Alex
My fingers tap the steering wheel to the beat of . The upbeat music is doing what it needs to keep me alert. I didn’t get any sleep last night.
After I dropped Quinn off at her place, I hit the gym, but not even imagining Erik’s face on the punching bag could calm me down. So, I went in search of a party, but I couldn’t get into it, no matter how many watered-down beers I had. So, I decided to drive around the city for a while. I don’t know how long I drove around for, but my ears hurt from the loud music when I stopped at the frat for a shower and a change of clothes. I went to my classes, but they all just flowed together in a series of droning voices and distracted doodling in my notebooks. Coach yelled at me for being too rough during football practice. I went for a run before getting another shower and a change of clothes. Which brings us here.
To me aimlessly driving around again, my mind stubbornly going back to Quinn again and again.
I shake my head at myself as the image of the look on her face comes back to haunt me. The need in her eyes matched the need I was feeling. I don’t know where I got the willpower from to dress her and take her home when all I wanted was to rut into her like a wild animal. And then I just dropped her off like she was a stranger. I could barely look at her as she stepped out of my car.
“Fuck,” I mutter to myself.
I haven’t spoken to her since, and I have no idea where her head is at about all of it. Is she mad at me? Does she think what we did is wrong? Is she ashamed? I don’t know how to fix all this. How to take it all back. Or if I even want to. I shake my head and head over to her apartment.
I knock on her door, shove my hands in my pockets, and wait for her to answer.
Please don’t shut the door in my face.
I shut my eyes and bow my head when I hear steps coming towards the door. My feet are nervously tapping the ground.
“Well, hey there, stud.” I look up to find Noah assessing me from head to toe a smirk on his face.
I smile; almost relieved it’s him and not Quinn.
“Hey,” I lift my hand in greeting before shoving it back in my pocket. “Quinn around?”
“Come inside,” he stands to the side, so I can walk in. Harlow is on the coffee table meditating again, a pillow on the floor in front of her. “She’s not here, but she’ll be home soon. Harlow is teaching me how to meditate. It slows aging, apparently.” He rolls his eyes at me but goes to sit down, Indian style on the pillow, anyway. “Grab a pillow, join us.”
I shrug. Couldn’t hurt.
“What do I do?”
“Just do what we’re doing. Close your eyes and breathe.” Harlow says in a sing-songy voice.
I grab a pillow from the couch and look at Noah to mimic his position on the floor. I straighten my back and place my hands on my knees like him. I close my eyes and take one deep breath and exhale. I repeat the action three more times before Harlow huffs.
“No,” I open my eyes to see she’s staring at me through one of hers. “Don’t try to control your breathing. Just let it happen naturally. Good,” she says when I do as she says. “Now, focus your attention on the breath and on how your body moves with each inhalation and exhalation. Notice the movement of your body as you breathe. Your chest, shoulders, ribs, and belly are expanding and contracting. Simply focus your attention on your breath without controlling it.”
I close my eyes again and breathe, and wait. I’m not sure what I expect to happen but after what feels like forever my eyes pop open. I look at Noah, and then at Harlow and then back to Noah before closing my eyes again. I try to concentrate on my breathing, but it’s too quiet in here. I try and listen to Noah’s breathing beside me, but it’s too low for me to hear. I shuffle on the pillow, trying to get more comfortable.
“If your mind wanders, just go back to concentrating on your breathing.” She says in the calm, sing-songy voice again.
I take a deep breath and try again. I stretch my head from side to side and think about my breathing. In and out. In and out. In and out. Too quiet. Too quiet. Too quiet.
“So, is this the stuff that makes you orgasm for three hours?” I say when finally, I can’t stand it anymore.
“Oooh, does it?” Noah’s eyes pop open.
“That’s tantra,” Harlow says, slightly annoyed. “It’s totally different.”
“Oh,” Noah slumps. “How long are we supposed to do this for?”
“Twenty minutes,” she sighs. “And it only works if you’re going to be quiet and concentrate.” Sounding stern, she levels us both with a scary look, and we both promptly close our eyes and shut up. It only lasts for a second though, before I feel something clambering up on my lap. I frown and then start laughing when the puppy starts jumping up on me and licking my face.
