Chapter 8
Meghan
“Are you sure there’s nothing else I can bring you? Another blanket, some more water…maybe a snack or something.” Oliver asked for what felt like the millionth time in the last hour.
Meghan hated to seem ungrateful, but after nearly three weeks of Oliver constantly in her face, taking care of her every need, she was really ready for some alone time. He’d planned on taking the first two weeks of her recovery off of work, so he could be there for everything she needed. In the beginning, she was weak and relegated to bed rest, so it was great to have him around to help her do even the most mundane things like bathing or getting up to go to the bathroom. He cooked her meals, helped prop her up in bed so she could read or watch TV. For that first week, Oliver had been a godsend.
The second week was more of the same. Oliver had wanted to stick to the doctor’s instructions of total bed rest for two weeks, no matter what. He wouldn’t let her get her own food or drink. He still wanted to help her to the bathroom, even though she felt stronger and more capable. When Meghan started to go a little stir crazy he helped her out into the living room where they would watch a movie together or some show he’d DVR’d, even though she would have rather gone for a short walk outside.
She’d crossed her fingers that after the bed rest was over, Oliver would head back to work, leaving her alone for a few hours a day. Of course, because she wanted him to leave her alone, he opted to work from home until she’d had a chance to see her doctor. While she was incredibly grateful for all of his help, she’d been hoping she’d get some time to herself when he went back to work. So, while he wasn’t in the room with her 24/7 like he’d been during the first week, he checked on her far more often than he needed to.
Not since she was a kid had Meghan had someone in her life who cared about her enough to spend every waking moment making sure she was okay. The kind of devotion Oliver was showing her was not something she’d dealt with before, so she tried not to let it get on her nerves, but that was easier said than done. Even though she tired easily and still slept a lot, she needed more than his hovering and strict rules. She knew what she was capable of and knew her body better than anyone.
When he put a time limit on her visit from Brooklyn, she nearly lost it. If it hadn’t been for Brooklyn’s calm temperament and her reminder that he was just taking care of the woman he loved, Meghan probably would have gone off on him. Her friend reminded her that Oliver was scared and overcompensating because of it. He didn’t want to lose her, and he definitely didn’t want her to feel like no one cared.
Meghan had to constantly remind herself of that throughout the next week as she continually felt suffocated by his hovering. She tried to be the model patient. She tried to appreciate everything he was doing for her, letting her stay at his house, waiting on her hand and foot. She tried so hard, but she couldn’t stop herself from finally losing it when he refused to let her have the girls over for a girl’s night in. She just wanted company and something to take her mind off of everything that was going on, but he thought it was going to be too much for her.
“You think board games and conversation is going to be too much for me? Come on Oliver, it’s been almost three weeks since my surgery. I think I can handle a little stimulation. I need it. I’m going crazy here.”
“I don’t want you to overdo it,” he told her calmly. “It’s one thing to have them over one at a time, but entertaining three women at the same time is too much. You’re still weak. I know you don’t think so, but I can see how much it drains you to sit upright for more than a couple hours at a time. I see how hard it is for you to go the bathroom on your own. You’re not sleeping well, you’re still in pain and I can hear you crying even when you try to hide it from me.”
“Damn it. I need to feel normal at least for one night. Can’t you see that?”
“And I need to know that you aren’t doing things that can set back your recovery time. Why can’t you just wait until after we see the doctor in a couple of days? Please. If nothing but to give me some peace of mind.”
Meghan didn’t want to admit he was right about how tired she got after very little exertion. It didn’t take much for her to feel like she’d been hit by a bus, but she needed something more than a movie or stupid TV show to keep her mind off what was happening with her. She got why he wanted to wait, but every day that went by meant she was closer to seeing her doctor again.
While Oliver saw that as a good thing, Meghan couldn’t help but worry about what the doctor was going to say. They’d do another ultrasound to check her out, maybe even an MRI to be safe. They’d look to see if they missed any of the cancer while they were in there. They’d determine whether his current plan was going to work or if she was going to have to go through chemo again. Her doctor appointment on Tuesday was more than just to see if she was healing well, but she wasn’t sure Oliver realized that. He seemed so focused on her recovery from surgery, he never mentioned the reason she had the surgery in the first place.
