CHAPTER TEN
MOLLY
Oh dear fucking god. I can barely breathe as Hugo’s lips trail across my jaw and down my throat. I can’t think, I can’t see anything but him, can’t feel anything but his lips on my body, his hands touching me, holding me possessively. He dominates me with one look.
He rears up over me, watching me like a predator. His hands grasp my shirt and yank it apart. The buttons pop off, scattering everywhere and bouncing off the coffee table. I bite my lip and try to clench my thighs together, meeting his hard muscular thighs.
A cocky smile pulls at his lips as he leans over me, tracing his lips over my stomach. I tremble underneath him.
“You’re sexy as fuck when you’re like this, sweetness.” I can’t respond, I can’t breathe. My fingers wind into his hair as my hips grind up against him, trying to find some kind of friction. Anything. I just need something. “So fucking wild for me.” He growls, his hot breathe touching my skin in a sensual caress.
I’m pulling at the strands of his hair in desperation as my body starts to take over, writhing under his touch. He roughly shoves my skirt up further over my hips, before his hands move to the insides of my thighs, his palms gliding over the sensitive skin.
“So fucking beautiful.” He groans as he stares at my pussy, biting his bottom lip. He kneels between my thighs, and then his mouth is on me, and I…oh my god. I swear he’s trying to kill me. My eyes flutter closed as my head falls back and a long moan slips from my lips.
“Fucking watch me, Molly.” He rumbles, his breath blowing over my wet pussy. I lean up on my elbows, and my eyes meet his, between my legs. “Watch me fuck you with my tongue.” I’ve never been a dirty talker, but damn his words always do something to me. A small smirk kicks up the side of his mouth, before he very literally fucks me with his tongue. Feeling it is one thing, but watching it at the same time, it’s erotic in the most intimate way.
His eyes hold mine as his tongue flicks over my clit. I clench my fists and feel my nails bite into the skin of my palm. His tongue moves over me, in me, teasing me until I’m squirming and rolling my hips up toward his face as a stream of expletives leave my lips.
He laughs against me, and the vibrations drive me wild. I’m so bloody close. I need to come, more than I need my next breath. This is what he does to me, what he always does. He imbeds himself into my physical being until I’m desperate, dependent and downright fucking shameless.
“Just fucking make me come already!” I snarl.
He lifts his face away from me and cocks an eyebrow, a smug grin on his face. “Ask nicely.” Oh, I’m going to kill him. “Beg me to make you come Molly.” His voice is a husky rasp that washes over my fraught senses.
I have no shame at this point, so I do. I beg him. “Make me come.” I groan.
He thrusts two fingers inside me, and my hips buck off the table. Then, he leans forward and flicks his tongue over my clit. Everything starts to explode. My fingers are clawing manically at my own hair, as he pounds his fingers into me. He’s brutal and unforgiving, and I love it. I come so hard, I see stars as I scream his name.
I drag my eyes open and immediately squint against the bright morning light. My head is pounding, and my mouth feels like a camels arsehole. It takes me a few moments to become aware of my surroundings. Hugo’s house. I remember coming back here, and drinking, and then…fuck, smoking pot? After that it’s all blank. I certainly don’t know how I got to his bed.
I sit up slowly, fighting back the churning in my stomach. Gary is laying on the end of the bed snoring quietly, and Hugo is next to me. It’s then that I notice my state of undress. My shirt is ripped and dangling from my shoulders, exposing my bra. My skirt is pushed up my thighs, and rucked up around my hips, and I don’t have any underwear on. Fuck! I rack my brain trying desperately to remember glimpses from last night, and when I finally do start to remember, I wish I hadn’t. I hold my hand to my head. Okay, I just…I need to leave. I glance to my right, where Hugo is sleeping, breathing heavily.
I tiptoe out of the bed and into his walk in wardrobe, taking one of his shirts from a draw before I leave the bedroom and go to the bathroom down the hall.
