It’s still there.
I’m not talking about lust—although, that’s still there too. No, I’m talking about the spark. That live wire is still between us and it’s ready to burn wildly. I feel it in the way she’s looking at me. It’s there in the subtle way she pushes her thighs together and runs her tongue over her bottom lip.
Yeah, she wants me that I’m sure of. She wants me to strip her down, lay her out and feast on her. She wants to ride my mouth, as badly as I crave the taste but, she also wants what comes after. The sense of belonging.
Kelly wants to reaffirm her place beside me as badly as I want her back there.
“Linc,” she whispers.
“Don’t bother fighting me on it,” I warn, keeping the tone of my voice steady. “I can see it in your eyes, Kelly. You want it as bad I do.”
“I want it,” she admits shakily. “I’ve always wanted it that’s no surprise. But, if you want me back in your life, if you want us, then you need to be sure this time,” she says, rising to her feet. “You’re a Knight, Linc. First and foremost, you’ll always be what that patch says you are. I accept that but, I’m not sure if you have and with that patch comes a certain degree of peril. Another thing, I accept,” she adds. Pausing, she steps closer and covers my hands around the walker.
“It’s not about whether I’m prepared for you or a question of whether I’m willing to wait for you. It’s about understanding I have a say too. It’s accepting we were meant to ride through life together and respecting me enough to include me in any decisions regarding our life. It’s about owning your fears and facing them together. I’m not blind to what you stand for, Linc. My eyes have always been wide open.”
The fears that forced us apart are still there and very much valid but, living in fear isn’t really living. It’s existing and Kelly is right, life is too short to just stay idle. What good is being on this earth if you’re not doing the things that make you happy? Once upon a time, this girl was everything to me. She was the other half of my heart, the other half of my soul. She still owns all those parts of me. Walking away from her didn’t extinguish those facts and neither would danger.
Yeah, my life is fucked and I’m not the guy anyone wants for their daughter but, I’m certain no one will ever love her as much as I do. She’s no stranger to my lifestyle, something I didn’t take into consideration before. In fact, she’s the very reason I wanted to be a Knight. It was those days and nights we spent together when she taught me the fundamentals of the club and showed the lifestyle from her eyes.
Putting on that vest doesn’t only make me an outlaw. There are other sides to being a Knight, sides that are often overshadowed by the mayhem we breed. It’s the loyalty, the respect, the family you choose. It’s finding acceptance in the cold world. It’s not every day a man finds a woman who accepts all his flaws. It’s not every day a man finds a woman strong enough to ride the wind with him.
“Be sure you want me. Be sure you’re ready for me,” she whispers, leaning closer to me. “Do you know what’s better than a good comeback?”
“What’s that?” I rasp. Drawing in a breath, I touch my forehead to hers and stare at her lips as they curve.
“A happily ever after and a pink dog.”
The sliders shut startling us both and we pull away from one another. Glancing over Kelly’s shoulder, my eyes widen when I see Jack standing next to Nico.
“Is now a bad time?” he asks cocking an eyebrow.
“No,” I reply, straightening my posture.
Tucking her hair behind her ears, Kelly slowly turns around and faces Jack and Nico. Her cousin wiggles his eyebrows suggestively as he crosses his arms.
“I was just leaving,” Kelly says.
“That’s not what it looked like from where I’m standing,” Nico points out, nudging Jack with his elbow. “Am I right Uncle Jack or what?”
Rolling her eyes, Kelly walks over to the two men and laces her arm with Nico’s.
“Grow up,” she mutters. “Let’s go.”
“Where are we going?”
“It’s no wonder they won’t let you prospect,” she replies, leading him out of the kitchen. Jack’s gaze follows them until they disappear from the room, his lips quirking slightly before he slices his eyes back to me.
“So, you and Wolf’s niece, huh?” he questions.
Rounding the table, he pulls out a chair and turns it around. Straddling the back, he takes a seat and motions for me to do the same.
“Yeah,” I reply, pushing my walker away.
“I can’t say I’m surprised,” he admits. “I’m a crazy motherfucker but, I’m a perceptive one too. Saw it the second she rolled her wheels onto Wolf’s driveway and your eyes met. Wolf says you two knew each other way back when.”
“We did,” I say, taking a seat.
“It’s funny, you’ve been with me what, two years now? And until that girl came barreling in here I had no idea you were with Sin’s charter or that Wolf’s niece was your former old lady.”
“You never asked,” I point out. “And, she wasn’t my old lady. I never claimed her to the club.”
“Any particular reason?” Jack questions, giving me his undivided attention.
“I was a pussy,” I admit. “I don’t know how much Wolf has told you about my past…” I say, watching him intently.
The thing about Jack is, no matter how hard you try to read the man, you never can. I don’t know if that has anything to do with him being bi-polar or if it’s just the way he’s trained himself to be. He doesn’t give you a glimpse into his head and until now it was never a concern of mine. The man never paid much attention to me and it makes me wonder the nature of his visit.
“He didn’t tell me anything,” he admits. “I never asked him to find you or the others either. He took matters into his own hands and came back with four men who fit the bill,” he says with a shrug. “I didn’t need to ask about your past or run a background check on any of you. Wolf gave me his word, and that’s golden in my book. It helped that the four of you proved your worth the minute your feet touched our streets.”
