We were still deciding on categories when Kathleen’s mother showed up.
“What’s all this?” Eleanor Doyle demanded to know after she barged through the front door. I guess that served me right for not locking it.
She frowned when she saw all the boxes on the living room floor. Kevin was hunched down, scrawling on one with a black marker while Jane wrapped a crystal vase in bubble wrap.
“Hello Eleanor,” Jane said.
“Are you moving?” Kathleen’s mother asked me. I thought she sounded a little too hopeful.
“No,” I answered. “We’re working on boxing up some of Chris and Heather’s personal effects. I figured it was about time and since Heather was your niece I thought we could use your help to decide what’s best.”
All of that was true but I also had another reason for calling Kathleen’s mother. I was shamelessly trying to insert myself into her good graces because I wanted to impress her daughter.
“Hey there, Eleanor,” Kevin chimed in.
She looked in his direction and nodded before turning back to me.
“The important things, the sentimental things, will be boxed up and stored in the attic,” I said. “But I’m guessing most of the clothes can go to charity.” I paused. “What do you think?”
Eleanor continued to stare at me, then slowly nodded. “I think Heather would approve. And my church is having a rummage sale on Saturday. So anything you’re looking to donate I can certainly take off your hands.”
I smiled. “Thanks, that would be great. I knew we could count on you.” I was piling it on a little thick and Kevin raised an eyebrow at me as if to say he detected a significant rise in my bullshit meter but Eleanor blushed and seemed satisfied.
She offered to start in the master bedroom and sort through Heather’s things, which was a relief because I still felt a little weird being in there. I’d have to get over that. I couldn’t just close off the room forever and keep it as some kind of gothic shrine. It wouldn’t be healthy for Colin, for any of us.
Jane followed Eleanor up the stairs with some boxes, leaving Kevin and me alone in the living room.
I picked up a glass plate that was on a display stand on the end table. It looked old, probably an antique.
“You want to box up all the breakables?” Kevin asked.
I nodded. “Most of them. Colin’s almost ready to crawl. Then he’ll be walking. So a lot of baby proofing is in order.” I picked up some bubble wrap. “This stuff will go in the attic for now.”
“Nash.”
I looked up and found my father’s old friend with a pained expression. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you for awhile, about that night at Sheen’s.”
“No need for that.”
“Yes there is. You were right about Travis, no mystery there. But I need to apologize for what I said to you. I told you I thought you’d fucking grown up a little, implying that you were still the same reckless kid you always had been.”
I tore off a length of bubble wrap. “I remember.”
“I was wrong,” Kevin said flatly. “You’ve stepped up around here in a way that I didn’t expect. I see the way you are with Colin, how hard you’re trying. And I admire you, Nash. Your dad knew what he was doing when he put you in charge.”
I saw him glance at a photo of my father and Heather on their wedding day. Their arms were wrapped around each other and their faces were ecstatic. I wished I’d been there that day. I wished I’d let go of whatever anger I’d been holding onto. I’d wasted so much time. At least there was no more anger left now. I realized suddenly that I’d forgiven both of them a long time ago. They’d found each other and fell in love and it had nothing to do with me. I should have said that. Now it was too late.
Except it wasn’t. Because there was Colin. Perhaps that’s why they’d chosen me as his guardian. Maybe it was my father’s way of saying that he knew I wouldn’t hold a grudge, and that he had more faith in me than I’d ever guessed. They had to have known somehow, Chris and Heather. They’d been confident I’d step into this role if it was ever necessary. I’d never squander that faith.
“Maybe we can go catch a drink sometime,” I said to Kevin. “Someplace other than Sheen’s.”
He grinned. “You got it.”
I finished wrapping up the antique plate. It would be put away. But the pictures would all stay. Colin would be able to see his parents and maybe feel as if they were watching over him somehow.
“You think we have enough bubble wrap?” I asked.
Kevin looked around. “I can run out and get more if necessary.”
The baby monitor had been left on the couch and it crackled to life as Colin woke up in his crib and started babbling. I knew he’d probably entertain himself for a few minutes before demanding some attention so I wrapped up a few more valuables in the meantime.
When five minutes had passed and he wasn’t howling to be picked up I wondered if he’d dropped back to sleep so I went upstairs to check. I could see into the master bedroom where Eleanor Doyle was folding clothes with marvelous efficiency and placing them in organized piles on the bed. She didn’t notice me as I passed by and went straight to Colin’s room. I was a little surprised by what I found there.
Jane had picked up Colin and was rocking him in the chair beside the window. Jane rarely picked up the baby and whenever she did she seemed eager to put him down again as quickly as possible. She was showing him something on her phone, a cartoon maybe. I didn’t know how much Colin was getting out of it but he appeared to be interested.
“Everything okay?” I asked and Colin’s face immediately turned to the sound of my voice. He bounced with excitement in Jane’s lap.