She knew it was a defense mechanism for him, hell for everyone. No one really talked about the cancer, just about how she was feeling and whether or not she was in pain. As soon as Oliver heard that the doctor felt like he’d gotten all of the cancer and that the tests he’d run had come back clean, it was like Oliver had forgotten all about her cancer diagnosis.
It was one of those out of sight, out of mind situations for him, but it wasn’t that way for Meghan. She knew how great it felt to be “cancer-free” only to have it come back again. She wasn’t sure she’d ever feel completely out of the woods no matter what the doctor said on Tuesday. Recovering from the surgery was important, but it wasn’t the only thing on her mind. It wasn’t the only thing she could focus on and she wished that was the case for Oliver. She wished he was being more realistic about the situation, but instead he wanted to keep her in some weird bubble until her doctor cleared her for activity.
“I promise not to overdo it. I promise they’ll only stay for an hour or two. We’ll play a boring game of cards, talk about the things I’m missing out on because I’m laid up. It won’t be too much, but I promise if I start to feel it is, I’ll send them home early. I just need something to take my mind off of everything, please. I need to stop worrying that the doctor’s going to give me bad news on Tuesday. Please just let me have a semi-normal Saturday night?”
Oliver watched her as she pled her case. He looked sad and worried, but her words must have done the trick because he sighed loudly before telling her to go ahead with her plans. She wanted to jump up and give him a hug, but that would have definitely been pushing her luck. Instead, she crooked her finger and motioned for him to come to her. He leaned over her, brushing his lips gently against hers, but she could tell he wasn’t happy with her. Eventually, she’d make it up to him, if everything worked out the way she wanted, she’d have a lifetime of making it up to him. She just wasn’t sure that was in the cards for her.
◆◆◆
“You know I’m totally fine with you guys having a drink or two while you’re here. I even had Oliver pick up a bottle of wine this afternoon,” Meghan told her friends after a moment of really awkward silence that had fallen over the room once they’d gotten settled.
After spending the morning practically begging Oliver to let her have her friends over, she wondered if it had been such a good idea. Each of them took in her appearance as they found a place to sit. They watched her curl up on her end of the couch, a blanket over her lap. Meghan knew she looked pale and probably a bit frail, but she didn’t want her current appearance to affect how her friends treated her. She also didn’t want it to be how her friends remembered her. Part of her wished she had pictures from when she went through chemo the first time around. If she could show them those pictures they’d realize just how great she actually looked despite her situation.
She’d been excited to see the three of them, but she hated that things were weird between them. No one really knew how to act around her, which she wasn’t surprised by. All she wanted was a normal girl’s night, but she wasn’t sure that was actually going to happen.
“We’re okay. We can drink anytime. We came over to hang out with you and to see how you’re doing,” Savannah said. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay,” Meghan said as she shrugged. “Mostly, I’m just tired. All the time, I’m exhausted, no matter what I do. It’s ridiculous. I remember it being rough last time, but I am so done with this couch. I mean, thank goodness it’s a hell of a lot more comfortable than the couch at my place, but I just want to get out of the house and do something.”
“I thought you said you and Oliver were going for walks,” Brooklyn said reminding Meghan of the phone conversation they’d had earlier in the week.
“We’re only going to the end of the block and back; that’s all I can seem to handle at one time. Plus we only do it when it’s not raining, which means we haven’t been walking much the last few days. I want to do more than that. I want to go to a movie or out to dinner, something normal, but I can barely sit through a movie at home without falling asleep, I’m sure I’d have the same problem at a movie theater.”
“Maybe not though, the movies are so loud, the sound might keep you awake. If you want to test that theory a bunch of us are going to go see Liam’s new movie on opening night next week. You and Oliver should come with us,” Brooklyn said excitement lacing her voice. “If you fall asleep it’s no big deal. At least you’ll be out of the house. How can you pass up the opportunity to see Liam on the big screen? I hear he takes his shirt off in this one.”
