Chapter 5: Fay
Neil grabbed my face and pulled me to his mouth. His kiss was full of passion and lust. He paused, pulled back and looked down at me. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?” Neil asked me.
I nodded my head. “Yes.” I said.
Neil grabbed my head again. His soft lips felt so much better than I had remembered. His tongue circled mine. I found my body began to respond in ways I hadn’t realized would happen. My panties felt wet and my nipples were hard. They brushed gently on the fabric of the white t-shirt I was wearing.
Neil slid a hand under my shirt. Guiding it up my stomach and to my breast. He grabbed it and I could feel his fingers finding my nipples. He squeezed and twisted it just a bit. I was surprised that it felt so good when he did that. He continued to kiss me, tasting me. He slid his hand back down my stomach and down to the button and zipper of my pants and undid them both. He slid his hand down farther, into my panties and then I felt his fingers on my clit. He began to move them up and down slowly and then around in circles.
“Mmm, Neil.” I moaned against his mouth. He pulled apart and helped me remove my jeans and shirt.
“You are absolutely perfect.” He said, observing me. Looking over my entire body. His eyes on me made me feel hot and bothered. “Lay on the bed.”
I walked the few steps over to my bed and got on. I laid down in the middle and looked at him. I wasn’t sure what to expect, as I had never done this before. I watched him remove his pants, his dick was huge. Bigger than I had imagined.
I watched him climb on the bed between my legs. He grabbed my panties and slid them down my legs.
“You don’t need these.” He said and flung them across my room. He looked at me as he reached down and with his thumb, proceeded to rub my clit hard and fast.
“Oh my God.” I said. The pleasure was intense and my body was involuntarily jerking as he continued to rub around my clit. He slowed his movements and took his hand away, leaving me wanting more.
“I want to taste you.” He said and I watched as he laid down in between my legs and pressed his mouth to me. He began to lick my clit. The feeling was absolutely sensational.
“That feels so good.” I said. He increased the speed at which he was licking me now. He moved his head as he moved his tongue, pressing so there was some force behind it. He stopped and looked at me. “You taste so good, but now I just want to feel you. Are you sure, this is okay?”
I nodded my head. “Yes, Neil. Please let me feel you.” I said, almost begging him. I was so turned on and wet. I wanted to feel more of him, all of him. I needed to feel every bit of pleasure he could bring me.
Neil laid down next to me. “You should get on top. That way you can go at your own pace.” He said.
I gave him a small nod and then straddled him. I slowly lowered myself onto him. I felt the head of his dick at my whole, pressing, trying to get inside. I lowered myself a little farther down and I felt him enter me a little bit. I braced myself for the pain as I lowered myself even more, but there was no pain. Only pleasure.
I lowered myself all the way onto him and I gasped from the pleasure.
“You’re so tight.” He said.
I moved my body up and down, bouncing on his large dick. It was an almost indescribable pleasure. The feeling of him fully inside of me, my body moving with his, was amazing. It was pure ecstasy.
“This feels so good.” I said to him as I leaned forward and placed my hands on his chest to get a good grip. I moved my body up and down, allowing myself to slide on his dick.
Neil wrapped his arms around my back and pulled me forward. He began to fuck my pussy with his dick. He moved himself so quickly that I thought he might burst through me. And then he stopped. “Bend over” He said to me and I nodded my head in response. I moved myself off of him, which was almost torturous. I wanted to keep riding him
I bent over in front of him and I felt him slide a finger inside of me. He moved it around, slowly causing me to wiggle my ass a little bit. He pulled his finger out and then I felt him pressing into it.
He leaned into me and whispered, “Tell me how bad you want it.”
“So bad, Neil. I want it so bad. Please fuck me.” I begged.
Neil pushed and I suddenly felt him inside of me. He moved his hips, thrusting in and out of me. He started moving faster and faster. He had me calling out, my body was tensing.
“I’m gonna come.” Neil said as he thrusted harder and deeper inside of me.
I felt myself getting closer, a build-up of pleasure that had been slowly building up for years now. I felt myself on the edge of the most beautiful orgasm ever and suddenly I rolled my head back, closed my eyes, and began moaning so load. I was having my first official orgasm and it was the best feeling of my whole entire life.