“Well, before I became a Knight, I was just a kid on the streets of Nashville trying to make something out nothing.”
“Nashville, huh? That got anything to do with why you offered to sing at my wedding?”
“I played the guitar,” I admit. “Sang some too but, had a girl who was born to sing.”
“There’s always a girl,” he comments.
“I guess there is,” I agree. “Anyway, I was a kid. I fucked up, and she paid the price. I started gambling and when I lost big, she lost her life. It was brutal, and I never thought I’d find another girl who made me feel the way she did much less allow myself to love her.”
“In comes Wolf’s niece,” Jack interjects.
“Never saw her coming,” I reply.
“We never do,” he says, crossing his arms over the back of the chair. “Reina crept up on me.”
“I bet,” I tell him.
“She was engaged to my brother,” he reveals, meeting my gaze. “Life got a funny way of bringing people together, kid,” he shares his wisdom.
Realization dawns on me and I can’t help but laugh at him.
“What’s so funny?”
“This is the talk,” I say, pointing a finger at him. “The one you give everyone,” I accuse. “Where you tell me to find my heart and all that.”
He stares at me blankly.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says, convincingly.
“Are you pulling my leg?” I ask narrowing my eyes.
“Is it working?”
“You almost had me,” I admit. “So, you are here to give me the talk then.”
“That’s not why I’m here,” he says with a shake of the head. “But, if that girl is the one thing that will keep you from being reckless, then you grab a hold of her and hang on tight. Every man needs a good woman to reel him back when he’s drowning. And she rides,” he says. “That is reason enough to wife her.”
“Thanks for the talk, Jack, but, I don’t need any convincing,” I tell him. “When the dust settles on this mess with Yankovich and I’m sure I have a future to give her, I’m claiming her. The whole fucking world is going to know that girl is mine,” I rasp hoarsely. “Second chances are hard to come by, I won’t blow mine.”
“Second chances are hard to come by,” he repeats, thoughtfully.
“You don’t agree?” I ask, watching as his eyes flicker with something I can’t quite place. Jack is truly fascinating to watch. I mean if you’re ever bored, just sit in front of him and watch the crazy unfold. It’ll blow your mind watching him disconnect from reality.
“No, I do,” he says, finally. “You just reminded me of someone I used to know.”
Suddenly I feel like I’m on the edge of something big, something deeper than Jack’s find your heart speech.
“You’ve heard the stories of Cain,” he starts, and I go still at the mention of my father. “Well, that’s something he used to say. After my son died, I thought about killing myself and he stepped in. He reminded me that I still had a daughter that needed her father and encouraged me to get help. Actually, he begged me to get help and to be the best father possible. I eventually caved and the first time I was ever committed to the psych ward, Cain came to see me. I don’t remember much. A lot of my life is colored in shades of gray due to my illness but, I remember that day. Which is strange considering I was likely doped up on sedatives,” he pauses, lifting his head in thought. “Isn’t that funny?”
I can’t speak.
I can’t do anything but blink.
Hanging on his every word, I stare at him and wait for him to give me more. More of my father. More of himself.
“He told me he had cancer, that the doctors gave him six to eight weeks. Then, he told me second chances are hard to come by and to get well so I could make the most out of mine. That’s also the day he told me he wanted me to take his place as president. Imagine that? I was in a straightjacket, committed to a psych ward, a certifiable man on lithium and there was Cain, handing me his throne.”
He shakes his head.
“I wish I knew what he was thinking,” he rasps. “Every fucking day, I wake up and ask myself why me, why did he think I was fit to rule this club.”
Sighing, he turns to me.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to unload all that on you.”
Trying to find my voice, I shake my head.
“It’s fine.”
If there was ever a time to tell this man who I am, it’s now but, as quick as the thought enters my mind so does Wolf’s voice. Torn between the man my father trusted with his club and the man my father trusted to keep me safe, I remain quiet.
“I came here to thank you,” Jack says. “I know you suffered, that you’re still suffering every day you’re unable to ride, and I gotta tell you, I’m proud to call you a brother,” he says reaching out to touch his hand on my shoulder. “You’re a strong motherfucker, Linc. I can’t say that if I was in your shoes, I’d have the will to fight as hard as you do every day. Wolf is a crazy bastard but, he’s smart and he’s got an eye for good people. Loyal people. He did good by bringing you nomads here and I’m grateful for him and for the four of you. We joke that he scoured the east coast looking for four fools eager to join our club but, what he found was four souls who breathed life back into a bunch of battered men. Four people who everyday remind me what being property of Parrish truly means.”
He gives my shoulder a pat before rising to his feet. Righting the chair, he tucks the seat under the table and turns to me.
“When you claim that girl of yours, make sure she knows she’s not only yours to keep safe but all of ours. Make sure she knows she has a place in my family, right next to you.”
It takes everything in me to muster a nod as I stare into his dark eyes.
I’ve spent my whole life chasing the legacy of my father, trying to find my place in his world and I realize then, I never needed it. I never needed to be Cain’s son. All I needed was to find my heart and accept I am property of Parrish.