I look like I’ve been thoroughly fucked. My hair is a bloody mess, and my dishevelled clothes are unsalvageable. I take off the tattered shirt and drop it in the small bin. Hugo’s shirt smells of his wash powder, and I take a deep breath of the material. My mind is racing through a thousand emotions right now, but mainly I feel guilty and ashamed. I feel guilty that I slept with Hugo, and ashamed that I allowed myself to go there with him again after I said I never would. I feel guilty that I slept with him, when I’m seeing Alex, and I feel ashamed that I couldn’t control myself around him…again, and that could mean the end of our friendship, because we can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep doing this! We’re friends, but I can’t seem to restrain myself around him! He’s like crack to my hormones. I like to pretend I’m impervious to him, but clearly I’m not.
I wash my mouth out with mouthwash quickly and drag my hair into a pony tail. I just need to get out of here right now. I can’t face him. I need time to wallow in my own slutiness.
I manage to find my bag and shoes and creep out of the flat without waking Hugo up. Now I need to go home and get rid of this hangover, which seems much worse for the whole weed smoking thing, than usual. Then, I need to work out what the hell I’m doing with Hugo, because last night sure as shit went past friendship.
I push the door of the flat open and dump by bag on the table by the door. George is sat on the sofa cross legged, and wide eyed as he shovels spoonful’s of coco pops into his mouth. He eyes my t-shirt, or rather Hugo’s t-shirt in that ‘I know what you did last night’ way of his. The tension in the room is palpable, and George looks like he’s settled in for a good show. Standing across the room, leaning against the breakfast bar, is Alex.
My stomach clenches hard, because I realise how I must look right now, dressed in Hugo’s shirt. Shit.
“Hey, Alex. What are you doing here?” I struggle to keep the smile on my face, as my temples throb.
He narrows his eyes at me, and for the first time since I’ve known him, he looks angry. He’s normally so perfectly poised, it’s almost a relief to see that he can let go, even if it’s not in a good way.
“I thought I’d take you for lunch, but I didn’t realise you already had plans.” Okay, that was definitely a dig. Wait, lunch? I check the clock on the wall, it’s eleven thirty. Fuck this looks so bad right now.
“I’m just getting in from last night. It ended up being a bit of a heavy one.” I explain. That familiar feeling of shame washes over me, and my knees feel like buckling under the weight of it. I’m a horrible person. I can barely bring myself to even look him in the eye. How do I even explain this? What do I say? Is there even anything I can say? He won’t want anything to do with me anymore. No-one wants to date a slut, and that’s exactly what I am.
“I can see that.” He says coldly. Shit.
“Where did you go hooker?” George asks. I know he’s trying to ease the tension, but that’s not helping, seeing as I feel like a dirty hooker right now. I don’t even have underwear on for Christ sake. I bite my lip as memories flash through my mind like a film on fast forward. Hugo ripping my knickers to shreds, kissing me, fucking me with his mouth… I can feel a flush creeping up my neck. Shit.
“I had to go and meet my dad for dinner.” I say, trying to keep my voice level. His eyes meet mine, full of understanding. George knows all too well what a prick my father is. Not only is he a patronising dick, but he’s also homophobic, and very disapproving of George. Fuck him.
“Oh.” George whispers. “One bottle of vodka or two?”
I shrug. “Just one.”
“Huh, you look like you had two.” One and a joint.
I flick him the bird and he cackles.
I look at Alex again. “We need to talk.” He says.
I gesture with my arm towards my room, and he steps into the hallway. I don’t want to do this right now, but what choice do I have?
I take a deep breath and go to follow him. “Good luck, sweetie.” George whisper shouts as I leave the room. I muster a small smile and go to have what will inevitably be an awkward conversation.
I close my bedroom door and turn to face Alex. I lean back against the door, not really wanting to step any further into the room. I’m gripped in a panic, and the anxiety over rides my hang over. My senses go on high alert. I hate confrontation, and I know that’s exactly what this is going to be, just from the look on his face.
