The wedding came faster than Aimie had anticipated, and when she walked down the aisle with Ryan, following Tank and Evy, she wanted to throw up. It wasn’t her wedding, but she worried Jazz would do something stupid, like make a scene when Tessa told him about the babies.
God, if only Tessa could’ve been convinced to tell him before!
Everyone took their spots, and it was only when the music started in earnest and Tessa appeared at the end of the church that she calmed down, her eyes going to Jazz.
He was staring at the ceiling, wiping at his cheeks before looking at his bride.
She glowed in her floor-length ivory dress, elbow-length gloves, her face hidden by a veil.
Despite everything Tessa beamed, and no matter how endless the walk seemed, Aimie also thought it was over way too fast and then her friend stood at the altar. Was she going to…?
Nope, the priest started his speech and Tessa watched him.
“When is she doing it?” EmJay asked next to her and Aimie shrugged.
The church wasn’t filled, but there were enough people: Tessa’s family, although they had troubled relations most of the time, friends from London, friends from here, some of the people working for Evy, and a lot of Jazz’s comrades and superiors, who considered him something of a hero.
And he was, but that didn’t matter either to him or Tessa.
“And now, the vows. I know you wrote your own, so…”
Tessa and Jazz turned, facing each other after Evy had taken her bouquet. “Tessa Rowan, love of my life. I’ve thought about this speech forever, and—”
“Can we do it unconventional and I go first?” she asked, and murmurs broke out in church. If Jazz was thrown off, he didn’t say it.
“Yes.”
Tessa nodded, inhaling slowly and cupping Jazz’s cheek, her white-gloved hand almost glowing against his slightly tanned skin.
The running did him good.
“Corporal Jesse Connor, when we first met, you didn’t know anything about me, but you made sure I’d be fine. You fed me and clothed me when my things were lost on my flight. You also kissed me that day, and I couldn’t have been anyone else’s after that.
“Everyone who knows us knows we’ve gone through hell together, and what people don’t know is we still do. I am giving everything I have for you, and I will do so for the rest of my life. I also gave you a beautiful baby boy, who is the light of our lives. When I watch you with him I know every step I thought I took wrong, every moment where I thought I’d walked off the path, led me here. I’ve been dying to become your wife ever since you asked me. I wanted to do it the very next day because I know you fear I’ll walk out. I won’t, Corporal. Ever. Because you’re mine, and with every fiber of my being I am yours. I couldn’t be without you. I’d have a child, and I’d have a beating heart, but I’d have nothing else, because you’re the air that I breathe, the water that I drink, the piece of my soul that I crave.”
Tessa paused to collect herself and Jazz took the moment to wipe her some tears off her cheeks.
“However, even though I feel all of that and would never walk away from you, I wanted to give you the chance to leave before being forever tied to me. I mean, more than you already are by a child. Because here’s the thing. Some would probably call it magic, and some would call it a curse, but there was this magical night, and I think the world thought that everything was perfect that night…the next morning we drove away from that perfect night, not knowing that nine months later we’d be five instead of three.”
A sob escaped her lips and it fell to the ground in the church, shattering into an echo breaking the utter silence that had spread.
“Five?” Jazz repeated, utter disbelief on his face.
“I’m pregnant with twins. I can’t explain it.” Aimie watched how her hand moved and she knew Tess was covering her stomach under the dress she most likely purposefully had picked bigger.
“Twins.” The word was barely a whisper, but with no one else speaking, Jazz’s exclamation sounded like a scream.
It was then that Aimie realized he’d known. He wasn’t surprised about her being pregnant, but about the number of babies. And maybe the wide clothes had not been hiding Tessa’s stomach as well as she’d thought.
“Yes.”
It was only after Tessa muttered this simple word that Jazz fell to his knees, resting his forehead against her stomach while he sobbed, and fuck if Aimie couldn’t hear the utter happiness in those sounds.
* * *
Those two sure knew how to make a wedding dramatic, touching, and huge, Ryan thought. Everyone would probably talk about this moment for years to come.
