20 - Samantha
I can still taste Dean’s kiss on my lips when I crawl into bed. I lay back on the pillows and stare up at the ceiling. I sigh, wondering if I should be holding back this much. All I want to do is go back to his place and spend the night with him.
It feels so good to be with Dean. He makes me laugh, he makes me feel safe, and I feel like he understands me. He’s been through what I’ve been through. He knows what it feels like to be betrayed.
Still, it’s so soon. I don’t want to jump into anything and regret it. I haven’t slept with anyone but Ronnie in so long, the thought of getting naked in front of Dean is simultaneously exciting and terrifying.
I’m not ready.
I’m still a married woman, after all. Until I get the word from my lawyer that everything has gone through, it feels wrong to be going out with Dean.
Well, not wrong, exactly. Everything about being with Dean feels right. It’s just strange to change my whole way of thinking. I was ready to be a wife forever. I was ready to be Ronnie’s for the rest of my days, and now it’s all over. It’s hard to get used to.
Maybe Jess is right. I should just enjoy this for what it is. A bit of flirtation, some attention, some making out. If I don’t want to have sex with Dean, then I won’t. If I do, I will.
Simple.
Sort of. I close my eyes and blow the air out of my nose as Dean’s body appears on my eyelids. I think of him undressing in the hospital parking lot, and how broad and muscular his chest was. I think of the way his eyes gleamed after he kissed me goodbye tonight, and the way his hand felt on the small of my back. He’d inched his fingers towards the cleft of my ass cheeks and my whole body was pulsing with desire.
I wonder what it would feel like to have his skin on my skin, to have his fingers trailing along my spine and have his hands gripping my ass.
Well, his hand. For the next few weeks he only has one working arm.
I squeeze my eyes shut and try to steady my breath. My heartbeat is speeding up just thinking about him, and I need to get to sleep. Tomorrow I start my job search, and I see if I’ll be able to stay in this city for longer than a few weeks.
I wake up to the sounds of tiny feet running down the hallway. I open my eyes to see the door to my bedroom open and a tiny head poking through. It’s Michelle, with her usual mischievous grin. I smile and sit up on my elbows.
“Morning, beautiful.”
She gurgles and walks towards me with her arms outstretched. I grab her and hoist her onto the bed as she giggles and pokes my chest with her two-year-old fingers. I laugh.
“Michelle!” I hear Jess’s voice come down the hall. She appears in the door. “Oh, gosh, sorry Sam. I thought she was right behind me. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“It’s alright, I was just getting up,” I say as Michelle slides down and runs towards her mother. Jess takes her hand and leads her towards the door.
“There’s coffee in the kitchen,” she calls out behind her shoulder. “How was your date?”
“It was great,” I say. Jess smiles and ushers Michelle out. As usual, she’s busy with the kids this morning, and I rub my eyes as I swing my legs over the edge of the bed. I’m still getting used to being in a full house like this. I wrap my housecoat around myself and head towards the kitchen.
“Morning,” Owen says as he slips by me towards the door. “Jess! I’m heading out! I’ll see you this evening!”
Jess appears and gives Owen a quick kiss. I grab the pot of coffee and pour myself a mug. There’s a toddler between my legs and I laugh as I shift over and make my way to the table. It’s almost like I’m a piece of furniture, or like they’ve all accepted me as part of the family already.
I pull out my phone and scroll through my various social media accounts as I drink my coffee. Jess comes back in the kitchen and tries to wrangle the twins into their high chairs. She moves swiftly and efficiently and pretty soon the twins are seated with some food in front of them. Jess sighs and grabs herself a coffee as I glance back at my phone.
A text comes through as I look at it. Ronnie’s name pops up and my chest feels hollow.
Didn’t take you long to sign those papers. Bitch.
I can feel the blood draining from my face as I read the words over and over. Jess clears her throat.
“What’s wrong, Sam?”
I glance from my phone up to her and shake my head. “Ronnie texted me.”
“What did he say? Actually, you know what, I don’t want to know. Is it bad? Screenshot it, then delete it and ignore. Seriously, Sam. Don’t engage.”
My throat tightens and I nod. “He called me a bitch.”
“Asshole,” she spits, and then glances at her twins. They’re engrossed in their food and she purses her lips. “Don’t worry about him, Sam. You’re done with him.”
“I know. It’s just hard. It’s still raw.”
“I get it.” She takes a sip of coffee then sits up straighter. “You job hunting today? That’s exciting!”
“Yeah, I emailed my boss from the organisation last week. She gave me some contact details for an after school non-profit here in the city, so I’ll give them a call. She said she’d put in a good word for me.”
“That’s great, Sam! See? You don’t need Lexington or Ronnie or anyone else. Here you are, and within three days you’ve got a guy chasing after you and good prospects for a job. Don’t worry about that asshole trying to bring you down to his level.”
I nod. “Yeah. You’re right.” I force a smile and nod again. “Yeah.”
“Ok, I’m bringing the kids to daycare. You’ll be alright today? I’ve got a full schedule.”
“I’ll be fine, Jess, don’t worry about me.”
Within a few minutes, she’s back up and getting the kids ready to leave. I shake my head and then get up and try to help her. I end up just getting in the way, and before I know it she’s out the door an the house is quiet again. I take a deep breath to enjoy the sudden stillness.
I pull out my phone and find the phone number my boss gave me. With a deep breath, I press the ‘call’ button and hope for the best.