Quinn
“School’s going great, Mom.”
“How about your new job?” Mom asks. Concern is written on her face, and I know she’s trying to figure out what’s wrong with me since I’ve been giving her fake smiles. I’ve never been good at hiding things from my mom, and the video chatting isn’t working to my advantage.
“It’s good, too. I’m enjoying it.”
“Does it take up a lot of your time? Does it tire you?”
I give her a small smile. “No, Mom. I work for a few hours only, and I love my job.”
She sighs, crossing her arms over her chest before leaning back on the couch. I can see the way she studies me. Finally, she lifts her hands in surrender. “Okay, I give up. What’s wrong baby? And don’t tell me nothing, I can see something’s bothering you.”
I look down at my hands, biting my lip as I try to decide where to begin. Just when I’m about to start, the doorbell rings.
“Mom, someone’s at the door. Noah probably forgot his keys again.”
“Don’t make him wait. I’m here,” she says, and I head to open the door.
“I’m going to make you a necklace with your key, Noah,” I say when I open the door with our spare key in my hand, but the key drops from my hand when my eyes meet Alex’s. A huge, goofy smile on his face.
“Alex,” I breathe out.
“This little boy here wanted me to bring him to you,” he says, and that’s when I notice the puppy in his arms.
“Oh my god, Alex,” I say and grab the puppy from his arms. He’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. I rub his fur and laugh as he licks me.
“Seems like you’ll get along just fine,” Alex says behind me. For a moment I’ve forgotten him with the excitement of the sweet creature in my arms.
“Alex, why did you bring him here?”
He crouches down next to me, petting the puppy’s head before answering me. “Because he’s yours.”
“What? You got him for me?”
“Of course, I did,” he says like it’s the most natural thing to do. He then gets up and gets something from behind the door. He walks in and places a big box on the couch. “These things are for him,” he tells me, smiling. Curiosity gets the better of me, and I open the box. There are lots of random things for the dog; bed, bowls, different flavored food, toys.
I shake my head. “Alex, I can’t take him.”
“Why not? Is it because of him? Erik? You know what, Quinn? If your…boyfriend were worth a shit he would have gotten it for you,” he says with an angry growl. “Take it, Quinn,” he adds and gives me a box of tampons. “Take these, too.”
I take the tampons from him with a shocked noise escaped from my throat. I don’t know if I should be mortified or amused.
“You got me tampons?” I frown at the box in my hand.
“That is what a good boyfriend does,” he nods like he just won an argument. Only, I’m not clear on what the argument is about. “He gets you things you need. Or want. Like the puppy. And the coffee with the syrup in it. That’s what he’s supposed to do, not go bragging to his friends about fucking you.”
I grimace, remembering how embarrassed Erik made me feel that day, but that’s something between him and I.
“Alex…” I trail off. He’s confusing me; I don’t know what to say to him or how to reason with him. Taking a deep breath, I start again. “Alex, I already have a boyfriend. I… you shouldn’t do these things.”
He laughs, but there’s no humor in it. “Please… do you even want to be with him anymore?” he growls at me. Before I can open my mouth to answer him, he continues. “Do you even know what he likes these days? You didn’t even know about the races he is involved in. Do you really know him anymore?”
I frown. His words confuse me, but besides that, I feel angry that I don’t have any answers to his questions.
“And him… does he know what kind of coffee you like? What your favorite color is?”
He throws his arms up in frustration, shaking his head before reaching into his jeans’ pocket. My frown deepens when he hands me a piece of paper.
Things Quinn likes:
1- Balloons
2- Shitty syrup on her coffee
3- Puppies
4- The color blue
5- Music
“This is crazy,” I mutter.
“Alex… this isn’t how it works,” I whisper, feeling shaken. “This isn’t something you can make a list of like you’re going grocery shopping.”
He pulls off his beanie in frustration and puts it on again.
He paces in front of me, making the puppy and me nervous. “I know it’s not about a list. It’s about thinking. And I’m thinking about you, Quinn. All the time.” He comes to a stop in front of me, and after bending his knees so he can look into my eyes he continues, “I want you. I know it’s almost obsessive and maybe even wrong, but I have never wanted anything the way I want you. All I know is that you’re right for me.”
“Alex,” I start to protest, but he shakes his head to stop me.
“Don’t Alex me. I know deep down you know he’s not the same person anymore. He’s not your high school sweetheart anymore. I know you don’t want to leave him because you don’t want to be like your father, but you deserve better, Quinn.”
His words bring tears to my eyes.
“Alex… I…”
“Do you think I’m happy? Do you think I’m okay with you calling someone else your boyfriend or you letting him touch you when I want you for myself? I’m not, Quinn. You’re making us both unhappy. I’m not okay with any of this.”
“But you need to stop, Alex. You need to give up on me ‘cause I hate hurting you,” I whisper. My voice is like a sob from the lump in my throat.
“I want to give up, too. I’ve tried. I know this is crazy, but lately, all I can think about is you. And I know you want me. Why won’t you just admit it?”
I just look into his eyes while every emotion I feel is trying to suffocate me. He’s almost overwhelming with his intensity, but I’d be damned if I say every word he says doesn’t cause a fluttering in my stomach or cover my body with goosebumps.
I know he’s waiting for me to say something, but I can’t.
How can I?
My body screams for me to jump on him and let him kiss away all the confusion inside me. Damn the consequences.
But my mind tells me to shut up and run away from him.
I see the hurt in his eyes when he realizes I won’t say anything. Standing to his full height, he takes a step back from me.
“I’m falling for you, Quinn and I hate that you can’t see it,” he says with a defeated voice and leaves my apartment, leaving me behind with unshed tears.
I take a shaky breath, and a sob escapes my throat. After lifting the cute little puppy who is trying to claw my legs to my arms I run to my room, closing the door behind me like I can stop the emotions reaching out to me with a barrier, and I sink to the floor, hugging the fur ball close to my chest, crying out all the confusion, and hoping my tears will wash them away.
“Was that Alex?”
I jerk my head up when I hear my mom’s voice.
“Mom?!”
She’s wiping away her tears on my laptop screen. Did she hear everything?
“Ah, Quinn. Is that why you’re so sad?”
I stand up from the floor and sit on my chair in front of my laptop. “How much of that did you hear?”
“He was pretty loud,” she says.
She heard all of it then.
I bow my head in embarrassment.
“Are you happy with Erik, baby?”
I sigh. “I’m not so sure anymore, Mom.”