Declan

 

Normally I was all for kissing a woman and leaving her a little dazed and, dare I say, dazzled. But what just happened here in the parking lot was on a completely different level.

I was the one left dazed.

And dazzled.

And confused as fucking hell.

I raked a hand through my hair and looked around to see if anyone else witnessed what happened because with the way Kristin lit out of here, I wasn’t sure I didn’t imagine it all.

Now, I was not completely clueless. From what I’ve gathered, Kristin Andrews wasn’t in the habit of dating or getting involved with men since her husband died. As the town sweetheart, I imagined that most men were a little too intimidated to approach her. And no doubt she had perfected the back-off vibe like the one she’d been giving me for almost two weeks.

On top of that, she’d probably devoted her entire life to Lily, and I got that. I could appreciate that. What was bothering me was the fact that she pretty much took off and didn’t even want to… I don’t know… acknowledge what had just happened.

Sure, some could argue that it was just a kiss.

Right. And the Mona Lisa was just a painting.

No, what happened here was more than just a kiss. I had kissed my share of women—hell, more than my share of women—and none of them ever rocked me to the core the way Kristin just had. For a minute there I just about forgot my own name.

So now I was standing here like a schmuck in the middle of the school parking lot by myself with a raging hard-on, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.

Well, there was. But what was I? A fucking teenager? Hell no.

With nothing left to do, I walked back into the school and grabbed the papers that I knew I was going to need for the weekend to grade and the lesson plans for next week. Maybe I’d be able to actually grasp some of it and get the kids to learn something.

Right. Like I was going to be able to make that happen.

I needed to focus. This was a multitasking job, and although my primary concern was Jessileigh, I also owed it to the rest of the kids to at least try to teach them something.

Shit. She’d really gotten into my head—Kristin, not Jessileigh. On every damn level. I wasn’t overly concerned with doing any actual teaching when I’d started because I had a client to protect. But now, thanks to Kristin, I could see that I have an obligation to the rest of the class as well.

I was so taking a fucking vacation when this case was over.

With the classroom cleared up and my weekend homework packed up, I walked out of the school and back out to the parking lot. Was it really only minutes ago that I was standing out here and kissing Kristin—both of us acting as if our lives depended on it? I can tell you one thing, my sanity seemed to be depending on it.

By the time I was on the road and heading for home, my head was pounding and I could still feel her lips on mine. What the hell was happening to me? Women were never a real issue for me. When I was interested, I pursued. When I was done, I left. And the thing of it was, they all knew the score and nobody got hurt.

I had a gut feeling that it was not going to be like that with Kristin. For starters, she was completely different from any other woman I’d ever been interested in. She was… normal. I’m not saying that I date freaks or anything, but the women that I dated were less… encumbered. Kristin Andrews came with a fucking list of hang-ups and issues.

For starters, there was Lily. I’d never gotten involved with a single mom. I’d always enjoyed the freedom of dating women who were available at all times for whatever came up. Somehow I sincerely doubted that Kristin would be available for a midday quickie or a middle of the night hook-up if she had a kid to worry about.

Then there was the fact that she was a widow.

Shit.

I knew how I felt at having lost one of my best friends to combat. I couldn’t even imagine how much harder it is to lose a spouse. A year later and I was still fucked-up over Gavin’s death. For so many reasons. I knew the part I played in it, and it ate me alive when I let myself think about it.

And even when I didn’t. Who am I kidding?

Survivor’s guilt. That was what I keep hearing, but I knew better. It was that, but it was more. A million times since that day, I’d thought about how it should be Gavin living my life and how Gavin should be the one here for all the things that have happened since the rest of us came home. And every time I thought of it, I wondered how I could’ve been so damn careless to let it happen.

I was seriously contemplating going home and getting blind, stinking drunk when my phone rang. I saw Cole’s number on the screen and hit the Bluetooth button. “Hey.”

“Hey! How’s school going? Did you finger-paint today?”

My jaw hurt from grinding my teeth while listening to him laugh. “You’re a fucking riot. What do you want?”

