Chapter Twenty-Five
SUNDAY MORNING CADEN went for a long run on the beach to keep from calling or texting Bella. Gray clouds hovered ominously over the bay, and they felt like a direct reflection of his heart. It was getting more difficult to be apart from Bella, rather than easier. Wasn’t time supposed to heal all wounds? He felt as if his heart had been torn open, the very core of his soul exposed. The wound was so raw that he feared it might never heal. When he ran to the point where he usually turned back, he slowed to a walk. He missed Bella so much. Would it be treacherous if he called? Just once? Just to hear her voice?
He ripped the Velcro band from his arm and withdrew his cell phone. Just a quick call. He could ask her if he left his tool belt at her cottage. Yes, that might work. She might buy that. He pressed her speed-dial number and closed his eyes, trying to calm his racing heart.
“Caden?”
Her sleepy voice filled him with sadness. “Yeah, hi. Sorry to call so early.”
He heard her repositioning herself and pictured her at the cottage, cuddled up beneath her pink comforter. Oh, how he wanted to be there with her.
“It’s okay. Is Evan okay?” she asked.
His throat thickened. Of course her mind went to Evan. Caden was so trapped in his own longing to hear her voice that he’d lost track of the fact that she didn’t have any updates on how Evan was getting along.
“He’s fine. Good, actually. Helping Vera out at her cottage, and he starts with TGG next week.”
“Oh. Good. I’m glad to hear that.”
He looked out over the bay and paced. “I miss you, babe.” His voice was so soft that he hoped she heard him. She didn’t respond, and he thought he must not have spoken after all. “I just…Can I come by and see you?”
“I’m not in Wellfleet.”
He stopped pacing. “You’re…”
“Back in Connecticut.”
He forced himself not to ask why, or if she’d taken the job there.
“What time is it?” she asked.
“I don’t know. Seven thirty maybe. I’ll let you go. I just wanted to hear your voice.”
By the time Caden circled back toward home, the sun streaked through like glimmering lights of hope. Hope that he didn’t have much of anymore. She was in Connecticut. Connecticut. Was she there for good? Was that her way of finalizing their break? He could kick himself for not asking if she’d taken the job there, but he’d been struck mute by the fact that she was no longer a few miles away.
He arrived home drenched in sweat, which felt right for his frame of mind lately. He ripped off his shirt as he went inside and snagged a towel from a kitchen drawer to wipe the perspiration from his body.
“Hey, Dad.” Evan sat in the living room poring over one of the computer books Caden had bought on his first date with Bella.
He remembered that evening as if it were yesterday. Oh, how he wished he could turn back time and go back to that night and skip over Tuesday altogether.
“Hi, Ev. What are you doing up?” He’d practically had to beg Evan to watch a movie instead of playing PC games last night. When he’d decided to be more focused on his son, he hadn’t taken into account that Evan might not be as excited about the prospect of the two of them spending more time together as he was.
“I told you I was helping Vera today, remember? This book is awesome. Did you buy it for me?” He flipped through a few pages.
“Right. I remember.” He wiped his face with the towel. “I bought that book so I could read up on what you were interested in. You can read it. It’s like a foreign language to me.” He didn’t care about the stupid book. He cared about Bella, and now she was gone. How was he going to make it through eight hours of work?
“Thanks.” Evan’s hair was still wet from his shower, and Caden was glad to see he’d put on clean and unwrinkled clothes.
He forced himself to focus on Evan. “I’m working until five. Want to cook burgers on the grill tonight?”
Evan shrugged. “Bobby wanted to hang out.”
Caden’s stomach clenched. “Evan, I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
“Bobby doesn’t hang out with those guys anymore. I swear it. You can ask him, and he didn’t ever do anything bad.”
“I don’t know, Ev.” Bobby had been cleared of any wrongdoing, just as Evan had, but Caden was nervous about Evan spending time with any kids until he knew them and their parents personally. Maybe it was time to change that.
