Chapter Thirty-four
Phil stopped in his tracks, grasping Lina’s waist as he pulled her more firmly into his side. Liam, Kim, and Randall Bryce, an attorney at Kim’s law firm, were standing in the crowded lobby, waiting to be seated.
“Daddy!” Liam, who was being held by Randall, reached for him.
“Hey, buddy.” Phil released Lina to take Liam, not noticing the curious glances from other patrons. He’d had no idea Kim was involved with Randall Bryce. He didn’t know him well but had always thought highly of him. “Bryce.” He shook the other man’s hand. “My wife, Lina,” he said when Bryce’s gaze shifted to her.
“Hello.” Lina returned his greeting, her voice sounding cool and composed.
“Mama.” Liam reached for her.
“Hi, sweetie.” Lina squeezed his little hand.
“No, Liam,” Kim said, laughing softly. “She’s way too old to be your mommy.” She plucked Liam from Phil’s arms.
“What did you just say?” Phil said through clenched teeth.
“It’s okay.” Lina laughed aloud. She curved her arm through his. “It takes a lot more than biology to make a mother. It was nice meeting you,” she said to Bryce. “She isn’t worth it, Phil,” Lina said when Phil continued to glare at Kim. “Let’s just go.”
Phil was still fuming when they reached the car. He looked back at the restaurant, wanting to go confront Kim for what she’d said to Lina. “I just—”
“No,” Lina interrupted. “If you’re concerned with me, you’ll get in the car and take me home.”
“I don’t want her to get away with that.”
“With what—saying I’m too old to have a baby? It may be true. I don’t care. I’m not insulted. She has no power to hurt me anymore. I know who she is. And if you go back there and upset her, two things will happen. She’ll know she got to you, and Liam will suffer, because I have no doubt you’ll manage to upset her. And if she’s upset, she’ll be a worse mother than she already is.”
Phil was quiet on the drive home. His hands were gripping the steering wheel hard enough to whiten his knuckles. “I hate that I opened you up to her. That I brought her into our fucking lives.”
“Do you know what I hate? I hate that you’re letting her ruin our evening. I hate that instead of being present with me, you’re living in your head, obsessing about words that didn’t even bother me. That’s what I hate.”
“I can’t help it. Protecting you is second nature to me.” He dropped one of his hands on her thigh. “That’s why I’m never going to be able to forgive myself for bringing her into our lives.”
“You need to stop. I’m a big girl. I don’t need protecting.”
Phil got his days mixed up, not realizing until he received a text from Kim asking if he could keep Liam for the entirety of the three-day Martin Luther King weekend that he’d scheduled his ski trip to Utah on one of his Liam weekends.
“That’s this coming weekend? No.” Lina was putting away groceries when he told her. “I should have caught it, too.”
“I’ll just reschedule for the next weekend,” Phil said.
“No. No. That would require him to miss a day of school, and he’s been too excited. I’ll just watch Liam.”
“You?”
Lina laughed. “You don’t think I’m capable of watching a one-year-old for a weekend?”
“I don’t want to put you out.”
“Watching Liam is not putting me out. And I have Katie. As long as I don’t ask her to help, she’ll basically watch him all weekend.”
Lina smiled as she watched Liam trying to pull her mother’s hair. He seemed almost as enamored with Alice as Katie, following her around and wanting her constant attention. Drew, who was trying his best to bond with Liam, was having no luck. It was as if Phil’s low opinion of him had been passed to his son.
“Ma!” Liam screamed before covering his eyes with his hands, mistakenly believing he couldn’t be seen by others if his eyes were closed.
“Where’s Liam?” Alice asked. “There he is,” she said when he dropped his hands, eliciting gurgles of laughter from him before he again covered his eyes and shouted her name.
It was Sunday afternoon and the third day in a row Alice had made an unannounced visit, seemingly delighted in who she referred to as her newest grandchild.
“I finally met Adele’s William last night,” Alice announced. “The sexual energy between the two of them is off the charts.”
“Okay. Please no more.” Lina covered her ears. She’d finally gotten to the point where they didn’t sneak into her mind when she was having sex with Phil. “Don’t say one word about their chemistry, sex life, or anything else. It’s bad enough when Adele does it.”
