It was rather late when Aimie returned home. She’d hung out with Hilary after the talk with the girls and they’d gotten lost in watching movies. She unlocked the door with the key Ryan had given her earlier—feeling weirdly at home and yet foreign—she couldn’t even get out a hello before Ryan had gathered her in his arms, his lips tasting of heavy red wine.
His kiss was urgent and had an edge of desperation, dousing her happy mood.
“What happened?” she asked as she finally got a moment to squeeze out the words.
“Nothing. I missed you.” His words were soft around the edges, slightly slurred. Not much, but enough to make her guess he’d had more than one glass of wine.
“I missed you, too.” And it was true. She’d sat and talked to the girls about him, longing to see his handsome face.
The light in the apartment was dimmed, only some corner lamps on, and, surprisingly, candles she hadn’t seen the day before.
Taking off her jacket, she arched a brow at him. “What’s going on?” She knew the guys had been over earlier, but she didn’t think Tank or their other comrade, Seb, were the guys to offer romantic advice.
“Did Seb and Tank suggest putting up candles so you can get me into bed? I already slept with you. I don’t think you need to turn on your charm for that.” No, running around in black low-riding sweatpants and a white shirt was definitely enough.
Jesus, he was handsome with his blond hair and dark eyes. Sometimes he could be mistaken for Tessa’s older brother. They both seemed to have an ancient wisdom in their eyes that made you think they’d lived a thousand lives.
“Max.”
“Max?” she echoed. Who or what was Max?
“Seb. His name is Maxwell and he actually hates Seb as a nickname, so Max it is.”
“Huh,” Aimie muttered. He hadn’t ever corrected her when she’d talked to him at Christmas. Then again, she couldn’t remember if she’d actually addressed him with that nickname.
“It reminds him of his wife.”
She finally took off her shoes then, following Ryan over to the couch. She settled down across from him, their knees touching, the candlelight making his skin look tanned, warm, sun-kissed in the best way possible.
She was falling for him harder by the second, and it worried her. She had no idea if their little experiment could work.
He took her hand, entwining their fingers.
“Did he lose his wife?” she picked up the topic again and Ryan shrugged.
“Don’t know. He didn’t say more, and I didn’t have the feeling the guys knew, either. Or maybe they did, but I wasn’t given the information.” He shrugged. “But, to answer your original question: No, it wasn’t about getting you to sleep with me, although they asked about that.”
Big, fat surprise there, she thought with a grin.
“Told them I freaked out after you unpacked the leather clothes.”
Aimie burst out laughing. She wasn’t the leather type. She would admit to having handcuffs at the bottom of her suitcase, and some more than sexy underwear the girls had somehow gotten her in Vegas, but that was the extent of her sexy vixen persona.
“Did they believe you or ask for proof of whipping?”
He nonchalantly shook his head. “No, asked about bite marks on my ass cheeks.”
“Well, I do want to nibble on those,” she admitted bravely, seeing him inhale sharply.
“Aimie…”
“Ryan,” she replied and he drew her in, kissing her hotly for a second before letting her settle back again.
He wanted to talk. Something was on his mind.
Then again, something was on hers, too.
“Ryan, did you ever think about kids?”
He blinked, clearly taken aback. “Whose?”
She stood because she needed to move her feet—and because she didn’t want to see his face, in case his answer wasn’t what she wanted to hear. Not that she knew what that was.
“I’m gonna get myself some water. Want some?”
He shook his head and she went, taking out a glass and staying with her back toward him.
“Your own,” she finally answered. “Do you want any? Ever think you’d have some someday?”
She hadn’t thought about it in forever, and she certainly wasn’t purposely planning for it, but Tessa’s fear about telling Jazz of her unplanned pregnancy made her worry.
She took the pill, and they’d definitely use condoms, but what if…? She couldn’t live with that thought as long as she didn’t know where they were heading if it happened.
God, what exactly did she want to hear now, and why did she feel as if no answer would work out for her?
* * *
My own?” he echoed, needing to make sure he’d understood right.
“Yes. Did you ever think about children?”
She’d said she’d get herself some water, but the truth was, he didn’t hear it running, and hadn’t so far. Instead he was staring at her back, her head lowered as if she was watching the sink intently.
He wanted to give the typical replies—‘yes, of course, someday’, or ‘no’—but then considered her question for a moment and realized he hadn’t ever thought about children, had never seen himself in a position to even consider that possibility, except for a time years ago. Never again after that.
“I don’t know,” he admitted, his eyes still on her because he needed to see how her body reacted.
There was no change.
“You don’t know if you want any, or if you’ve ever thought about it?” she inquired.
“Aimie, beautiful, can you please come back here so I can see your face and maybe find out what’s going on?”
She didn’t move and he stood, caging her against the counter yet not forcing her to turn. Instead he wrapped his arms around her and kissed the back of her neck.
“Nothing’s going on. I was just curious.”
She wasn’t, and it was okay because he finally thought he knew what was up.
“Tessa told you. About the pregnancy.”