The sound of my alarm going off, startled me from my sleep. I sat up, disoriented and reached for my clock to shut the noise off. I was panting and sweaty. But I felt so relaxed. I thought about the dream I had just had. I was having sex with Neil. It had felt so real, though I wasn’t really sure what sex felt like, I had an idea. I was also, ninety-nine percent sure that I had just had an orgasm from a dream.
It had been almost two weeks since Courtney had told me about Neil’s father passing away. I hadn’t been able to get the conversation out of my head. I hadn’t been able to get Neil out of my head. It was more than a little bit unnerving after spending years trying to achieve that very thing.
Even now, trying to get ready for work, I could feel him in the back of my head, trying to make his way up to the front again. It was a place he’d occupied for quite some time, for several years after he’d made what he liked to call his “escape” from Ashville. It felt shockingly natural to let him come right back to it again. That was something I couldn’t let happen. It was awful, what had happened to his dad, but that didn’t make him any more a part of my life now than he had been before Courtney had told me what happened. I would do well to remember it.
“You’re just being silly, Fay,” I whispered to myself, feeling downright foolish, and also aware that I was going to be late to work if I didn’t get my ass in gear. “Cut it out.”
I nodded to myself, as if my pitiful attempt at a self-reprimand was actually going to do any good, and hurried out of my front door. I managed to get out and get the door locked before it caught my eye; the thing that completely stopped me in my tracks.
“Oh my God.”
My voice sounded flat in my own ears and some vague, far away feeling part of my brain wondered if I was in some kind of shock or something. The voice wasn’t present enough to really gain any traction. It was even less authoritative than the voice I’d used to reprimand myself, which seemed like a dismally impressive thing to be able to say.
The light I saw in the Driscoll house was enough to make me feel like I had been hit by a bus, or something even more destructive. The house I was living in was the house I had grown up in, left to me when my mother had suddenly passed away when I was eighteen years old. It was also the house that had a prime view of the Driscoll residence, which sat high up on a hill I could clearly see from my front porch.
I had seen light pouring out of its windows plenty of times over the years, which only made sense, seeing as it was where Neil’s dad continued to live after Neil moved on and never looked back. There hadn’t been any lights on since Mr. Driscoll had passed away, but that didn’t mean anything. Or at least, it didn’t have to mean anything, although it could have.
“No,” I hissed at myself, actually starting to get a little pissed at myself by that point. “It doesn’t, okay? It means nothing. Now get to work.”
I nodded to myself as if somebody else had given me the instruction instead of it having been delivered by me, to me. I headed to my car. I was acting like a complete basket case. I knew it, and I didn’t like it one bit. There was absolutely no reason to think a stupid light in the Driscoll residence meant that Neil had come home.
They’d had a housekeeper for as long as I had known them, and it only made sense that she would be there to help clean the house up now that he was gone. Then there was the business manager, a man whose name I couldn’t remember at the moment, but who would very likely be there to help put the elder Driscoll’s home in order. There were all kinds of likely explanations and not a one of them involved Neil.
That was only wishful thinking, and what made it sting was that the thinking was based on a person I didn’t know anymore. Neil and I had been in a relationship that had meant more to me than I liked to admit, but that had been in a whole different life. We didn’t know each other now and never would again. A death in his family wasn’t going to change that. No matter how many romance novels I read.
***
“Hey, girl! For a minute, I thought you really weren’t going to show up!”
“Hey, Court, I’m sorry. I guess I got off to a slow start.”
“Please!” Courtney laughed, pulling on the old sweatshirt that indicated to me she was about to head into the walk-in so that she could take some inventory. “I was about to throw you a parade. I’m pretty sure you haven’t ever done even one slightly irresponsible thing since we’ve known each other. If you’d skipped work, it would have shown me that there’s still help for you yet. Besides, it’s not exactly like this place is hopping, you know?”
