Chapter Nineteen
Lina spent most of Friday in a heightened state of anxiety, unable to think of anything but Liam’s impending visit. She filled out some employment paperwork for Dolmar Enterprises, went to the grocery store and bought way too much baby food, vacuumed the entire house even though the cleaning service had been out the day before, and then attended a midday yoga session, hoping that would calm her nerves. It didn’t. When five o’clock came around, approximately an hour before Phil and Liam were due to arrive, she poured herself a large glass of wine and settled down at the table with a magazine.
Thirty minutes later her heart began to pound in her chest when she heard the sound of the garage door opening. When it turned out to be Katie instead of Phil, her shoulders sagged with relief.
“What time are they coming?” Katie asked.
“Your dad is supposed to pick him up at six, but it could be earlier. So anytime.”
“Tell me when they get here,” Katie said before heading toward the front of the house.
“Wait. Where are you going?” Lina asked. She’d been desperate for a distraction and was hoping Katie would provide it.
“To change out of my uniform,” Katie responded over her shoulder.
Lina was again flipping through the magazine when the mudroom door opened. This time it was Phil entering with Liam clutched in one arm. “Hi.” She came to her feet. Her gaze zeroed in on the little boy swallowed up in a coat and hat. “Isn’t he hot?”
“Probably.” Phil tugged the knit cap off his head, revealing a full head of dark silky hair. “The nanny dressed him.”
She took a tentative step toward them, thankful for the wine in her system. “He’s beautiful,” she whispered as her eyes traveled over his face. Her first thought was that he was a Hunter, with his dark hair and blue eyes, but as she continued to study him she realized how extraordinary his likeness was to Phil. From the shape of his nose and eyes to the curve of his lips and the small cleft in his chin, he was all Phil.
“Hi, Liam,” she managed over the lump in her throat.
Liam reached for her.
She took a step back from him, folding her arms over her chest. “You should probably take his coat off. His cheeks are red.” She crossed to the table and picked up her almost empty wineglass.
“You were supposed to tell me when he arrived,” Katie said as she came into the kitchen. “Oh my God. He looks just like Logan.”
“Gaah,” Liam said, giving her a smile.
“Hi. Hi, Liam,” Katie said in a higher-than-normal pitch. “He’s so cute. He only has six teeth.”
“Here, help me get off his coat,” Phil said.
Lina finished the wine in her glass, stealing glances at them as Katie stripped off Liam’s coat. “What time does he normally eat?” Lina asked.
“He’s squeezing my finger,” Katie said. “Look how little his nails are.”
“Soon,” Phil said to Lina. “I’m going to take him upstairs with me while I change. When I get back, I’ll feed him.”
“I’ll come with you,” Katie said, following Phil from the room.
Lina collapsed into a chair, closing her eyes as pain rocketed through her. It was real. He had a baby with another woman. She covered her mouth, stifling a sob. She needed to get ahold of herself. She considered having another glass of wine to settle the churning in her stomach but decided getting drunk wasn’t a good solution. Instead she threw herself into making dinner.
***
“Dadda…Dadda…up…up.” Liam had pulled himself to a standing position, his arm hooked around Phil’s leg for support. His free hand was yanking on Phil’s pants.
“Just a second, buddy.” Phil was at the sink, screwing the top onto Liam’s bottle.
“Dadda!” Liam yelled. “Dadda!” He tugged harder on Phil’s lounge pants. “Up! Up!
“I think I’m going to go upstairs,” Lina said from behind him.
Phil scooped Liam up into his arms, handing him his bottle. “What?” he asked Lina.
“I have a headache. I’m going to go lie down for a minute.”
“Do you need me to get you anything?”
“No. I just…I can’t,” Lina whispered before rushing from the room.
“Katie?” Phil called out as he walked toward the family room. “Katie?”
“What?” Katie paused the television screen.
“I need you to watch Liam.” He set him on the couch beside her.
“What?” Katie retreated to the corner of the couch, her blue eyes opening wider. “No way. I’m not watching him.”
“I’m not asking.”
“You said it wouldn’t affect us if you brought him here. I don’t want to be a babysitter. I don’t even like kids.”
“Watch him,” he said firmly, pointing at Liam. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Lina had been quiet during dinner, but he’d thought it was going well. He found her sitting on the edge of their bed. “I can’t do it,” she said. “I thought I could, but I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“It hasn’t even been an hour,” he said after lowering himself beside her.
“I can’t look at him. I know it’s not his fault, but he’s the result of what you did—a living, breathing reminder.”