“Ooo… someone’s in a pissy mood. What’s going on? Did you miss nap time?”

I was so kicking him in the throat when I saw him again. “Look, asshole, it’s been a long day. Is there a reason for this call, or are you just being a douche for your own entertainment?”

“Well, I guess you’re out of school today since you’re using the bad words,” Cole joked. “And actually, yes, there is a reason for this call.”

“Then get to it.”

“Seb called earlier and said that he did some major updates on our computer software. We did a conference call, but we knew you were still in school, so I volunteered to pass on the information.”

“What does this mean to me? What kind of software?”

“It’s for doing background checks and whatnot. The program that he has us using now offers more detailed reports faster. I know that you’re on a case and already have your information and you know exactly who you’re dealing with, but for future reference, there’s now more tools for you to work with.”

“Fine.” I didn’t really give a shit about computers and software or background checks right now. I just wanted to get home and have some peace and quiet and a shot or two of whiskey to take the edge off.

And then another two or three to make me forget.

“Great,” Cole said and then paused. “Now that business is out of the way, why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”

“Nothing’s going on. It’s been a long week, and I’m not in the fucking mood for jokes.”

“Okay,” he said slowly. “So we won’t joke.”

“We?” I asked sarcastically.

“Okay, fine. I won’t joke. What’s going on? You sound like you’re pissed about something. Is the kid okay? Has the mother been a problem?”

“The kid’s fine. The mother has been MIA since I arrived. I don’t think it’s on purpose—she doesn’t even know about me. I think that she’s biding her time right now since the judge ordered supervised visitation. If I’m reading the situation correctly, she’s going to try to play nice for a little while, prove that she can be trusted, and wait for everyone to let their guard down.”

“You think she’s going to grab the kid?”

“I’m almost positive. From everything that I’ve learned about this woman, she’s a little unstable. She may grab Jessileigh and manage to stay under the radar for a couple of days, but the call of the limelight is too great.”

“So then what’s the big deal? She grabs the kid, then fucks up, and you’ve got her on kidnapping. I’m still not seeing why we’re even on this case.”

I huffed loudly with agitation. “The big deal is that the entire thing can fuck up the kid’s life. Her mother is unstable, and she’s gotten abusive with her. I’m not willing to let an innocent child get beaten and emotionally brutalized on my watch!”

I didn’t realize that I was shouting until Cole said, “All right… all right… Calm down.”

I was way too close to the edge right now. There was too much going on, and my head was spinning.

“Seriously, Dec, you’re sounding a little unhinged. Talk to me, man. What the fuck is going on over there?”

Out of the four of us, I never really confided much in Cole. Levi was our rock. He kept us all grounded and somewhat in control. Sebastian was the supportive one. But Cole? Cole was a loose cannon most of the time. He’d had a rough life and pretty much anything that anyone was going through paled in comparison to the things he had survived before becoming a Marine.

“It’s nothing, man. Don’t worry about it. I’m just in a shitty mood because I hate playing teacher.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell that to someone who may actually believe you. There’s more going on. What is it?”

I could simply hang up, or I could take my chances and deal with the razzing he’ll no doubt give me when I’m done.

I took a deep breath. “Okay, so I kind of kissed one of the teachers.” And then I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

“Was it a dude?” Cole asked.

I couldn’t help but laugh. “No. It wasn’t a dude. Kristin’s a fourth grade teacher, and her daughter’s in my class and…”

“What the hell’s the matter with you?” Cole snapped. “You kissed one of the kid’s moms? Who does that? Is she married?”

“No. No!” I said more adamantly. “Her husband died a couple of years ago. He was a SEAL.” Dammit. “She’s been dogging me since I arrived here and checking up on me, and I kind of thought she was a bitch but…”

“Just because she’s hot doesn’t mean she isn’t a bitch.”

“Shut the fuck up! You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about!”

“Ah… so it’s like that, is it?”

“What? Like what?”

