Chapter 3
Meghan
“What the hell was I thinking?” Meghan muttered to herself as she took one last look at her reflection in the mirror.
It was the same question she’d asked herself every day since she’d agreed to date Oliver for three months. She knew it was a horrible idea. She knew it would end in heartache. Hers, his, it didn’t really matter; someone was going to end up hurt when the three months was over. Although she’d promised she’d give their relationship a chance, she knew she’d have to end things when they were able to finalize the paperwork. He deserved so much better than her, even if he didn’t realize it. She knew she’d have to be the one to show him.
All week she’d been fine with going on their first date because it wasn’t a big deal. At least that’s what she had herself believing until she woke up that morning to butterflies in her stomach. It pissed her off that suddenly she was nervous to go on a date with him. It wasn’t the first time they’d hung out together, even if it would be the first time they would call it a date. She knew it was because she was still so torn about her decision. Breaking things off was absolutely the right way to go, but she really didn’t want to and that killed her. Plus, now he was technically her husband which made things even trickier.
Husband. A word she couldn’t quite get out of her head no matter how hard she tried. It was a title she’d given up hope of ever giving someone in her life. Of course, she’d dreamt of getting married and having kids when she was a little girl. By the time she’d become a teenager, she was a bit more realistic about life.
All of that ended when she hit her twenties. That was when she knew the happily ever after she’d imagined as a child was never going to happen for her. She was lucky to get the years that she got, but she had no illusions that she’d have much of a future. It’s why she’d spent the last few years of her life living the party lifestyle that Oliver seemed to hold in so much disdain, despite the fact that he and Braeden had basically been living the same way.
She wanted to live life to the fullest and she didn’t care what anyone else thought. If she were honest though, she didn’t spend nearly as much time partying or nearly as many nights out with men as she might have made people think. Especially not in the last year or so. She spent most of her time at work or hanging out with Brooklyn and Savannah. Sometimes it was just her and the girls, other times it was the entire group. It was when they started hanging out with the guys that she’d gotten herself into the mess she was in.
She’d always thought Oliver was gorgeous, even before she’d had a chance to hang out with him. It was his smile that had drawn her in first, which was saying a lot given his dark hair, chocolate brown eyes, and sexy facial hair. Not to mention the fact he was tall, with broad shoulders and a thick chest that tapered into a narrow waist. Every time he’d come into Arrow to visit with Gabriel or have dinner with Braeden, she’d have a difficult time focusing on her job. She’d always wondered what it would be like to let him have his way with her.
Getting to find out just what it was like to have Oliver’s hands on her, to have him pick her up like she weighed nothing, so he could fuck her against her apartment door, was even better than she’d imagined it would be. Oliver was selfless and giving in bed. By far, the best lover Meghan had ever had, and she hated the thought of giving him up, but she had to. As selfish as she wanted to be, he was right when he said she cared about him. She cared about him too much to let him throw his life away for her.
The tricky part would be figuring out a way to get him to understand why she was doing it without telling him the truth. He could never know the reason she couldn’t be with him. It would kill her to see the look of pity on his face or god forbid he decided he had to stay with her out of some misplaced sense of duty. It would ruin her if he knew the truth.
It was better for everyone if things ended between them and they went their separate ways. Even if it meant she had to give up her friends in order to make it happen. In the long run, it would probably be for the best anyway. She didn’t want them to get any more attached than they already were for the same reason she didn’t want Oliver to.
A knock at her door broke her out of her thoughts. She had no idea how long she’d stood in front of the mirror thinking about what she’d agreed to and what was going to come of it. With one last glance at herself to make sure she still looked put together, she walked into her bedroom and grabbed a sweater and her handbag. She checked the peephole to make sure it was Oliver at her door, but before she could open it the nerves she thought she’d shut down rolled through her belly. Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she unlocked the door and turned the knob.
As soon as the door was open, she was nearly bowled over by the smile on Oliver’s face. His excitement was infectious. Just being in his presence wiped the butterflies taking over her stomach from her mind. All she could think about was how much she actually wanted to go on this date with him, how being with Oliver was all she really wanted. If only things could be that easy.
“Hi,” she finally said, suddenly feeling nervous again.
“Hey,” he said, the exuberance of his smile evident in his voice. “You look great.”
Meghan smiled, looking down at her extremely casual outfit of jeans and a tank top. “I hope this is okay for whatever it is we’re doing today.”
“It’s perfect. You’re perfect,” he said softly. “Are you ready to go?”
“Let’s do this,” she said as she followed him out of her apartment. She quickly locked the door behind her then followed him down the three flights of stairs to the parking lot.