Hell, some would probably pretend it had happened at their own wedding.
“Tessa Rowan,” Jazz started up again, still on his knees, his hands on Tessa’s tummy. “I vow to never hurt you the way I did before, and to always make sure you walk on clouds. I couldn’t ask for anyone else. If I had to lose you, I wouldn’t want to live. I couldn’t. I should be able to, for our son, for the twins, but I wouldn’t be able to because you are my life, my heart, my lifeline. You breathe hope into me when darkness is calling my name. You know how people started building lighthouses from early on? The moment the shipping turned out to be a thing? Well, when you were born someone was creating a beacon for me to always find my way back to the living. You are that beacon. No matter where I am, no matter how little I can see, when you are there I am no longer lost.”
The guy stood while every woman in the whole damn church sobbed, sniffling into Kleenexes over Kleenexes.
He took Tessa’s hands. “I, Corporal Jesse Connor, yours in every way that counts, vow to protect you from harm and unhappiness, from cold and hunger. I vow to always remember the sound of your laughter even if I forget my own. I promise to hold you each and every time you need it, and to change diapers when you are not around.”
Tessa laughed through her tears, and as she moved, Ryan could glimpse Aimie; his wife was crying, but in contrast to most others, she wasn’t smiling.
“You are the person who I hope will hold my hand when I have to let my children off to school for the first time, and should we have a daughter you also have to be the person holding me back from killing her first boyfriend. Hell, the one after that, too.”
“And everyone after that,” Tank piped in, causing more chuckles.
“I hope to be the man by your side when you take your last breath at the ripe age of one-hundred--two because I cannot let you go before that.” He turned serious. “I hope, should life take me from you because I wasn’t meant to walk our path to the end with you, I’ll be the guardian angel by your side. No matter what’s coming after death, I hope we will be together because souls like ours belong together for all eternity. I take you, Tessa Rowan, to be my wife, my life, the mother of my children, and the woman who’s feet I will rub when she’s on them for too long.”
He reached for the ring and pushed it onto Tessa’s shaking fingers.
“I, Tessa Rowan, have been dying for the day to come where I can tell the whole world that I take you, Corporal Jesse Connor, to be my husband, for me to have rub my feet when they are swollen from carrying your children, to be kissed by you when I’m fussy and grumpy, and for you to always be cherished by me, every second of every day that we’ll spend together.”
She, too, placed a ring on his finger, and the priest pronounced them husband and wife. They kissed, and damn, it was a kiss that made Ryan jealous, before Tessa suddenly turned to the crowd.
“You may call me Mrs. Jesse Connor finally,” she announced, utter happiness spilling from every word as people rushed forward to hug and kiss the new Mr. and Mrs. Jesse Connor.
* * *
Aimie left the moment she could, just needing air.
Her head was full, yet empty at the same time. Jesus, those two had crushed her in a good way, had torn her apart and she almost had begged for more.
Yet those two also had destroyed her and everything she had been feeling.
“Aimie J., wait up,” Hilary demanded as she hurried away from prying eyes.
“I’ll be right back.”
“You’ll be right back when you tell me what’s going on.”
Aimie stopped so abruptly, Hilary nearly ran into her. “I can’t have that,” she all but screamed, pointing back at where the reception was held.
“Cake? A dance? A drink? Twins?”
“A wedding they’ll forever remember. A wedding everyone remembers forever. Vows Jazz had no choice but to believe.”
She saw how Hilary sifted through everything she could possibly reply, and Aimie was glad when her answer wasn’t a snarky comment although, bloody hell, she’d have deserved it.
“Well, you can, Aimie. A year from now you can still marry inside a church. You and Ryan can make vows that—”
“It wouldn’t be my wedding wedding.” And it wasn’t Hilary’s fault. Hell, it was hers and Ryan’s. Hers for getting so drunk, and Ryan’s for wanting to tie her to him no matter what.
“What do you want me to say?” Hilary asked.
“I don’t know. Tell me that we might not have this story, but we have our own to tell.”
