Chapter Six
“Dad, can’t you—”
“Yes, I’m married,” Phil answered.
“Married?” Evelyn’s eyes widened. “I thought you were divorced.”
“I said he was getting a divorce,” Kim said.
“No.” Her father shook his head. “You said he was already divorced.”
“You may have heard that, but that’s not what I said. I told you—”
“That isn’t a fact I would confuse,” her father said. “And why are you wearing a wedding band if you’re getting divorced?”
“I’m not getting a divorce,” Phil said.
“Oh no,” Evelyn whispered, gripping the collar of her jacket. “You had an affair with a married man?”
“He was separated,” Kim lied.
“Look, I’m going to take him out for a walk,” Phil said, having no desire to partake in Kim’s family drama. “Would you get me the stroller?”
“What kind of man encourages his mistress to move closer to his wife and family?”
“I have no idea what we’re talking about here,” Phil said, looking between Kim and her father.
“You’re the reason she left New York. She came to Baltimore to be with you.”
“No.” Phil shook his head. “We didn’t know each other until she interviewed at my firm. She found us. It wasn’t the other way around. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m here to visit my son.”
Once Phil left Kim’s apartment, he did his best to salvage his time with Liam, strolling him to a nearby park and stretching out on a blanket with him. Liam spent most of his time playing peekaboo or trying to pull off Phil’s watch.
When he arrived back at the condominium it was again Evelyn opening the door. This time her greeting was lukewarm at best. “Kim ran out to get a haircut,” she said. “She told me to give this to you.” She was holding the suit jacket he had left behind on his last visit.
“I’m sorry if my marriage came as a surprise to you,” Phil said. “There was no graceful way to tell you.”
“It’s okay.” She forced a smile, but the strain on her face was obvious. “All that matters at this point is Liam. I hope that you’ll play an active role in his life and he isn’t kept in the shadows. A boy needs his father.”
***
“You looked good out there,” Phil told Logan as they walked toward his car.
“I almost scored. Coach said if I start shooting more, I’ll get a chance to play up top. He said I’m passing when I should be taking a shot.”
“So shoot more,” Phil said.
“I’m going to. Brian said his dad was telling him about this book called Outliers or something like that. And if you do something ten thousand times you become, like, an expert at it. How many times do think I’ve shot at goal? Not just in games but in practice, too.”
“I don’t know. You’re almost fifteen and you’ve been playing since you were five. Maybe three thousand times.”
“I was thinking twenty-five hundred,” Logan said. They reached the car, and he tossed his gear and backpack into the back seat. “That means I only need to shoot it seventy-five hundred more times to become an expert,” he continued when they were in the car. “If I start shooting it a hundred times a day, I’ll be an expert in less than two and a half months. That’s all it will take.”
“Is that all?” Phil knew there was no way Logan was going to shoot the ball ten times a day, let alone one hundred. He hated practicing on his own.
“Yeah, isn’t that cool?”
“I was thinking about taking Logan and a couple of his friends to see the college lacrosse championship on Memorial Day Weekend—just the championship game, not the whole tournament,” Phil said to Lina when he arrived home with Logan.
“That’s nice.” She was at the counter, slicing vegetables.
“It’s in Philadelphia this year.” He leaned his hip against the counter as he watched her. “Do you want to come?”
“No.”
“Come on. It will be fun. We could spend the night and check out the city.”
She set down her knife and wiped her hands on a towel. She closed the small distance between them before framing his face with her cool hands. “No,” she whispered before standing on her tiptoes and softly kissing his lips. “We’ve already seen the Liberty Bell.”
He clasped the sides of her hips, pulling her lower body toward his. He knew she’d never really liked lacrosse. She thought it was too physical. When he’d spot her in the stands during his high school and college games, she’d more often than not have her hands covering her eyes. “Neither Logan nor I will be playing. You won’t have to worry about us getting hurt.”
“I never worried about you getting hurt. I was always worried you were going to hurt someone. I didn’t want to have the memory of it in my mind.” She linked her arms around his neck. “Take Logan and have fun. You don’t need me there.”
He let his gaze drift over her face. He knew every inch of it. Even the laugh lines around her eyes, which had come in the past couple of years, were etched in his memory. “I’m still making up for lost time.”
“Gross—stop looking at each other like that,” Katie said. “I shouldn’t have to be afraid to come into my own kitchen.”