“I think they had sex in my bathroom.”
“Mom. What did I just say?” Lina frowned at her.
“It’s a small bathroom. It had to have taken some creativity. Do you even think the sink would hold her?”
“I’m sure they didn’t have sex in your bathroom.”
“Oh, I’m sure they did. They were in there for at least ten minutes.”
“Okay, well, thank you for the new visual.”
***
Phil and Logan arrived home from Utah late Monday afternoon. Lina had just strapped Liam into his car seat when Phil pulled into the garage.
“I was just going to the grocery store,” Lina explained after greeting them.
“I’ll come with you,” Phil said.
“You’re coming grocery shopping with me?” Lina’s eyes widened in disbelief.
“I haven’t seen you in three days. I’ll take what I can get.” He framed her face between his hands before kissing her deeply. “I missed you.”
“You must have if you’re actually coming to a store with me.” She fisted his jacket. “I missed you too.” She brushed her lips over his.
“Daddy!” Liam yelled. “Me. Me, Daddy.”
“To be continued,” Phil said before reluctantly lifting his head. “Hey, buddy.” He leaned into the back seat and kissed Liam’s cheek.
Ten minutes later, Phil was following Lina through the grocery store, Liam perched against his side.
“Hi.” Jodie Redding, a woman who lived in their neighborhood stopped when she saw them. “I didn’t know you had a baby.” Her eyes were on Liam. “He’s adorable.” She squeezed Liam’s hand. He rewarded her with a smile. “He looks just like you.”
“So I’ve heard.” Phil returned her smile.
“And you,” Jodie began, turning her attention to Lina. “You look incredible. I don’t remember seeing you pregnant. It hasn’t been that long, has it?”
“I’m not his biological mother,” Lina said.
“What?” Jodie frowned. “He looks just like Phil.”
“He is Phil’s. We had a bit of a rough patch and Phil and I were separated for a while. This is his son, Liam.”
“Oh.” Jodie’s eyes widened. “I’m sorry. I didn’t—I had no idea.” Her gaze darted briefly to Phil.
“That’s okay. How would you have known?” Lina said before giving the woman a forced smile.
“Well he is beautiful,” Jodie said. “It was great seeing you both.”
Phil didn’t say anything about the conversation with Jodie until they were in the car. “I’m sorry,” he said. He’d seen the embarrassment in her eyes and hated that he was responsible.
“It was only a matter of time.”
He cupped the side of her cheek. “I’m sorry,” he repeated.
“I know.” She covered his hand with hers. “It wasn’t as bad as I expected.”
He felt a rush of regret for what he’d put her through and continued to put her through. “I love you,” he said deeply.
It was after midnight when Phil delivered Liam to Kim. She was supposed to be home by eight but had texted him at seven thirty telling him she’d been held up and wouldn’t be home until ten. Shortly before ten, the time changed to midnight.
“He’s a baby,” he said after handing a sleeping Liam to Kim.
“Believe me, I know. Every time he wakes up crying in the middle of the night, I’m reminded.”
“Why don’t you dig down deep and try to find some maternal instincts?” Phil bit out. “You’re his mother, for fuck’s sake.”
***
Lina could feel the anger rolling off Phil when he stretched out in the bed beside her a short time later. “She acts like he’s a burden. I drop him off at midnight, which means she’s barely seen him in five days. After I left, she texted asking me if I could keep him until ten tomorrow night.”
“She’s selfish. Good mothers are selfless with their children. I doubt she has the ability to put anyone before herself.” Lina curved her body into the side of his. She could feel the tenseness in his body. “It’s late. Just go to sleep.”
“I feel guilty every time I drop him there. It’s like I’m letting him down.”
“Don’t,” Lina whispered, aching at the pain she heard in his voice. “You’re doing everything you can.”
“What if it isn’t enough?”
“It is. He knows how much you love him. He’ll always know. That’s what’s important. We’ll always be here for him.”
He released a breath. “I hope you’re right.”
“I am.” She slipped one of her legs between his, burrowing deeper against him. She turned her face into his neck, breathing in his familiar scent. “I’m glad you’re home. I missed you.”
“I missed you, too.” He brushed his lips over the top of her head. “Thanks for watching him.”
