Chapter 8: Neil
“Hey, man,” I said. “Remind me to drink here more often, will ya?”
“What, at Elie’s Place?”
“No,” I laughed, three whiskeys in and starting to feel pretty fine. “In Alaska. You have no idea how much cheaper this shit is here than it is in Connecticut.”
“Brother,” Eli said around a shockingly loud belch. “If I never go to Connecticut, not once in my whole goddamn life, I think I’ll be able to die a happy man.”
“Nah, come on. Don’t get me wrong. Everything is stupid expensive there, but it’s a great place to live.”
“Oh yeah?” Eli asked, giving me a sideways glance that made it clear he didn’t believe me for even a millisecond. “Why don’t you give me one good reason? Give me one good thing Connecticut and New York and all of those fancy places have that we don’t have here in Ashville.”
“Well, for starters, we’ve got more than one bar.”
“We’ve got two, actually, but I get your point.”
“See?” I asked, laughing. “There you go. Easiest thing I’ve ever done.”
“Hold on there. I didn’t say I agreed with you. For starters, you only need one bar to get the job done. Second off, you already said the bars in your new neck of the woods are stupid expensive. So why would I want to go and drink there?”
“Alright, fine. Point taken. But there’s more of everything, Eli. There’s more restaurants and movie theaters. The apartment buildings. Pretty much everything. Anything you think of that you could get here, you can get somewhere else, but ten times better.”
“I hear ya. I do. But tell me. If we were to go outside and take a look at what there was to see, would you be able to say the same thing?”
“I’m not sure I follow you,” I said slowly, although I was almost sure that I did and knew that he’d managed to find an exception to what I considered to be a hard and fast rule. “Every place you go has air, Eli.”
“Nah, brother, not the freaking air. I think you know that, too. I’m talking about the view. You look out there and tell me there’s land that pretty every place you go. And shit, why not throw the air into the package, too? You can’t tell me that the air in New York City is anything close to as sweet as this. Not even in your fancy Connecticut. Go on, try it. You tell me it’s as good, and I’ll tell you that you’re a liar.”
“Well, I did go to law school,” I answered with a grin, willing to back down when I was beaten, but not wanting to have to come right out and say it. “So lying is kind of what I’ve been trained for.”
“I gotcha. At least I think I do.”
“What about you, man?”
“What about me? I just run my little barber’s shop, like I told you earlier.”
“Sure, I know that. I just meant, shit, I don’t know. Do you ever think about getting out of here? Do you ever think about getting out of Ashville?”
“Me?” he asked me with such a genuine look of surprise that I almost felt stupid for asking the question in the first place. “Why would I want to do a thing like that?”
“I don’t know. Because there’s a whole world out there. There’s plenty worth seeing, worth doing, outside of Alaska. Believe me, I’ve seen enough of it to know it’s basically endless.”
“I don’t think that’s the way it would work for me, man.”
“But why? I guess that’s what I don’t get. Why not?”
I had a feeling I was starting to sound something on the abrasive side, and there was a part of me that knew the best move at this point would have been to drop it and drink my drink. The thing was, I couldn’t seem to make myself do it. I knew it wasn’t my place to grill Eli the way I was, especially since I hadn’t bothered to be his friend in almost ten years. But I couldn’t make myself drop it, couldn’t make myself let it go. I needed to know.
I needed to know how a guy, how anyone, any of the people laughing it up around me in one of two town bars, could stay in Alaska and be happy about it. I needed to know how they could make the choice to live in a town, to make that choice every fucking day, and for it to be the same town that I still had nightmares about winding up in again.
“I don’t think there has to be a real why, Neil. Or let’s put it this way, it’s not something I’ve got the words to tell you the reason for. It’s my home. It’s the place that makes me feel easy in my heart. The idea of living someplace else, it just doesn’t sit well with me. You understand?”
“Yes and no. I believe that’s the way it is for you. I also believe it would drive me fucking nuts to have to be here any longer than absolutely necessary. I need to be out there, you know? I need to be out there where it feels like life is really happening.”
“Sure, I believe that. But tell me, brother, what about the women?”
“What about them?” I asked casually, signaling the bartender’s attention for another round and taking my sweet time answering a question, the meaning of which I knew damn well. “They’ve got women everywhere. You know that.”
“Shit, Neil, you know what I mean. You said everything’s better in places that aren’t here. Does that same thing go for the women?”
“Chicks are chicks, Eli. As far as I can tell, that doesn’t change much from place to place.”
“Now that one, I’m going to have to respectfully disagree with. Some chicks are chicks. Some might as well be goddesses.”
“Oh man!” I laughed, a laugh that felt surprisingly good after how tightly wound I’d been ever since receiving the news of my father’s death. “Goddesses, huh? It sounds like you’ve been with a different kind of woman than me, Eli. I can’t say I’ve ever met a woman I would call a goddess before.”
“No?”
“No, can’t say that I have.”
“How about Fay Turner? You remember her? If my memory serves me correctly, the two of you were practically married when we were all still in school. Or when the two of you were still in school, anyway. I dropped out at the end of tenth grade.”