“Lina.” Phil stroked his hand up her back. “It’ll get easier. Once you get to know him, you—”
“I don’t want to know him.” Her words were like a knife in his heart. She came to her feet and headed toward her wardrobe. “I’ll go to Adele’s or my mom’s for the night.”
“Fuck.” Phil leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he gripped his head. “You said you would try. Forty-five minutes isn’t trying.” He could hear her walking around the room as she tossed things into a bag, and then she disappeared into the bathroom. He slowly came to his feet, following. He leaned against the doorframe, watching her continue to pack, his stomach sinking.
“I tried,” she said, not looking at him. “You have no idea how hard.”
“One night. All I’m asking for is one night.”
“I can’t.” Lina shook her head.
“I’ll leave,” he said deeply. “I’ll take him to a hotel.”
“No. All his things are here. It’ll be easier if I just go to Adele’s.” Lina lifted the bag and turned from the sink.
“You shouldn’t be the one leaving.”
“This is the best solution, Phil. I’ll be back tomorrow.”
He watched her leave the room, his hand clasping the back of his neck. He dropped his head forward, closing his eyes and praying for strength.
***
“I didn’t expect to feel this way,” Lina said. She was at Adele’s, sitting beside her on her family-room couch, sharing a bottle of wine. “It was surreal watching them together. I mean, Liam knows Phil’s his father. He calls him Dadda.”
“What did you expect? I mean, no offense, but he is his daddy.”
“I don’t know what I was expecting. Nothing, I guess. Maybe I was living in denial.”
“Does he look like Phil?”
Lina grimaced as a vision of Liam flashed in her mind. “Yes. He looks like one of our kids. He reminds me of Logan at that age.” She made a pained expression at the thought of Logan. “I’m such a hypocrite, expecting him to accept Liam when I can’t even handle it.”
“You left Logan there?”
“No. He’s at a friend’s. It’s just Phil and Katie. How is this real? How can he have a son that isn’t mine?”
“He cheated on you.”
“That was a rhetorical question,” Lina said dryly. “But thanks for the reminder.”
“I’m not going to say ‘I told you so’ because we both know I did, but seriously, how could you not have a hard time with this?”
“I thought I’d be bigger. It’s not Liam’s fault. He’s just a baby. I thought when I saw him I would just love him, knowing he’s Phil’s.” She leaned back into the couch. “I couldn’t stop thinking of her. What am I going to do? Phil has him every other weekend.”
“That’s Phil’s problem.”
“I don’t want to lose my husband every other weekend.”
“Well, then you’ll just have to try again. It was the first time. Don’t be so hard on yourself. It will get easier.”
***
Phil rang the doorbell at Kim’s house just before five the following afternoon, Liam cradled in one arm, a diaper bag flung over the shoulder of the other. “He fell asleep on the drive over,” he said as soon as Kim opened the door. “Where do you want him?” he asked coolly, stepping around her and into the foyer.
“The nursery,” she answered, closing the door. “It’s upstairs. Second door on the right.”
Moments later Phil was carefully lowering his son into his crib. The nursery, like the rest of the house, was decorated impeccably, whales and dolphins gracing the walls in what was clearly a nautical theme. He leaned in and brushed his lips against Liam’s forehead.
“He looks more like you every minute,” Kim said as Phil turned from the crib.
“He was hungry, so I fed him some applesauce at two,” he said, not pausing as he strode out of the room and toward the staircase. “He had a bottle an hour later. I changed his diaper before I left my house, so he should be okay.”
“How did it go last night?”
“Fine,” Phil answered, continuing down the stairs.
“Phil. Wait.” She placed her hand on his arm as they reached the door. “I think you can give me a little more than ‘fine.’”
“He was safe and happy. That’s all you have a right to know.” He opened the door.
“I’m your son’s mother. I would think that would garner me a measure of respect,” she said, her tone matching the coolness of his.
“Respect?” He paused in the open doorway, turning his head slightly to meet her eyes. “I don’t think you’re in a position to talk to me about respect. You bought a house in my neighborhood despite the fact that you know I don’t want you near my family.”
“Isn’t Liam your family?” she asked. “This neighborhood is where you chose to raise your other children. Are they more important than him?”
“This isn’t about Liam. It’s about you. I don’t want you near my wife. She’s been through enough.”
“She’s been through enough?” Kim laughed. “I’m the single mother with an almost-one-year-old, and it wasn’t due to artificial insemination.”
“I’m not doing this,” he said, continuing out the door.
“Wait,” Kim called after him. “I need to talk to you about something.”
