CHAPTER TWENTY ONE
HUGO
There’s a tense silence as I take in Molly. I fucking miss her. She’s standing surrounded by boxes, a painful fucking reminder of the fact that I was too much of a pussy to go after her, and I let Alex make his move. She drags an agitated hand through her long blonde hair.
“What do you want Hugo?” She whispers. She looks tired. Dark circles mark her eyes, and she looks thinner.
“Don’t move in with him.” I blurt.
Her head snaps up, and she frowns.
“What?”
“Don’t move in with him. He’s not right for you.” Fuck, this is not how I planned this to go.
She shakes her head. “You are unbelievable. Fuck you!” She clenches and releases her fists, shaking with anger. “You yourself, have told me countless times how good Alex is for me, how deserving he is of me.” She says in a mocking tone. “And now you’re here telling me not to move in with him.”
“I was wrong.” I say. “I mean, not wrong, but you don’t need good.”
“It’s too late, Hugo. You made your choice.”
“I fucked up!” I shout at her. “I never should have told you to be with him. I never should have let you walk away.”
She turns on me, her expression fierce. “Are you serious?! You spent months telling me I was good. Telling me how bad you are, how wrong. Well you know what, you were right. I am too good for you. I deserve better than a guy who doesn’t even see me until I’m gone.”
“I fucking saw you Molly.” I growl. “I see you more clearly than anyone.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” She snaps.
I step forward, closing the space between us and cupping her jaw. “It means you’re not all good sweetness. You’re not the wall flower that you like to pretend you are with Alex. You’re loyal, and loving and kind, but you’re so much more. You are feisty, and determined. You’re a firework waiting to be lit.”
“You know nothing.” Her voice hitches and she takes a shaky step back, away from me.
“I know that you’re different around me than you are around everyone else. You don’t hide from me, because even though you think I’m a fuck up, you know I give you the freedom to be a fuck up too. You don’t have to put on a front around me, and I can’t let you move in with him, and spend your life fucking hiding who you are.”
“I don’t hide.” She snaps.
I drop my hand from her face and drag my hands through my hair. “Are you fucking kidding me? You’re like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I watch you play the dutiful daughter, the patient and understanding friend, the polite girlfriend, until you get to me…and then you’re just Molly.”
“What do you want me to say, Hugo? You aren’t an option, you’ve made that abundantly clear. Alex…I love Alex, and he offers me a future. He loves me.” Her eyes lock with mine, and they’re full of regret and sadness. I know her. She doesn’t want this. I know she doesn’t.
She’s right though. I don’t even really know what I want. Why am I even here? All I know is that I don’t want her to move in with Alex, but I’m not really giving her a reason not to, am I?
“What if I was an option?” I say quietly.
She rolls her eyes. “You say that now, because you think you’re about to lose your favourite toy, but you don’t know what it actually means to commit to someone Hugo. I’ve made my choice, and I won’t betray Alex again.”
She’s right of course. I have no clue what it means to commit to someone. Fuck, the closest I’ve ever come to a relationship is a regular whore.
I step forward again and wrap my hand around the nape of her neck, pulling her close. Her breath hitches as her body presses against mine. She places her hand against my stomach, threatening to push me away, but I only tighten my hold on her.
Her eyes meet mine, before her eyelids flutter closed. “Don’t make me say it.” I plead against her lips.
Her eyes open, and meet mine. “Say what?” She breathes.
“You know what.”
There’s a long beat of silence, before her eyes soften and she cups my cheek. I watch her try and find some resolve. Fuck that. I won’t let her think of all the reasons why this is wrong. I know there are too many to count, but I also know that whatever this is with us, I want it.
She opens her mouth to say something, and I slam my lips over hers. It takes her a few seconds to react, and then she’s kissing me back. Her fingers grip my shirt, and a moan slips from her throat. She comes alive, her body igniting and moulding to mine. I love feeling her open up like this. I love that she loses all her inhibitions with me, in a way that I know she doesn’t with anyone else.
She suddenly stiffens and shoves away from me, breathing raggedly. “I can’t do this.” She gasps.
“Molly…” I start.
She shakes her head as her eyes meet mine. “I told you I loved you Hugo, and you said nothing. You let me walk away!” I can hear the pain in her voice. I hurt her, and I don’t fucking deserve her forgiveness.
I brush my thumb over her cheek, as a tear slips down her face. “Don’t cry.” I say quietly. “You scare me, sweetness.” I shrug. I don’t know how to do this. Shit.
She sniffs and closes her eyes as she takes a shuddering breath. “I can’t do this.” She repeats, as she steps away from me. My hand falls to my side, and I stand there numbly facing her. “It’s not enough, Hugo.”
How can it not be enough? I feel like I’m handing her my fucking soul here. How can that possibly not be enough? I don’t know what to say. I can’t think of a single fucking thing.
“Molly…” I take a step towards her and she raises a hand, halting me.
“Hugo, just go.” I meet her eyes, and for a few seconds we just stare at each other. It feels as though there are a thousand unspoken words between us. I don’t want to walk away from her. I let her go once, and it feels like the biggest fucking mistake of my life, but what can I do? I fucked up, and now I have to deal with the consequences. I have to watch her walk away from me and move in with Alex, the guy who represents everything I’m not, everything I can’t give her.
I turn around and walk out of the room, leaving her surrounded by boxes.