“Don’t you mean how can she pass up a chance to see shirtless Chris Evans on the big screen?” Savannah asked her sister. “He can save me any time.”
“Damn, Chris Evans is one fine ass man,” Sylvia agreed. “You know who needs to be in more movies though? Jason Momoa. Have you seen that Justice League trailer? It made me want to throw myself in Puget Sound and hope Aquaman would come save me.”
Meghan smiled at her friends as they continued to talk about hot men in Hollywood. The conversation was exactly the kind of normal she was hoping for when they arrived. Before she got sick, they used to spend hours together drinking, laughing and gossiping, mostly about men. She’d definitely rather talk about hot men, then about herself or what she was going through.
“So, how’s Finley doing?” Meghan asked. “It feels weird to have girl’s night without her. I miss her foul mouth.”
“She’s getting ready to travel with Liam for the foreign premieres of the movie and other appearances he has to do. She’s really nervous about the red carpets, but Liam keeps telling her she has nothing to worry about. You know Finley though, she’s thought of all the ways walking the red carpet could go wrong. I guess Liam’s going to be on Jimmy Fallon on Monday, which she’s super excited about.”
“Oooooh, I love Jimmy Fallon. He’s hilarious. Is Finley going to get to meet him?” Sylvia asked.
“I don’t know. I wouldn’t be surprised. She’s gotten to meet so many people the last few months. I really need to go visit her and see if she can introduce me to a few of the men on my list.”
“How does Gabriel feel about you going to LA to drool over a bunch of gorgeous movie stars?” Brooklyn asked her sister.
“Hey, he’s fine with it as long as I’m only ogling them and then going home with him. Same with me. He can check out Gal Gadot and Margot Robbie all he wants as long as he doesn’t touch them.”
“Gabriel’s got great taste in women. I think I might give up dick if either of them came my way,” Sylvia said as she fanned herself with her hand. “Seriously, can we all make a date to go see Justice League together? Jason and Gal in the same movie…I’m not sure the world can handle that much hotness in one film.”
“Ummm…Liam and Chris are in a movie together, that’s a shit ton of hotness there. Or what about Chris Evans and Chris Hemsworth? Hot damn. And then you throw in Sebastian Stan and Anthony Mackie and even Robert Downey Jr is hot. Oh and Idris Elba and Tom Hiddleston in the Thor movies. I think Marvel is beating DC in the hotties category.”
“Savannah, you’re drooling all over this place like you aren’t getting laid or something. I believe that’s my job,” Brooklyn said.
“Or mine,” Sylvia admitted. “It’s been far too long since I’ve gotten laid. I’m tired of the one-night stands and same old douchebag guys. Once you’re back Meg, I’m thinking about trying out Finding Love. I want to find a great man like Oliver and Gabriel and even Declan. I’m definitely not finding anyone like that out at the clubs.”
Meghan couldn’t believe what she was hearing. For as long as Meghan had known her, Sylvia had been adamant that she was never settling down. She was still in her 20s but swore up and down she wasn’t going to change her mind no matter how old she got. She loved partying it up and hooking up too much to let it go. To hear her talking about using a dating service now was shocking, but also exciting. Sylvia was a good friend and a good person; she deserved to be happy no matter how she decided to go about it.
“That’s awesome. I’ll try to hurry back so you can find a worthy man sooner rather than later.”
“Let me know when you’re ready to start the process. I’ll talk to Kerrigan and give her your information,” Brooklyn offered.
“Thanks. I’ll let you know. I saw some of the hotties Savannah dated before Gabriel and I’m hoping if they’re not still available, there will be some equally hot guys ready to date me. Now…speaking of Declan…what’s going on there, Brooklyn?” Sylvia asked with a not so subtle subject change.
