“Ah...fuck!” I muttered.

I stared up at the rocky ceiling of the cave where I spent most nights. I was torn and confused. More than I’d ever been since Leah had arrived at the ranch.

Things had gotten out of hand quickly and I wasn’t sure where it had left things with us. It certainly wasn’t how I’d expected the evening to end.

Not that I was complaining.

Leah was both beautiful and caring.

Not for the first time I wondered how she could possibly see anything in someone as fucked up as me.

She deserved better.

If I had to think of the type of woman who I’d see myself ending up with, the image in my head was foggy.

I’ve never had a specific type.

Hell, I wasn't even sure whether I’d let someone spend the rest of their life with me.

I wouldn't want to be another person’s everything.

Too much fucking pressure.

My mother would be furious if she heard me thinking like that. She had always encouraged me that I was good enough for anything I put my mind to. She’d supported me in everything that I did, whether I succeeded or failed. To her it didn't matter, the only thing that mattered to her was that I was happy.

She supported me when I signed up for the Army, which was against my father’s wishes, and she sent me weekly updates on how things were going at home. Those letters were the things I lived for.

Her words had gotten me through basic training and it was because of her letters that I went for the Special Forces program. Only the cream of the crop were selected, and because I’d been shooting even before I could walk, I was one of the best in the unit.

General Fillinger saw me for the first time at my initiation. Our test was to shoot a can off a brick wall two-hundred-feet away.

I nailed it.

After that, he took me under his wing and made me one of the best snipers in the force. He teamed me up with Nixo, Geraldo and Martins.

We were the best there was.

Now, I’m the only one who was still alive.

When sunlight from the early morning sunrise shown into the cave, I knew I had to get up. I knew that sometime today Leah would try to find me, and she’d want to talk.

Whether I wanted to or not was still undecided.

What would I even say to her?

What would she say to me and would it be what I wanted to hear?

She couldn’t have feelings for me, because I sure as hell didn't have the patience for her and her smart mouth, although thinking of her mouth made my cock go rock hard.

We’d had dinner under the tree where I’d spent many nights looking up at the stars and wondering how I got so screwed up inside.

Now it was Leah Taylor’s tree, who smelled like wildflowers.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop myself from thinking about her. The smell of her, the taste of her.

Was it a mistake? Maybe.

So why couldn’t I stop thinking about doing it again? And again?

Even though we didn't really know each other that well, or at all for that matter, we connected on a deep level.

I’d never felt that with a single person before.

I pushed myself up in an upright position and decided that I needed to get the talking over and done with.

Which was weird.

I had to admit that talking to her about myself, even if it was just a little insight into what makes me tick, made me feel a tiny bit better.

I felt lighter than I had in a while.

Leah was easy to talk to, and she listened to what I had to say, even though she asked a shitload of questions.

I could kind of understood why though, because the more questions she asked, the more answers she’d get and the more she’d know about me.

The more she knew about me, the more she would understand me.

If that was possible.

I’d given up on understanding myself a long time ago.

I’d lost too many people in my unit, and I’d let them down. I should’ve been there with them, protecting them. Instead they sacrificed themselves for me because I was considered a more valuable asset to the team.

All because I could shoot a damn gun better.

I let them down and they were the ones who paid.