“You have your own to tell, and if you can’t remember it, I’ll happily recount it for you,” Ryan murmured behind her.
Bloody hell. Aimie closed her eyes. She didn’t need to see Ryan to know he was hurt.
“Ryan, please, just…give us a few minutes, okay? She’ll be okay. She’s not the first girl to have an utter panic attack around me. I cause that in people,” Hilary announced, wanting to make light of everything and take the hurt from him, but Aimie knew it wouldn’t help.
She glanced at the guy whose ring she was wearing, and he ignored Hilary, his eyes on her.
“She’s my wife, and I need to take her panic away. Not you, not Tessa, me.”
No, Aimie didn’t want him to because the worry and panic and regret and the feeling of loss for something she hadn’t even had nearly choked her and every word she’d say would hurt him, would cut him deep before she calmed in the slightest.
She could barely breathe and felt as if her heart was about to give out.
“I’ll stay close by. She’s half delirious, Ryan, don’t forget that, okay? She wants to be here, with you,” Hilary assured him and then squeezed his hand, which almost caused Aimie to fall into a raging fit of jealousy.
When her friend was out of sight, Ryan crossed what distance was left between them and kissed her.
He kissed her until her heart didn’t beat uncontrollably anymore.
He kissed her until her breathing had returned to something resembling normalcy.
He kissed her until she didn’t feel like she was suffocating any longer.
Ryan drew her into his arms and held her silently, hugged her even though she just hid her face in her hands, feeling his heart race against the back of them.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorrier than you can imagine,” Ryan finally whispered against her ear and she shook her head.
“I said yes, Ryan, and I would’ve said yes had I been less drunk. First, because you are a bloody dream. You are everything a woman could wish for. You are everything I wished for. And second, because I was lonely. You didn’t deserve the second, but you deserved the first.” God, maybe she didn’t deserve him. “I don’t know what happened in there, I swear.”
He kissed her cheek. How he was still so sweet with her, she didn’t know. “I do. I felt it, Aimie. Jazz gave Tessa everything. She’ll probably still cry about this day for years to come. I gave you nothing but a ring you didn’t know the sentiment of until after waking up the next morning, and ten minutes in a fake wedding chapel in Vegas. Maybe it’s better you don’t remember it.”
His voice was cracking and Aimie lowered her hands to meet his eyes. “Even if I hadn’t been drunk, Ryan, what kind of vows could we have really made?”
None. Because she hadn’t given him the chance to take her out on dates, had been too terrified of what she could come to feel for him.
“No one can make vows the way Tessa and Jazz can, Aimie. That’s one in a million. Fuck, one in a billion. No one has a story like they do.”
That was true, and yet that didn’t mean Aimie couldn’t have one…Aimie and Ryan couldn’t have one.
“I don’t want theirs, Ryan. I want my own, but I’m not sure if we weren’t trying to write the ending before we even make it to the middle.”
“Are you saying you want to give up because of a wedding?” he asked, incredulous.
Was she saying she was giving up?
She didn’t know. She needed a second alone. She needed a moment to think, to sort her thoughts.
She turned away, not sure what she was trying to say, what she was feeling, and not five steps into her attempt to flee, her eyes hit an ivory skirt, and as she lifted her gaze, she found Tessa there, clearly witness to their talk.
“Imagine never kissing him again, never hugging him again, never again hearing him say your name the way he does. The way no one else can, Aimie. Just for a second, close your eyes and imagine it.”
She did, and yet didn’t want to. The thoughts made her hollow.
“If you can see yourself living with that and not regretting it for the next ten months, or for the next ten years, we’ll go right now, but if we do, I’ll not let you walk back. I’m not going to allow you to walk all over Ryan, just like I’d never allow him to walk all over you, but I know this is a moment that makes a couple. You stay together when it’s hard. You fight when it’s tough. Walk away now and everyone knows you weren’t ready to fight, knowing him or not. Because guess what? It doesn’t matter. I could have made a vow that day at the airport. I didn’t know more than Jazz’s name, but I would’ve done the stupid Vegas wedding. I would’ve done it two weeks later when he left, and we still wouldn’t have had anything to vow. We didn’t even have the chance of more time together. What we did have was the knowledge that we’d try no matter what, that we made the best of those weeks we had.