She nodded, resting her head back against his shoulder, and covering his hands with hers. “She’s worried about what Jazz will say, and it made me realize…I mean…we’re going to be extra super safe, but I wondered what I’d be facing if fate fucked us over.”
“I’d be the father and you’d be the mother; that’s what would happen, Aims.” Now he needed her to turn because he needed to see her face. “If it happened—”
“Fate was super determined, because pill and condom, and yes, I took my pill right, because I’m here for a while,” she interrupted and he laughed, kissing her nose.
“If it happened, it happened. I don’t know what I’d feel. Shock probably, but I’m strongly against abortions. It doesn’t have anything to do with religious beliefs, but what those decisions can do to the psyche of a woman. If you don’t want it, I’d keep it.” Shit, he wasn’t the least bit ready to be a single dad, especially when he considered he was still trying to figure out how to be a husband, but he would take the kid.
She had locked eyes with him, maybe searching for the truth within his gaze, but he knew he meant it.
The thing was, he couldn’t decide what she wanted.
“This would be the point where you say we’d manage and figure it out, and I’d kiss you and then we could go back to the couch and I could watch you in the candlelight because it makes you look like the rising sun.”
She smirked and he took that as a good sign. “Don’t distract me with pretty words,” she warned and then leaned into him. “Honestly, I don’t know what answer I was hoping for because I don’t know what I’d think, but you still said exactly the right thing. All I wanted was to know I wouldn’t have to be terrified of telling you.”
He kissed the top of her head.
“You know,” she suddenly said into the silence, “maybe we shouldn’t have sex anymore until we’re steadier in our marriage.”
He coughed in disbelief, wondering what the best possible answer was when he realized she was silently laughing.
“Fuck, you scared me for a second there.”
She pulled back, taking his hand and leading him back to the couch. The empty water glass stood forgotten, proving it had been nothing more than a way for her to not have to face him.
She seemingly felt better after his answer, and yet it was obvious she wasn’t ready to crawl back into bed with him.
“How about some TV?” he asked and she shook her head.
“How about you turn on some music and we talk?”
He grinned, leaned in to press a quick kiss to her lips, then he went in search of a remote. When he found it, Ryan turned on some music and lowered the volume until it was nothing more than background noise.
“What do you wanna talk about?”
She thought for a moment. “Tell me about your first time.”
He chuckled, pressing his tongue against the inside of his cheek before sighing. “Fine, but trust me, it’s not going to a pretty story.”
She shrugged. “I don’t want pretty. I want honest.”
Ryan couldn’t help himself and smiled. It was exactly what he wanted, too.
* * *
Aimie rested her head on her arms, watching Ryan tell her about high school, about being lost, and finally having found purpose after an army recruiter had pointed out all he could in the army.
“And you?” he asked, brushing his fingertips across her thigh.
“I hated high school because every day brought me closer to a life I couldn’t see. I didn’t know what I wanted to do and it scared me and made me feel like a failure.”
He opened his mouth, but then shut it again, and she smirked. “Go on, speak.”
He shook his head. “You weren’t done.”
She wasn’t. “My last year of high school I signed up for everything, applied for all universities and colleges I could think of, all directions, everything, hoping once I’d be there, and do some courses, I’d find myself.” Shaking her head, Aimie reached out and took Ryan’s hand because she wanted to feel it pressed against her cheek. “I didn’t. Not the first semester, not the one after, so I quit and worked odd jobs. I tried a lot of things and didn’t like any of it. By then I’d met a guy, and I’d prefer if we just stick with guy for him.”
“Guy it is,” he said quietly.
“I thought we were happy. I cooked and everything, grateful because he let me live with him after I lost my apartment. Prices went up and I couldn’t pay the rent anymore. I did a lot while working, but still switched around and finally had an office position, which paid a little better.
“It wasn’t love, neither with guy nor work, but it was okay for a while. Until he cheated, and when I demanded an explanation, he told me I was a mess, a failure at life, but at least a decent cook. So…” Her voice broke and she blinked back tears.
Ryan gathered her in his arms, kissing her cheek, but still staying silent, as if he figured she still wasn’t done.
“But?” he eventually prompted when she just struggled to keep her emotions under control.
“I kept working, moved back in with my parents, and while I love them, it hasn’t made me feel better. And in the end, it all escalated because I left work, sat in the car, and broke down crying.”
He nodded. “Purchased a place ticket and came?”
She smiled a small smile. “Exactly.”
Pressing a kiss to the side of her neck, Ryan chuckled. “I happen to like messes, and happen to like to fix them. And if they prove to be unfixable, maybe they weren’t messes in the first place, but a kaleidoscope of experiences, emotions, and expectations. You’re here, and you love writing, don’t you? So maybe that’s what you’re meant to be.”
She blinked, tearing up for another reason altogether. “You’re incredible, do you know that?”
He laughed, his cheeks heating. “Thank you.”
She leaned in and kissed his nose. “No, thank you. I needed to hear exactly that.”
Hiding in his arms, she listened to his heartbeat coupled with the soft music playing, and wouldn’t deny that Ryan was the best Vegas-decision anyone could ever wish for.