do I want to hold your hand? She fisted her hands to keep from doing just that.
They continued down the row of vendors, and every time the crowd grew thick, his hand returned to her back. A gesture as possessive as it was protective, it made her warm with desire—and shiver with worry, because being with him felt that good that fast.
They turned down the next aisle and Caden stopped. He was tall and broad, making it easy for his eyes to dance over the heads of the crowd, finally settling on Evan, talking to a couple of teenagers by the discount game vendor in the next row over.
“I can probably negotiate a deal for him if you want to go over. Everyone here barters.”
Eyes still on Caden, he pressed his hand a little firmer to her back. “No, not yet. Maybe he’ll meet a friend or two.”
“Doesn’t he have many friends?”
“We just moved here a few weeks before summer began. He didn’t really have time to get to know anyone.” His brow furrowed, and his eyes grew serious. He placed his hand on her back again. “Come on. Let’s find you those hair things you wanted.”
You remembered. “It’s tough on kids to move, especially teenagers. What brought you to Wellfleet?”
“My partner was killed in the line of duty, and it was a wake-up call. I realized that if something happened to me, Ev wouldn’t have anyone. His mom took off a week after he was born, and I haven’t seen her since. Other than my parents, I’m the only family Evan has ever known.”
He was so open and honest, and his words were thick with love. She felt her resolve soften a little more. She wanted to get to know him better, despite her plan to remain distant.
“I’m so sorry about your partner. That must have been very painful.”
When he continued, his voice was thoughtful. “It was. Sometimes it still is, but moving helped.” He smiled, but it wasn’t the easy smile she’d seen earlier. His eyes remained serious. “I knew moving would be tough on Evan, and it wasn’t an easy decision to move away from my parents, but it was more important to me that I work someplace safer. Hopefully, I’ll be around for Evan until he’s old and gray.”
“So you raised him alone?”
“Since the day he was left in my arms.” He smiled again, and this time it was full of love, and his eyes filled with pride.
They stopped to look over paintings, but Bella couldn’t take her eyes off of this man who had changed his life to protect his son.
“What about you? Has the move been tough for you?” she asked.
His answer came easily. “Nothing is too difficult when I’m doing it for Evan.” He shrugged, as if life decisions were that simple.
Bella had made her decision to change her life in a split second as well. Maybe life decisions really were that easy.
“In all honestly, I had to start on the bottom rung here. You know, new department, new city, and all that. It took some getting used to, but hopefully in the long run it will be worth it. What about you, Bella? Have you ever been married?”
She laughed. “Wow. You don’t beat around the bush. No commitments, remember?”
“You mentioned that that was a recent decision.”
What is it about you that makes me want to spill my guts? “It was semi recent. I made the decision not to…” Date? Get involved in a relationship? She didn’t want to stipulate either so definitively with Caden. “I made the decision in the spring, and no, I’ve never been married.” She was feeling too flustered inside toward him. She needed a little deflection. “And I’m not looking to get married anytime soon, so don’t drop to one knee and whip out a ring, either.”
He laughed. Thank goodness. At least he didn’t think she was as crazy as she felt.
“I’m basically starting over, too. I’ll be happy to find a job for the fall, sell my house, and settle into a life that doesn’t rely on someone else’s honesty.” Holy cow. Where did all that come from? She couldn’t stop herself from explaining. “I made a deal with myself that I’d make my life decisions based on me and me alone. Oh geez, that sounds terribly selfish given what you’ve done for Evan.”
“You don’t have children, so it’s different.”
“Either you’re a great liar, or you’re the most understanding man I’ve ever met. I guess it’s different, but what I meant was, I’d make my decisions separate from a relationship. You know, separate heart and mind and all that.”
Caden’s eyes grew serious. “There’s an all that? I thought that when the heart made a decision, the mind had no choice. Huh.”
“I’m hoping there’s a separation of heart and mind, but if I’m not in a committed relationship, it won’t be an issue anyway.” Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Oh my gosh, here it goes… “I have an offer to get my old job back in Connecticut, and I’m trying to build a work-study program here. That choice has to come from what I want.”