“You have to know how this looks.” He gestures to me as he paces in front of my bed. “You socialise with him a lot, and now you turn up wearing his shirt, and looking like you haven’t slept all night.” He cocks an eyebrow, waiting for my explanation.
His golden eyes hold my gaze in a way that has me wanting to turn and run from the room. Guilt is eating at me. Do I tell Alex? If I do, I will lose him, without a doubt. Shit, I don’t know what to do here. I mean, Alex and I are just dating right, which means that really, my drunken one night stand isn’t any of his business yet. Oh, who am I kidding? Shit. I don’t want to tell him because I like him. I don’t want to tell him because right now I feel like one of Hugo’s dirty whores, and Alex makes me feel valued and wanted. I want to feel wanted. I don’t want him to walk away just because I had some drunken fumble with Hugo. I know that lying to him is wrong, but for my own selfish reasons I just can’t confess what happened between Hugo and I. I was drunk, I made a mistake. It won’t happen again. End of.
“Hugo’s my friend.” I tell him.
He smiles humourlessly and looks away from me. “I see the way he looks at you, Molly. I’m not stupid.”
I swallow heavily. “You have met Hugo right? He looks at all women like that.”
“Exactly. Forgive me for being slightly suspect if my girlfriend is hanging around with a guy like that.” I don’t really hear what he says. All I hear is girlfriend. Do I want to be his girlfriend? I guess that’s the natural progression when you date someone for a while. Shit, why now? This is so bloody messy.
“Girlfriend?” I whisper.
His eyes snap to mine and his eyebrows shoot up. “What did you think we were doing here?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know. I mean, you never said anything.”
“I shouldn’t have to. Do you not want that?” He asks. His expression is calm, but there’s a hint of something in it. He’s anxious.
Do I want that? I like Alex. He’s perfect boyfriend material. I have no reason not to give things a go with him. Oh, except the fact that I just fucked Hugo. Maybe this is what I need though, clear lines, a future. So I answer him.
“Yes.” I tell him, because I can’t think of a good enough reason not to. That in itself should probably make me say no, but I feel fragile and vulnerable right now.
A look of relief crosses his face as a small smile makes its way onto his lips. “So, Hugo?” He pushes.
I frown. “I told you he’s a friend.”
“Did you sleep with him?” This is the moment. There are some moments in your life that are pivotal, moments that alter and change the direction of your life. Moments that you will either look back at and regret, or smile at. My stomach churns uneasily as the lie falls from my lips so easily, that I start to seriously question myself.
“Of course not.”
His whole body relaxes a little. “Okay.” He breathes.
I almost want to cry, because he believed me so easily. He trusts me, and that trust is so misplaced. He deserves better than me. He’s the good guy, and I used to think I was the good girl, but now…now I don’t know what or who I am.
He drags a hand through his chestnut hair. There’s a pregnant pause, and I wait for his next move. “Come here.” He says quietly. I close the distance between us. “Take the shirt off.” His voice is low and rough, and it makes my skin break out in goose bumps.
I grab the hem of the shirt, pulling it over my head. His eyes skim over my bare skin, and my body tingles under the heat in his eyes. He lifts his hands and grips my waist. His hands are so broad they almost span my narrow waist.
“You’re beautiful Molly. I hate the idea of anyone else touching you.” He whispers. I’ve never seen this side of him. He’s normally so polite, so controlled. I like this side of him. I like him taking control, and trying to call the shots. It’s hot. His fingers caress the skin of my stomach gently. He treats me like I’m precious. When he touches me it’s with reverence.
He traces his fingers up the centre of my stomach and between my breasts, continuing his path until his fingers dance over my throat. My breathe hitches slightly, as his eyes meet mine. His eyes are captivating, but up close, they’re hypnotic, gold flecked caramel. He grips my chin, running the pad of his thumb over my bottom lip. I suck in a sharp breath as my chest suddenly feels like its being squeezed in a vice.