“He woke up,” Jane said, lowering the phone. “I just came in to see him. I hope it’s okay.”
I leaned against the changing table. “Of course it’s okay. You’re his aunt.”
She cupped Colin’s head in her palm and regarded him thoughtfully. “I remember you when you were this age, Nash.” She looked over at me. “It’s hard to believe now. You’re taller than your father was.”
I gestured to the phone. “What were you guys looking at?”
“Oh! I found a video I’d taken at the hospital the day Colin was born so I was showing him. Here.” She held the phone out to me. “You really should watch it too.”
The video was only a few minutes long and I started it from the beginning. They were in the hospital, probably mere hours after Colin’s birth. Heather looked tired but radiant as she cuddled her new bundle of joy. She was staring down at the baby when my father appeared. He knelt by the bed, peered into the blue blanket that swaddled his newborn son and gave his wife a soft kiss. She smiled at him, then returned her loving gaze to the baby.
“Hey Jane, what do you think of your new nephew?” my father asked.
“He’s beautiful,” Jane’s voice said from behind the camera.
“Just like his brother,” my dad said. He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms with a happy grin plastered across the face. “Can’t believe I’m a new dad again at forty-five.”
“Old timer,” Heather teased with a laugh.
“But you want to know something?” he said. “I’ve learned to treasure every moment, something I didn’t know how to do when Nash was born.”
“Did you call him?” Heather asked. “Did you call Nash?”
“I called him, told him he’s finally got a brother. He sounded happy.” My dad looked thoughtful, hopeful. “I’m thinking he might come for a visit.”
Colin made a noise and Heather soothed him while my father stared at them.
“Two sons,” he said, sounding a little awed. “Two perfect boys who are my pride and joy.” He then looked straight at the camera. “I still can’t believe my luck.”
“Colin.” Heather sang the name as she rocked the baby back and forth. “Colin, did you know you have a big brother? And he’s going to love you.” She kissed the sleeping face in her arms. “I promise he’s going to love you.”
My father sat on the edge of the bed and placed an arm around his wife and son. The camera continued to watch the family for another thirty seconds but they didn’t seem to be aware of it.
Chris Ryan hadn’t been perfect. Nobody was. But as I watched the last few seconds of the video I realized I could learn from his triumphs. And his mistakes. That’s the best any of us can do.
“I promise he’s going to love you.”
And I did. I loved that baby so damn much it hurt. He’d grow up with the pain of losing his parents before he knew them. I’d do anything I could to help him navigate the strange and sometimes excruciating realities that challenged us in this life. Because it could also be wonderful. And loving other people was what made it worthwhile.
“Oh, Nash,” Jane said when the video finished playing and I was wiping at my eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
My aunt looked distressed, on the verge of tears now herself.
“No, it’s okay,” I said, swiping at the last of the sudden tears. I handed her the phone back. “Thank you for showing me that. Actually if you could send it to me that would be great. Colin will want to see it someday.”
“Of course.”
Colin shifted in her arms and she started to look a little flustered so I reached out to take him.
“It’s a really good thing you’re doing,” Jane said and stood up. “Staying here, raising him in this house. You’re giving him the life Chris and Heather wanted for him. I knew you would. You’re the only one who could have.”
“Thanks, Jane,” I said as Colin tried to grab my left ear.
My aunt’s smile now turned a little devilish. “I knew you’d love her too. I knew it when I saw you together.”
“Who?” I asked even though I knew damn well who.
“Kathleen.”
I didn’t answer. I bounced Colin and he squealed with delight.
“You do, don’t you?” Jane pressed. “You do love her.”
Eleanor Doyle suddenly appeared in the doorway.
“Are there more boxes?” she asked. “I’m going to need at least three more for the clothes alone.”
“There are some more downstairs,” I said, glad for the chance to escape Jane’s scrutiny. “Follow me.”
Before I left the room I looked over my shoulder and Jane gave me a knowing smirk. There was an easy answer to her question but I wasn’t ready to disclose my feelings for Kat until I actually talked to Kat first. I owed her that and anyway I might be barking up the wrong tree. Kat might be happy keeping things just the way they were and I wasn’t excited for everyone to witness a savage blow to my pride. And to my heart.
Kevin was already taping up some of the boxes downstairs and offered to start moving them into the attic. Eleanor and Jane grabbed more boxes for the clothes and headed back upstairs.
“You must be hungry,” I said to Colin after I’d changed his diaper.
“Babababa,” Colin answered. I didn’t know if the sound had any meaning for him but it was awesome to hear him try.
After I mixed up a bottle I found my phone on the kitchen table. There were a few messages from Kathleen. I was glad to hear everything had gone well. She and Emma had been on my mind a lot. Her second text made me smile.
As soon as she got back to town I’d corner her for a very important conversation. I just hoped she liked hearing what I had to say.