Brooklyn sighed, drawing Meghan’s attention back to her. The first time Declan’s name was mentioned, Meghan had glanced at her friend, surprised to see there was very little showing on her face to give away her feelings about the man. She hadn’t talked to Brooklyn about what happened in the closet at the wedding since that night. She’d wanted to, but a lot had gone down since then. Plus, it was hard to bring up subjects people didn’t want to talk about when you were trying to avoid the subjects you didn’t want to talk about. So, for weeks they’d skirted around Declan and skirted around Meghan’s cancer and her situation with Oliver. It didn’t really leave them a lot to talk about, so more often than not, Meghan faked being tired to get off the phone.
But that wasn’t how she wanted to live her life. She wanted to be able to talk to her friends, hang out with them, even if it meant talking about the hard stuff. Although, for the night, she wanted to leave all of her hard stuff behind and maybe focus a little more on what was going on with her friend.
“Nothing’s going on with Declan. We’re barely friends,” she insisted.
“That’s bullshit and we all know it,” Savannah said. “You might as well tell them what happened at my wedding.”
Meghan tried to hold in her laughter as Savannah called her sister out. She’d been sure Brooklyn was going to keep what happened with Declan to herself; that she never planned on telling Savannah. Obviously, something had changed since they’d talked about it.
“Oh, that’s right; Meghan already knows that you and Declan did the deed in the supply closet at the hotel.”
“Damn Brooklyn. How was it?” Sylvia asked. “The silent, broody types are usually animals in the sack. And in the supply closet…damn? Please tell me the details? I need to live vicariously through you now that I’m sex deprived.”
“Look, it wasn’t that big of a deal. We fought and then thanks to the alcohol, we fucked. He sobered up quickly, told me it was a mistake. Then we fought some more and that was it. We didn’t talk for weeks after that and when we did, we basically acted like nothing ever happened. Now we’re back to the way we always were, arguing over everything and driving each other crazy. If it weren’t for Erin though, I doubt we’d even be doing that.”
“What’s Erin got to do with it?” Meghan asked, surprised to find out that Declan’s daughter was involved.
“She’s working part-time at Delectable Delights now and I’m tutoring her in English. She needs help raising her grade up so she can hopefully get scholarships for college. She’s got straight A’s in all of her classes except English. She’s worried she won’t be able to get scholarships if she doesn’t raise her grade up from a B minus. Plus, she wants me to help her with the essays she has to write for all of the applications she’s going to need to fill out. I guess her dad is the one that recommended she talk to me.”
“Well, he might be a jackass, but he’s not stupid. He knows you’re the best person to help her. From what Gabriel’s told me, Erin always comes first. Declan hasn’t dated since Erin was born, he never brings women home. It’s been hard for him to come to grips with her being a teenager and having a life of her own. Gabriel’s not sure what Declan’s going to do with himself when Erin goes off to college.”
“Yeah and she’s not applying for a single school in Washington. I’m pretty sure Declan doesn’t know that bit of information,” Brooklyn said. “I’m sure in the hell not going to tell him either. I have a feeling he’d shoot the messenger and I really don’t want to give him any more ammunition he can hurt me with.”
“I’m sure he didn’t mean to be an asshole, Brook. He’s lived his entire adult life for his daughter, now everything is changing for him. Then there’s you. We can all see how into you he is. The fighting is his way of flirting without actually putting himself out there,” Meghan told her friend, trying her best to make her feel better.
“Yeah well, it doesn’t really matter. I mean, once a guy tells you that having sex with you was a mistake, your desire to see that person, let alone have sex with them again kind of shrivels up and dies. It’s fine though, I’m fine. I’m too busy to think about it most of the time.”
“Maybe you should try dating someone else,” Sylvia suggested.
“That’s what I said, but she says she’s too busy for that,” Savannah agreed.
“You guys might not understand, but I’m happy with my life right now. I don’t need a man in my life, no matter how great he might be in bed.”
“I knew it,” Sylvia yelled. “Please tell us more.”
“How about we change the subject instead? Meghan, how’s life with Oliver? You guys going to stay married after all of this cancer crap is out of the way?” Brooklyn asked.
Meghan knew the spotlight would turn back to her eventually. She thought she was prepared for the questions her friends would ask, but she’d been wrong. Of all the things Brooklyn could have asked her, she had no idea why her friend picked that one. Meghan still had no idea what her plans were for Oliver. She was taking life one day at a time; thinking about the future wouldn’t do her any good, if she wasn’t going to have one.