Alex has never had this effect over me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m attracted to him. I always have been. He’s always treated me like something delicate and pretty though. I hate to say it, but I like that Hugo looks at me like he wants to rip my clothes off and fuck me like an animal. It’s primal and raw, and it drives me wild. It allows me to break free of my self-imposed restraints. Hugo doesn’t treat me like a good girl, because with him I’m not good. Alex makes me feel safe and loved, and important. He treats me like I’m good, except right now, he’s not looking at me like a good girl who’s virtue he needs to protect. He’s looking at me like he needs me in every way a man can possibly need a woman.
I want this with him. I want his love and his safety. I want his good. I also need him right now. I need to purge Hugo from my mind, and replace him with Alex. The need is so strong, it’s almost painful. I feel as though Alex can absolve me of my guilt. I want to wipe the slate clean and start again right now, to love him, and be with him.
I reach out and rest my hand on his chest, dragging my nails over the thin material of his shirt. My eyes never leave his as my fingers work over the buttons of his shirt slowly, releasing them one by one. I slide my hands over his shoulders, pushing his shirt down his shoulders. I bite my lip as his broad chest is exposed. Alex is built like a rugby player, with wide shoulders and a narrow waist. He’s not defined, but he’s toned and bulky. He makes me feel so fragile in comparison.
He wraps one hand around my neck, and the other around my waist. His fingers spread, covering the small of my back. His touch is warm, and makes my skin tingle. He pulls me up against him, until the bare skin of my torso is flush to his. His lips meet mine in a kiss that is both soft and hard. Teasing and claiming. His tongue dances along my bottom lip, begging for entry. My lips part of their own accord, and his tongue dives into my mouth as his fingers tighten on my neck. It’s a slow and sensual assault that has my breath coming in desperate pants.
What starts out slowly, soon becomes desperate clawing, on my part at least. I feel as though I have something to prove. To him. To myself. Who knows? I grab his belt and wrench it open. I pop the button of his jeans and pull the zip of his fly down. I drag my nails over his lower stomach as my hand dips below the waist of his boxers. I teasingly stroke my fingers over his hard cock. His head drops back as a low moan escapes his throat. I lean in and kiss the corded muscles of his throat, before grazing my teeth over his skin. I inhale the scent of his skin. Alex always smells so good, like fresh laundry and cologne.
I wrap my hand firmly around him and grip his cock in my hand, moving up and down his length slowly. He grips my waist and twists us until the backs of my knees hit the mattress. He lowers me gently, and instantly covers my lips with his, as the heat of his body covers me. My legs instantly part to accommodate his bulk. He leans on one elbow as the other cups my face. His lips are possessive and demanding. He rears back, sitting up between my legs. His muscles flex and shift as he moves. His hands skim down my sides, and over my hips, gliding over the material of my skirt. When he reaches the hem, he slides his fingers underneath and slowly moves them back up my thighs, taking the material with him. He’s about half way up my thigh, when I freeze. Shit, I have no fucking underwear on!
“Wait!” I shout.
He stills, a frown line etching between his eyebrows. “You okay?” He asks carefully.
I nod. “I smell like a brewery.” I say quickly. “I really need a shower.”
He laughs. “You do not smell like a brewery.”
“You can join me in the shower if you like.” I say with a teasing grin. His fingers, which are now gripping my thighs, twitch.
I manage to roll out from underneath his enormous frame, and jump up from the bed.