Courtney looked around the diner with a sour, bored expression on her face, and I followed suit. Busy definitely wasn’t a word you would use to describe the place, that was for sure. As was more often the case than not, there wasn’t a single soul inside of those four walls aside from us.
I laughed, not because I was trying to be mean, but because it was just another example of how completely different the two of us really were. She looked at the empty diner and saw it as proof of how boring Ashville was. Although, I had a sneaking suspicion that if the opportunity to leave ever actually presented itself, it was one she would decline. I looked at the empty diner and saw an opportunity. I saw an opportunity to regain some of my mental footing, an opportunity to get my bearings again, once and for all, after the stupid funk the news about Neil’s father had put me into. It was just an example of life going on as it normally did, and who didn’t need a thing like that from time to time?
“I’m going to the back.” Courtney broke into my thoughts with a tone so dramatically morose it started me laughing all over again. “You’ll be okay up here on your own?”
“Of course, I will.” I smiled, pulling my much-hated romance novel out of my purse. “Just like always, right?”
“Oh, brother!” she groaned, shaking her head as she made her way to the walk-in, shaking her head until I couldn’t see her anymore, and probably continuing to do so even once she was out of sight.
I smiled to myself again and opened to the place where I’d left off in my book, ready to lose myself in the love affair of people who felt just as real to me as Courtney did. I loved that feeling of getting lost in the lives of others, loved it so much that I almost didn’t hear the sound of an engine idling outside.
Once the sound penetrated my thoughts, I hardly looked up. Our business wasn’t the only one in the immediate vicinity, and I was almost positive that whatever car was outside was not intended for us. It was only once I saw the truck that the panic began to set in. Because I knew that truck.
It had been years since I’d seen it pulling up to the front of the diner, but I would know it anywhere. I knew its occupant without ever having to catch a glimpse of him. For a moment that seemed to stretch out into forever, I froze, completely unsure of what the hell I was supposed to do now. Then my body just sort of took over. Without giving it any kind of conscious thought, I hit the ground, book and all.
I did so before I ever saw anyone step out of the truck’s cab, giving me a marginal amount of hope that I hadn’t been seen, and well before the little bell above the entrance gave its merry clang. I could have murdered that bell for sounding so happy when I felt pretty close to certain that I was going to either throw up, have a panic attack, or possibly do both at the same time.
“Hello?”
The sound of the voice shot through the diner like a bullet might have done, sounding so loud in my ears that I had to fight the urge to clamp my hands over them. I wasn’t actually a child, all evidence to the contrary, and if I’d allowed myself the luxury of covering my ears, I wouldn’t have been able to hear what came next. I needed to do that in order to know when I was safe. It was either that, or never leave the safety of the floor behind the front counter again.
“Hello?” the voice called again, a bit of uncertainty and maybe some annoyance as well detectable now. “Is there anyone here? The front door is open. You know, normally a sign that a place is open for business? Any chance that’s true here?”
I cringed and waited for it to be over. It was amazing how quickly things could go from one way to another. Only minutes ago, I had just been dipping into my book, ready for what would most likely be a day of reading without a whole lot else. Now, I was on the floor hiding for my life. Or at least, it felt like I was hiding for my life, which to me was pretty much the same thing.
“What the hell, dude? Why are you yelling? There’s somebody right—”
Courtney, who had come storming out of the walk-in with a look of total murder in her eyes, stopped and surveyed the scene she found in front of her. I could only imagine what it must have looked like to her, and I felt my face grow hot with what was surely the worst blush I’d ever blushed in all of my life.
She then looked from me to the disgruntled looking man waiting to be served and then back at me again. I shook my head vehemently, desperate for her to help me maintain my anonymity, all the while sure that I was sunk. When Courtney smiled, I felt my heart leap into my throat and would probably have tried to crawl away if I’d been able to move quickly enough. Except that I was not only not able to move quickly enough, but in the end, found that I could hardly move at all. Courtney reached down and grabbed the collar of my flannel shirt with one freakishly strong arm, and I was powerless to resist.