“Please stop thanking me. I love him. He’s a little piece of you. I see you in him.” She felt disloyal to Logan as she voiced it aloud for the first time, but it was true. And it wasn’t only his physical attributes. Even though he was still a baby, she could see flashes of Phil’s personality in Liam. He had Phil’s confidence and charisma. Even at one, he walked into a room like he owned it, charming every person he met.
“How tired are you?” Phil asked as he stroked his hand down her back.
Lina slid her body over his. “Not too tired,” she whispered against his lips.
***
A week later, Phil was standing at the kitchen island flipping through the mail when Lina told him she was going to New York for training. He stilled with a letter in his hand, his gaze shifting to Lina who was pouring herself a glass of wine. “Why am I just hearing about this?”
“I just found out myself today. It’s for the SketchUp Layout course. I told you about it when they hired me.” She took a sip of wine before crossing to the refrigerator. “Are you planning to run before—.”
“Isn’t there a class you could take around here?” He’d set down the mail and was watching her with a frown on his face.
“The course is only offered in New York, Chicago, and LA. I thought New York was the best option.” She took a salmon filet from the refrigerator. “It’s only going to take twenty minutes for me to prepare this. Are you exercising?”
“We’re almost at the end of the month.”.
“And?” Her eyes narrowed. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“This was a trial. We were going to reassess after three months.”
“That isn’t going to be necessary because it’s working.”
“You agreed we would discuss it,” he said, annoyance flaring in his chest.
“There’s nothing to discuss.” She turned her back to him as she placed the salmon on a baking sheet.
“That isn’t a decision you get to make unilaterally.”
“I’m not quitting if that’s where you’re going.” She began to season the salmon.
Phil cupped the back of his neck, watching her roughly shake some spices onto the salmon. “Baby—”
“I’m not quitting, Phil. I love what I’m doing.”
“You loved staging, and that didn’t require travel.”
“I liked staging,” she corrected. “I didn’t love it, not like this.”
He needed to tread lightly. “What if you keep the job but don’t travel?”
“What?” She spun around, her hands on her hips. “I have to travel. We have properties in other places.”
“And you can coordinate over the phone.” He could feel his pulse increasing and struggled to stay calm.
“You’re being ridiculous.”
“I’m balancing the needs of our family.”
“Our family is fine.”
“Is it?” He raised his eyebrows. “Logan has a D in History. Do you think Logan would have taken his girlfriend to his room if you were home?”
“That’s not fair! Neither of those things are my fault. I can’t believe you!”
“Calm down.”
“No,” Lina fumed. “I’m not going to calm down. I’m mad. I’ve found something I love to do. You should be happy for me and instead you’re trying to take it away from me.”
“I’m not taking anything away from you.”
“I know you’re not because I’m not quitting. Dinner will be ready in thirty minutes. This discussion is over.”
The conversation weighed on Phil’s mind through dinner and later as he helped Logan with his chemistry homework. When he came into the master bedroom after locking up the house and setting the alarm, Lina was coming out of the bathroom. She was completely naked.
His body stirred in response. “God you’re beautiful.”
“I’m still mad at you.” She walked past him with her chin tilted up slightly, pulled back the comforter, and crawled beneath the sheets.
“I’m just trying to protect you.”
“No. You’re trying to control me.”
“No.” He slowly shook his head as he made his way to her. The mattress shifted as he sat down beside her. He used his fingers to brush her hair back from her forehead. “It would kill me if something happened to you.”
She took his hand. “Nothing is going to happen to me.”
“I don’t like you traveling without me. It’s not safe. There are a lot of fucking crazy people in the world.”
“Plenty of women travel alone. I think I can handle myself. Why can’t you have a little faith in me?”
“I do have faith in you, baby. It’s everyone else I don’t trust.”
“I’ll get Adele to come again. Would that make you feel better?”
“You not going would make me feel better.” He hated the thought of her walking around in that city of millions of people without him.
“I’m going.”
“Saturday? I thought you were done tomorrow.” Phil was shrugging into his suit jacket as he came out of his wardrobe.
“I am, but Adele’s coming again, and we thought it would be fun to go shopping and explore a little more.” She zipped her garment bag closed.
“Since when is Adele going?” he asked, his brows pulled together in a frown.