“Get naked.” I say, flashing a wry smile to try and cover the nervousness in my voice. That was close. I turn and head into my en-suite, pulling the door to, but not closing it. I turn on the shower and unzip my skirt, shoving it down my legs quickly. I manage to remove my lingerie in record speed. He would never know I wasn’t wearing underwear. God, listen to me. I’m like some dirty slut, cheating and covering it. No, this is a clean slate. I’m not that girl. I’m not the girl that strings guys along, or carelessly fucks people over. I would sooner die than hurt anyone. The thing is, if I’m really honest with myself, I don’t want to give up my friendship with Hugo, even though I know it has the ability to damage what I have with Alex. Hugo has something I need. I don’t really know what it is. I thought we were past the point of sexual possibilities. I mean, I’m attracted to him. Of course I’m attracted to him. He’s Hugo for Christ’s sake. He pretty much defines sex. He wrote the fucking book on seduction. Worse, he knows every button to push. No man has ever made me come like he can. That’s all he is though. Sex. Mind blowing, incredible sex. Alex is more. Alex is good, and honest. Alex wouldn’t fuck a whore in front of me to prove a point. Hell, Alex wouldn’t do half the shit Hugo does, and that’s why I like him. He values me, and I want to feel valued. Who doesn’t?
I thought I had a handle on my attraction to Hugo. I thought I had more restraint than that. It appears that with a little help from my dear friend vodka, I have fuck all restraint.
I brace my hand against the tiles of the shower cubicle, and lean my head back, letting the water cascade over my face.
To make matters worse, I haven’t heard from my father this morning, which probably means I’m disowned. My father loves power. He likes to keep me under his thumb, controlled. By walking out on him, I’ve essentially just given the middle finger to his control. That means he will now have to do something to remind me of that power.
I hear the shower door slide open and the cold air from outside rushes in to send goose bumps over my skin.
I feel Alex’s big body, close to my back. His skin brushes against mine, barely touching me. He places his hand against the tile, covering mine, and threading his fingers between mine. I drop my head forward, so that the water rushes down my back, covering his chest. His hand skims my waist, and I feel his lips brush just behind my ear.
“What’s wrong?” He whispers. Everything.
“Nothing.” I reply quickly.
He grabs my hips and spins me until my back is pressed against the cold tile. I gasp as my body flinches against the cold.
“Molly, I may not know you that well, but I know when you’re not okay. I want you to be able to talk to me.” And there he is, the caring, amazing guy who I’ve become so fond of.
I reach up and stroke his jaw, a small smile on my lips. “We’re not supposed to be talking.” I cock an eyebrow at him. Before he can reply, I close the space between us and kiss him. His lips part slightly, and I thrust my tongue into his mouth. His hands grip my waist as he presses his still hard cock against my stomach. His fingers tense against my skin before he lifts me, as if I weigh nothing. My thighs wrap around his waist, as his hips pin me to the wall. There’s something about having a man the size of Alex between my legs that just sends my brain into a total meltdown.
He nudges at my entrance, and slides inside me slowly. He moves just an inch and then pulls back out. He’s gentle, careful not to hurt me. I don’t want him to be gentle with me, I want him to slam deep inside me. He brings one hand up and cups my cheek as his lips tease mine. His thrusts become deeper, and I moan into his mouth. He groans and nips at my bottom lip.
I cling to his shoulders, as his deep thrusts dance the line of pleasure and pain. He’s not a small guy, and it feels like he’s touching my cervix. It’s almost uncomfortable, but at the same time, it’s so damn good. His thrusts are slow and measured, dragging over every inch of my sensitive flesh.
He incites a slow burn in me that he slowly stokes, until I’m burning up, clawing at his shoulders and gasping.
He slides a hand between our bodies and brushes my clit. His body moves against mine, thrusting and grinding in exactly the right spot, as his fingers work their magic. I cry out his name, and my vision blurs and blacks out as I explode around him. A few thrusts later and his big body tenses between my thighs before he growls into my neck.
He drops his weight forward against me. The only sound is the cascading water hitting Alex’s back, and our mingled heavy breaths. I rest my forehead against his shoulder. I feel like I need putting back together after that. My head is so fucked up at the moment. I don’t know what I’m doing. My heart, mind and soul feel torn apart and shredded.
He pulls back and strokes my face. I can feel his cock softening inside me, but he doesn’t move. “Are you alright?” He asks. I nod. Honestly, I don’t know what I am any more. I probably should have sent Alex away. I should have taken the time to pull my head together. Instead, I’m throwing myself into Alex, as though that will magically make everything better.