I was brought back up from underneath the counter like a fish being reeled in from underneath the water, my face still so hot I was sure it would burst into flames. She’d brought me up so that I was facing our customer, too, taking away any last chance I had of somehow hiding my identity. I closed my eyes briefly, willing my heart to slow its beating and my mouth not to say anything ridiculous. Then, I looked straight into the eyes of the one and only Neil Driscoll.
“Holy crap. Fay. I had no idea you were still working here.”
“I was going to ask you if you knew her,” Courtney said in an amused voice, making a point of not looking at me so that she didn’t have to see my glare of death. “But it looks like you saved me the trouble.”
“It looks like I did,” he said.
“And now you see that there was somebody up here all along. She just wasn’t where you could see her.”
“I can see that. Or rather I can see her. Now. You know what I mean, I think.”
“I do,” she laughed. A laugh that made me wonder if she could feel how painfully awkward everything had gotten in the last thirty seconds. “I really do. Now, do you two think you can manage without me, or is somebody else likely to go missing? Because I’m like, right in the middle of inventory. But if you guys need a translator, I can stay.”
“No, that’s all right,” he said. “Go back to what you were doing.”
Courtney raised one eyebrow, and I could see exactly what she was thinking. She remembered Neil from when we were growing up. I knew she did. I also knew she had never been his biggest fan. She had always thought he was “too stuck up to live,” and the way he was now giving her permission to do what she was going to do already was definitely not helping her to change her opinion.
For a minute, I was sure she was going to say something in retaliation. I was so sure she would, in fact, that I was actually relieved when she headed to the back again, leaving me alone with the elusive Neil.
For a second, I just looked at my hands, one of which was somehow still holding onto my book. I wondered what in God’s name I was supposed to do. Just an hour ago, I had done a decent job of convincing myself that Neil would never be back in Ashville. Now, here he was, standing in front of me like he’d never left at all.
There were differences, of course, the same way there would have been with any person I hadn’t seen in going on nine years. He had a fancier haircut, and the way he was dressed made me think he could have just stepped out of a Brooks Brothers’ ad. But the eyes were the same.
Those blue eyes that had always made me feel like I was falling were still the same, except for the fact that the way they looked at me was mighty different from the way they had before he’d left his Alaska life behind. My hand flew up to my locket, which was tucked safely away beneath my shirt. I wondered what kind of thoughts were going on behind those beautiful eyes. I was wondering so many things that I couldn’t seem to land squarely on any single one of them. Instead, I stood there like a hollowed out person who’d lost her brain when she wasn’t looking.
“Fay. I didn’t know you would still be working here.”
“Yeah, well, nothing much changes around here,” I answered quietly, feeling whatever dignity I had left slipping away at his second mention of the fact that in almost a decade, I hadn’t gotten anything aside from my diner job. “But I guess you knew that.”
“Sure,” he answered amicably enough, maybe even a little bit embarrassed, which was something I wouldn’t have minded a bit. “I guess I did.”
“I saw a light in in your house earlier. I’m still living in the same house. I didn’t think it would be you, though. I mean, the thought crossed my mind, but I didn’t think it would be you.”
“I didn’t think it would be, either. I didn’t feel like I had a choice. I inherited the house, and there’s a whole lot more to getting things all figured out than I expected there to be. It seemed like coming back for a while made the most sense in the end.”
“I heard about your dad,” I said in a low voice, furious for myself with the sudden feeling that I might actually start to cry. I dug into my palms with my fingernails, to make sure that didn’t happen. “I’m very sorry. I thought about sending my condolences, but then I realized I wouldn’t have had the first idea of where to send them. So, you know. I didn’t.”
“That’s all right. It’s sweet of you, though, to think about it. Thanks, Fay. I appreciate it. Unfortunately, I should also be going.”
“Going? Didn’t you come in here for a meal? Or, why did you come in here?”
“Just a coffee to go will be fine, actually. I’ve got a lot of shit on my plate, and I’m not trying to stay in Ashville for the rest of my life.”
“Of course. Hold on.”
I poured him his cup of coffee with hands that were undeniably trembling. How many times had I done this exact same thing over the course of my life? Enough that when I’d first begun giving him drinks to go, they had been cups of coke or hot cocoa instead of coffee, back before he was grown up enough for a drink as mature as that.