“I told you I was going to invite her. You didn’t want me going alone, remember?” Her eyes widened. “Why are you upset?”
“I’m upset because I thought you were going to be home tomorrow, and now, five minutes before I have to leave for work, you’re telling me you aren’t going to be back until Saturday night. Why didn’t you tell me last night?”
“Liam was here. It just slipped my mind.”
“So I’m going to be alone on Friday night?”
“Yes. We didn’t have plans, did we? You have Liam this weekend.”
“I know, and I thought you’d be here, too.”
“I’ll be home Saturday night.”
“Do the kids know?”
“Yes.” She nodded. “Logan’s spending the night with Brian, and Katie has a concert. You’ll have the house to yourself.”
“I guess I’ll see you Saturday, then.”
“Don’t be like that.” She gripped his hand before he could walk away.
“How do you expect me to be? You knew I didn’t want you to go away one night. And now you’re telling me you’re going away for two.”
“I just thought it would be fun to have an extra day in New York City with Adele. Last time it was more stressful because I was interviewing.”
“I’ve got to go. I have a meeting with a client this morning.” He tried to pull his hand back, but she wouldn’t release it.
“You’re not going to wish me luck or kiss me goodbye?”
He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. “Good luck. I love you. Call me tonight.”
Phil opened his third beer of the evening before dropping down onto the couch in front of the television. It was eleven thirty. He’d put Liam down a couple of hours earlier, answered a few e-mails he hadn’t gotten to at work, and then he worked on a brief for Monday. The time alone was giving him flashbacks to all the lonely nights he’d experienced at the house in Farside. He took a long drag from his beer bottle. Over the course of those six months, he’d never gotten used to being by himself. It was different when he traveled for business. His mind was in work mode. Now, as he stared at the television screen, he felt a similar loneliness to when he’d feared he’d lost Lina.
He lifted his cell phone from the coffee table and looked at the display. Nothing. “Fuck.” He leaned back into the couch, spreading his knees wide. He’d talked to her briefly at seven. She and Adele were getting ready to go to dinner. It had been four hours. They should have been back in their room. Instead they were twenty blocks from their hotel at a place called Oliver’s, according to the tracking app they shared on their phones. The app had been the only reason he’d been able to sleep at night during their separation. It was the last thing he’d done before going to bed each night, checking to make sure she was safe at home. She always had been. But she wasn’t now. She was off at some nightclub with Adele. There was absolutely nothing he could do to keep her safe.
His phone lit up with a new text message. He was disappointed when instead of being from Lina it was from Kim. How was he? He tossed the phone back onto the coffee table.
Katie arrived home at midnight. After locking up the house, he went up to the master suite, turned on the television in the sitting room, and stretched out on the couch. Lina finally texted at 1:15. Are you still up?
Yes, he typed back. His phone immediately began to ring. “Are you in your room?” he asked.
“No. We’re at a club. It’s small, and they have a great band. Did you know the clubs stay open until four a.m. here?”
“How much have you had to drink?” He thought he heard a slight slur to her words.
“I’m not drunk.” She laughed. “I’m having fun. You don’t have to worry. We’re just dancing.”
“Who are you dancing with?” He sat up.
“No one. I’m just dancing.”
His hand tightened on the phone, imagining her in the middle of a dance floor surrounded by leering men. “It’s late, baby. Why don’t you go back to the hotel?”
“It’s not late here. Just go to sleep. I’ll be fine, and I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Don’t hang up. Where’s Adele?”
“Out there waiting for me. I’m in the bathroom, holding up the line. I have to go.”
“Wait—how much have you had to drink?”
She laughed softly. “I’m fine, Phil. I promise. I had two glasses of wine with dinner and two drinks here. I’m done drinking. I’m just dancing and enjoying the band.”
“You’re twenty blocks from your hotel. I don’t want you walking this late at night.”
“Oh my God. You tracked us?”
“Of course I tracked you. It’s late, and I hadn’t heard from you for hours.”
“Don’t worry. We’ll take a cab. I have to go. Love you.” She was gone before he could respond.
“Fuck.” He sighed, bringing the phone down from his ear. He drafted a quick text: Text me when you’re back at the hotel
He was surprised when he received an immediate reply. Stop worrying, she texted, followed by an emoji blowing a kiss.