He lowers me to the ground, and I lean against the wall on shaky legs. He takes the shower puff, and squeezes some shower gel on it, before gently swiping it from my shoulder to my wrist. I let him take care of me, because that’s what Alex does. He rubs shampoo into my hair and then carefully washes it out, tilting my head back into the flow of the water.
I rub shower gel over his chest, getting distracted by the broad slabs of muscle covering his frame. I glance up at his face to find his eyes fixed on my face. A small, contented smile pulls at his lips.
“As much as I love spending time with you in the shower, I still want to take you out this afternoon.” He says in a husky voice. “We should get out.”
I spend the afternoon with Alex. He’s his usual attentive self. We go for a walk around Hyde park, and he buys me coffee from a little coffee shop in the park. I know I’m quiet. My guilty conscience is eating me alive. He asks me several times if I’m okay, and I blow him off.
By the time I get home that evening, I can’t get away from him quick enough.
He walks me to my door, and kisses me, before turning away and walking back to his car. I watch his broad shoulders as they twist to manoeuvre into the car.
I close the door to my flat and lean back against it, closing my eyes and blowing out a long breath.
“You look like you could do with a drink.” My eyes fly open at that seductive female lilt.
“Lilly?” I gasp. “What are you doing here?”
Her full lips pull up in a wry smile. She’s sitting on the sofa with George, a glass of wine in hand. Her red hair is loose and wild as always. She’s wearing a hoody and a pair of jeans, and yet she manages to look ridiculously hot.
“I got back this afternoon.”
She’s not due back for a few more days. I rush forward and she stands to greet me. I throw my arms around her neck. I’ve felt lost without her. I always thought it was me keeping her on the straight and narrow, but I seem to have been careening off the rails since she left. Her hair smells of cocoa butter, her favourite shampoo. She wraps her arms tight around me and hugs me like only the kindred soul that she is to me, can.
“George tells me that you’ve been keeping things interesting while I’ve been away.” She mumbles into my shoulder.
I pull away from her and flash George a sharp look. He holds his hands up. “Babe, it’s true. I feel like I’m watching a soap, a dirty three way kind of soap.” He wiggles his eyebrows.
“No George, in your gross mind, three ways may be happening, but in reality, definitely not.” I move forward and sit on the edge of the opposite side of the corner sofa.
“So you’re not sleeping with both Alex and Hugo?” Lilly asks.
“No! You know I’m not!” I snap.
She smirks at George. “Told you. You owe me twenty quid sucker.”
“So now you’re betting on my love life?” I ask, although I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s exactly the kind of thing they would do.
“Um, I bet that you would never cheat.”
“Hey.” George interrupts. “She wouldn’t be cheating, she’s not with either of them.”
Lilly rolls her eyes. “Fine. She wouldn’t sleep with two guys at the same time.”
“Hugo and Alex at the same time, so fucking hot.” He says quietly.
“George!” We both yell at the same time.
“Jeez! Don’t shoot a guy for speaking the truth.” He grumbles.
“You are sleeping with one of them though right?” She asks. I haven’t spoken to Lilly since our conversation a couple of weeks ago. She’s managed to send me the odd email, but apparently her and Theo have been moving around, and flitting between Berlin, Rome and Paris.
“Yes. Alex. I told you, I wouldn’t sleep with Hugo.”
“Except last night.” George scoffs. “Well played by the way.” He adds, sipping his wine.
“No, not last night.” I say the words, but I know Lilly will see straight through it. Why am I lying to them? Maybe I’m a passive liar now?
“Please.” George acts insulted. “I know just fucked when I see it. You don’t come in the next morning wearing his shirt and an expression like that, unless he had you screaming his name. Plus, you hang out with him way more than you hang with Alex…or me…hell, even Lilly.” Lilly’s eyebrows shoot up. I try hard not to let my mortification show on my face, because screaming his name is exactly what I was doing last night. Shit. “Oh yeah.” George says in response to Lilly’s shocked expression. “Her and Hugo are tight. Don’t tell me that boy isn’t putting in that ground work for no good reason.”
