Elijah
Realizing I was alone in the backyard of my fraternity house, I began moving cautiously toward the back door. With each step I felt as if my shorts and boxers were rubbing against my skin and it almost burned. It felt almost like chafed skin; I’d felt it before, but usually after a long ass game when I sweat for hours and my uniform had begun to wear and pull at my leg hair and other nearby areas.
It was almost miserable as I parted my legs a bit, walking bow-legged to alleviate the irritation.
Last night was a blur, at least for the most part. I had the king of all headaches and each step I took I fought the urge to throw up. The puzzle of how I ended up in the backyard to begin with had my full attention as I slipped in through the door and began moving through the kitchen with ease.
A shower and my bed were the only things that could fix the fucked-up state I was in. Never had I still felt this drunk the day after a party. I thought I was in the clear when I reached the bottom of the stairs, until I heard laughter filtering out from the living room. Not just chuckles but deep guttural laughter that was hard to ignore. Mixed in were muffled groans of pain, only those groans sounded so far away.
Against my better judgement I moved away from the stairway.
“He’s gonna kill you,” one of the guys said and I paused just outside the door.
“Probably,” Clayton chuckled, “but it’s so worth it.”
I didn’t need to hear anymore to know it had something to do with me. Not to mention those moans of torture were beginning to sound a little like me in a not so pleasant state.
As I stepped into the open doorway my eyes immediately focused on the computer screen. Clayton, Brent, and Jay all hovered near the desk.
Moving in a little closer I saw what it is they were watching and my stomach began to twist. There I was writhing in pain as Clayton ripped wax strips off me one by fucking one. With each yank I’d let out a squeal that didn’t sound like me at all. It was the deep groan that would follow that was me over and over.
“You waxed me?”
All three of them whipped around and Clayton’s eyes grew wide. Jay’s mouth fell open in shock and then Brent burst out laughing. “That is epic,” Brent sputtered the words through his laughter. He looked over at Clayton. “Shoe polish?” he asked as he pointed toward my face.
“No,” Clay said while slowly shaking his head, still staring at me, “sunless tanning lotion.” Each syllable of each word was drawn out.
“Genius,” Brent adds as he leaned in a little closer. They continued to carry on their conversation as if I wasn’t standing before them. “It’s so dark though.”
“I got the darkest shade.”
“Who would even want to be that dark?”
Clayton shrugged. “Fuck if I know but I was glad they had it.”
“Darkest shade of what?” I practically yelled the words.
“He dyed your face twenty shades darker than the rest of your body.” Jay’s words rushed out as he slid backward, as if clearing the area. He looked seriously scared.
“Let me get this straight.” I grabbed the collar of Clayton’s shirt and pulled him closer. “You wax my fucking junk, dyed my face, and left me passed out in the backyard.”
Before Clayton could reply, Jay chimed in. “He also glued your ass to the chair.”
“Glued my…” I paused as I tried to register everything that apparently took place and I couldn’t remember any of it. “What is with you assholes continuously super gluing stuff to my ass?”
“Frankie loves when we—”
“Don’t fucking say it,” I warned him and he stopped immediately. I’d had enough. I didn’t give him a chance to say anything more; I knew at this point I couldn’t take another word. I shoved him off and began back to the path I should have stayed on to begin with—heading up the stairway.
The rest of the house seemed quiet. Pausing as I passed the bathroom, I took a look at my face and realized just how dark it truly was. Imagine Will Smith’s head on an albino’s body. I was a mess.
Fully intending to Google ways to remove sunless tanning effects the minute I finished a long ass nap, I left the bathroom and continued down the hallway.
I reached up above my door and felt for the small notch cut out of the trim that was just large enough to hold the key. When I reached out for the handle and it gave just a little, my heart felt like it lurched in my chest. Being unlocked was not good; it only meant one thing.
Shoving open my door, I was greeted with what looked like hundreds of balloons. From floor to at least waist high, blown up balloons were everywhere. My bed was covered, my desk, hell everything had colorful balloons on it.
In that moment I wondered what the fuck I was thinking when I foolishly agreed to give in and get drunk last night. This shit was going to take forever to pop.