“I wouldn’t say anything close to married, Eli,” I answered in what I hoped was a light tone, feeling most of the levity that had been building up inside of me evaporate at the mention of Fay’s name. “There was never a ring or anything like that. We were just kids, man. You know how it goes.”
“She was fine though, right? She was definitely hot.”
I didn’t say anything in response, only sipped on the new drink the bartender had brought me. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to say to something like that. A part of me wanted to kick his ass just for talking about her, but that wasn’t right. When she had been my girl, sure. Anyone talking about how hot Fay was would have learned not to disrespect our relationship in front of me. But she hadn’t been my girl for a hell of a long time.
Besides that, Eli was probably trying to fuck with me by talking about Fay. Call it the lawyer in me, but there was a certain glint in his eye that made me think this was more than reminiscing. And he kept looking over one of my shoulders. I got the distinct feeling that something else was going on. I didn’t want to ask, though. Whatever he was trying to get at, I didn’t want to get roped into it. I’d been having a good time with Eli up until now. I didn’t want to ruin the night with thoughts about the past.
I decided that I wasn’t going to say anything else until Eli changed the subject, apologized, or did something to try and explain himself. Finally, once the tension had really started to build to a noticeable level, Eli laughed a little and clapped me on the shoulder with a meaty palm.
“I’m only fucking with you, brother. I couldn’t help it. Just a little ribbing for knocking my hometown.”
I nodded. “My hometown, too, Eli. Don’t forget that. It’s not like I’m a tourist.”
He shrugged. “After all of this time, you kind of are a tourist. But anyway, I was also just wondering what your thoughts were on her. Fay that is. You know, seeing as she’s sitting right over there behind you.”
“What?” My pulse raced faster than I wanted to admit. I suppressed the urge to whip my head around to see if he was telling the truth. “Are you fucking with me again, Eli? Because I gotta say, man, not too cool.”
He grinned and shook his head. “Nope, not a joke. Not this time, dude. She’s right over there with Courtney. You remember Courtney? Anyway, Courtney and I fuck around from time to time. So I tend to notice her when she’s around. And seeing as Fay never comes out to the bar, she’s pretty easy to spot as well. Plus, almost every guy in here is looking at her right now. Makes it hard to miss her.”
Against my better judgment, I looked over my shoulder in the direction Eli had been looking, off and on, for the last couple of minutes. It might have been coincidence or fucking fate. It might have been all kinds of things I didn’t pretend to understand, but when I looked in her direction, she was impossible to miss. She was looking right at me.
Our eyes locked for half a second, and she ducked her head the instant they did. There was no doubt in my mind that she’d been looking at me. It was dim in the bar, but I thought I saw her start to blush immediately after I looked in her direction. I had to smile at that, despite the fact that I was almost ready to get up and sprint out the door.
All of a sudden, I remembered that Fay had never been able to hide it when she blushed. Her face was so perfectly creamy that it looked like she’d never stepped foot outside, even though I knew she was one of the most outdoorsy girls I had ever met. Her pale complexion made it painfully easy to see it when her face went red. It was something I’d always liked about her.
Remembering that made me think about our shitty meeting in the diner. I’d bailed as soon as I’d seen her. Just the sight of Fay awakened uncomfortable feelings inside me that I didn’t want to deal with. Opening up those old wounds seemed like more trouble than it was worth. But maybe that wasn’t quite fair to her. The two of us definitely had a history together, and she didn’t look particularly pissed to see me, after all.
“What do you say, man?” Eli asked loudly, speaking up so I could hear him over the ever-rising din of the strangely honky-tonk Alaskan bar.
“What do I say to what?” I asked back.
“You feel up to going over there with me? I know you don’t have any time for women, or at least, that’s the way you make it sound. But it’s been a while for me and Courtney, and she’s the best piece of ass I’ve ever had. She strikes me as a little bit crazy, which is something I appreciate in a girl.”
“Yeah, man, if that’s what you want to do. I can play wingman.”
Eli nodded at me in agreement. Although, I thought I saw a little look there that said he thought I was bullshitting if I was trying to convince him that part of me wasn’t heading over to that table for me. The two of us got up to go.
Almost immediately, our places at the bar were swallowed up, making the impromptu decision feel like a disturbingly final one. For the time it took us to walk from the bar top to the little booth Courtney and Fay were holed up in, I felt like I was walking through no man’s land. There was always the chance that my ex would still freak out, tell me what a piece of shit I was, and make it clear that she only wanted me to drop dead.
But when I looked at her again, I saw those deep green eyes on me again, saw the renewal of that blush, and I knew that I was okay. At least I was pretty sure, which was enough to get me into the booth, sitting beside Fay as if our separation had only been for a week or two, instead of something approaching a decade.
“Hey,” I said quietly, hoping I sounded more confident than I was feeling. She was the only woman who could still make me feel unsure after all these years, and I didn’t like it. This was the old me, not the man I’d become since leaving this town far behind me. “I didn’t really expect to see you again so soon.”
“No, I guess I didn’t either,” she said hesitantly, gripping her drink as if it would disappear if she let it go for even a minute. “Even though we both know this is about the smallest town in the whole world.”
