Chapter Five
“I THINK YOU’RE overreacting.” Jenna sat on the floor at the edge of Bella’s closet, organizing her sandals and flip-flops while Bella dried her hair. “How would you feel right now if you had slept with him this afternoon? My bet is not great.”
Bella turned the hair dryer off and sat on the bed. “I don’t know. I only know that when he stopped, I wished he hadn’t, and when he said that stuff about me not committing, I wanted to run away.”
“Which you did—into the bathroom.” Jenna sat beside Bella and rested her head on Bella’s shoulder. “Why do you have to classify things? Why can’t you just do what you feel and forget commitment or not committing altogether?”
“Why do I classify…? Jenna, you just organized my sandals alphabetically by color. Alabaster, blue, green…” Bella jumped up and planted her hands on her hips. “Because that’s what I have to do right now to make sure I stick to my guns until my life is in order. But it’s not easy, because being with Caden feels totally different from all the other guys I’ve dated combined. More real. When we’re together, things feel right, like we’re not just talking about crap or putting on our best faces to make a good impression. It’s like we skipped all that.”
“Because he is real, Bell.” Jenna smoothed a wrinkle in the edge of Bella’s dress. “You invited him to our barbeque tonight, so yeah, he’s a living, breathing guy.”
They were having a community barbeque, and despite her desire for no commitments and her earlier confusion, Bella was excited that Caden and Evan were joining them. She went to the mirror and smoothed her yellow spaghetti-strap sundress, glancing over her shoulder at her butt.
“Don’t worry. You look hot,” Jenna assured her.
“Lotta good that does me.” Bella dragged Jenna into the kitchen, took a bucket of frozen margaritas out of the freezer, and filled two glasses. “Anyway, you’re right. It’s a good thing we didn’t end up doing it. It makes it easier to stick to my plan. No boyfriend will make it easier for me to think more clearly when I’m making my decisions about work.” Liar, liar.
“You know I see right through that, right?” Jenna crossed her arms, jutted her hip out, and gave her the don’t-even-try-to-avoid-the-truth stare she’d perfected in middle school.
“It sounded good though, didn’t it?” Bella arched a brow. “I almost bought it.”
Jenna took a drink of her margarita, and ice spilled down her chin and slid between her breasts. “Ugh!” She watched it disappear into her cleavage. “That feels better.”
“You’re a freak.” Bella threw her a dish towel. “Won’t that stain your Good-Times Barbie outfit?”
Jenna had on a short, black sleeveless top and a tan miniskirt. “That’s clever, Good-Times Barbie.” She wiped her chest with the towel. “What did you want me to do? Fish it out?” She laughed. “Anyway, technically speaking, you could have slept with him without a commitment. You’d have stuck to your plan better if you had done the deed and then said goodbye.”
Bella took out a head of lettuce and began chopping it on a thick wooden cutting board. “You’re doing a great job of making me feel like crap.”
“Don’t you get it? You invited him and Evan to our barbeque. You are seeing him again. If you had slept with him, then, according to your plan, you’d have left it at that. See?” Jenna stole a piece of lettuce and popped it into her mouth.
“Okay, so you have a point. You’re not as much of a jerk as I thought you were.” Bella tossed the lettuce into a bowl and cut up tomatoes and cucumbers. “I’m not abandoning my plan.” At least I don’t think I am. “We had such a nice day at the flea market and the beach—”
“And his living room. Don’t forget his living room.”
“Shut up.” She tossed a piece of cucumber at Jenna and it stuck to her cleavage.
Jenna snagged it and tossed it in the sink.
“I like him, Jenna. He’s sweet with Evan, and he puts Evan’s needs ahead of his own, which I think is very admirable.”
“Careful,” Jenna said in a singsong voice. “That sounds a lot like, I like him, Jenna, and I hope this leads to a commitment.”
Bella carried the salad outside. “I hate you when you’re right.”
“Hey, Bell,” Jamie, the friend Kurt had stayed home with instead of going to the bonfire, yelled from the quad. “We moved your table and Leanna’s. Tony’s bringing extra chairs.” Jamie’s grandmother, Vera, spent summers at Seaside, and Jamie drove in from Boston most weekends to spend time with her.
“You stole my table before you hugged me hello? Get over here, you pest.” Bella set the salad bowl on the table and opened her arms.
“Good to see you, gorgeous.” Jamie kissed her cheek. The quietest of their group, Jamie, like Tony, was like a brother to Bella. He was soft-spoken and kind, and in all the years they’d known each other, he had never led her astray. She trusted him completely, as did half the world. Jamie had developed a search engine that was second only to Google. “Did I hear that you had a date that lasted all day?”
She shot a look at Jenna.
Jenna held her hands up in surrender. “You know I can’t lie.”