***
I hadn’t forgotten about the tattoo, or the mountains of balloons around my room. But the moment I closed my eyes to fall asleep, the only thing I dreamed of was Catherine. Those kisses that were shared when I was supposed to be accepting the lime instead. It was a bold move and I knew it, but the inviting look in her eyes snared me when I hovered over her lips after that first shot.
The only thing I wanted in that moment was to feel her lips pressed to mine and I didn’t want a damn lime in the way. I just wished I could remember more of our night after that.
Was there more after that?
I could hear the guys all moving around outside my room, the laughter and continuous rowdy behavior that was a daily thing. The last thing I wanted was to face the smug assholes who would surely love seeing all that Clayton was able to accomplish.
I still had no clue where my phone was.
Climbing from my bed I slowly stepped over the balloons around my room, fearful I’d end up falling and break my fucking neck in the process. It seemed fitting as the final step in my night of the most humiliating events.
Once I was to my desk I powered up my computer and opened the search window. Exfoliating scrub, lemon juice, baking soda, hell even Crest toothpaste were some of the recommendations to clear off this crazy brown head syndrome I had going on. The problem was all those things had to be purchased at a store and there was no way I was going out looking like this.
I need my damn phone.
The sound of a woman’s laughter just outside my room got my attention. It had me spinning around in my chair, watching with caution. “He was so pissed,” Clayton’s amused voice came right through my door. I was up out of my chair and moving quickly through the balloons as they scattered out to my sides.
I yanked open the door, fully intending to tackle him when I found myself face to face with Catherine. I froze; she stepped back and her eyes grew wide just before her mouth fell open in shock and she quickly lifted her hand to cover it. Then I remembered what I looked like.
“What happened to you?”
Clayton stood behind her, his arms crossed over his chest and wearing a smug grin.
“He happened.” I pointed toward Clay.
“Is this what you dragged me up here for?” she spun around to ask Clayton. “I just came to get my car.”
“I couldn’t let you leave without seeing this.” Clayton chuckled again when I stepped forward, fully intending to tackle his ass and beat the snot out of him.
“Hey now, in my defense it wasn’t all me.” He uncrossed his arms and stepped forward, still using Cat as a shield from me. “Okay, so the gluing you to a chair, that was me. But this girl came to your rescue and helped you find a new set of pants after your ass was bared to the party.” He placed his hands on Catherine’s shoulders and gave them a gentle squeeze. “By the way that shit went viral, everyone loved it.”
I am going to fucking kill him.
“Yet how do you repay the poor girl?” I saw the embarrassed look take over Cat’s earlier surprised one. “You go and cock slap her right in the face.”
My stomach dropped. “I did what?”
It was more of a question for her yet Clayton jumped right in.
“You managed to slap her in the face with your cock, and all she was trying to do was help you cover your ass. But she got her revenge.” Now I was heavily intrigued. “She helped me gather all these balloons and fill up your room. And she did it with a smile on her face. It was like handing an alcoholic a bottle of Tequila. This girl went crazy.”
“You had a part in the balloon event?”
Catherine looked at me and offered a shrug. “Yeah, it was kinda fun.”
The innocent way she said that made me laugh.
I’d say we were even but we weren’t.
“Oh yeah, what is it I owe you?” She looked almost hopeful.
“I’m gonna need you to help me get this shit off my face.” She covers her mouth once again, only in an attempt to cover her laughter.
“Ha ha, real funny.” I reached out and pulled her toward me. A loud squeal escaped her just before she stumbled forward into my arms and I shut the door behind me in Clayton’s face.
“What are we doing?”
“First you’re gonna help me get my face to match the rest of my body.” I guide her to my computer desk and nudge her to take a seat. “After that you and I are gonna have a balloon popping party. Then I’ve got a few other things to figure out since you enjoy tormenting others.” She arched a brow, but I clearly saw the smile tugging at her lips. “You can help me come up with a few ways to get back at Clayton.”
She almost seemed eager to do that last item on the list as she quickly slid closer to the screen and together we attempted to come up with the best solution to remedy this sunless tanner fiasco.