Chapter 17: Drew

"Well, would you look at this?” Tony asked. He was one of Jess’s favorite flight attendants. “Another flight with the happy couple. I wonder how many of these we'll be graced with this month? I feel like every flight I was on last month had both of you on it. And there's no faster way to make a guy feel bad for missing out on the most handsome man in the universe than to flaunt the fact that he's straight, day in and day out."

Tony looked at me mournfully, but I knew he was joking. Or at least, I was pretty sure. There had been plenty of comments amongst our colleagues in the last month, ever since we put in our request to have our flight schedules match up. Those comments had ranged from happy to skeptical to scathing. Jess and I had done our best to ignore the bulk of them.

Statements like Tony's, though, those were just fine. Being inadvertently hit on by a dude might have bothered me at one point, but after such a strange couple of months, I didn't mind it at all. Besides, he had been one of the flight attendants who had been nothing but friendly with Jess, and my appreciation for it went a long way. Plus, I could see that he made her feel happy about things. As she put her arm around my waist, I offered him a smile.

"I didn't mean to break any hearts, Tony, I swear. Guess you should have gotten to me earlier. If anything, you have Jess to blame."

“Oh, honey,” Tony sighed, rolling his eyes in my direction dramatically as he offered the last stragglers of our flight fond farewells. “I appreciate the flattery, but we both know men were never going to be your thing. Besides, the two of you are just too dang cute to be mad at.”

“Thanks, Tony,” Jess said, laughing and blushing prettily and making me want to whisk her off somewhere so that the two of us could be alone. “That’s very sweet. At least I think it is.”

“It’s meant to be,” he said. “You guys are the best couple I’ve seen come out of a flight, and I’ve seen a lot. Just don’t fuck it up, darlings. We all know how easy that can be.”

He tipped his imaginary hat at us, let out one more forlorn sigh, and exited the plane. I turned to Jess and kissed her, pulling her in toward me so that I could feel her body pressing against the length of mine. I could feel myself stiffening right there, and the urge to take her only grew.

“Woah there, big boy,” Jess said, pulling away from me quickly. “I know it’s called the cockpit, but don’t get yourself too carried away, okay? Technically, we’re at work. Where it would be totally inappropriate for us to do anything close to what I can tell is on your mind.”

“All right, fine. Spoil my fun. But if we aren’t going to fool around, let’s get out of the airport, okay? You know how much I—”

“Hate to hang out in the airport during layovers?” she asked, finishing the thought for me. “I definitely do. I have to say, though, I’ve flown into Los Angeles before, but I haven’t ever spent any time in the city itself. I never bothered leaving airports unless I was spending the night. Not before I met you, that is.”

"Don't worry about it," I answered as I pulled her in for one more kiss. "I've got that covered. Just follow my lead, and everything will be fine."

“You sure about that? You promise?”

“I promise.”

That was how we wound up strolling through a little-frequented park in a part of Los Angeles not well-known by the majority of the tourists. It was one of those late afternoons, bleeding into the early evening, in which everything seemed to be perfect. The soft breeze had the faintest chill, making outside feel like the perfect place to be.

Because of the timing of our layover, we happened to hit the park right at sunset, and that only made things better. The entire sky looked like it was on fire, a fire suspended over our heads and making everything around us look slightly surreal. It was a little bit like stepping into a Dali painting, and it made my heartbeat speed up and my mind spin.

I put my arm around Jess's shoulders and pulled her closer to me, wishing I had the words to explain what was going on inside of me. I didn't. Not even close. But when she rested her head on my shoulders and sighed, I was filled with the certainty that she understood me, anyway.

“This is seriously beautiful, you know?” Jess said.

"I'm glad you think so. I try to come to this park anytime I have a layover in this city. I like to find the parts of a city that make it worth going to. It helps me remember that the places I'm flying to are real and not just blips on a map."

"I like that. No, I love that, actually. I love that idea. And you totally changed my opinion on Los Angeles. Emma has always wanted to come here for some reason, and I've always put her off. Maybe now, she'll get her wish."

I laughed. “I bet she’ll be over the moon about that,” I said, envisioning exactly what kind of reaction she would have. “You’ll be up for the mother of the year award.”

“Me? Are you kidding? No, she’ll just file it away as more proof.”

“Proof of what?” I asked.

“Proof of how you’re the most amazing guy on the planet.”

“I sincerely doubt that,” I said.