“She kept it.” I try and push him down off my face but he’s so excited, and it’s hard to get a grip on his wriggling body.
“Well, of course, she kept it,” Noah shoots me a wry grin. “He likes you. Can’t say I blame him.” He shoots me a wink as he uncrosses his legs and stretches them out in front of him.
“Oh, I give up,” Harlow gives an exasperated sigh and throws her arms in the air. The frown on her face turns into a smile, and she practically dives down off the table to get at the puppy. We’re both petting him and laughing at his tiny barks. He’s almost jumping out of his skin.
“Careful not to get him too excited or Shelby will pee all over himself again.” Noah drawls.
“Shelby?”
“Yeah,” he checks his nails and rolls his eyes. “Quinn named him Shelby. I said you can’t name a boy a girl’s name but, here we are.”
“It’s a car’s name,” I mumble.
“That’s what she said. Literally.”
“I drive a Shelby.” I can’t keep the smile off my face. She named the puppy after my car.
Noah smiles at me, a knowing look on his face.
“Alex…” Whatever Noah was going to say is stopped by Quinn entering the apartment. She blinks at me, her face looking worried. “What are you doing here?” The smile drops from my face.
“I was teaching them to meditate, but these two idiots can’t keep quiet to save their lives,” Harlow says when nobody else says anything. Noah looks at me and Quinn who is still frozen at the door.
“Maybe he can cheer you up,” he says sarcastically.
“Noah!” She chides.
“What? I’m sick of that sour look on your face.” He gets up to leave the room. “If your boyfriend can’t give it to you properly, maybe Alex can.” It’s the last thing he says before he disappears into his bedroom.
“Well, I’m all for tense situations,” Harlow slaps her knees and gets up to stand. “But also not. So, I’m going to head out. You two, er… have a good afternoon.” We both watch her leave the apartment, and then it’s just the three of us. Me, Quinn, and Shelby.
“So, you named him Sh…”
“Alex, I…”
We both start talking at the same time and then stop. I hate this tension between us, and I know it’s because of me, of what I said.
“I’m sorry. About yesterday.” I lie, I’m not sorry at all. “Let’s just pretend it never happened.”
Whatever will make you look me in the eye again.
“Alex, we…”
“You can ask me more questions? For your assignment.”
Anything. Just please don’t throw me away.
“I won’t try anything, promise.” I hold up my hands in surrender.
She opens her mouth and then closes it again. Then she sighs in defeat.
“Okay,” She adjusts her bag on her shoulder and bites her lips as she looks nervously at Noah’s bedroom door. “Come on.” She says finally, seemingly having come to some decision.
I follow her to her bedroom and notice she left the door open.
“You can get on the bed,” she bites her lips and wipes her palms down her thighs. “I didn’t really have anything prepared,” she shuffles some papers around on her desk nervously. “But we can do this Jung personality test with you, I guess.”
“Sure,” I stretch out on her bed and place my palms behind my head when she takes a seat. “Anything.”
“So, the questions are all pretty simple. Just answer as honestly as you can,” She looks at me and bites her lip when she sees the exposed bit of skin where my hoodie rose up and quickly looks down again. “Let’s get started. Would you prefer to read a fictional story or a news story?”
“Are you in it? Cause then fantasy all the way.” I smirk at her.
“Alex…” There’s a warning in her tone.
“Sorry,” I mumble. “Fiction.”
“Do you find it easier to remember numbers and figures or names and faces?”
I suppress the urge to say something about her figure. “Numbers and figures.”
“Do you more often tend to think through what you will say before speaking or talk off the top of your head.”
I raise an eyebrow at her.
“Right, off the top of your head,” she bites the inside of her lip to hide her smile and shakes her head. “I’m just going to go ahead and mark down that you act spontaneously as opposed to with a goal or plan in mind.”
“I have goals.” I sit up in protest.
“Do you?” Her serious expression changes to one of regret when she sees the expression on mine. “What are they?”
I shake my head. “You won’t like my answer.”
