My head in my hands, I yank my hair from my roots.
“Shut up! Everyone just shut up,” I yell.
I look up to see five pair of eyes staring at me. The last two weeks have been a disaster, and I don’t want to deal with today’s bullshit.
“Nothing happened. You want me to stand in front of an audience and tell the whole fucking world that I didn’t fuck that whore?”
“Cole,” Peyton warns.
“No, Peyton. I’m tired. I’m tired of this crap.” I point to the stupid picture on the computer screen. Damn Blondie wanted her revenge for my rejection. As I imagined, that chick from the billiards bar knew who I was and was setting me up for a big paparazzi payout.
Off to some gossip site she skipped to give a juicy interview of what didn’t happen. Deceitfully, she used one of the images that looked like I was into her and sent it to this magazine.
Hot Rendezvous with a Drummer.
That’s what they titled it. So cheesy. Usually, we let things like this die down with time, unless it’s Cash or Ryder and it includes cheating accusations.
“You’re the one who wanted this erased,” Peyton claims. “If you had me call Vivian to come clean this up, you better man up and listen.”
Shit. Peyton’s pissed.
“Nothing happened.”
“But with your reput—” Vivian says.
“Nothing happened.” I clench my jaw. “I didn’t fuck her. She didn’t blow me. Hell, as soon as her hand tried to cop a feel, I tore it away.”
“Damn,” Ryder mumbles.
“You got a problem?” I glare at him.
“Nope.”
“Then, let’s let it die down. By the end of the week, no one will care about this.”
“I care,” I growl at Peyton. “I haven’t even had sex in months,” I explode. The room silences.
“Maybe that’s the problem,” Jason says under his breath.
“Fuck you.” I charge toward him, but Cash catches me before I can hit him.
“Enough,” he says with authority. “We know what the real problem is.” His eyes are burning into mine. “Pey, Vivian, do what you can to make this disappear,” Cash instructs while still looking at me. “Cole, you’re coming with me. We gotta talk.”
So much for a peaceful recording session.
I follow Cash out of the studio and wait for him to lead.
“Remember when we were on tour with Tyler after Olivia dumped me?”
“Yeah.”
“And I tackled Jason? You guys told me to get a grip and act like a man.”
I nod.
“You’re acting just like that. The guys aren’t going to sympathize with you like they did with me because you were never in a relationship with Bri. You said some things; she knows how you feel. It’s done. You can’t change it, and acting like a pissy teenage girl ain’t gonna help.”
“Fuck, man.”
“Listen, I get it. But maybe you aren’t supposed to be the hero in her life.” Cash shrugs apologetically.
“I just wanna make her happy.”
“I know, but Bri needs time. None of us know what she’s going through and pushing her isn’t smart. She’s gotta take the time to grieve him. Take a step back and let her do her thing.”
“I don’t have a choice but to.”
“Yeah.” Cash claps my shoulder. “Now let’s go make some music.”
“’Kay.”
“Beer?” Ryder asks as we leave the studio.
“I’m down,” Jason responds.
“Yep. Mind if I tell Liv to meet us?” Cash asks.
“Nah.” Jason shakes his head.
“I’ll let Jen know, also,” Ryder quickly adds. “How ‘bout you?” He nods toward me.
“I think I’m just gonna go home.” I scratch the back of my neck.
“Fuck that,” Jason says. “All you’re gonna do at home is wallow. You’re coming.”
I don’t bother arguing. The three will gang up on me, and I’ll end up going. No need to waste my energy on that. Instead, I jump in my car and drive.
“So you really haven’t slept with anyone in months?” Ryder asks as we sit at a table in a sports bar. Pre-game talks are on the TVs in preparation for Monday Night Football, and the after-work crowd is lingering around.
“No,” I bite. I rather not talk about it. I haven’t found anyone remotely interesting since way before Ryder and Jen’s wedding. No matter the type of woman that would approach me, I just wasn’t feeling it. I know a lot of that had to do with Bri and the knowledge of what she was going through. Also, that damn piece of hope that this could be my chance.
Cash is right; I’m not the hero in her story. I’m no one—a secondary character that occasionally appears on her pages.
I should channel these emotions into a song. It’d make Cash happy to sing my corny lines.