“Oh look at the time…”
“Hush, Meghan. If you don’t want to talk about it, we don’t have to,” Savannah said.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Meghan answered feeling a little more at ease.
Brooklyn gave her a look, which Meghan knew meant she’d let it go for now, but that they’d talk about her future with Oliver eventually. Meghan would definitely rather that conversation took place not within earshot of the man in question, who was down the hall watching TV in their bedroom.
“We can definitely go back to talking about hot men. I never get tired of that subject,” Sylvia suggested. “Do any of you watch Supernatural? That Jared is so hot.”
“I’m partial to Jensen myself,” Brooklyn said.
Meghan once again found herself laughing at the outrageousness of the conversation that she was having with her friends. She was thankful that they so easily changed the subject when she told them she wasn’t ready to talk about Oliver. These women were amazing and supportive. She was lucky to have them in her life. She just hoped they didn’t regret being friends with her if the “cancer crap” didn’t end up going her way.
◆◆◆
It was like déjà vu, sitting in the doctor’s office, everyone and everything way too quiet, making her uncomfortable. Even the clock on the wall that was ticking away the last time she’d been in the room was silent. The batteries obviously dead since it was stuck at 3:45 even though it wasn’t even ten in the morning.
The doctor sat across from her and Oliver reading through something on his computer. Occasionally, the click of his mouse would echo through the hush of the room. She could barely catch the edge of what was on his screen as he alternated between reports and pictures of her scans. Meghan wished he’d just get it over with already so she could stop freaking out. For two hours, she was poked for blood, prodded for an ultrasound, both vaginal and abdominal. Then she had to suffer through a bout of claustrophobia as she went through the MRI machine, so they could get a more conclusive look at her insides.
The morning had been extremely long; she was more than exhausted. It was the most active she’d been since before her surgery and it was definitely taking its toll on her both physically and emotionally. She was on the verge of a breakdown, the tightening in her chest a sure sign tears were on their way. Over the last month, Meghan had become more in tune with her body, with her emotions.
The first time had been emotionally draining, but the second time was more of a roller coaster ride. The time that passed since her new diagnosis had been filled with extremes in each direction. It had been hard, but she’d tried not to get stuck in her head too much. There was so much to think about, so many changes she had in store for her. If she went too far down the rabbit hole, she started to think about all the things she’d never do, all the reasons she had to let Oliver go.
She tried to never let him see her break down, but she knew he was aware of every single one. Oliver was far more in tune with her ups and downs than she gave him credit for. Hell, he was far more in tune with everything about her than she wanted to admit.
As if he knew she was thinking about him, he squeezed her hand gently. The second they’d sat down, he’d reach over and wrapped his hand around hers, giving her a much-needed boost in strength. Not for the first time, she wondered how the hell she’d thought she’d get through all of this without him, without her friends. Even though he’d driven her crazy with his hovering and overprotectiveness, she would have been lost without him.
“Are you over there checking your fantasy football team, Doc, or can we move on with this already? This silence is killing me,” Meghan said finally. She had hit her breaking point and needed answers, sooner rather than later.
“Sorry. I wanted to make sure what I was seeing was correct before we talked. I should have had you wait in the waiting room, but I know how much you hate that place, so I figured this would be better.”
“No, I’m sorry. I’m just impatient and tired. It’s all making me very cranky. I need answers, then maybe I can sleep better at night. I’ve been dreading this appointment all week.”
“Well let’s put your mind at rest then,” Dr. Lund said as he turned his monitor to face her and Oliver. “The scans look normal, both the MRI and the ultrasound show no signs of cancer or tearing. Everything seems to be healing right on schedule. I’m glad you listened and stuck to the bed rest for the first two weeks. Resting has definitely helped with your physical recovery.”
