Clayton
“Thank you,” Emelie said as I placed her basket into her backseat and shut the door. “I’ll pay you back Tuesday in class.”
When I turned to face her, I leaned back against her driver’s door instead of stepping out of her way. “I don’t want you to pay me back, Em. But I do wanna take you out sometime.”
“I don’t go out.” She looked away from me and toward the ground. A sense of fear that I was losing the relaxed atmosphere we’d been in for the last couple of hours hit me.
“Then we’ll stay in.”
“I don’t stay in either,” she replied quickly, and I just gave her a questioning stare. “You know what I mean. I just don’t date.”
“So we won’t date, we’ll just hang out.” I was grabbing for any angle I could find at this point.
“Clayton, fine. I’ll admit it, you seem like the opposite of who I thought you were, but I have Ethan to think about.”
“I’m not just asking you to spend time with me.” I reached out and took her hand in mine. “I wanna spend time with him too.”
“Until what?” She pulled away from me and threw her hands out to her sides. “Until you get bored? Until you realize that I can’t just pick up and take off whenever I want to go to some party? Until you see that my life is nothing glamorous and that the only thing I do is work, go to school, and play trucks in my apartment with my two-year-old?”
“I like trucks.” Instead of my comment making her laugh, she tilted her head back, looked up at the sky, and let out a frustrated growl.
“You don’t get it, Clayton.” Her perplexed look wiped the grin from my face the second I saw it.
“What don’t I get? Tell me.” Somebody needed to because I wasn’t sure what was so wrong about me wanting to spend time with her and Ethan.
Emelie stared at me, opening her mouth only to close it quickly after. She did this a few times before she finally gave in and let everything she had built up fly out in a rush. “I can’t fall for some guy who wants to play house for a few months, because then Ethan falls for him too. In the end, I’m the asshole when you decide it’s too much and I’m left with a toddler that is attached. It’s wrong, and I can’t do that to him. There’s been too many people that have already turned him away and I’m done watching it. It hurts too damn much. He deserves more.”
“Em—”
“No.” She held up her hand to stop me. “You’re a sweet guy, and I take it all back, all the things I thought you were. But I can’t expect you to give up your life, Clayton, it’s not fair."
“I’m not giving up anything.” I had never been more lost in one conversation than I was then.
“But you are, you just don’t realize it yet. Being with me means a life of compromise and I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You aren’t asking me to give up anything,”
“And I never will.” It was one line, but it had a strong impact. “We’ll never be more than friends, Clayton. I can’t offer you what you’re looking for.”
I wanted to argue with her and give her all the reasons why she was wrong, but I knew it would get me nowhere. She was set on keeping me at a distance. The harder I pushed the more she would scramble.
So instead of arguing, I stepped to the side and allowed her to get in her car. I watched as she backed out of the parking space and just before she drove off, she gave me a sad smile that told me everything she said wasn’t what she really wanted. Keeping her son safe outweighed any wants she had.
***
I walked up the front steps of our house and didn’t even pause when I practically tripped over two of my brothers having some type of wrestling match in the entryway. Or when Eli grabbed for me and caught the edge of my shirt, just before releasing his hold when I shot him an unimpressed look.
Someone called out my name as I reached the top landing of the stairs, but I didn’t stop there either. I was irritated and confused, two feelings I didn’t deal with often. I was a laid-back guy; Corbin was the one who was high-strung. It took a lot to bother me, but I’ll admit this shit with Emelie was fucking with my head. Some of the things she said pissed me off. I just wasn’t sure I even had the right to be pissed.