Age 16
If you look up the definition of an egotistical self-centered bitch, I’m willing to bet an organ you’ll find a picture of my mother. If there was ever a woman who shouldn’t have had a child, it’s her. There are days I tell myself she wasn’t always this way. Days when I naively allow myself to believe she wished for me. It’s just a stupid dream because the truth is I was never anything more than a drunken mistake my parents made.
Some people learn from their mistakes and turn an unfortunate situation around. People like my father who did his best to make me feel wanted when my mother was too busy crying over how miserable her life was. It’s too bad he died in a car accident when I was six. Life is cruel and sometimes I wish God would’ve taken her instead of him. Maybe then I would have more than a handful of cherished childhood memories. It’s horrible, I know but, when you’ve spent most of your short life nursing your mother’s hangovers and kicking her johns out the door, you become bitter.
“Al, she’s impossible,” my mother shrieks, releasing an exasperated breath as she stares at her brother. Crossing my arms against my chest, I roll my eyes to the heavens knowing Uncle Al is as fed up with her bullshit as I am. While he may be sick of bailing her out time and time again—he’ll never turn his back on her. Say what you want about my uncle, call him all the derogatory names in the book but, no one can call him disloyal. In fact, some might argue it’s his biggest flaw.
“I don’t know what to do with her,” she continues, faking a sniffle. “She’s out of control and as much as I try to be a good mom, she makes it impossible. Now, she’s robbed one of Sin’s cars,” she adds exasperatedly. “What if he kicks us out of here? Then what will I do? Where will I go?”
“There’s a whole lot of I in that speech,” he mutters.
“Wait a minute,” I snap. “When do you ever try to be a good mom? A good mom doesn’t spend her daughter’s social security check on her hair! My dad died! That money is supposed to be for me!”
“You spent the check on your hair?” Uncle Al asks, clenching his fists. “Your fucking hair?”
“I didn’t know that she needed it for the road test,” she argues, smoothing down her overly processed hair. I don’t know what angers me more, her lack of remorse or the fact her hair looks like shit. I’m not surprised by her behavior and decide it’s the latter. If you’re not feeding her habits and greasing her palm, you’re not worthy of her time or her interest.
“If you paid attention you would know but, you’re too busy following around that asshole like a lost puppy,” I shout.
“That asshole puts a roof over our head,” she spats.
“Enough, for fuck’s sake!” My uncle bellows. The veins in his forehead bulge as he rolls his neck from side to side and cracks his knuckles.
“How many times do I have to repeat myself, Jo?” he growls. “If you need money, you ask. Especially, when it concerns Kelly.”
“Don’t let her fool you,” I interject, ignoring the death glare my mother sends me. “Sin gives her money, and she works at the bar three nights a week. Maybe if she wasn’t such a lush, she could hold onto a dollar and not rob me.”
“You ungrateful bitch!”
And the award for mother of the year goes to Joanne Scotto…not.
Rubbing his temples, Uncle Al’s jaw ticks as he slices his eyes toward the table. Following his gaze, I notice there is someone else in the room. Silently, our eyes lock as we assess one another. My stare rakes over him, taking in the apparent void shadowing his features and although his face is worn with sadness, he doesn’t appear much older than me.
“Linc,” Uncle Al calls, breaking the silence and forcing me to close my parted lips. The handsome stranger lacking leather turns to my uncle and lifts an eyebrow in question. “Take Kelly back to your room so, I can handle this shit.”
“His room?” I blurt, looking back at my uncle.
A few days ago, my uncle surprised us with one of his infamous impromptu visits. At first, I didn’t think anything of it. Since my mother hooked up with Sin we’ve seen more of my uncle. He often shows up unannounced to check in on us. Like my mother’s boyfriend, Uncle Al is a member of the Satan’s Knights MC. The only difference being he’s a big shot in a charter up north and talks with a heavy New York accent.
Ask him to say the word coffee—you’ll die!
Anyway, this visit was unlike any other seeing as he didn’t arrive solo. He brought the guy sitting across the table and the whispers around the clubhouse immediately started. Rumor has it, his mother died, and he has nowhere to go. He hasn’t left his room since he arrived and he doesn’t speak—like at all. I can’t imagine he’s a barrel of fun and surely not someone I’m looking to get stuck with.
“He’s the guy everyone is calling the mute,” I exclaim.
“Kelly,” he growls, his patience running thin. My eyes slice from the mute to my uncle and I watch that angry vein pulse. “Now,” he grunts.
Maybe I should quit while I’m ahead.
“Fine,” I hiss, turning to the mute. “Well, are you coming or what?”
Keeping his eyes trained on me, he shocks me by speaking.
“What am I supposed to do with her?”
The sarcastic response dies on my tongue as I’m caught off guard by the sound of his voice. It’s nothing like I assumed. I guess I figured there was a reason for his silence like there was something wrong with him. In my head, I pictured Alvin and the Chipmunks but, there is nothing squeaky or annoying about the mute. His voice is deep yet smooth, raspy and melodic all the same. A sound full of beautiful contradictions.
