Chapter Eleven
“Oh my God,” Adele said the next afternoon after meeting Brian Drayton for the first time. “He looks so much like his father.”
“I know,” Lina said.
They were stretched out on lounge chairs beside the pool, enjoying another picture-perfect day with temperatures hovering in the low eighties. Logan, Brian, and a few of Logan’s other friends had just cut through the pool area on their way to the lacrosse field.
“I thought Phil was taking them to Philadelphia this weekend.”
“He decided to drive up Monday for the championship game,” Lina said. She knew it was because he hadn’t wanted to leave her overnight.
“Have you seen Nick lately?”
“He dropped Brian off yesterday.” Lina felt a flash of anxiety at the memory of the way Phil had treated him. “I wish Phil would stop harboring this hostility toward him.”
“What do you expect? You dated him.”
“It’s not like I slept with him,” Lina said. “He could at least be civil.”
Adele laughed. “Do you know your husband? He’s never going to be civil to Nick Drayton. He’s jealous of him.”
Lina had come to the same conclusion herself. “But there’s no reason for him to be jealous.”
“Nick saved Katie. You say it all the time. Following his advice is what pulled Katie out of her depression. Don’t you think that eats at Phil a little, knowing that another man had to step into your family and help his daughter?”
“Nick is a trained professional. What we were doing wasn’t working. We had no choice but to take her to a psychiatrist.”
“I know. But put yourself in Phil’s shoes for a second. He loves control, and during that time he lost it. Nick was calling the shots when it came to parenting Katie. It bothered him that another man could get through to his daughter when he couldn’t.”
Lina thought of Phil’s words the morning they went through the pictures. He’d said he failed as a father. Her stomach twisted at the memory of the pain she’d seen in his eyes. “We didn’t have a choice,” she repeated, more to herself than to Adele. “He wanted her to get better, too.”
“Of course he did. And I’m sure his ego could have handled the bruising if all Nick did was save Katie. But then he came after you.”
“He wasn’t after me.” She could feel her face heating.
“He told you he had feelings for you when you were still with Phil.”
“He knew we were having problems,” Lina said defensively. “He knew about Kim.”
“That actually makes it worse. And as much as I think Phil is being a hypocrite, I can see why he doesn’t want Nick anywhere near you.”
Adele’s words played in Lina’s head for the remainder of the day. When Phil joined her in their bedroom later that night, she decided to broach the subject. “I need to ask you something, and I want you to answer me honestly regardless of whether or not you think it will make me angry.”
He was standing before his bureau, taking off his watch. “Are you sure you want to chance getting angry at eleven o’clock at night?”
“It’s bothering me, and I won’t be able to sleep if I keep thinking about it.”
“What is it?”
“Do you feel like I cheated on you emotionally with Nick Drayton?”
He curved his hand around the back of his neck. “Cheated on,” he repeated, his eyes narrowed. “No, I don’t feel that you cheated on me. I think you confided in him too much. Sought out his counsel instead of mine at times. But it wasn’t intentional. He lulled you into doing it. He asked you inappropriate questions about our marriage under the guise of treating Katie. He knew you were desperate to help her and took advantage of the situation because he had feelings for you. He’s the one who crossed the line, not you.”
“Do you think that caused the distance between us?”
“I know he did.”
“And that made room for Kim?”
“If you’re asking if Drayton is responsible for my affair, the answer is no. I’m responsible. We were struggling. Yes, in part it was because of him, but I should have made different choices.”
“But what if he’d never come into our lives?”
“He did come into our lives.” Phil sat down on the edge of the bed. “And I did cheat. Why are we going backward?”
“I was just wondering if the anger you feel toward him is because you blame him for everything.”
“I feel anger toward him because he likes to sit in judgment over me while the truth is he pursued the married mother of one of his patients. He would have had an affair with you if you were willing. You know that, right?”
She hesitated before answering, considering his question. “Not while we were together.”
“You’re not that naive. I saw the way he looked at you. The first time I met him, at Megan’s graduation, I could see his interest.”
She couldn’t deny it. She had noticed the way he’d looked at her that day, too. “He never said anything inappropriate, though, not while we were together.” As soon as she said the words, she remembered Nick had told her both that he was attracted to her and loved her before she separated from Phil.
“That isn’t true.” Phil was watching her closely. “Is it?”
“I’m not interested in him in that way.”
“That isn’t what I asked. But you don’t have to answer because the truth was all over your face.”
Over the next several days, Lina struggled with what to do about Nick. She hadn’t texted him since she got back with Phil, but knowing she had the option brought her comfort. He’d brought Katie back to her, and he had been her counselor and friend during her separation from Phil. It couldn’t remain that way. It wasn’t fair to Nick or to Phil to continue the relationship. She knew that, but severing ties with him filled her with anxiety. He’d been her crutch. She drafted and deleted dozens of texts before finally settling on one.
Nick—I know this message is overdue, and I apologize. It took me longer than it should have to articulate my thoughts. You came into my life at a very difficult time, and your counsel and friendship during that time is something I will always cherish. You brought Katie back to us, and for that I will never be able to thank you enough. I shudder to think where we would be now if you hadn’t agreed to take her on as your patient. Thank you. I also want to apologize for the way Phil has treated you and continues to treat you. He is a complicated man. I know you believe that I have an unhealthy dependence on him, but you’re wrong. He is the love of my life. From the moment I saw him, before words were even spoken, I knew he was my person. Unless you have experienced that kind of connection, I don’t think you can understand what it means. I suppose I’m telling you this so that you’ll understand that there isn’t a doubt in my mind that I’m where I’m supposed to be. For that reason, I have to end our friendship. I don’t expect a response to this message. I wish you the best.
Lina wiped a few tears from her eyes before pressing the send button.