24 - Clay
Who am I? I don’t even recognise myself anymore. Val’s been gone for an hour and I think I miss her. My bed feels cold and I want to do is turn around into her and hold her in my arms.
Get a grip, I tell myself, this isn’t me. First I go out and I can’t even look at another woman, and then I can’t control myself and kiss her, and THEN I run after her into the street! Where is the cool collected, driven doctor that I know myself to be?!
But then she came back for me. Twice.
Ok, fair enough, the first time was because she was furious with me but the second time she wanted me. She wanted me! Just as much as I wanted her.
I smile as I think about her running back down the street towards me. The way my body felt weightless when she collided with me. And then… I’ve never been with a woman like that. I’ve never felt such a connection with someone.
And she came! I gave her her first ever orgasm. My heart swells with pride and I just want to do it again, and again. When I think about her back arching and the surprise in her eyes it makes my cock twitch in my pants. It was almost enough to make me explode, just feeling her pleasure and knowing I’d done it to her. I wish she was here, I’d turn around and give it to her all morning and all afternoon.
This is new territory for me. It’s always been just sex with me, ever since my ex ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped on it in front of me. I shake my head. Now is not the time to be dredging up the past. The twinge in my heart when I think of Val reminds me a little bit too much of things I’d rather not think of.
But now… this feels good. I actually want her to come back tonight, and I was serious when I said it sounded good to have her here to watch a movie tonight. If it feels this good it can’t be wrong, can it?
I check the clock. It’s barely past noon, she won’t be back for hours.
I need to distract myself. I get up and try to tidy up a bit. There’s clothes everywhere, both from last night and from this morning. As I go around my apartment cleaning, I think about the botched sale this morning. I can’t help but feel relieved that my apartment is still mine.
I must just be having cold feet, I’ve lived in New York for ages. I need to stay focused. This has been my plan ever since I started medical school. No women, no distractions. I’ve had these rules for a reason. Sex when I want it but the ultimate priority is my career.
When I’m done cleaning up, I flop down on my couch and take a deep breath. One more night with Val won’t hurt. I can just keep it casual with her. I want to see her again. I want to make her come again. Is that still keeping it casual? When you care about someone else’s pleasure as much as your own?
I don’t just want to make her come. I want to make her smile, hear that beautiful, tinkling laugh of hers and see her face light up. I want to hear her story, listen to her voice as she talks to me. I sigh, thinking about how good it felt to be near her.
I need to stay busy or else my mind is going to run circles around me. I call Davey. His voice booms over the phone when he answers.
“Yo! What happened to you last night? You disappeared!”
“Yeah just had to go home, had enough of being in that club. Should have left sooner though”
“Yeah you were pretty wasted, you hungover today?”
“Dave, not only am I hungover, I fucking slept through my apartment viewing and fell out of bed completely naked when they walked in.”
Davey is laughing his usual full-bellied laugh. I smile.
“That’s a guaranteed sale then, right?!” he asks, still laughing.
“It was pretty bad,” For some reason I don’t want to tell him about Val. Usually we tell each other all the gritty details about the women we pick up but somehow it seems wrong to tell him about this one. It was different with her.
“What about you?” I say to change the subject. “How’d your night end up.”
“Oh man you remember that smoking hot brunette I was talking to?” He rattles on and I try to stay focused but it just doesn’t seem that interesting. The thought of picking up chicks and then never calling them over and over just seems so pointless now. How could this change so quickly? If I even talked to another girl now I’d just be picturing Val.
“Are you still there?”
My thoughts jolt back to Dave.
“Yeah man, sorry, still got a splitting headache.”
“I’m just as bad. Anyways I’ll catch you later. You want to hang out tonight?”
I think of my plans with Valerie. I can’t believe I’m thinking this, but I would actually prefer to stay in watching a movie with her than go out with Dave and find another woman to sleep with. This is different, but in a good way.
“Nah I’m good Davey, gonna stay off the booze today and try to recover. Big week at work next week.”
“Alright, your loss,” he says with a chuckle.
I hang up the phone and sigh. I feel nervous about this change, but then I think about Val and the way her face looked when I was on top of her. I need to see that face again, need to feel her body against mine. I hope her lunch doesn’t take too long.