Meghan didn’t dare glance at Oliver. She knew he’d have an “I told you so” smirk on his face because of the doctor’s praise. Instead, she watched as Dr. Lund made a few clicks on the screen until the scans were gone and a lab report took up the screen. If she hadn’t seen the same report hundreds of times over the last ten years she would have been as confused as Oliver looked. Between her dad’s cancer and her own, she was no stranger to blood tests or their results.
“Your CA-125 levels seemed to have normalized, which is exactly what we hoped to see.”
“What exactly does all this mean?” Oliver asked.
Meghan knew exactly what it meant. She refused to get her hopes up even though the doctor was giving them good news.
“We are going to move forward without any further treatments. Meghan is currently showing signs of being cancer-free and I don’t think putting her through chemo or radiation will help her. She’s still got a long road ahead of her. I’d rather wait and see if those steps are needed down the line. Right now, I’m optimistic about her chances of remaining cancer-free.”
“That’s amazing. Babe, did you hear that?”
Meghan nodded, afraid to say anything. She didn’t want to ruin Oliver’s excitement, but she was trying to be realistic. Going through all off this a second time had nearly crushed her. If she were to have another recurrence, it would finish the job and now she’d end up taking Oliver with her. No matter how great her scans looked or how normal her blood was, cancer was always going to be a guillotine hanging over her neck. She didn’t want that to be the case for Oliver or her friends.
“I want you to come in every two weeks for at least the next six months for blood tests. If there is even a slight elevation in your CA-125, we’ll do an MRI to see if anything’s visible. If there isn’t, we’ll change your blood tests to once a week to see if there is any change. If they continue to be elevated or get higher, then chemo and/or radiation will be back on the table. Does that sound reasonable?”
Meghan nodded again, while Oliver said yes, happiness and relief evident even in that one word.
“I still want you to come back in three weeks for your final post-op follow-up. We’ll talk about clearing you then for light physical activity and sex.”
“What about work? When do you think I’ll be able to go back to work?” Meghan asked.
“Given the nature of your job, I’m thinking you’ll have to hold off until the 12-week mark, but we’ll see how things look in three weeks. I know you’re eager to get back to normal Meghan, but you just had major surgery. I’m sure you remember how difficult it was last time, just remember this time it’s going to be worse both mentally and physically. I think it’s really important that you talk to someone about what you’re going through. The list of therapists and support groups I gave you at your first appointment have all been highly recommended by other patients.”
“I’m fine. Just going a bit stir crazy. I also hate letting my team down at work. It’s getting busy and I know they need the help.”
“Well, they’re going to have to learn to live without you, at least for a little while longer.”
“At this point, what exactly is she allowed to do?” Oliver asked.
“She’ll still get tired easily and knowing her, she’ll try to push herself further than she should, so short walks are fine, but nothing too strenuous. No hills or more than a few stairs at a time right now. She’ll need to work her way up to more physically demanding activities. Also, no lifting anything more than ten pounds and only occasionally.”
“You know I’m sitting right here, right? I know what I’m capable of.”
“Yeah, but you’re a bit stubborn and you’ll keep pushing at the line to move it forward, so you aren’t actually stepping over it,” Oliver said. “I know you don’t like me fussing over you, but someone has to make sure you are taking care of yourself.”
“I’m a big girl, I am perfectly capable of doing it myself.”
Meghan was trying not to get mad at Oliver, but he was making it increasingly difficult. Who the hell was he to think he knew what was best for her. He barely knew her or what she was able to accomplish. She could take care of herself, she’d been doing it for years.
“I have no doubt that you’re the strongest, most amazing woman I know, but you couldn’t get a glass out of the cabinet without wincing in pain. Stepping up onto the curb outside of the hospital took a lot out of you this morning. You are not at 100% yet, stop trying to be.”
Meghan cringed, remembering more than just the two moments Oliver mentioned, where she’d struggled to do every day mundane things. She didn’t want to admit she was weak or that she needed help. She also didn’t want to give Oliver more of a reason to follow her around. She’d tried to take care of the little things on her own over the last week, but it often backfired on her. There was no doubt that the next three weeks were going to be even more difficult as she felt better yet was still too weak to do things on her own.