When Liam’s cry came over the baby monitor an hour later Phil was in bed but awake. He slipped on a pair of sweatpants and made his way to the nursery only to find Katie struggling to lift Liam out of his crib. “What’s the matter?” she cooed as she pulled him into her side. “Are you scared?”
Phil’s worry over Lina was temporarily overshadowed by his awe of Katie’s absolute devotion to Liam. Liam was a big baby, and Katie’s petite size made him look even bigger, but that didn’t stop her from cradling him in her arms.
He crossed his arms over his bare chest, propping his shoulder against the doorframe as he watched her comfort her little brother. “Does he need a diaper change?”
Katie spun around at the sound of his voice. “Why are you sneaking up on me?”
“I wasn’t.” He pushed off the wall. “You just beat me here.” He stopped beside her, looking down at Liam, whose eyes were almost closed. “Shh.” He pressed his index finger against his lips. “He’s almost asleep,” he whispered, carefully removing him from Katie’s arms and placing him back in the crib.
They watched him for several seconds, ensuring his eyes remained closed, before leaving the room. Phil heard the soft sound of voices as he pulled the nursery door closed and realized the television in the second-floor rec room was on. “You were still up?”
“I’m watching a movie.”
“It’s late. You should go to bed. You need to get up early and work on your college apps.”
She frowned at him. “I’m seventeen. You need to stop trying to father me.”
He wrapped his arm around her and kissed the top of her head. “I’m your father. I can’t stop fathering you. Good night.”
As soon as he entered his bedroom, his phone buzzed with a new text message from Lina.
Safe and sound in my hotel room. Love you.
He let out a relieved sigh as he stretched out on his mattress. He was asleep in less than a minute.
Lina arrived home a little after eight on Saturday evening and was disappointed when Katie told her Liam was already down for the night. “He was like a crazy man all day, and then he just fell asleep while Dad was feeding him his dinner. Like literally. His face just dropped forward onto the tray, right?” Katie asked Matt, who was sitting beside her on the family-room couch.
“He did a face-plant into a bowl of yogurt,” Matt answered.
“He didn’t even wake up when Dad was cleaning him off,” Katie added.
“Where is Dad?” Lina asked.
“Exercising,” Katie answered. “We’re going outside to use the firepit. You’re responsible if Liam wakes up.”
Lina was in the master bathroom putting her toiletries away an hour later when she felt a presence in the doorway. She looked up to find Phil in shorts and a sweat-drenched T-shirt, leaning a shoulder against the doorframe. “How long have you been there?”
“Not long.” His eyes traveled over her. “Did you have fun?”
“Yes. Did you?”
“No.” He slowly crossed to where she was standing, pressing her back against the vanity. “Did you dance with anyone?”
“Adele.”
“Anyone else?” He gripped the bottom of her shirt and began to lift it up.
“What are you doing?”
“Answer my question.”
“No, only Adele.” She lifted her arms up as he removed her shirt. “It’s only nine.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you wanted to go dancing?” He was reaching behind her as he spoke and unclasping her bra.
“I didn’t know I wanted to until I heard the music.” She felt the chill of the cool air against her breasts as her bra fell to the floor. “Did you lock the bedroom door?”
He yanked his T-shirt over his head, tossing it on the vanity behind her. “How many men came onto you?”
“You’re being silly,” she whispered.
“How many?” He grasped the sides of her hips, easily lifting her and placing her on the vanity.
“Everyone was just having fun. It wasn’t like that.”
“It’s always like that.” He dropped his mouth to her neck, biting and licking his way to her ear. “You’re mine,” he growled. “I don’t want other men watching you, wanting you, if I’m not there to protect you.”
“I was fine,” she said breathlessly, gripping his upper arms as he dragged his mouth down her neck to her shoulder, his scruff rough against her skin.
“I’ve seen the way men look at you. Promise me you won’t go out to a place like that again without me.” He sank his fingers into her hips as he pressed his lower body into the juncture between her legs.
“Phil—”
“Promise me. I was out of my fucking mind last night. I’ll take you dancing. I’ll take you clubbing. Whatever you want. But I don’t want you in those places without me.”