Cole growled with disgust. “I am getting so tired of you guys all doing this. It’s bullshit.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Okay, let’s backtrack for a minute. This woman…”

“Kristin,” I reminded him.

“Yeah, whatever,” Cole said dismissively. “Kristin’s been watching you and ratting you out and whatnot, but you’re attracted to her. Am I right so far?”

Unfortunately.

“I’ll take your silence as a yes. So you’re attracted to her and you kiss her. What’s the problem then?”

“She took off as soon as it was over.”

“Maybe she had someplace to be.”

I shook my head even though Cole couldn’t see it. “No. It was more than that. She was a little freaked out and just sort of took off and left me standing in the middle of the damn parking lot feeling more than a little shell-shocked.”

“That good, huh?”

“I’ve got the whole weekend to drive and find you and kill you,” I sneered. “Remember that.”

“Yeah, I’m scared.” Cole paused. “So what has you more freaked out—the fact that you kissed her and she took off or that you kissed her and it was more than just a kiss to you?”

“Shit,” I muttered.

“Please, I’m the one sitting here playing Dr. Phil. You don’t get to mutter anything.”

“It… it felt like more. It wasn’t a calculated thing. One minute we were talking and the next… I just had to kiss her. I know we were in the middle of the parking lot, and I know that she’s a single mom and a widow and all that, but… I’m totally screwed here. I don’t know anything about her, and she’s not like any other woman I’ve ever pursued. I think I scared her off, and now I’m not going to know anything about her.”

“Uh… that’s not completely true.”

“What do you mean?”

“New software? Hello? Do you not remember my reason for this call?”

“I bet you’re sorry you volunteered to call me now, aren’t you?”

Cole chuckled. “More than you know.”

“So… what? I should investigate her a little? Is that what you’re saying?”

“It can’t hurt. Maybe if you know a little bit more about her, you’ll have an idea of how you want to proceed and if you want to proceed. You may not find out everything that you want to know, but you may find out enough to decide what happens from here. Think about it.”

How could I not?

***

Two hours later and my head was still spinning.

From everything that I could find, Kristin Andrews was your typical all-American girl. A do-gooder. Someone who played by the rules, paid her bills on time, and never had a speeding ticket. She was a local girl who married her high school sweetheart and was primed and ready to live a fairy-tale life complete with kids, a white picket fence, and living happily ever after.

And then her husband had died.

I read the news reports and even managed to find some military records that weren’t out there for public knowledge. Nicholas Andrews was a SEAL and a damn good one. What had happened to him was an accident. Helicopter crash. No one to blame. No enemy fire.

No friend who was supposed to have his back fucking it up.

The guy had a damn-near perfect career record and had a beautiful wife and baby girl waiting for him to come home.

But he wasn’t.

Sitting back, I scrubbed a weary hand over my face. Everything that I’d seen screams for me to back away. I was not the kind of guy who was looking for a family, a dog… a white picket fence. No, I was the guy that was always looking for a good time—no strings attached. Kristin Andrews screamed strings.

I scrolled through some pictures that were on file—pictures showing her before her husband was killed. Kristin as a cheerleader in high school and again as homecoming queen. Her wedding picture. Pictures of the two of them embracing when Nick had come home and seen Lily for the first time. And then her standing next to his casket when he’d been flown home. For the first time in my career, I felt like a voyeur. This felt wrong to be looking at them, and for a brief moment, I was overwhelmed with jealousy at seeing the two of them together.

I closed the on-screen file and turned away from the computer and felt sick to my stomach.

I knew what the right thing to do was.

I knew that I was the wrong man for someone like her and Lily.

And yet…I knew that it was going to be hard as hell to stay away. If she gave me even a hint of encouragement, I’d crumble.

I wasn’t sure which option I was hoping for.

It was time for a drink.

***

Monday morning I was in the front office collecting some papers when Kristin walked in. I didn’t have to even turn around to know it was her, I just… knew. I turned around and smiled at her and saw the horrified look on her face.

Not the most encouraging reaction a guy could hope for.

“Good morning,” I said softly.