“When he returned, we could’ve made a million different vows. I could’ve walked away. He could’ve walked away. We hadn’t known each other any better than we did when he kissed me goodbye at the base, Aimie. But I could not, for the life of me, ever see me not kissing him again. Not hugging him again. Not if I had a choice. When he took that from me? Well, I would’ve done it to make him happy, but not because of me. I would’ve wrecked myself for him and I didn’t know him at all anymore when he returned.”
Aimie was crying again, hard.
“So, if you don’t want to ever kiss him again, go.”
Tessa stepped aside, making room, but Aimie didn’t pass her. She moved, yes, but it was back to Ryan, who caught her in the run, made sure they wouldn’t fall.
Because no matter what, not being in his arms again was an impossible thought, worse than the disappointment she felt when thinking she’d never have an epic wedding story to tell.
* * *
When the day had started out, Ryan wouldn’t have imagined that by afternoon he’d been scared shitless of a divorce, not because he didn’t want to be divorced—which he didn’t—but because it meant Aimie would move out of his apartment, would be away from him for good.
He kissed her, tasting the salty tears on her lips and ignoring them, because she was kissing him back.
“I need to freshen up and find Hilary to apologize, and then I need to dance with you all afternoon, all night, until you take me home, and I promise to—”
“Hey, it’s all good.”
She gave him a smile. Shaky, but it was there. “No, but I promise I’ll make it up to you starting today until you’re tired of me or I feel I’ve finally groveled enough. I just… And I don’t care what others think about that.” She pressed another kiss to his lips and then was gone.
He wasn’t worried because she’d sounded determined and he was pretty sure he’d doused her panic.
For the moment at least.
“Well, Mrs. Connor, you certainly have a way to spin words out of the blue that are gripping and touching and perfect.”
Tessa smiled at him, taking the arm he held out. He almost regretted she was not with her husband, but she was a grown woman and knew best where she wanted to be.
“It’s true. Every word I said.”
He hadn’t believed that. “You’d have married Jazz during those first two weeks?”
She shrugged. “You know, I cannot say if I really would’ve done that back then, but honestly? He was incredibly attentive, and sweet, and holy shit, have you looked at that man lately?” She shook her head, touching her heart.
“When he stopped answering my letters, when there was nothing but silence between us while he was away and hell came over him, I couldn’t help but think how different things would’ve been had I known I was pregnant. I knew even back then, even not knowing him, he would’ve wanted it. The child and me. And you saw us at our worst. You saw me when I was a crying mess, when I was on the verge of giving myself up. But it was those moments when I closed my eyes and wondered if I regretted having ever met him. And the answer was no. I also asked myself if I could walk away and never talk to him again, never see him again, never hug him again. I had nothing, Ryan, but nights and terror, and I favored that above not seeing him.”
“I would’ve let her go, and I still would’ve taken her back in the morning, when she maybe would’ve regretted this decision, this step,” he admitted. His head was swimming. He knew exactly what Aimie had meant with her two words, and he couldn’t believe that there were two words that maybe were more important than ‘I do.’
“Did you hear what she said? Do you think she meant it?”
Tessa smiled, turning to him. “I think she picked her words knowing exactly what she was going to say. However, there are words behind the sentiment, behind what she just said to you, and although I knew I felt it for Jazz, I wasn’t ready to admit to myself I did. Can you say it? If she was here?”
He thought a moment and then shook his head. It was terrifying, too final, and it opened a person up to devastation.
“Mrs. Connor, here I thought you married me to spend every waking hour with me. Already tired of my face?” Jazz stood at the balcony and looked down on them.
Ryan watched how Tessa lifted her eyes, and the moment their gazes connected, everything vanished. She probably had even forgotten he was there, and Ryan didn’t mind because hell, it was her wedding day and she had single-handedly just saved his marriage.