“I am not fucking Hugo.” I growl. “And Hugo doesn’t do ground work. He fucks and he moves on, and if they won’t fuck him, then he just finds another one that will.”
Lilly leans forward, propping her elbows on her knees, and gripping her hands together in front of her face. “So what’s the deal with him then? And where does Alex fit in? I need filling in. Tell me all that I have missed.”
“Seriously guys, third degree much?”
“Hey, I have had a month of boring business meetings and only Theo for company. I like him and all, but seriously, a month! Even the hottest guy can get boring after a month of their sole company.” She complains. “And you forget, I know you. You’re lying, and I want to know why.” Yeah, she takes no shit.
“Fine. I will tell you, but no judging!” I point at her and then George.
He holds his hands up. “Hey, no judging here!”
“Okay. Alex. Sex, hot sex, and…well, he kind of said this afternoon that he wanted to make things official.” Lilly squeals before I can finish. She’s bouncing up and down on the sofa with a huge grin on her face. She may well be Alex’s biggest fan. “Hugo is…my friend.”
Lilly waves her hand dismissively. “Hugo is Hugo. He’s everyone’s friend, until he realises he can’t get in their pants.”
My eyes flick to Georges and I spot a flash of sympathy. “It’s not like that.” He says, shaking his head. “He…cares about her. It’s weird. I can’t explain it.”
“Well try, one of you?”
I sigh. “He came with me for dinner with my dad yesterday.” I say quietly. Silence. I glance at Lilly, whose eyes have gone wide. She knows all about my dad, and she knows how much I must trust Hugo to have shown him something that honestly, I’m ashamed of. I hate that I allow my father to treat me the way he does. I’m ashamed of the fact that I allow him to make me feel so shit.
“Why?” She whispers.
I shrug. “He offered.”
“Why?” She repeats, as I evade her question.
I sigh. “He just, he gets me. I never feel like I have to hide from Hugo. I never feel like I’m not good enough. He makes me feel…good. Like I’m good enough.”
She nods, but says nothing. “I bet your dad shit himself.” George blurts, a smile pulling at his lips.
I smile back. “He didn’t realise who Hugo was, until he did, and then he just looked like an arse. Hugo stuck up for me.” I shrug. “And afterwards he took me back to his and we got drunk…and stoned.”
Both their eyes bug out. “What the hell Molly?!” Lilly shrieks. “Who are you and what did you do with my best friend? You did drugs?!”
I frown. “Don’t act like you haven’t…”
“That’s me. You’re…”
“Good?” She nods. I laugh. “Maybe I’m not all that good.”
George tilts his head to the side dramatically. “It’s only a bit of weed Lill’s. You act like she’s shooting up crack.” I laugh, because he’s so right. “Anyway, why were you wearing Hugo’s shirt this morning?” He wiggles his eyebrows again, as a wide smile stretches across his face.
Shit. How do I answer that? I can feel the flush creeping up my neck and over my face. “Oh my god!” Lilly shouts. “You just sat here and told me you’re not fucking him!”
“I’m not!” I defend. They both look at me with impatient expressions. “I don’t think. I can’t remember anything. I woke up with no underwear on, and my shirt ripped open. I have a vague memory, but…”
“Well, did you ask him?” Lilly says pointedly.
I sigh. “I left before he woke up.” I admit.
“Walk of shame!” George squeals. “Oh, let me get more wine, and then I want everything you can remember.” George claps and scrambles off the sofa. He’s back seconds later with a new bottle of wine and an extra glass for me. He pours out my glass and tops up his and Lilly’s. “Okay, and go!”