“Fuck, if I know,” Uncle Al mutters, rubbing his temples. “Keep her out of trouble until I square this shit away.”
Rising to his full height, he pushes back the chair and stares at me.
“Let’s go, Pinky,” he says.
“Pinky,” I repeat as I subconsciously run my fingers through my fuchsia colored hair.
“If the shoe fits,” he mumbles. Grabbing my elbow, he leads me toward the door. Annoyed, I pull out of his hold.
“Keep your hands to yourself,” I spat, crossing my arms defiantly as he pauses at the entrance of the chapel allowing me to walk in front of him.
The second we step foot into the common area of the clubhouse, I divert my attention to the chaos imploding around us. Two patrol cars sit outside the clubhouse while four police officers, a room full of pissed off bikers and the disgruntled owner of one of the cars I crashed all try to speak over one another. If you ask me it’s a bit of overkill for a little fender bender. I mean the way they’re all acting you would think I stole the prince of Egypt’s car and wiped out the entire monarchy.
The scene between the cops and the bikers takes a backseat to the sibling feud exploding in the chapel behind us as Uncle Al’s voice vibrates off the walls and my mother flings a chair out the door. Her voice pitches and she theatrically shrieks about how life has been so hard for her since my father’s car rolled off a cliff and he drowned. I’d roll my eyes but, I’m truly afraid they may get stuck in the back of my head.
Completely unfazed by the surrounding chaos, I turn to Linc expecting for him to be having an out-of-body experience or whatever it is that happens to socially awkward people. After all, I’m not an idiot. This whole debauchery is enough to send any sane person running in the opposite direction. However, he surprises me by meeting my gaze head on. For a moment I forget my own troubles and simply stare at his expressionless face. Lost in the dullness of his sad eyes, I wonder about the silent creature in front of me, about where he’s from and what he’s seen. I don’t get a chance to express any of that as he takes advantage of my bewilderment and grabs my hand before dragging me down the narrow hallway. At the last door, he turns the knob and pushes me inside before slamming it closed behind him.
“Are you hard of hearing or something?” I snap, shoving back his shoulders. “I told you to keep your hands off me.”
Ignoring me, he pulls my hands away from his body and pins them back to my sides before releasing my wrists and pinning my arms to my sides.
Without a word, he leaves me standing at the door and crosses the room. Curiously, I watch him sit at the foot of the bed. A bewildered expression covers his face as his gaze sweeps around the room. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was looking around for the first time but, he’s been here for days—inside this very room. At this rate, he can probably tell me how many threads are in the worn carpet.
“You’re staring,” he accuses, turning his attention back to me.
I open my mouth to reply but, the only response I give is a silent nod.
I am staring at him because despite being a weirdo he’s not that bad on the eyes and the piercing under his lower lip is kind of hot. I wonder if he’s got any others.
“So, you robbed a car huh?” he mutters, swiping a hand over his face.
The tone of his voice tells me he couldn’t care less if I robbed a bank much less a car.
“What’s it to you?” I retort, crossing my arms under my chest.
Raising a single eyebrow, his eyes wander over me.
“You always this sweet?”
“No, I suppose I’m not. I guess there’s a special place in my heart reserved for recluses that brings it out of me. You should consider yourself lucky.”
“Lucky,” he parrots, shaking his head. “My luck ran out somewhere between Nashville and wherever the fuck this place is,” he adds, clenching his jaw as his eyes dart around the room once more.
Intrigued for reasons unbeknownst to me, I uncross my arms and step further into the room.
“Is that where you’re from? Nashville?” I ask.
Silently, he ignores my question and I watch him drift miles away into the past that plagues him. I’ve heard of the term dead man walking before but, until now, I thought it meant someone with a price tag on their head. I didn’t realize anyone could be amongst the living and still be dead inside.
It’s a sobering thought that actually makes me feel bad for the mute. As shitty of a mother as mine is, she’s still here and I’m lucky enough to have my uncle. I can’t imagine not having anyone in the world. I mean, if he had a family or even just one person he could trust, he wouldn’t be here. No one voluntarily chooses this shit.
Maybe it’s not sadness that pours from his eyes.
Maybe it’s loneliness.
Or maybe it’s both.
Either way, he’s fucked and, it dawns on me that these last few minutes I’ve been too distracted by his pain and suffering that I forgot my own. It’s emancipating and selfishly I want more. I want to forget my mother is a drunk who half the time doesn’t know I’m alive. And while I’m at it, I’d like to forget my father died and all the pathetic fears his death left behind.
“Well, if you’re just going to ignore me, then I’ll get out of your hair,” I announce, slapping my hands to my knees. It gets his attention and before I can lift myself off the bed, he grabs my wrist.
“I told Wolf I’d keep you out of trouble,” he reminds me.
Lowering my eyes to my wrist, I take in his bruised knuckles and lift my gaze to meet his.
“You can try,” I reply, baiting him. “Or you can join me.”
After all, a little trouble never hurt anyone…right?
Wrong.