“It wasn’t a date.” Was it? No. She’d been clear about that at the bonfire, but that was before his living room—and before she invited him to the barbeque, which seemed very dateish to her. Don’t admit it. If you don’t say it out loud, it’s not a date. “He’s coming tonight. You’ll like him. He’s a cop, so you can tell him about all the naughty things I do.”
“And send him running for the hills? No way. I almost forgot. Leanna and Kurt aren’t going to be here tonight. Leanna had a big rush order come in, and she said she needed to work late and get up early.”
“Is that why she wasn’t at the flea market?”
“Yeah. She got the order early this morning.”
“I wish I had known. We could have helped her.”
“She knows. I offered, too, but two of her employees are coming in for the evening, and Kurt’s on a deadline. She said they’d make it next time.” Jamie headed for his cottage. “I’m gonna get the steaks and see how Gram’s doing.”
An hour later, the smell of sizzling steaks filled the evening air. Vera and Jamie sat with Amy and Jenna, chatting about their afternoons. There was a fire in the fire pit and citronella candles at the center of each table. Jenna had made a fresh bean salad, and Leanna had left them two loaves of homemade bread with two jars of strawberry-apricot and apricot-lime jam and a jar of her newest flavor, watermelon jam. Amy had made chocolate chip brownies for dessert, and Bella had already snuck one while no one was looking.
Bella joined Tony by the grill. He had hair the color of sand after a rain, interspersed with streaks of sun-kissed blond, and he wore it long and shaggy on top, shorter in the back. Not only was Tony a world-class surfer, but he was also a popular motivational speaker. Despite his fame, he wasn’t full of pomp and circumstance. He was easy to talk to and a good friend to all of them.
Bella inhaled deeply. “That smells amazing.”
“What can I say? My meat is sweet.” Tony lifted his thick brows and flashed a mischievous smile.
Bella poked him in the ribs. “Pig.”
“You left yourself wide open for that one. Where’s your date?” He looked at his watch. “Dinner’s going to be ready in a few minutes.”
“He’s not my date, and I’m sure he’ll be here soon.” Bella wasn’t about to admit that she was wondering the same thing.
“Okay, well, I hear not-your-date has a son. That’s new for you.” He grabbed a plate and loaded it up with steak.
“New? He’s not my date, so there’s nothing new to consider.” Except maybe that my nerves have been tingling with anticipation for the past two hours. She caught Amy stealing a glance at Tony and thought what she was feeling must be similar to what Amy felt when she waited for Tony to arrive—even though the man acted completely oblivious to her crush.
“Hey, Ames,” Tony yelled. “Can you grab the mayo from my place? I forgot it.”
“Sure.” Amy looked adorable in her white halter dress and sandals.
Tony’s eyes followed her across the lawn.
“Not-your-Amy looks pretty cute tonight, doesn’t she?” Bella teased. She was sure that one day Tony would see Amy for the adorably sweet, smart, fun woman that she was and would be unable to resist her. A little nudge in that direction every now and then wasn’t a bad thing.
“She always looks cute.” Tony handed her the plate of steak and piled chicken onto another one. He leaned in close and whispered, “Your not-my-date is here.”
She turned to greet Caden, and the sight of him in his dark linen pants, white, short-sleeve button-down shirt, and provocative smile weakened her knees.
Not-my-date is smoking hot.
CADEN CAUGHT HIMSELF sizing up the man standing beside Bella as he and Evan crossed the lawn. He lowered a hand to her hip and kissed her cheek, silently staking claim to her.
“You look gorgeous.”
The heat in her eyes flared between them, and he realized that there was no need to stake claim to Bella. One look at her eyes, and he was sure the world could see how she felt about him as clearly as he could. He held a hand out to the muscular dude in the board shorts.
“Hi. I’m Caden Grant, and this is my son, Evan.”
“Nice to meet you. I’m Tony Black, or if it’s easier to remember, the guy in the blue cottage.” He nodded to the blue cottage behind him. “Here. Let me take that.” He reached for the dish of pasta salad that Caden carried in his other hand. “Come on, Evan. I’ll introduce you around.” Tony and Evan headed toward the others.
“I’m glad you made it,” Bella said.
“Sorry we’re a little late. Evan got home later than he expected.” Evan hadn’t called to tell him he was going to be late, and though Caden wrote it off as Evan wanting to seem cool in front of his new friends, he had given Evan a long talk about the importance of checking in. Evan took it well, and by the time they left for the barbeque, he seemed in good spirits again.
“That’s okay. Come on. I’ll introduce you to everyone.”
Caden touched her arm. “Can we just talk for one minute first?”
“Sure. What’s up?” She said it so flippantly that he realized she must have been just as nervous as he was.
“I’ve been thinking about what happened earlier today.”