When they got to his car, he opened the passenger side door for her and helped her inside. Meghan tried to remember the last time a guy she was on a date with had held open a door for her and couldn’t. Hell, the only guys she knew that held doors for women were Oliver and his friends. Apparently, manners were a lost art form that Oliver had in spades; a fact that made him even more swoonworthy than he already was.
“So where are we headed?” she asked once he’d pulled out of her parking lot.
“Figured we could get some lunch then go bowling. Does that sound okay?”
“Oooh that sounds fun, I haven’t been bowling in years. I might need those bumper things so I don’t end up with a ton of gutter balls.”
“I used to be on a bowling league when I was a kid.”
“Great, so you’re pretty much going to kick my butt then?”
“Did you miss the part where I said when I was a kid? Pretty much the only bowling I’ve done in the last decade is on the Wii. Now if we were Wii bowling, I’d definitely school you. I’m a professional.”
Meghan laughed. “I’m not sure that’s something to brag about.”
“Hey, it’s not easy to make it as a pro in that game. It takes a lot of work and skill.”
Laughing harder, Meghan nodded. “Oh, I’m sure it takes something special to reach that level. I’m gonna have to watch out. Who knows how that expertise will translate into the real thing.”
“You’re such a smartass,” Oliver laughed.
An hour later, Meghan was on the verge of having an accident. They’d had lunch at a little hole in the wall restaurant in West Seattle then headed to the bowling alley for some fierce competition. They’d barely started their first game when it became obvious she was a crappy bowler. Oliver had talked her out of using bumpers for the first few frames, but when she couldn’t keep the ball on the lane, she’d had the attendant turn them on. Oliver, on the other hand, was showing off his fine Wii bowling skills. He made it look easy until he got too cocky.
“I…I don’t think…” Meghan tried to speak, but she was laughing too hard to get the words out.
“Shut up, it’s not that funny,” Oliver said as he watched the attendant fix the pins in the lane next to theirs.
When the attendant turned and glared at Oliver, Meghan doubled over, her eyes tearing up. She crossed her legs, so she wouldn’t pee her pants and tried to catch her breath. She wished she’d been recording him like she’d threatened to. It would have been the perfect moment to get on video.
“Seriously, it’s not that funny,” Oliver said again. “It’s your turn.”
Shaking her head, Meghan went to the ball return and picked up her six-pound children’s ball. The holes were almost too small for her fingers, but it was better than one of the heavier balls she knew she’d struggle with. Walking up to the line, she tried to make sure she was even with where she wanted the ball to go. She’d been trying to remember the tips she’d gotten in gym class as a kid, but it had become obvious she was a hopeless case.
“I could come over there and give you some pointers,” Oliver offered.
Turning to face him, she tried not to start laughing again. “Sweetie, your ball just hopped over the gutter and took out the pins on the lane next to us. I’m not sure I should be taking advice from you on how to do this.”
Oliver laughed. “You know I meant to do that right? Plus, I don’t think it would even be possible with those bumpers up.”
“You’d be surprised, man,” the attendant said as he walked by. Meghan snorted as she couldn’t hold it in any longer. She nearly dropped her ball as she laughed, the look on Oliver’s face making it difficult for her to compose herself.
Eventually, she was able to get it together and roll the ball down the lane. It bounced off each side of the lane before finally knocking down two pins at the end. Her second attempt went just as well but knocked down three pins before the end of its run. Although it was only five points, she was still excited to finally have something other than zeroes on the scoreboard.
After their first game, they played one more. By the end of their date, Meghan’s arm was a bit sore, reminding her that she really needed to find time to work out. Her stomach ached from laughing so hard, but she’d loved every second of it. While she’d been apprehensive about Oliver’s proposition, she had to admit, she’d never been on a better first date in her life. Hell, if she thought about it, she’d never been on a better date period, first or otherwise. It sucked she had to work because she didn’t want their date to end.
“So, I was wondering if you’d be interested in going out on Monday. I know it’s quick, but I figured it’d be the perfect day for what I want to do since you don’t have to work and we can stay out all day if we want.”
Meghan smiled but tried not to let her excitement show. She knew dating Oliver was going to be amazing, but she didn’t realize how high he was going to set the bar right away. Not only did Oliver want to go out again soon, he already had a plan. In the past, most of the guys she’d dated didn’t bother to think ahead about what they did on their dates. They picked her up and asked what she wanted to do. No matter what her answer was, they usually ended up going to eat or to a bar to drink or sometimes they did both.
Oliver had done a great job planning their first date. Meghan couldn’t wait to see what he had planned for their second date, especially knowing that they didn’t have to get back early so she could go to work. No matter what her head was saying about her situation with Oliver, her heart was quickly saying something else and in the moment she was finding it difficult to remember why dating him was such a bad idea.