“Hey, guys,” Olivia says as she approaches our table.
“Hey,” we all greet her.
I avoid contact with her as much as possible, keeping my eyes to the opposite side of the bar and sipping my beer. When Jen arrives, I say a quick hello and continue staring at the TV as if I cared at all about the San Francisco 49ers.
The only thing I care about is how Bri’s doing. I shouldn’t have shown up at her place and said all I did that night. The beer drove me to her house, but I willingly took the lead. She has enough to deal with, and it wasn’t right of me to tell her to just get over it. I’m a douche for doing that. I haven’t even dared ask Cash how she’s doing, for fear that he’ll say she hates me.
I’ve replayed that afternoon in my mind too many times. Doesn’t help that I pissed Olivia off. She was right, I promised her I wouldn’t hurt Bri and I did exactly that.
“Cole?” I look away from the TV and my thoughts and turn to look at Olivia. “Do you want another beer?”
“I’ll get it,” I say and stand. My entire body is too heavy. I’m exhausted from feeling sorry for myself, and angry for what I said to Bri. It’s been driving me crazy for two weeks with no sign of it lessening. I’d gotten to used to seeing her. I even miss that damn dog. But she was never mine to console.
By the end of the week, the somewhat normal quiet we had was disrupted. Peyton was right; no one would care about that stupid interview. People were too busy buzzing with the possibility that we would be performing at a few events, including on Music Unplugged, a singing competition in Los Angeles. It won’t be bus life like when we tour, but we will be traveling to a few places over the next months.
That will be distracting at least.
“What are you up to?” Jason asks as he plunges onto the couch next to me. He lifts one leg on the ottoman in front of us.
“Nothing.”
“Listen, you’re like a brother to me, so I’m gonna say this. Let her go.”
“I’m trying.”
“You’re not. You’re doing the same shit she’s doing with Josh. It’s a never-ending cycle.” Jason looks at me with pity. “I’m not saying to go grab the first chick you see and fuck her, but try being happy. Forget what happened. Yeah, it sucks that she knows how you feel, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. You opened up, and hell, it’s about time someone gets you to do that.”
“I always knew she was unavailable.” I shake my head.
“Tormenting yourself isn’t gonna help. Let’s focus on what we have coming up with the band. And hey, no one thinks you’re some piece of shit guy that wouldn’t be good enough for her. That’s all up here.” He taps my head. “I’m gonna go get ready for Riot.”
Not wanting to talk about it anymore, I nod and watch whatever movie is playing on TV before getting ready myself. I need my head clear for our performance at Riot tonight. Once we begin traveling, we’ll have to hit pause on these shows, and Riot is one of my favorite places. It’s where it all began—four crazy boys with the dream of becoming country stars one day. That day came and went, but we’ll always stay true to our roots.
After the show, Olivia walks up to me all smiles. I try hard not to scowl.
“Hey, Cole. How are you doing?” Her eyes are soft, and I curse her for being so sweet.
“I’m all right, Liv.”
“I’m sorry I got so pissed at you,” she apologizes.
“It’s okay. I messed up and deserved it.” It’s the truth.
“No,” she shakes her head. “You know I love you, but she’s my best friend.”
“I get it, Liv. Promise. No hard feelings.”
“Thing is, I know she eventually needs to move on. I’ve given her the space she needs and she’s much better at reaching out to me lately. What I’m trying to say is, I know you’d take care of her, if that were the case.”
I smile and hug Olivia. I know beneath her tough act she’s a great person. “Love you, too. Everything will be okay.”
“I know it will. I just want everyone to be happy. Bri has to start doing normal things again at some point, right?”
“I guess so. Who knows?” I shrug.
“You’re a good friend, Cole. Thank you for being there for her when I wasn’t.”
“Come on, it’s all good. I was happy to do it. Now, let’s get a drink and leave all this mushy talk for another time.”
Olivia laughs and nods. The night runs a little smoother than the last time we all got together. Although I wish Bri were here, I’ve accepted that she needs to do her thing and get her life on track on her own. It sucks that she knows how I feel, but I wasn’t lying about what I said. All I can do is pray she finds her happiness one day. For her sake.