“I’ll tell you what. Call Bobby and tell him that after my shift I’ll come by to meet his parents; then you and Bobby can spend the evening here.”
Evan closed the book he was reading and sighed. “I’ve been spending all my time here since this whole thing went down. Don’t you trust me to do anything?”
“Yes, I trust you.” Caden sat beside him on the couch and leaned his elbows on his knees.
“No, you don’t. If you’re not working, you’re here with me. Except when you run, but then I’m usually sleeping.” Evan rose to his feet. “You never even go out with Bella anymore.”
“This isn’t about me, Evan. You want to spend time with Bobby? Then I need to meet his parents.” Caden was not bending on that rule ever again.
“I don’t care about that. Fine. Whatever.” Evan shoved his hands into his pockets. “But why do we have to sit around here all night? It’s boring, Dad. It’s summer. We want to go hang out, and there’s a movie playing on the back of the town hall building in Wellfleet tonight. We were going to ride our bikes over and watch.”
Caden ran his hand down his face. He was glad Evan was getting back into life, and he’d done the right thing, so there was no reason not to trust him.
“Fine. I’ll meet his parents after work. You have your new phone?”
Evan pulled it out of his pocket. “Thanks, Dad. Why don’t you go out with Bella tonight?”
Because we broke up. “How about you worry about your own social life, and I’ll worry about mine?”
Evan looked at the floor, then back at his father with a pinched look on his face. “You broke up, didn’t you?”
“We’re…taking a break.” He was done with this torturous break. He couldn’t remember why he’d thought it was a good idea in the first place.
“Why?” Evan’s face contorted. His cheeks heated. “Why’d you break up? Was it because of me?”
“No, it wasn’t because of you, and I said a break, not that we broke up for good.” How could Bella not have known that? How could she have left? How could he have been so stupid in the first place to think he needed this break? Bella understood Evan, maybe even better than Caden did at times.
Evan paced. “Dad, I really like her. Why’d you break up if it wasn’t because of me?”
“It’s complicated, Evan.” He rose to his feet and started down the hall toward his bedroom.
“Complicated. That’s your standard answer,” Evan said as he passed him. “Well, that sucks, Dad. You finally get a life, and somehow you manage to do it with a woman I really, really like spending time with, and then I screw it up for you.”
Caden closed his eyes for a beat to try to gain control of his mounting anger, but days of frustration came tumbling forward, and he stalked back down the hall to Evan. “First of all, don’t say screw. Second of all, I’ve always had a life, and—”
“You have not ever had a life. You’ve had work and me, and that’s it. I’ve never seen you with a woman until Bella, and I liked her, Dad, and whether you want to hear it or not, I liked you even more when she was around. You were happier.” Evan fisted his hands.
Caden realized that Evan was as upset over this breakup as he was. They were both on the same page.
His voice softened as he tried to rein in his anger. He’d thought he was making things better, but he’d only made things worse for both of them. “Did it ever occur to you that you and work are my life?”
“I don’t care.” Evan stepped into his room and slammed the door.
Would things ever go back to normal?
Caden went into his bedroom and sat on the bed. He always did the right thing. Always. He’d hurt Bella, Evan, and himself, all because he thought he was doing the right thing. His father was right. He couldn’t be the best father if he wasn’t whole. It was time he took his life into his own hands and did what he wanted for his own heart. What he needed to be whole.
He loved Evan and he loved Bella. There was no reason he needed to be exclusive with his love—he had enough to give to both of them.
He paced the bedroom. If I hadn’t done a good job of raising Evan, he would have been in the thick of the trouble—not the one who turned them in.
He looked at the bed, and his chest constricted. He’d had dreams of loving Bella in that bed, waking to her in his arms, making plans for the day with her and Evan. He pulled out his cell phone, then scrolled to the picture of him and Bella in the Wellfleet fire tower.
“I miss you, babe. I miss you so much it’s killing me.”
He had to show Bella that he was fully committed to her, and there was only one way to do that.