"Well, you shouldn't. Seriously, Drew, she really likes you. She talks about you all the time. I'm not trying to freak you out or anything, but since you started coming around, she's been so happy. She was so glad the picnic didn't turn out to be a one-time deal. She likes that you come hang out at the house. She likes that you don't treat her like she's a baby. Those are her words, not mine."

“She’s a good kid,” I said thoughtfully, staring out across the city. “I like her, too. I’ll be honest with you, and I don’t think this will come as a major surprise, kids haven’t really been my thing.”

She laughed. “Oh, is that so? I never would have guessed.”

"Very funny. Yes, that's so. I haven't had a lot of kids in my life, and I haven't wanted them there, either. Getting to know Emma, though, it's sort of changed my mind. She's a smart girl. A kind girl, too. And she doesn't treat me like I'm a total asshole, so I like that, too."

“That’s because you’re not an asshole. Emma hasn’t gotten to meet the few guys I’ve dated since her father passed away, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have any opinions of them. She told me, right before I met you actually, that I needed to stop dating bad guys. I think she’s happy I found you.”

I should have been happy to hear it. I wanted to be happy, except that there was a cloud hanging over my head, one that had to do with my almost canceling on the Fourth of July picnic. It had been almost a month since that had gone down, and the reason for my behavior had never come up. I had tried to pretend it didn't exist, even to myself, but hearing her now, I knew that wasn't an option.

“Jess, I need to tell you something.”

“Um, okay. Not what a girl likes to hear, but okay.”

“It’s about the Fourth,” I said. “About why I almost didn’t come.”

“Okay.”

“It was about a girl.”

“I don’t understand,” she said.

“The night before the Fourth, I got a call from a woman I used to hook up with. She wanted me to come with her to some crazy, alcohol-fueled party. That was why I was going to cancel on you. I was planning on going with her instead.”

“Are you kidding me?” she asked, looking at me with narrowed eyes. “I mean, seriously, are you?”

“No, Jess, not kidding. I’m trying to be honest with you.”

“That’s great and all, but what’s the matter with you?! Is that the way things are between us? Because if so you, you better tell me now. I must have been an idiot to think this was really something. Somehow, I thought that me making it so clear I didn’t just jump into bed with men would make it clear I didn’t want either of us sleeping around, but I guess not.”

“Jess, stop.”

“Stop?!” she cried. “Don’t tell me to stop! You drop this information in my lap, and you what, expect me to be chill about it? You must be out of your mind.”

“No, I don’t expect that,” I said. “Just let me explain. Will you give me that much?”

“Fine,” she answered hotly, her face full of hurt and anger, her body language telling me that she was on the verge of making a run for it. “But don’t lie to me, Drew. Not anymore.”

"Believe me, that's the last thing I want to do. I wouldn't have told you anything if I wanted to lie. I know it doesn't make sense, but I agreed to go to the party with that girl because I got scared."

“Scared? What does that even mean?”

"It means that I was really falling for you, and I knew it. It scared the shit out of me, and I thought that if I did something to fuck it up, it wouldn't be scary anymore. I was falling in love with you, and I knew it."

“What’s your point?” she asked. “I knew that I was falling in love with you too by that point. You didn’t see me running off and hooking up with some other dude.”

“I didn’t hook up with her, Jess. I swear to God I didn’t. I didn’t even talk to her again.”

“But you thought about it,” she said.

"I did, but you have to understand. Or you don't, I guess, but I'm begging you! I haven't loved anyone since Alice, Jess. I don't just mean any women I dated. I mean anyone. My family is gone, so there’s nobody left to love there. All of my friends? I let them go. I basically kicked everyone I cared about out of my life so that I wouldn't have to risk loving them. You are the first, okay? Do you get that? You are the first!"

I was yelling at her. First, I told her that I almost cheated on her, and now, I was yelling at her in the middle of the park. When she walked toward me, I was sure that it was so she could slap me in the face. It was no less than I deserved. Instead, she took my face in both hands and kissed me.

I was so startled by it that all I could do was stand there for a minute. Once the shock of her reaction, her acceptance, wore off, my hands plunged into her hair, and I was kissing her back. I lost myself in her, in her feel and taste, and when she pulled away from me, it felt like I was losing the oxygen I needed to breathe.

“What is it?” I groaned. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Let’s go.”

“Go where?”

“To your hotel.”