“What?” He swung back around. “What now?”
“I don’t want to fight with you. Can’t we be civil to one another? I’m not the enemy. I just want what’s best for Liam. The two of us arguing isn’t what’s best for him.”
“Is this what you need to talk about?” he asked.
“I wanted to discuss the holidays.”
“What about them? We agreed that you would have him for all holidays this year. The alternating doesn’t start until next year.”
“I was just thinking about it and realized I had him for Christmas last year. It just seems unfair that I get two years in a row. This should be your year.”
“No.”
“No?” Kim repeated, her eyes widening. “You don’t want to spend Christmas with your son?”
“I want to follow the agreement.”
***
Lina picked Logan up on her way home from Adele’s. “What did you do?” she asked after several seconds of silence.
Logan shrugged, continuing to look out the passenger-side window. “You didn’t let him in my room, did you? I don’t want him touching my stuff.”
“He’s a baby, Logan, and your dad was with him. I’m sure he didn’t go in your room.”
“I’m going to get a lock for my door.”
“This isn’t easy on any of us, including your dad.”
“It’s his fault,” Logan grumbled.
“That’s true,” Lina conceded. “But it isn’t Liam’s.” She knew she was talking to herself as much as to Logan. “We just need to make the best of a difficult situation.”
“It’s fucked up.”
“Logan!” Her gaze flew in his direction.
“Sorry,” he said, his face heating. “But it is.”
“That’s no excuse for that language.” She’d never heard him curse.
“Sorry,” he repeated.
Katie was alone in the kitchen, opening boxes of Chinese takeout, when Lina preceded Logan into the kitchen a short time later. “Oh good,” Lina said. It was after six, and she hadn’t considered what to make for dinner.
“Dad made me pick it up,” Katie said. “I wanted pizza.”
“Where is he?”
“I don’t know, but he’s in a bad mood. He wouldn’t let Matt come over tonight. Why did you leave without telling me yesterday?”
“I’m sorry,” Lina said, realizing she hadn’t even considered Katie when she’d fled the house. “I should have said something.”
“Was it because of Liam? I thought you wanted him to come here.”
“You left?” Logan asked.
Lina’s guilt at abandoning Phil returned in full force, knowing if any of Logan’s resistance to accepting Liam was due to loyalty to her it would further solidify it. “I decided to spend the evening with Adele,” she said, turning to pull plates from the cabinet. “It was a last-minute thing.”
“Because you didn’t want to be around Liam?” Katie asked.
“No. I just wanted to give your Dad time alone with him,” she lied. “Are you ready to eat?” She turned to Logan, holding out a plate.
“Why did you try to get me to stay home if you were just going to leave?” Logan asked.
“I thought it would be good for you to get to know him,” Lina said.
“He’s our brother,” Katie added.
“Shut up!” Logan snapped.
“Logan!” Lina frowned at him.
“I don’t want her calling him that.” He took the plate from Lina and began roughly spooning food onto his plate, seemingly intent on taking his frustration out on the Chinese food.
“Fine. I won’t call him that,” Katie said. “But that’s what he is,” she continued. “Even Grandma and Grandpa think of him as their grandson, and he isn’t related to them by blood.”
“Katie, please,” Lina said, and then Katie’s words penetrated into her mind. “Did they come over?”
“Yes. Liam really liked Grandma, didn’t he, Dad?” Katie asked.
Lina turned to see Phil coming into the kitchen. “My parents?” She raised her eyebrows.
“Not my idea,” Phil said, pausing beside her to lean in and brush his lips over hers. “They just showed up.”
“She asked me the other day if she could stop by to meet him this weekend and I said no.”
“When has ‘no’ ever stopped your mother? I’m surprised she bothered to ask.” He stepped around her to take a beer from the refrigerator.
“She said Liam is basically her grandson,” Katie said.
“He isn’t Mom’s son,” Logan fumed, “so he can’t be her grandson.”
“He’s Mom’s stepson,” Katie said. “So at a minimum he’s her step-grandson.”
“Katie, let it go,” Phil said.
“What? You said we were supposed to give him a chance, and Logan isn’t.”
“Enough,” Phil said more firmly. “No more.”
“What did I do?” She frowned at him.
“You continue to talk, and I’ve asked you to stop. Why don’t the two of you take your food to the table? We’re all here. We can eat as a family.” As they gathered their plates, Phil returned his attention to Lina. “Do you want a glass of wine, or I could make you a drink?”
“Water.” She cringed at the thought of alcohol, still suffering the effects of overindulging with Adele the night before. “I’ll stick with water.”