She gave me a curt nod but said nothing.

“Did you and Lily have a good weekend?”

She still said nothing. Without even a glance in my direction, she grabbed the papers from her mailbox and turned to walk away. I was so stunned by her reaction that I stood there like a fucking mute myself until the door closed and I realized that she’d walked out. Hell no. This was so not the way it was going to go.

I walked out of the office and stalked after her. It was early enough—most of the teachers wouldn’t be in for at least another fifteen minutes, and I knew for a fact that she let Lily hang out in her classroom until it was time for her to come down to class. If I was going to have a hope in hell of talking to her, I needed to grab her before she got close to her own room.

It didn’t take long to see her walking down the hall, and I jogged after her. She nearly screamed when I jumped in front of her. Her beautiful eyes went wide.

“You nearly scared me to death!” she hissed quietly.

“Well, I wouldn’t have had to do that if you’d just talked to me in the office.”

She scowled. “I’m busy. I have things to do before the first bell. I don’t have time to sit around and talk.”

“Too bad. Either you give me five minutes of your time, or I’ll follow you to your room while talking to myself—loudly—about what happened Friday afternoon.” I saw her jaw drop slightly. “Who knows who’ll be around to hear me?” I said with a shrug.

“Fine.” She looked around and then turned and walked back to my classroom. I followed, and once inside, I shut the door. “Five minutes,” she snapped.

“You know, some people might take your attitude as a sign that you want nothing to do with them.” I stepped closer to her. “I’m not one of them.”

“Then you clearly don’t know how to read people,” she said defensively.

I was a fucking pro at reading people, and right now I could see the pulse at the base of her throat beating wildly. I heard the slight tremble in her voice.

I also heard her slight intake of breath when I took another step closer.

“I asked if you and Lily had a good weekend,” I reminded her.

“Yes. It was fine.”

“That’s good. She’ll be happy to know that we have big math plans this week in class.”

Kristin visibly relaxed. She even almost smiled. “I’m sure she will.”

I nodded. “Look, about… Friday…”

She held up a hand to stop me. “It was a mistake,” she said quickly. “You took me by surprise. I… I don’t date much… or at all, and let’s just say that I was curious. It didn’t mean anything. Really. I’m sorry that I took off the way I did, but I didn’t want to… encourage you or give you the wrong idea. I’m not interested in dating—anyone.” Her eyes met mine. “So really, let’s just forget about it. It’s not a big deal.”

Not a big deal? Was she for real? I almost wanted to reach out and shake her. Or kiss her. I wanted her to admit that it meant something. That was way more than a curious kiss. It was more than casual. It was a kiss full of longing and promise and… dammit. I looked a little closer, and that’s when it hit me.

She was scared.

The rapid pulse, the rapid speech… and she was fidgeting.

“I haven’t kissed anyone since… Nick,” she said quietly. “So I guess it was only natural for me to react the way I did.”

“Kristin,” I began just as softly. “I’m honored, then, that it was me you kissed.” I ran a hand through my hair. “I know that you’re scared.” She made to interrupt, but I stopped her. “I’m scared too.”

“You are?” she asked, her eyes wide.

I nodded. “I’ve never met anyone like you before. I’m no saint, Kristin. I usually take a very casual approach to relationships, but I look at you and it doesn’t feel… casual.”

“No. You can’t. It can’t,” she said as she shook her head.

I closed the distance between us and placed a finger under her chin and forced her to look at me. “I want you to look me in the eye right now and tell me that the kiss meant nothing,” I said quietly. “Then tell me that you don’t want me to kiss you again.”

Her eyes went wide first, and then they quickly darted down and looked at my lips. It didn’t matter what she said. I had my answer.

“I…,” she began and took a step back. “It meant…” The first bell of the day rang, and the moment was lost. “I need to go,” she said and quickly turned for the door.

“Kristin,” I called, and she looked over her shoulder at me.

“It was a big deal,” I said, but I forced myself not to move toward her. “And it will happen again.”

She fled the room before I could utter another word.