Bella waved her hand dismissively. “Forget it. It’s no big deal.”
“It might not be a big deal to you, but it was to me. I just want you to know that I totally dig you, and I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
“First of all, no hurt on my end. Second, you totally dig me?” Her eyes widened with amusement. “Well, that’s good to know. I think you’re pretty far out, too.”
“Cripes.” He shook his head. How did she joke so easily when what happened between them had eaten him up all afternoon?
She grabbed his hand and dragged him toward the others. “Come on, hippie boy. I’ll introduce you around and we can eat.”
Dinner was delicious and conversation came easily. Caden was happy to see Evan enjoying himself. He had a million questions for Jamie, who was patient and, Caden noticed, didn’t speak to Evan as if he were just a kid. Evan was quite computer savvy, and the two were in a heated debate over the future of something technical that Caden couldn’t follow. Although he wasn’t as technically inclined as his son, he was pretty sure he wasn’t following their conversation because he was sidetracked by Bella. She laughed unabashedly, and she kept touching his leg, like they’d been together forever. He wondered if she did that with all of the guys she dated or, if like him, she felt something more between them.
“So, Bell, does Caden know about your rebellious side?” Tony’s devilish grin piqued his curiosity.
“Shh.” Amy swatted him on the arm. “We don’t want to make the man hightail it out of here.”
Bella looked up at Caden and nibbled on her lower lip. “I am a little bit of a rule breaker, but not with bad things. Just…”
Jenna got up to refill her wineglass and lined up the condiments while she was at it. “Just things like wanting to climb over the fence and get to the top of the South Wellfleet fire tower, you know, the one that’s about a mile from here and off-limits to residents. That kind of not-bad stuff.”
“Why the fire tower?” Caden asked.
“Because climbing a water tower is too scary.” Bella swirled her glass, then finished her wine.
She was flippant and coy, and Caden had never met anyone quite like her. He listened as they recanted stories of walking down to the tower throughout the years, trying to figure out a way over the barbed wire. He could envision Bella and her friends standing before the fence that surrounded the sixty-eight-foot tower, contemplating the options: Over? Under? Through?
She leaned in to him. “Forget the fire tower. Let me tell you about Vera.”
“Are you trying to change the subject?”
She narrowed her eyes. “Of course, but really…Vera is a violinist, and she’s performed all over the world. I swear, once you hear her play, violin music will never sound the same again.”
“Oh, Bella, dear, don’t lie to the poor man.” Vera patted her short pixie cut. It framed her face in varying shades of silver with flecks of battleship gray at the roots. Her skin held the look of softness that came with age despite the fine lines and deep grooves.
“She’s gifted and modest,” Bella said.
“That’s kind of you, dear. But how about you go back to telling Caden about your playful ways while I share my little secret with Evan.” Vera turned her attention to Evan. “Evan, dear, did I hear correctly that you have an affinity for computers?”
Evan nodded. “Well, at my old school, I was in the technology club, and we were learning to program. So, yeah, I like them.”
Vera patted the chair beside her. “Why don’t you come sit here and I’ll tell you about Dr. Samuel Masterson, the man who created the first personal computer. I was seventeen, and he was fifty-six. He worked with my father.”
Evan moved quicker than Caden had seen him move in the last year, and he hung on to every word she said.
“Looks like you’ve been outdone by your grandmother, Jamie.” Bella patted him on the shoulder.
“I’ll happily step aside for her. She enjoys kids so much, and rarely has a chance to interact with them,” Jamie said. “Evan’s a bright boy, and he really has an interest in technology.”
“Thank you. I wish I knew more about computers so I could help him in some way.”
“I can teach him a few things when I’m here on the weekends,” Jamie offered. “In fact, I’m not leaving until late Monday night this week, so if you want to bring him by tomorrow evening, I’d be happy to work with him for a few hours.”
“That would be great. I’ll ask Evan after he’s done talking with Vera. Thanks so much.”
An hour later, plans for the next evening were solidified and Evan was excited to spend a few hours with Jamie. Caden helped Tony and Jamie bring the tables and chairs back to their rightful owner’s decks; then he followed Bella into her cottage with a stack of dishes. He’d expected her cottage to reflect her personality, a little loud with flashes of a softer side. As he stood on the pale and thinly planked hardwood floors in the cozy living room, he was struck by how wrong he was. A cream-colored sofa, layered with pastel, lace-edged pillows, was pushed against the wall to his right. Fresh flowers filled a vase on an end table, and frilly curtains hung around the kitchen window.
The bedroom door was open, and a quick peek revealed a beautifully made bed with a fluffy pink comforter and another vase of fresh flowers on the white dresser. He felt as though he was seeing her most intimate side, and he wondered why she worked so hard to repress her love of femininity.