“Actually, it’s not.”
“Oh no?” she asked with one eyebrow raised, a look she’d given me many times when we’d been in school together and she thought I was planning on doing something stupid. “And what makes you so sure about that?”
“I looked it up once,” I said.
“You did not!” she said with a smile on her face. “I totally don’t believe you.”
“I sure as shit did,” I said, laughing. I felt a little bit dizzy with how natural this conversation was feeling. “Just to see. It turns out there are a couple of places that are smaller. But not many.”
“That’s completely nuts,” she said, shaking her head.
“It may be, my dear, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true.”
“Okay, then tell me where? And I don’t mean just the name of the town, either. Don’t think for one minute that I don’t know how easily you could just make something up. I want the name, location, most famous person that ever came from there. Whatever you’ve got. Lay it on me. I want the proof.”
“Would you believe me if I said I forgot?” I asked, grinning.
“Oh Lord, Neil. You’re just a mess, aren’t you?”
We fell into a kind of silence then. I wouldn’t have gone so far as to call it a comfortable silence, it wasn’t the worst thing I’d ever sat through. Probably the most uncomfortable thing about it was the fact that Eli and Courtney were loudly making out across the table from us. His hand was already up her shirt and clearly planning to get as much exploring done as possible.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, Fay and I sat there silently, both of us gripping our drinks now and sitting close enough to be almost touching. All of a sudden, it hit me that maybe I should apologize. I’d done something that pretty much everyone would agree was shitty to her, and she was sitting beside me, having the grace not to make a fuss about it. It made me want to get to know her again. The drinks and the fact that she was even sexier than ever didn’t hurt that cause, either.
I wanted to kiss her. All at once, the urge to press my lips to hers overwhelmed me. I wanted to see what she would be like now that she was a woman, instead of a girl. It probably made me an asshole, but hey? What didn’t these days? I was actually reaching a hand toward her, ready to make a move and see how far I could push things, when she shifted in her seat and grabbed her purse. She glanced over at Courtney, opened her mouth to say something, and then looked back at me.
“I hate to say this, but I think it’s time for me to go.”
“No, come on,” I said. “You don’t need to do that. I was kind of thinking that we could talk some more. See how life has changed us. I think I want to see more of you.”
“You want to see more of me?” she asked, her voice quiet and unsure.
“I do,” I answered her, sure that I’d said just the right thing to get her where I wanted her. “I really fucking do.”
“Well, that’s not a bad thing, but it’s also not going to happen. At least not tonight. If you want to see more of me, you know where to find me. But right now, I’m going to say goodnight.”
Then she was gone. There I was, sitting at a table with an old buddy I hadn’t seen for years and Fay’s best friend. Despite being lip-locked with Eli, Courtney shot me a very enthusiastic middle finger.
That was enough for me for the night. I got up, leaving behind a couple twenty dollar bills to pay for my drinks, and headed home for the night. Watching Eli and Courtney while I just sat there, was a little sad.
When I got home I could see Fay’s house. It was dark inside her house so I couldn’t actually see anything she was doing. And though I couldn’t figure out if I was being creepy or not, I couldn’t help but think about what she might have been doing.
She was gorgeous. Even after all of these years, the girl still looked the exact same as she had when I had left all those years ago.
The thought of how she looked and what she might be doing was turning me on. I had an erection within seconds of even thinking her name. I couldn’t help it. Not only did she possess a certain innocence about herself. But she also, had a maturity that no one our age really did.
I thought about how she had acted tonight and I wanted nothing more than to turn back the clock, grab her arm, pulling her back onto the seat and kiss her beautiful mouth. I should have done it and now I was kicking myself for not doing it.
So instead, I went into the bathroom. The one place I knew I could help ease what was definitely turning into some blue balls.
I turned the shower on “hot” and undressed. I stepped into the shower and then began to run my hand along my cock.
Fay’s body had always been a dream to look at. She was fit but she had curves in all the right places and I pictured what it would be like to undress her and look down at her naked body as she lay beneath me. I pictured her trembling as I fucked her into oblivion.
I pictured her bending over in front of me in the shower. Showing me that perfect ass. I could make her go crazy with my dick. I’d fuck her hard, fast and deep. She wouldn’t even know what hit her when I made her come.
“Oh Fay.” I moaned as I moved my hand up and down my hard cock. I wanted to feel her more than anything. I wanted to get inside of her and feel that sweet pussy I knew she had. I gripped a little harder, the water falling over me, and began to move my hand up and down the length of myself, faster and faster.
I wanted to come, I needed to come. I wanted to feel her come all on me. I wanted to hear her calling my name out in pleasure as I held her legs up in the air.
I leaned against the shower wall, to regain my balance so I wouldn’t fall over and I jacked off even harder. I felt myself getting closer and I pictured Fay on her knees before me. Taking me into her mouth all the way and sucking. I pictured her moving her perfect head back and forth on my hard dick.
I started moaning as I found my release and began to come. It was a pretty intense orgasm that seemed to last longer than normal. And when I came down, I really couldn’t stop picturing Fay’s face. Which made it hard not to get turned on once again.