He reached for her hand—even after all she’d said. “Well, I think that makes total sense.” He guided her to the next booth, and she was sure her jaw was gaping as she stared at their interlaced fingers. They felt like they belonged together.
“Here’s the hair stuff,” he said.
She should pull away. She knew she should, but she didn’t, despite everything she’d just admitted. She told herself it was curiosity, to see if he would pull away first, but in truth, she liked the feel of him.
She liked him.
It was that simple.
And that complicated.
She picked up three boxes of ponytail holders. “I’ll take these, please.”
Caden withdrew his wallet.
“I think I can afford hair bands.” She pulled a ten-dollar bill from her purse and paid for the bands. She wasn’t used to men offering to buy anything other than dinner or a movie, and it had never bothered her. In fact, she’d never thought anything of paying for her own things when she was out with a man. Until this very second. She told herself to be careful. Thoughtful, generous, and understanding was a dangerous—and from her experience, uncommon—combination in a man.
They continued down the aisle, and this time he didn’t touch her back as they moved through the crowd. She wondered if she’d completely turned him off.
“Thanks for offering to pay, but it’s a pride thing.” A pride thing? What on earth is wrong with me? You’re trying to be nice and I’m being a jerk. But it was kind of a pride thing, wasn’t it? Bella took pride in being able to take care of herself, financially and in other ways.
“A pride thing? Okay, got it. I didn’t mean to imply that you couldn’t afford to pay for your own hair bands. It was just a natural reaction to offer, I guess.”
“A natural reaction? So you buy things for every woman you go shopping with?” She smiled to let him know she was teasing, but the look he returned was serious.
“I don’t usually shop with women, so I guess the answer is yes, because it felt natural with you.”
His gaze was so hot, it brought sweat to her brow.
His cell phone vibrated, severing the connection. As he pulled the phone from his pocket, Bella sucked in a deep breath to get her bearings. What is wrong with me? He was sucking her right into the crazy man world again. The world where decisions were made based on feelings and minds were too filled with lust and anticipation to think straight. Where, for most guys, lies went hand in hand with getting a girl into bed. But he didn’t seem at all crazy. She had to be strong. Fix my life. Then date. Maybe. A moment later, she felt his body press against her back. Oh, you feel good. His hands gripped her hips, and he guided her out of the center of the crowded aisle.
He looked down at her with honest, dark eyes, and the last of her steely resolve slipped away. She wanted to kiss that sexy dip in his chin and run her tongue along his lower lip. She wanted to press her hands to his chest and feel the hard muscle beneath the soft cotton. She wanted to be in his arms and feel the passion that fueled him to wrap his life around a child at such a young age—and at the same time, she wanted to turn and run as fast and as far away as she could. Because Bella knew that once she opened the door to her heart, making clear-headed decisions would no longer be easy, and pain was sure to follow.
“That was Evan. Those kids he was talking to want him to hang out with them for the afternoon, so I need to go meet them. Do you have time to hang out? Maybe go to the beach while he’s with his friends?”
No. Definitely not. The words were on the tip of her tongue, which is why when she heard herself say, “Sure,” she knew she was in trouble.
THEY STOPPED AT Caden’s house so he could change into his bathing suit. He’d gotten a sweet deal on the three-bedroom rambler, built at the end of a cul-de-sac and just a few blocks from the bay. Since he moved in, he’d had the hardwood floors replaced, renovated the kitchen, and painted the house top to bottom. He had simple taste, and as he watched Bella’s eyes moving from the brown sectional to the built-in bookshelves, where they lingered on the titles, then circled back to the glass coffee table, and finally landed on the frames on the mantel, he wondered what she was thinking.
She walked over to the mantel and took down a picture of him and Evan. It was taken at Evan’s sixth birthday party, and it was one of Caden’s favorite photos. Evan’s eyes were wide and his gap-toothed grin was so innocent. The image still tugged at Caden’s heartstrings. His hair was long and curly around his sweet little-boy face.
He moved behind Bella and looked over her shoulder. “Good times.”
“I’m glad he met some kids today.”