“You’re talking too much.” She reached between them, stroking her hand over his erection.
He pulled back long enough to strip off the rest of his clothes, and then he was kissing her, his tongue stroking over hers as he unclasped her jeans. He reached into the shower to turn on the water while she finished undressing, and then he lifted her off the floor. She wrapped her legs around his hips as he took her into the shower.
“Do you think it’s odd that Phil has such a negative reaction to my traveling?” Lina asked Adele the following weekend when they met for lunch.
“Odd for Phil? No,” Adele answered. “Odd for a normal person? Yes, it would be very odd.”
“He seems to genuinely fear that something is going to happen to me.”
“He just likes to have complete control of you. When you’re traveling, you’re not under his thumb. He can’t stand it.”
“That is not true.”
“How many times over the years have I tried to get you to go away for a girls weekend? Phil wouldn’t let you.”
“It wasn’t Phil. It was me.” The idea of going away with her sister had appealed to her, but when it came to the execution, she’d never been able to go through with it, not able to leave Phil. The thought of being without him overnight would bring out a feeling of panic. It was a lingering effect of the trauma she’d experienced as a teenager, feeling unsafe at night unless she was with Phil. The one positive outcome of their six months apart was finally learning to feel safe alone.
“Maybe it was you, too,” Adele conceded. “But Phil didn’t want you to leave either. He thinks of himself as your protector.”
Adele’s words, he thinks of himself as your protector, replayed in Lina’s mind long after their lunch was over. She finally realized it was striking a chord in her because it was the exact phrasing her mother-in-law used to describe Phil over Christmas.
“I have a question,” Lina said to Susan Hunter over the phone later that day. “Do you remember how you said Phil thought of himself as my protector? You were in my room looking at that picture of us as teenagers.”
“Of course.”
“What did you mean exactly? I mean, I know a husband protects his wife, but was there a deeper meaning? Were you implying that Phil takes that role more seriously than other men?”
Several seconds passed before Susan responded. “I don’t think he can help himself, not after what he witnessed happening that night to you and Shiloh. It changed him. I think it would have changed any man. Phil couldn’t stand to have you apart from him after that.”
“I thought that was me. I thought I couldn’t stand to be apart from him.”
“It was mutual. Phil couldn’t leave you any more than you could leave him. Why are you asking about this now?”
“He doesn’t like me traveling overnight,” Lina admitted. “It upsets him. He thinks something is going to happen to me. But he has no problem leaving me. He goes away on business. A couple of weeks ago he took Logan skiing for the weekend.”
“He leaves you in your home, which has the most elaborate security system of anyone I know. Bruce said he spent thirty thousand dollars on it.”
“I’ve never really paid attention,” Lina admitted. She recalled the number of times Phil had called while on trips to remind her to set the alarms. He could see remotely from his phone whether or not the alarm was set. “What am I supposed to do?” Lina asked. “I have to travel for my job.”
“You’ve gone away twice already, and he survived. Just have patience with him. It’s still new. He’ll adapt.”
***
“I think I figured out why you hate me traveling without you,” Lina told Phil as they were preparing for bed. “It’s because of that night.”
“What night?” He frowned across the bed at her.
“When Shiloh was attacked.”
His entire body tensed up. Even after twenty-six years the memory of seeing Shiloh raped and a man restraining Lina had his pulse increasing. “I don’t see the correlation.”
“You saved me that night so you feel like you have to continue to protect me.”
“I do have to continue to protect you. I’m your husband.” He stretched out on the bed. “Come here,” he said patting the mattress.
“I’m not a sixteen-year-old girl anymore,” Lina said as she laid down beside him, curling her body into the side of his. “I’m a woman who is careful. You don’t have to worry. I can take care of myself.”
“Taking care of you is part of who I am,” he said against her ear. “You’re my girl.”
Lina lifted her head so she could see his face. “I’m going to have to travel occasionally. I don’t want you to get upset every time.”
He shook his head. “I can’t help it. I don’t like you apart from me. Maybe it’s because of that night. I don’t know. But if this job makes you happy, I’ll deal with it. I won’t like it, but I’ll deal with it.”
“I love you,” Lina said.
“Yeah?”
“You’ll always be the boy I want to swim naked with,” she whispered.