“Fine. I’ll try to take it easy for the next three weeks.”
“That’s all we can ask. Before you leave be sure to make that appointment at the front desk. Also, make sure you set up a reminder for yourself to come in, so they can take blood every two weeks. I’ll give you a call with the results, so you’ll know how things are going. If things are looking abnormal, we’ll have you come in. Do either of you have any other questions?”
They both shook their heads, although Meghan had a ton of questions. None of them were ones the doctor could answer. No one could. They were the same questions she asked when her dad was diagnosed. The same questions she asked when she went through things the first time. Most of them started with why…why was this happening, why her, why was she being punished, and on and on until she moved into the hows. How was she supposed to get through this, how could Oliver want to deal with this, how was she supposed to move on and be happy?
“Thank you,” Oliver said as he stood.
The two men shook hands, then Oliver helped her to stand. As she took a step, she realized how sore and exhausted she was. Of course, she wasn’t about to admit it out loud. Sure, she could blame some of the exhaustion on the emotional overload, but both men would see that for what it was, an excuse. She wasn’t ready for more than what the doctor said she could do and that pissed her off.
All she wanted was to get back to normal. Eventually, she’d have to admit to herself that her normal had changed. Until then, she’d let herself pretend that everything was going to be the same as it was before. In three weeks, she’d be practically good as new, in another six weeks, she’d get to go back to work. Everything was going to be just fine…it didn’t matter that she knew she was lying to herself. Sometimes lying was a necessary evil.
◆◆◆
Oliver
It had been the longest three weeks of his life; waiting to see if the cancer had stayed gone, wondering if Meghan was going to be okay. Never in his life had he been so worried. Sitting in the doctor’s office waiting for him to give them the news about her health, he actually felt like the suspense was taking time off of his life, he was so tense.
When Dr. Lund finally told them the news, he wanted to jump up and do a dance. He was so elated to hear that she was cancer-free and that everything looked great. It surprised him that Meghan hadn’t been more excited to hear the news, but he figured it was because she was tired. It had been a long, physically and emotionally draining day even though it wasn’t even noon. He couldn’t blame her for not outwardly showing excitement at the time.
When she still didn’t seem happy about the news the next day or the day after that, he started to worry. When she refused to talk about the appointment or what it meant, he knew something was up. Prior to seeing the doctor, they’d both looked forward to hearing that she was healing and that things were looking good. Afterward, she seemed withdrawn and even a little bit sad which was not what he was expecting.
He knew part of it was because she was feeling cooped up, which wasn’t going to end anytime soon and she felt smothered by him, which probably wasn’t going to end either. Oliver tried to let her be more independent, but it was hard to see her struggle. He tried to give her the time alone that she’d been begging for, but he could see the toll it was taking on her. She wasn’t as ready for it as she wanted to believe she was, which he knew made her feel even more helpless.
It was obvious she needed to get out of the house for more than just a trip to the doctor. He’d thought about taking her out to see their friends, but he figured that would be too much. Social interactions were another thing she’d have to work her way into. She barely had the energy to stay engaged in conversation when she’d had the girls over the Saturday before, he knew it’d be even harder at the restaurant or someone else’s house.
It didn’t take Oliver long to figure out where they could go. An overnight stay at a local resort and spa would be relaxing and romantic. She could be pampered at the spa, eat gourmet food and take in the beauty of the waterfall from a seat inside the lodge. He just hoped it didn’t end up being too much for her.
During one of her naps, he called the resort and made a reservation for the upcoming weekend. It had cost him a small fortune, but he knew it would be worth it. He packed an overnight bag for her, then hid it in his closet. He didn’t want her to know about the trip until they were on the road. Between the surgery and the recovery, Oliver hadn’t really gotten a chance to surprise her like he had before. He wanted to get back to the fun, the silliness of their dates and forget about the seriousness of her diagnosis, at least for a little while.
On Saturday morning, he woke her up with breakfast in bed, waffles, bacon and hash browns. She hadn’t been eating much since her doctor appointment, so he was glad when she ate everything on her plate. For the first time since her surgery, she seemed in high spirits, which he was thankful for. After she showered and put on her clothes, he told her they were going for a drive, but wouldn’t tell her where they were going.