“No?”
“No,” I shake my head and pick up Shelby from the floor. I bring him to my chest and lay back down. “It involves you.”
“When thinking about money,” she clears her throat and continues. “Do you believe that money provides security or that it’s a means to enhance your enjoyment of life.”
“Security,” I answer without having to think about it.
She looks up from the page and considers me for a moment but then shakes herself out of whatever thought she was having.
“Do you find it more stimulating to spend time in one-on-one interaction or interact with many in a large group.” A devious smile tugs at my lips and I wiggle my eyebrows at her.
“Alex,” I can tell she’s trying to be stern, but this time she loses the battle, and she smiles at me, that glimmer back in her eyes. Thank god.
“Fine, groups.” I smile and pet Shelby where he’s curled into a ball on my chest. I sigh happily, feeling that warmth creeps inside my chest. My eyelids start getting heavy as she continues her questions.
“Are you more attracted to sciences or humanities?”
“Sciences.”
***
“Alex,” there’s a light shake on my arm. “Alex, wake up.”
My eyes blink open, and it takes me a second to realize where I am. I look down at Shelby lightly snoring on my chest and then up at Quinn, smiling softly.
“Hi,” I rub at my eyes.
“Hi,” her smile deepens. “Your phone keeps ringing. It’s Erik.”
The sound of his name wakes me up completely, and I move Shelby off me before sitting up. I reach for my phone on the bedside table and swipe my thumb over it to open the screen. I see three missed calls and four new texts.
“There’s a race,” I check the time on my phone. The race won’t happen for another forty-five minutes, but the text came through about two hours ago, so no wonder Erik is freaking out. “How long have I been asleep?”
She looks down at the watch on her arm. “Almost three hours.”
My eyebrows shoot up. That’s a lot for me in one go.
“Okay,” I say and get up. I adjust the beanie on my head and push my phone back in my pocket. “So, uh,” I shift my weight. “Quinn, are we okay?” I force myself to look at her, whatever her answer may be, but the weight on my heart lifts when she gives me an easy smile.
“Yes, Alex, we’re good.” I match her smile and nod.
“Are you coming to the race? You can catch a ride with me, Sugar.” There’s a glint in her eye that tells me she remembers the last time I called her sugar. When I had her up against my car. I feel my cock react.
“Um,” she crosses her arms in front of her. “Okay. Yeah.”
I send Erik a text that I’m on my way when we get into my car. We speed across the city with a smile on my face. We’re good. We’re good.
When we reach the outskirts of the city, I’m singing loudly to . I hope she’s listening to the lyrics because I know who I want to keep up all night, and for what reason.
Once I’ve parked I jump out of my car and open the door for Quinn. I grab her hand and go in search of Erik. I need to find out where my spot in the order is. There’s quite a big crowd out tonight. When I started racing, the numbers weren’t this big. Not that I’m complaining, the more people here, the more I collect on side bets. And that’s where the real money is now. It’s not odd to walk out of here with at least 20k on a good night like this.
There’s even more money in it if you swing races. Erik has tried to convince me to lose before, so that we can collect on those bets, but I refuse every time. It’s not all about the money for me. It feels wrong, and I’m working towards my dream of joining NASCAR. Losing on purpose doesn’t seem like the way to get there.
“People look excited,” Quinn shouts as we weave through the crowds. I explain to her that the races outside the city are more popular because the cops are less likely to bust us here. I finally spot Erik standing off to the side. I break out of the crowd and head over, but then stop when I see he’s not alone. He’s standing in the shadows with three other guys. One I recognize as the guy who was staring at me the other night. My eyes narrow when Erik looks around to see if anyone is listening to them. One of the other guys smirks at me and says something to Erik. Erik looks at the guy, his body language goes rigid, and after a beat or two, he nods at him. The creepy guy looks over at me again, and then his eyes run over Quinn. I don’t like it. I slip protective arms around her waist and pull her closer.
“Let’s go. The race is starting soon.” I ignore her protests and pull us into the crowd again. I don’t like the feeling that’s creeping up my spine. Not at all.