CLARE
I’d expected Dale to bang his fist against the door, demand entrance the way he always demanded everything, but he hadn’t.
Instead, he’d walked away and hadn’t come back. I’d watched from the kitchen window as he got back into his truck, and that had been it that day. Part of me had been relieved, another part utterly disappointed.
God, I was a mess, and because the sickness had come back, I’d opted to stay home and work from here, running to the bathroom every hour.
During the week, I occupied myself so I wouldn’t miss seeing Sally in the garden, or long for just a glimpse of Dale, but I also learned that working from home also meant your house was cleaner than usual—causing me to be have nothing to do by Saturday afternoon.
Lacrosse sat by the back door, ready to go and play in the yard, probably waiting for Sally, but I didn’t let her go out. There was a storm brewing. We had weather warnings all day, and there was a stiff wind outside.
Saturdays were horrible enough when I wasn’t cooped up in the house, but even worse when I couldn’t leave. As long as the storm came during the day, I would be okay…I hoped.
If there was something I absolutely hated, it was being alone during a thunderstorm. I didn’t know what had triggered the fear, and actually remembered running around outside as a child whenever it stormed, but lately, I just wanted to crawl into a corner and curl up the moment the first sound of thunder cracked.
The foreboding clouds gathered outside, so I picked up Lacrosse to cuddle, walking into the kitchen. I’d make myself some tea to calm my nerves, then I’d get out all the candles in case the electricity went.
I didn’t know what made me look out the window, but I saw honey-colored eyes staring at me from the house next door. I held his gaze for a moment, trying to figure out what he was thinking, if I saw regret on his face, then I shook my head and turned away. Looking at Dale was unlike anything I’d ever experienced.
I didn’t know anything about him—we’d proven that time and time again—yet he evoked feelings in me I hadn’t ever felt in a relationship.
There you were, thinking you knew all about love, then life taught you better. Frankly, I couldn’t decide if I wanted to embrace the lesson or pass on it.
When the dark clouds hid the sun, I turned on the lights, wondering if reading would get my mind off everything. Then again, the silence would make the noise of the storm so much worse.
Watching TV would probably scare me more because of the noises on the screen. I was jumpy enough when it stormed, panicking easily, so I needed something that would keep my mind occupied enough to not hear every damn sound.
Placing my hand on my stomach, I paused a moment, reminding myself that my anxiousness would be bad for the baby. After the initial shock of being pregnant had worn off, I’d come to the conclusion that this was a blessing in disguise. I’d not planned it, and I was in no way ready to be a single parent, but I’d been ready for a baby for years.
It hadn’t happened the way I wanted, but I knew I was ready to do my very best. Being calm was a big part of that. I knew it was something I still had to work on.
“We’ll be okay, peanut.”
I didn’t know what sex the baby was going to be, and I didn’t have a preference, either. I knew some mothers were sure right from the beginning, usually desperately waiting for the day they’d get the confirmation, but all I wanted was a baby who was healthy.
After all, since it was mine, it would be the cutest baby ever.
“We’ll be okay,” I stated again, trying to mask my doubts. I’d managed so much on my own. I was sure I’d be able to handle not being alone any longer.
Chuckling briefly as I carried my cup back into the living room, I decided I could easily keep talking to the baby. I was in the very early stages of pregnancy, knowing all the risks, yet I wasn’t worried about losing it.
I had no idea where the calm came from, but that was the one thing I did not panic about.
“I have friends who tell me they craved alone time after they gave birth, but here I am, not being able to wait until I’m not alone anymore. Lacrosse, come here, girl.”
I patted the sofa next to me just as the first flash of lightning lit up the area. My shoulders tensed as my hands went around Lacrosse and my stomach, protecting what was most important to me.
I glanced at the clock, seeing it was barely four in the afternoon, and hoped the thunderstorm would pass by quickly.
Turning on the TV, I waited for the noise to drown out everything else as the rain started, the force knocking against my windows in a regular pattern. It was funny. Rain usually calmed me, no matter how hard it came down. Thunderstorms, on the other hand…
I jumped when the clap of thunder shook my house.
Dear Jesus, please let it move on quickly. Please.
I’d never been the praying type, but at that moment, I figured it couldn’t hurt.