“Come on, just a little hint,” she begged as he pulled out of his driveway.
“Nope. You’ll figure it out eventually, but for now, it’s a surprise.”
“Why now? Aren’t you worried going somewhere will be too much?” she asked.
He glanced over at her, giving her a smile that said he knew she was being a smartass and that he approved. It was the most like herself she’d been in weeks and he loved seeing it. He worried about her, not just about the cancer, but about how she was doing emotionally. She wouldn’t talk about any of it with him, which he tried to understand. He was just thankful she did spend some time talking to Brooklyn about her feelings, even if Brooklyn wouldn’t tell him what she said.
“You gave me three months to date you. I’ve lost a month of that to this cancer bullshit and I finally decided that I didn’t want to waste any more time. I’ve still got something to prove to you, so I figured a night away would be good for us.”
“A whole night? Whatever will we do?”
“Jerk. Come on, I’m trying to be romantic here and we’re pretty limited in what we can do, at least for another few weeks. Give me a break.”
Meghan laughed, a sound he was more than happy to hear, even if it was at his expense. “Awww, I’m sorry. I really am excited to get out of the house. Whatever you have planned, I’m sure it will be awesome and as much fun as my weak ass can handle. Your dates haven’t let me down yet.”
“Wow, I hope my surprise can live up to that rousing assessment. I gotta make sure not to let you down until after you agree to stay married to me and live happily ever after together. Then I can start planning shoddy dates and boring outings.”
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her smile falter for a second before she turned to stare at him. “I don’t think you have it in you to plan shoddy dates or anything boring, Oliver. You’re pretty damn good at this dating thing. I don’t know why you’re wasting it all on me, but I’ll take it.”
She turned to look out the passenger side window as he merged onto I-90. There was a melancholy tone to her final sentence, but he decided to let it go. The last thing she needed was for him to poke at her. This getaway was supposed to make them forget, at least for a little while, that she was sick and in recovery. It was supposed to make them forget how close he’d come to losing her before he even really had her.
Oliver knew he had to turn things around and get her back to remembering that the point was to have fun. He turned on the radio, then quickly changed the channel to one of his favorite local stations that played mostly 80’s music. As soon as he realized what song was playing, he cranked up the volume so he could sing along.
“No…please don’t,” Meghan pleaded as she turned to stare at him.
“Come on Meg. I know this is your favorite. Sing along with me.”
“Not happening. Just change the channel, please. I can’t handle this.”
“MOTOR…”
“Stop…don’t…” Meghan laughed as she tried to lean over to change the channel.
“No, you don’t,” Oliver said as she swatted at her hand. “Sing along with me Meghan. Please. I promise you’ll enjoy it.”
She shook her head and shoved her fingers in her ears, so he turned it up even louder. “There’s no escaping the greatness, Meghan, so stop trying.”
“There’s something seriously wrong with you if you think this crap is greatness. We might need to get your head checked. Oh, thank goodness,” Meghan said as the song ended.
Oliver laughed. He knew it was only a matter of time before another song came on that she loathed just as much as she had the last. While she enjoyed some 80’s music, there were quite a few songs that drove her crazy. For some reason, it never failed that they played them on this station whenever they were in his car. He always derived a little bit of pleasure from watching her squirm as he sang along.
“Oh crap, why are you torturing me like this? I thought this was supposed to be a fun getaway, I’d almost rather be back at your place locked in my room,” she groaned as he started singing the next song that came on.
“It’s the final…” he sang at the top of his lungs.
She stuck her fingers back in her ears. “La, la, la, la….I can’t hear you,” she sang just as loud. “Could you at least put on some Billy Ocean or Rick Astley or something. This is pure torture.”
He looked over at her, laughing at how ridiculous she looked as she glared at him. This was exactly what he’d hoped to get out of the trip. She needed fun, she needed laughter. So far so good, he just hoped the rest of the getaway was just as perfect as the car ride was shaping up to be.