“Are we okay?” he asked, in a tone low enough for only her ears.
“Of course.” She clasped his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze in response to the concern in his eyes. “I’m just a little tired. I didn’t sleep well. I missed my husband.”
“Yeah?” He placed his beer on the island behind her, his eyes never leaving hers as he curved his hands around her hips. “I missed you.” He brushed his lips over hers. “I love you,” he said, his breath warm against her lips.
“I know.” Lina fisted the front of his shirt.
“Stop it!” Katie called out. “No one wants to see their parents kissing.”
Phil lifted his head slightly, pressing his forehead against Lina’s. “Remember when we wanted her to talk more?”
“Shh.” Lina tugged on his shirt. “Be nice.”
It was close to ten when Lina said good night to Katie and Logan and made her way to her bedroom. Phil, who had spent the evening in the upstairs rec room playing video games with Logan, joined her in the master bath as she finished washing her face.
“How is he? Did he talk about Liam?”
Phil paused behind her, cupping her shoulders as he dropped his mouth to the side of her neck. “No, but he’s fine. You smell nice.”
“It’s Adele’s body wash.”
“It’s you.”
“How was last night? Did you get any sleep?”
“Once I brought him into bed with me.”
“You let him sleep with you?” She met his gaze in the mirror. He’d always been adamant that he didn’t want the kids in bed with them. She remembered walking around with them in her arms in the middle of the night, sometimes for more than an hour, until they fell back to sleep.
“It was his first time with me. Strange crib. Strange house. I didn’t want to make it harder on him than it already was. He settled down as soon as he lay down with me.”
She hated the thought. It was as if a piece of Kim was in their bed. She tried to pull away from him, but Phil’s hold on her arms tightened. “What’s that look?”
“Nothing. I just…I’m surprised. We never did that.”
“The circumstances are a little different. You weren’t here. I was alone in the bed. I didn’t know it would be a big deal to you or I wouldn’t have brought him in with me.”
She was being ridiculous. She was making him feel guilty for comforting a baby. “It’s fine.” She slipped from his hold, continuing out into the bedroom. “Just ignore me.”
“I’m not going to ignore you,” he said, following her. “If you’re saying you don’t want him in our bed, I won’t bring him in our bed.”
“No—I don’t know what I’m saying. It’s late and I’m tired. We can talk about it tomorrow.”
“I don’t want you to go to sleep upset.”
“I’m not upset,” she lied. “It’s just been a long couple of days. I don’t even know what there is to talk about. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy, and it’s not, but it’s our life now. It’s just going to take some mental adjustments.”
Lina lay back against the pillows, her thoughts drifting to Kim. “How long were you there when you dropped him off?” she asked when Phil reappeared a few minutes later.
“Just long enough to pass him off. Maybe three minutes.” He stepped out of his briefs before lowering himself onto the bed beside her.
“Did she try to talk to you?”
He propped himself up on one elbow as he looked down at her. “Baby—”
“She did. I can see it in your eyes.”
“She offered to let me have Liam for Christmas. That was all we talked about.”
“Christmas?” Lina repeated, a knot twisting in her stomach. She didn’t want to have Liam for Christmas.
“I said no,” Phil said.
A wave of relief rushed through Lina. “Why would she want to give him up for Christmas?”
“I have no idea.”
“Do you think she did it to make you feel guilty, assuming you’d say no?”
“I don’t know what motivates her, and I’m not going to expend energy trying to figure her out. She offered and I said no.”
“Or maybe she hoped it would cause stress for me. If you said yes, I mean.”
“I never would have said yes without consulting you. I told you if you took me back, you would come first. Those weren’t just words, Lina. This family—our family—will always come first. I know it’s too soon for Logan and for you. I would never even suggest it.”
“Okay.” The unease bubbling within her dissipated in response to his words.
“If it’s too soon for me to bring him here, that’s okay, too. I’ll figure something out.”
“No.” She curved her hand around his neck. “I want you to keep bringing him here.”
“You do?” His eyes were narrowed in confusion.
“Yes.” She nodded.
“If you change your mind—”
“I won’t,” she interrupted. “This is going to work.” She could see the relief in his eyes at her words.
“Why are you wearing this?” He tugged at the hem of her silk nightgown.
“It’s cold.” She breathed in as his hand stroked a path up her thigh.
“Panties, too?”
“I thought you’d be too tired after last night.” She lifted her hips as he began to ease her panties down.