Back in the day I had all but lived for the times when Neil would come in to see me. I had loved the way he had always made me feel like the most important, special person on the face of the earth. And now? Now he was like a stranger, only worse. A stranger wouldn’t have had this uncanny ability to hurt me the way that Neil was, to hurt me without even trying. And he wasn’t even doing anything! He was only acting like we were strangers or distant acquaintances, which was exactly what we were now. All I knew was that I wanted him to go. Out of all of the times I had imagined the two of us seeing each other again, it had never once played out like this.
“How much do I owe you?” he asked.
“Nothing, please. Let’s just consider it a gift from an old friend.”
“Are you sure?”
“Sure, I’m sure,” I answered in an overly bright voice, knowing that I would never be able to work the register in my present state of agitation. “Least I can do, right?”
“Shit. Well, thanks. I don’t have anything to do for you in return. But we should get together before I leave, you know? We should do some catching up. Maybe I can buy you dinner or something, or what passes for dinner in this place.”
“Yea, if you have time. That might be nice.”
“All right, good. I’ll see you around, Fay.”
I nodded at him, feeling both relieved and sad when he was finally out of the diner and getting back into his truck. It was a nice enough offer, his idea of us going to dinner, but I wasn’t an idiot, or at least not a total idiot. Not as far as I could tell.
The dinner suggestion had been his way of getting the hell out of dodge as fast as he could. Nothing less and nothing more. For all the things that appeared to have changed about the guy, there was something other than his eyes that seemed to be the exact same as it had been when he’d gone and never looked back.
His desire to be as far away from little old Ashville as he could get was exactly the same as it had been when we were still teenagers. Although I wouldn’t have thought it was possible back when I was still an eighteen-year-old girl, Neil’s dislike of Ashville seemed to have grown instead of decreasing.
I’d heard the saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder” plenty of times. Everyone had. For Neil, the opposite seemed to be true. Absence seemed to have made his heart grow colder, towards Ashville as a whole, and undoubtedly towards me. I was nothing more than some silly little townie, and there was no way seeing me again was on his agenda.
My hand flew back up to my locket, and for just a minute, I could see the Neil that had been mine. The Neil that I had loved so completely. Then my hand dropped back to my side, and that image was gone, leaving in its wake the version of Neil I had just seen. This man was all work and no play for sure. If I saw him again before he left, I would be so stunned, someone could knock me over with a feather.
My guess was that seeing me again would only drive him to get his work done faster so that he could leave his past behind for good and get on with whatever fancy life he’d created for himself out there in the wide world.
“Well that was a trip and a half, am I right?” Courtney asked.
I turned to look at Courtney, who was beginning to look a little blue from all of her time in the massive refrigerator. I shrugged my shoulders in a gesture I hoped looked at least a little bit nonchalant. Not only was I not sure what to say, but I also wasn’t sure that I could trust my voice. Whether I wanted to be or not, I was kind of bowled over by what had just happened, and I needed some time to regroup.
“Come on, Fay. Don’t be mad, all right? I know you just wanted to hide from him, but really, why the hell should you? This is our diner. Not his.”
“I know. I’m not really sure why I was hiding, to tell you the truth.”
“Because you were surprised? Or who knows? Maybe he’s just like one of those guys in your books. What do they always get called? ‘The one,’ or some shit like that? Maybe he’s that, and your body just reacted.”
“Um, doubtful, Courtney.”
“No shit, it’s doubtful. Now come on, pour a girl a cup of coffee before she freezes to death. I swear, I can’t even feel my nipples anymore!”
And just like that, the strange and unexpected appearance of Neil was behind me. My real life came rushing back with full force. If there was one thing Courtney was good for, it was reminding a girl where she was. I poured her coffee, handed it to her, and the reached out and gave her an impulsive hug. It was something she would normally have shrugged off with a string of curse words, but this time, she let the hug slide. It wasn’t until we got an actual customer that I let her go. By that time, I was starting to feel a lot better. It had been a fluke, seeing Neil, and one I was sure I wouldn’t have to repeat.