“Yeah. Me too. It’s a weird feeling to let him go off by himself with a new crowd, but he’s going to be fifteen soon, and if I parent him too much, he’ll be an outcast. Too little will open the door to delinquency.”
“At least you care,” she said. “There are a lot of parents who don’t. They leave the kids to video games and the Internet and never even check in on them. It’s nice that you spend time together.”
“It’s nice for me. Sometimes I feel like I’m forcing myself on him.”
She smiled, like she completely understood. “That’s what being a teenager is all about. They’re so confused all the time, so it’s only natural for their parents to be confused, too. I say, give them rope. Tug them in when they need it, and give ’em more rope when they earn it. If they don’t hang themselves, you’ve done well. If they do, then you probably still did well, but you missed a hint of trouble along the way.”
She set the frame back on the mantel and looked at the others. When she continued, her tone was serious but cushioned with compassion.
“What’s most important is that if you did miss something, you don’t leave him hanging until his eyes pop out and he can’t find his way back. You lift him up by the bootstraps and kick him in the butt—figuratively, not literally. Walk with him down a better path. Give him the tools he needs and the understanding to become a better person. Teach yourself to become a better parent; then you both move forward together. A little bruised, a little embarrassed, but whole.” She shrugged as if she hadn’t just said something that made his world spin.
You’re amazing. How could a woman who had never been a parent know so much about raising children? “You’re wise and beautiful. That’s a lethal combination.” He felt himself opening up to Bella in so many ways, and after keeping those parts of himself closed off for so long, he wondered if she could feel it, too.
“That’s kind of why I’m working on this work-study project for the high school.”
He made a mental note about her needing to skirt around compliments and tried again to see if he’d read her discomfort correctly.
“Because you’re wise and beautiful?” he teased.
Her cheeks flushed. “Because idle hands lead to trouble, and a lot of parents don’t have the income to send their kids to college. So the more kids I can help gain experience in trades, or secure jobs for after graduation, the better chance they’ll have at a meaningful future. Whether that’s through more schooling that the companies subsidize, or through stronger self-esteem and pride in what they accomplish…” She shrugged. “The path they take doesn’t matter, as long as they get there.”
“Your passion for helping kids makes you even more beautiful.” He couldn’t keep the compliment to himself. It was true, and he wanted her to know that. He knew he was pushing, maybe a little too hard, given her wrinkled brow, but he wanted to find out what had caused her to disbelieve compliments, and he wanted to ease the hurt of whatever it was. He moved a little closer, and heat flared in her eyes. She shifted them away and picked up another frame.
She studied the picture of him and George, arm in arm, dressed in their uniforms. It was taken the week before he was killed. George was a stocky man with skin as dark as night and piercing coal-black eyes that could make a criminal wet his pants or a woman melt, depending on the look he slayed them with. He had a laugh that rumbled from deep in his gut, and he was the best friend a man could have.
“Was this your partner?”
Was. Caden’s throat thickened. “Mm-hm. George.”
Her eyes remained on the photo, but she wrapped one arm around Caden’s waist and hugged him close. She stayed there for a beat, with her cheek pressed to his chest and her eyes on the man who had meant so much to him. In that silence, he realized how much he longed to share the pieces of himself that he’d kept bottled up for too long.
The feel of her body against him remained as she moved away and scanned the other photos.
“Are these your parents?” Bella pointed to the picture of his parents, each holding one of four-year-old Evan’s hands.
“Yeah. They live in Boston.” He made a point of taking Evan back every two or three weeks to visit his parents, and they were due to make another trip soon.
“They must really miss him.”
Bella was an interesting mix of brazenness and tenderness, and when she gazed up at him with eyes full of compassion, he felt another emotion that he hadn’t felt in a very long time. The urge to climb into a woman’s inner circle and allow her into his. He took a step closer and tucked her hair behind her ear.
“They do miss him, and I think he misses them, too.” Caden missed this—talking to a woman about things that mattered. Wanting to share them with her and wanting to know more about her and her life. Was she running from someone painful in her past? If so, who was important enough for her to box herself off like she was trying so hard to do? Or was her decision to move as simple as she’d said—a life change she wanted to make? He was no stranger to running from pain. In fact, he’d done it for years. He’d run from the pain of Caty leaving, not so much for him, but for Evan, but he’d had Evan to love and nurture and fill those empty spaces that could have eaten him alive. What did Bella do with all those empty spots she was walling off, and why did he want to be the glue that held her together?