Bella took the dishes from him and set them on the counter. “I’m really glad you and Evan came tonight, and I know Evan will learn a lot from Jamie. He’s a really nice guy.”
“Yeah, he seems it. All of your friends seem really nice.”
He’d been fighting the urge to reach out and touch her all night. He’d wanted to drape an arm over her shoulder, to feel her pressed against his side, but those were things people did when they were dating—and he didn’t know if they were dating or not. She’d been sending conflicting signals all day, but then tonight she’d touched his leg a hundred times even after he’d turned her away earlier in the day.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked.
Unable to stay away, and with a quick glance out the window to confirm that Evan was still engrossed in a conversation with Jamie, he placed his hands on her hips.
Big mistake. It only made him want her more.
“Bella,” he said just above a whisper. “I want to go out with you.”
She sighed loudly and knitted her brows together, in stark contrast to the desire in her eyes and her quickening breaths. Her reaction worried him, but he wasn’t willing to ignore the emotions she sparked in him.
“I can’t date,” she finally said.
“Maybe what you really mean is that you can’t afford to get hurt again.”
Her eyes widened so slightly that he would have missed it had he not been looking for an indication that he was striking a chord. She shifted her gaze away, and he drew her chin back so she had no choice but to look at him.
“I know all about being hurt, and although I can’t promise that I won’t hurt you unintentionally, I can promise you that I will try not to.”
Bella pulled from his grasp and walked into the living room, where she flopped onto the couch.
Caden sat on the coffee table across from her and placed his hands on her knees. He felt her stiffen beneath his touch, but again the air around them sizzled, and her eyes betrayed her attempt to avoid the passion brewing between them.
“Getting hurt sucks.” She spoke softly, but her eyes were narrow and angry.
“Agreed.”
“I made a plan. No commitments.” She crossed her arms and looked away.
“I’m not asking you to break your plan. I didn’t realize that I had a plan, but apparently I do. My plan is to not get hurt either, and it’s obvious, even after just a few hours with you, that you have the power to hurt me.” He had no idea where the words were coming from, but being with Bella pulled the truth from him.
That brought her eyes back to his.
“So what are you saying? I’m totally confused. You made it clear today that you don’t want to sleep with me because I can’t commit.”
“That’s funny. I thought I made it clear that I wanted to sleep with you, but I wouldn’t because you won’t commit.” He slid his hands to her outer thighs, and she closed her eyes for a beat. When she opened them, desire was still there.
“Well, I still can’t commit,” she answered.
“Won’t, but that’s okay. I’m not asking you to commit. You don’t know me from Adam, and you’re right. I don’t know you very well, either. Both are reasons why we shouldn’t sleep together.”
Confusion filled her eyes again. He squeezed her outer thighs, and she placed her hands on top of his. He could feel the heat radiating from her.
“Then what do you want?” she asked in a breathy voice.
“To spend time with you tomorrow night while Evan is with Jamie. Call it whatever you want.”
“Not a date,” she said adamantly; then she inched his hands higher.
“Not a date.” He wanted to carry her into the bedroom and make love to her, commitment or not. But he wasn’t about to allow his heart to get torn to shreds, and Bella had the power to do it. She leaned forward, and his willpower fell away. He covered her mouth with his, taking her in a deep, sensuous kiss.
This wasn’t going to make it any easier for him if she walked away. He shot a look out the window. Evan was still deep in conversation with Jamie. Thank goodness. He swept her into his arms and carried her into the bedroom, locking the door behind them. He backed her up against the door.
“Caden,” she said wantingly.
He clutched her wrist and held it against the door, kissing her neck, and loving the way she breathed harder with every touch of his lips. Her eyes fluttered closed.
“You’re so beautiful, Bella. You drive me crazy.”
He took her in a rough kiss, trying desperately to thwart the urge to take more than he should. He drew back again and stared into her dark, hungry eyes. She licked her lips, and he kissed her again, slowly, sensually, memorizing the feel of her mouth against his. Holding her to the door with his hips, he just had to taste the soft skin of her belly. Just one taste. Lifting her dress, he kissed his way across her taut stomach, feeling her body tremble with need. He closed his eyes for a beat to try to restrain the need that gripped him. Like kissing Bella, one taste of her would never be enough, but he knew nothing short of making love to her would be enough, and with his son so close, he forced himself to stifle the urge to throw her on the bed and make love to her.
He sealed his mouth over hers again. He had no business kissing her like she was his world, or intimately exploring her body, when she might never be willing to give him what he needed, but he was powerless to walk away. He’d already committed, even if she hadn’t.
He forced himself to tear his lips away from hers.
Eyes still closed, she said, “It’s not a date.”
His lips curved into a smile, and he whispered, “Not yet, it’s not.”