I take two big gulps of wine, and squirm under their probing gazes. “So, I got drunk, like a bottle of vodka drunk…”
“Okay, so we will not judge anything that you now say. Vodka is the devil in disguise.” George says.
“Amen.” Lilly confirms. “Not that we would judge anyway. I mean, hell, I’m just living vicariously through you guys now.”
“I was stoned, and then….” I hold my head in my hands. “Then I was touching him.” Shit. I started it! That makes this so much worse. I can’t blame it on the fact that Hugo is a whore.
“You remember the time I fucked that old dude, because I was stoned…” George says.
“Oh god, yeah. That was bad.” Lilly laughs.
“Same thing.” He says, waving his hand toward me. “Stoned out of my face. I swear he looked just like George Clooney, turns out, he was just a middle aged balding guy. I almost puked in the morning.” I laugh. The thing with George is, there isn’t much that I could do that he hasn’t already done, and usually considerably worse. “So, no judging. What did you do?”
My face is red hot as I remember his mouth on me. Shit. “So, I came onto him, like big time.” I stutter. Oh god, I don’t think I can say it. I take a deep breath. “Things got out of hand. He ripped my shirt and my underwear, hence my lack of clothing this morning. I know he went down on me, and then I can’t remember anything after that.” I blurt in a rush.
“Holy. Shit.” Lilly breathes.
“I have a boner.” George says.
“George!” She swats at him.
“Babe, he ripped her knickers off her. That is so totally hot. Admit it.”
She looks at me as if I’ve grown two heads. “Stop looking at me like that.” I whine.
“Sorry. Just…I wasn’t expecting that. I mean, you have a thing with Alex…”
“Neither was I!” I shriek. “I am beyond mortified.” I drag my hand over my face.
A phone starts ringing, and I look up to find George squirming around, trying to get it out of his pocket. He glances at the screen quickly. “Oh, I have to get this. Sorry.” He jumps up and leaves the room, heading towards the hallway that leads to the bedrooms. I hear his bedroom door shut a few minutes later.
Lilly and I sit in silence for a minute. I don’t know what to say, and clearly neither does she. Eventually, I can’t take it. “Lilly, at least say something.” I say. “You said you wouldn’t judge.”
She smiles apologetically. “I’m not judging sweetie, I’m just thinking.”
I roll my eyes. “You are so judging.”
“I’m not judging what you did.” She clarifies. “Sex is sex. It’s Hugo.”
I nod, because I totally understand. Lilly likes Hugo as Theo’s friend, but she can’t stand him having anything to do with me. It’s not a double standard, simply that she thinks he’s not good enough for me, and she feels responsible for bringing him into my life. After the whole hooker thing, she never quite forgave him, even though I have. She thinks I’m being soft, and maybe I am, but she doesn’t know what it was like while she was in that coma, and I would never tell her, because it’s the last thing she’ll want to hear. Hugo and I, we bonded over something far deeper than just sex. Our relationship changed completely over those two weeks. I saw a deeper side to him that I hadn’t seen before. Lilly struggles to comprehend this change, because she didn’t see it happen.
“Hugo and I are just friends.” I repeat.
She cocks an eyebrow at me. “No, you’re not.”
I sigh. “Look, it was a moment of weakness. I’ll admit that I’m attracted to him. I can’t help it. He’s just the bad boy that the good girl in me loves to rebel with, in the most drunken, stoned and slutty ways possible.”
“Oh, you’re rebelling with him alright.” She laughs as she takes another gulp of wine. “Lesbians and drugs…”
“Look it was a one-time thing. It won’t happen again. Especially now that Alex has shown his hand.”
She nods. “Okay.”
“That’s it? Okay?” Lilly always has so much to say. That’s suspiciously easy response for her.
“I think you should give Alex a shot, like a real shot. He could be really good for you. George says he treats you really well.”
I frown. “Yeah, he does, which is why I am giving things a go with him. Isn’t that what I just said?”
“It’s not what you’re saying.” She watches me closely. “It’s what you’re not saying.”