She dropped her eyes, and he felt her shift her weight back on her heels, distancing herself again. Her fingers skimmed his waist, giving him more contradictory signals. One moment she seemed interested in him, and the next, he could practically see her zipping herself into her own private bubble. She ran her tongue along her lower lip and lifted a sensual gaze to his face. He was too drawn to her to stop himself from covering her mouth with his.
She tasted sweet and hot and too good for just one quick kiss. His hands slid around her waist to her back, and he pressed her soft curves against him. Just as he worried that he should pull away, she slipped her hands beneath his shirt and pressed them flat against his back, holding them chest to chest. He deepened the kiss, aching for more. A sexy, needful moan slipped from her lungs to his, intensifying his desire. They were definitely on the same page. He hadn’t made out like this in years, and he wasn’t thinking, or pushing. He was just going with it. Like everything else with Bella, it felt natural, and he didn’t care why. Some things were just meant to be.
He tangled his hand in her hair and tugged her head back, exposing her supple neck for him to taste, suck, devour. Her skin was sweet and salty, and he couldn’t resist sliding his other hand down her hip, and holding on to her bottom. His name sailed off her lips in a hot breath as she clung to him. He took her in another greedy kiss and felt her body vibrating against his as they breathed air into each other’s lungs, then drew apart in need of more.
She looked up at him with a sexy smile, and he kissed her again, slowly and tenderly, this time. He laced his fingers with hers and brought them to his lips, gazing into her confused eyes.
“Why did we stop?”
“Bella, I really like you, but…I can’t.” The truth came easily. Unfortunately, the pain did, too. “I’m sorry. I don’t take intimacy lightly, and you don’t believe in commitment.” He looked at the photographs on the mantel. He’d never been overly impetuous, but after Caty took off and Evan had been left without a mother, the ramifications of his feelings and his actions were driven home. He’d become even more careful with both. He drew Bella close again and kissed the top of her head.
“I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t have…” But wow did I want to. He felt his resolve soften at the sight of her flushed cheeks and the desire that lingered in her eyes. He gritted his teeth against the lust that burned within him. “I couldn’t help myself. You totally got to me.”
She narrowed her eyes. “So, are you like a tease? Make a girl excited, then drop her?”
He knew that she meant it as a tease, but she hadn’t even heard the part about commitment. “Have you been with guys like that?”
“No, but…”
“No,” he said too harshly. He took a step back. “I’m not a make-the-girl-excited-and…come on, Bella.”
“Well, what am I supposed to think?” Her voice hitched, and he realized it wasn’t anger that drove her harsh reaction. It was pain, or embarrassment, or maybe both.
“What should you think? I don’t know. Maybe that I’m a guy with a teenager who knows that sex has ramifications, or a man who’s incredibly attracted to you but doesn’t want to be the guy you sleep with and then walk away from.” He paced the floor, feeling guilty for touching her and hungry for more of her. One big confused mix of emotions. “I’m sorry. It’s been a very long time since I’ve felt like this, and I don’t really know how to handle it.”
She looked away. “Can I use your bathroom?”
Way to avoid the situation.
“Of course.” He showed her to the bathroom and went to splash some cold water on his face. When he returned, she was looking out the window at the garden in his backyard. He wrapped his arms around her waist and felt her body stiffen. Damn. He loosened his grip and took a step back. She clutched his forearm, holding his arms around her.
She turned to face him and pressed her hands to his chest. “I’m sorry for my reaction. I was just…I’m in a weird place right now.”
“Then we make a great pair.” He kissed her forehead.
“Still want to go to the beach?”
She sounded as confused by their connection as he was. “Let me get my suit on, and I promise to try to keep my hands off of you for the rest of the day.”
Her voice trailed him into the bedroom. “Way to squash a girl’s hopes in one sentence.”
Could he get any more confused?