“What time should I be ready?”
◆◆◆
When Oliver picked her up Monday morning, Meghan still had no idea what the plan was or where they were going. Despite her numerous attempts to get the information out of him each time they talked over the weekend, he’d stayed very tight-lipped about his plans. She kind of liked the fact he was keeping it a surprise, but it also made her nervous. Meghan had never really been a fan of surprises, although with Oliver she feared she could get used to them.
She watched the scenery go by as they drove along the freeway chatting about their weekends. It was strange to her how comfortable they were with each other. There was no weird tension between them even though they were in limbo. It didn’t seem to matter to Oliver that she had a secret. He also didn’t seem phased by the fact she was likely going to still want a divorce after the three months were up. She wasn’t sure if it was because he was stubborn or if he truly thought she was going to change her mind. Either way, she was glad that the impending end wasn’t putting a damper on the fun they were having.
It didn’t take long for Meghan to figure out where they were going as they pulled off the freeway. Her stomach dropped as memories of her childhood came flooding back. Some of the happiest times of her life included going to the state fair with her dad. It had been a tradition of theirs for most of her life. Unfortunately, remembering those good times reminded her of the pain of losing him before she was ready. The mixed emotions the memories elicited were the reason she hadn’t been back to the fair since he passed.
“Hey, are you okay?” Oliver asked.
He turned to look at her and then back at the light to see if it had changed. When he saw that it was still red, he turned back to look at her, concern taking over his face. Early on in their friendship, she’d told Oliver about her parents, so he was aware that her mother was killed in a car accident when she was three. He knew that her father had raised her on his own and that they were unbelievably close until the day he died. Watching her hero waste away as he battled cancer was one of the worst moments of her life.
“I haven’t been back to the fair since my dad got sick. Coming here together was something we started when I was little and it continued until he didn’t have the energy anymore. Even when I was too cool to hang out with my dad in public, we still came to the fair for scones and rides. Some of my happiest memories are from trips to the fair with him.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know,” Oliver said as he maneuvered the car onto a side street so he could pull over. “We can do something else if going there is going to be too hard.”
Sighing, Meghan looked over at Oliver. He’d been so excited about their date she hated to ruin it. She knew if her dad was there he wouldn’t want her to miss out on making new memories with Oliver. In fact, he’d probably be mad at her for letting over a decade go by since the last time she went. The fair had been their thing her entire life, but her dad would never have wanted to hold her back.
If he could, her dad would encourage her to go to the fair and to eat too much food like they used to. He’d tell her to get the dizzy pass so she could go on as many rides as she wanted; except for the roller coasters cause he knew how much she hated those. He would want her to live her life, despite everything that had happened since he passed away. Her dad would absolutely hate the decisions she’d been making. Especially the ones regarding her relationship with Oliver, but she knew it was for the best. What happened with her dad was the perfect example of why she needed to do it. The devastation she felt after her father died was debilitating and she would never want to put that on someone else.
Still, while she wasn’t willing to budge on the relationship thing, she knew going through with the date was the best way to go. It was the perfect time to honor her dad and make new memories. The fact that she could smell the fair food even though they were still a few blocks away made her decision even easier.
“I’m fine. Let’s go to the fair. My dad would be happy I’m going. I know we’ll have fun. Just don’t mind me if I get a little down here and there cause it’s bound to happen,” Meghan told him.
Oliver reached across the console, taking her hand in his. “Hey, you do whatever you need to do. I’m here for you, even if that means you crying on my shoulder in the middle of the horse barn. If at any point, it gets too hard, just let me know and we can leave.”
“Thank you,” Meghan said as she squeezed his hand.
She had no doubt it was going to be difficult, but she knew it would also be a ton of fun. Oliver was a blast to hang out with and who didn’t love rides, fair games, and cute animals. No matter what, she was determined to enjoy herself. She was thankful she wouldn’t have to try too hard.
◆◆◆
“I can’t believe you talked me into going on that roller coaster,” Meghan said as she tried to shake off the rolling feeling in her stomach.
All morning, she’d dragged Oliver around the fairgrounds taking him from booth to booth, so she could see all of the random stuff for sale, then barn to barn to see all of the animals. They stopped every once in a while for food since you really couldn’t go to the fair without eating something. Of the things they’d tried, the deep-fried food truck had been their favorite. Who in their right mind could pass up a deep-fried candy bar?
Oliver had been such a trooper following her around looking at things he could care less about. It was obvious he was excited about the rides, but she struggled to get up the nerve to go on any of them. There were so many memories from going on them for years with her dad, she couldn’t help but be afraid to face them. Finally, after stopping to see the baby pigs at the piglet palace, she realized it was time. She needed to rip off the band-aid and deal with the inevitable moment of sadness she was going to feel when she saw their favorite ride.