“No.” He slowly shook his head. “I’m not too tired.” He pushed her back into the mattress as he shifted his body over hers. “Are you too tired?” He began to rub himself against her, his body completely hard. “I can stop.”
“No, you can’t.” Lina linked both arms around his neck. “And I don’t want you to.”
***
“Kim Ryan is sitting in our conference room,” Mark Dwyer, one of the senior partners in Phil’s firm, announced after entering his office the following Monday.
“What?” Phil came to his feet, a frown marring his features.
“She’s here with her son—your son. She stopped by to say hello.”
“Fuck.” Phil dragged his hand down his face.
Mark gave him a sympathetic smile before heading toward the door. “I thought you’d want to know.”
Phil’s first instinct was to go out to the conference room and escort Kim from the building, but realizing that would create more of a scene than she was already creating, he decided to do nothing, instead closing his office door and trying to concentrate on the brief he’d been working on all morning.
Thirty minutes passed before a knock preceded the entrance of Anne. As soon as he saw her flushed cheeks, he knew Kim had arrived. “Send them in,” he said before she uttered a word, pushing back his chair.
Liam squealed in delight at the sight of his father, bouncing up and down against Kim’s side. “Dadda!”
Phil walked around his desk and took Liam from Kim. “Hi, buddy.”
“Dadda.” Liam patted Phil’s chin.
“What are you doing here?” Phil asked Kim.
“I was in the area, so I stopped by to show everyone Liam. I used to work here, remember? I didn’t think you’d want me to leave without letting you see your son.” She extracted a framed eight-by-ten photograph of Liam from the diaper bag. “I also brought you this. It’s a black-and-white like your others.” She stepped around him and placed the picture on top of the bookshelf behind his desk, directly next to a photo of Logan. “They look alike.”
“I’m capable of getting my own pictures. You can take that with you. You are not welcome here.” His words were short and measured.
“Your son’s not welcome here?”
“Not when he’s accompanied by you. I need to get back to work.” He pressed his lips against Liam’s forehead. When he attempted to give Liam back to Kim, Liam protested, clinging to Phil’s neck.
“I need to use the ladies’ room. Could you watch him for a minute?”
Phil glared at her, the side of his jaw clenched. “I’m working,” he bit out. “Take him with you.”
“You can’t spare five minutes?”
Phil pried Liam’s fingers from around his neck. “Take him,” he growled, holding him out to her.
Liam sucked in his bottom lip and began to cry.
“Fuck,” Phil muttered under his breath, pulling Liam back into his chest. “It’s okay, buddy.” He began to jiggle him in his arms. “Go,” he said to Kim, nodding toward the door. “Five minutes.” As soon as she left, he began pacing across his office, continuing to shake Liam in his arms. “I’m sorry,” he whispered against his head. “Daddy’s sorry he scared you. It’s okay.”
It took a few minutes for Liam to stop crying and then a few more for Phil to coach a smile from him. Kim returned as he opened his office door with the intention of asking Anne to go find her.
“Never again,” Phil said as he stepped out into his lobby. “You are not welcome in these offices. Do you understand?” he asked, unconcerned with the fact Anne could hear their conversation.
“Come on, Liam.” Kim began prying a protesting Liam from Phil’s arms. “Daddy’s busy.”
“Tell them in the main lobby if she shows up again to call security,” he told Anne.
“You don’t have to be such an asshole,” Kim said, her face heated.
“Never again,” he repeated before walking back into his office.
“I hear you had a visitor,” Wayne said later that afternoon. “Well, two actually.”
“Unfortunately,” Phil said, not looking away from his computer screen. “How was court?”
“They took the deal.” Wayne crossed to the bar and poured two glasses of scotch. “She just showed up?”
“It’s not going to happen again.”
“Is that him?” Wayne was looking past Phil to the photograph on the bookshelf.
Phil turned in his chair, studying the picture for the first time. It was clearly professionally done. Liam was outside, sitting beside a tree along a river, smiling at the camera. “That’s him.”
“Handsome boy.”
“He is,” Phil agreed. “His mother I could do without.” He joined Wayne at the conference room table on the far end of the office. “I’ve given her zero encouragement for over a year and a half and she still acts like something’s going to change. What in the fuck do I have to do to get through to her?”
“Even with your kid in tow, half the male population in the office was panting over her, according to Rick. She’ll be someone else’s problem soon enough.”
“I hope so.”
“How’s Lina doing with her living so close?”
“She doesn’t like it. I’m sure she’s worried about running into her, but she wouldn’t even consider moving. It’s a lot, though. All of it. Liam. Kim. It’s a lot.”