“I honestly didn’t think you’d go for it considering how much you seem to hate them. I’m pretty sure you bruised the bones in my hand and ruptured my eardrum from the screaming, but it was totally worth it.”
Meghan laughed, although she was a bit embarrassed by how much the roller coaster had scared her. It wasn’t even that big in the grand scheme of things and now that she was off of it, she felt like a fool for reacting so much. Then again, she wasn’t the only one screaming her head off on the thing, so she didn’t feel that bad.
“It was the least I could do after dragging you around all day and forcing you to go on the Ghost Pirates ride with me. I forgot how cramped and hot that ride could get. I’m sure it was worse for you given you’re nearly a foot taller than me.”
“I didn’t mind going on that. I’m partial to skulls and talking zombies anyway. I’m glad I could take you on a ride you and your dad loved so much,” Oliver said. “I’m definitely glad it was extremely short, but I’m still happy we went on it. Now, how about we go play some games and I win you one of those giant stuffed animals before dinner?”
An hour later, Meghan’s stomach hurt from laughing so hard. She had no idea why Oliver insisted on winning her a stuffed animal from fair games everyone knew were rigged. They were expensive and more trouble than they were worth. Plus, who really needed a giant pug in a mug or a neon rainbow narwhal? Apparently, Meghan did.
“I still can’t believe you spent that much money for this giant thing. We could have gone to a store and spent less on something a little higher quality,” she laughed.
“Are you dissing my token of affection? That’s really harsh. I worked hard for that koala.”
“Hey, I appreciate this monstrosity, I’m just saying you could have saved some money and maybe a few hits to your pride. I mean, your skeeball skills are about as good as your bowling skills, but it was nice of you to help that kid in the lane next to you win a stuffie.”
“Damn. You’re really not good for my ego,” Oliver said feigning outrage, his hand flying to his chest. “Come on though, you have to admit it, I crushed those balloons.”
Meghan tried to hold in her laughter which only made her laugh harder. She snorted loud which was completely unflattering, but she didn’t care, she honestly couldn’t help it.
“Sure. I get it. Your strategy was to use psychological warfare on those balloons. Scare them into popping on their own by hitting the wall around them with twice as many darts. It was a perfectly good strategy; it just didn’t seem to work.”
“You wound me, Meghan. After all, I did for you, this is how you repay me?”
“I’m sorry. Really, I appreciate this. If it weren’t for all your hard work, I wouldn’t be taking Milo home with me tonight.”
“Milo? You’re naming him Milo? Why not name him after the man that won him for you?” Oliver asked.
“You want me to share my bed at night with someone else named Oliver?”
“When you put it that way, no. I don’t. Milo can be my placeholder for now. Once we hit the third date though, he’s gonna have to sleep on the couch.”
Meghan smiled at the mention of their impending third date. Although their relationship had started with sex, Meghan insisted she wasn’t going to put out until at least their third date. She’d been joking of course, but Oliver had taken her seriously and had declared their relationship a no sex zone for the first few dates.
The idea was sweet, but since she knew what she was missing, it was driving her crazy. More than once she’d wanted to break their ridiculous vow of chastity. When he kissed her after their first date, it was all she could do to keep herself from pulling him into her apartment. It didn’t even matter that she would have been late to work. Oliver would have been well worth it.
“I promise to make sure Milo understands our days together are numbered. Although it does break my heart a little that he’ll be all alone. I might have to find him someone he can replace me with.”
“You’re weird,” Oliver said before grabbing her free hand. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d held hands with someone other than her dad. The guys she dated weren’t really the hand holding type, which actually suited her just fine.
Oliver was different though. She loved being close to him. Even though she probably should have been using two hands to carry the giant neon blue koala around, she enjoyed the idea of walking hand in hand with a man she had feelings for. A man she wasn’t supposed to fall for, but she honestly couldn’t help it if she tried. Oliver was everything she’d ever wanted in a man. She could see a future with him, even though she’d had a difficult time envisioning a future for herself the last four years.
The more time she spent with Oliver, the more time she thought about how much she was holding back. There were no guarantees in life, she knew that, but for some reason, she couldn’t bring herself to see that in terms of her own life. She changed a lot after her dad died and then again when she realized just how fragile her own life could be. She hated the way death made her feel. The absolute despair of losing someone you loved was devastating and it was something she never wanted to put someone else through.
More than anything she wished she could shake that feeling so she could be free to pursue what Oliver wanted. But the fear was too strong; the pain too fresh. No matter how perfect things felt with Oliver, she was too weak to let go of the dread that filled her, which only made her feel worse.