Lina kissed him again before stepping away from him.
“Your kitchen?” Phil asked Katie. His gaze remained on Lina, watching the feminine sway of her hips as she crossed to the refrigerator.
“How old was I when we moved here?” she asked. “Dad?”
“What?” He reluctantly turned his attention to Katie. “Five or six. No, four.”
“So it’s been my kitchen for sixty-five percent of my life. The only person who it belongs to more is Logan. And I don’t think he wants to see your PDAs either.”
***
“You’re radiant,” Diane said when she met Lina for lunch a week later. “He so agrees with you.”
“He does.” Lina returned her warm hug.
“Things are good, aren’t they?”
“They are.” Lina smiled at the waiter as he set a glass of wine before her. “Thank you.”
“I assumed you would want white.”
“It’s perfect,” Lina said, lifting the glass to her lips.
“No, wait. We need to make a toast,” Diane said. “To new beginnings.”
“New beginnings,” Lina repeated, raising her glass.
Of all Lina’s friends, Diane was the staunchest Phil supporter. During the early days of her separation, when Lina was convinced she would never take Phil back, it had put a strain on their friendship because of Diane’s constant pressure for Lina to move past the affair.
“You’re in the honeymoon stage all over again, aren’t you?”
Lina laughed. “There is no honeymoon stage with two teenagers in the house.”
“I don’t know if that’s true. That healthy glow you’re sporting doesn’t just come from being happy. Oh my—are you blushing? You are blushing.”
“Stop.” Lina laughed, lifting her wineglass to hide the blush she knew was covering her face.
“Spill—he can’t keep his hands off you, can he?”
He couldn’t, but Lina wasn’t about to share that with Diane. “Things are going well,” Lina said instead. “Maybe all couples should take a six-month hiatus after twenty years or so. Keep things new.”
“It wasn’t quite six months. You had a bit of a rendezvous on Christmas if I recall.”
“We did,” she admitted, managing not to blush. She’d invited him to spend the night so the family could be together on Christmas morning and ended up crawling into bed with him in the middle of the night. She recalled his disappointment and surprise the next day when she told him it had been a momentary relapse and he wasn’t allowed to come home.
“How are the kids adjusting?” Diane asked, bringing her back to the present. “I know you were a little nervous about Logan.”
“Logan seems fine. They’re both fine. It’s like he never left. I thought there would be an adjustment period, you know, considering Phil is stricter than I am, but so far it’s smooth sailing. Phil hasn’t even complained about Matt’s presence at the house.”
“And Megan?”
“Megan is Megan,” Lina said. She’d stopped trying to figure out her oldest child. “I guess she isn’t mad at me anymore for making her father sad.”
Diane laughed. “She just wanted her parents back together. I think that’s normal.”
“I’m not sure how normal it is to expect your mother to just get over an affair that resulted in a child. If the situation were reversed, I don’t think she’d be so forgiving.” In fact, she knew she wouldn’t be, but in Megan’s eyes Phil could do no wrong. The lectures she’d given Lina about how she was hurting their family by not letting Phil come home still stung.
“She’s young,” Diane said. “You can’t hold it against her.”
“I know.” And she didn’t, or at least she tried not to. “She’s staying in Charlottesville for the summer, so we won’t be seeing much of her.” Lina went on to tell Diane about the internship Megan had secured with her business ethics professor. “She still plans to be a lawyer.”
“Then I’m sure she will be,” Diane said. “Speaking of careers, how did the interior decorating job go?”
“It’s still going,” Lina answered. “They’re painting this week and finishing the kitchen. We’ve ordered most of the furniture. Now I’m concentrating on artwork and the window treatments. Our tastes are similar, so it’s almost like I’m doing it all for myself.”
“But you’re being paid?”
“I am,” Lina said. “Phil drew up the contract and insisted I charge at least one hundred and twenty-five an hour. He researched it and said that was a fair rate. She agreed without even blinking.” Lina could hardly believe she was being paid so much to do something she loved.
“You’re worth every penny,” Diane said. “I’m sure you’re a bit nervous about Saturday night, seeing everyone again, but I have to admit, I’m looking forward to having you back. Our get-togethers were so boring without you.”
Lina’s stomach dropped. “There’s something this weekend?” She could feel the heat come back to her face.
“Yes, at Gina and Bob’s. They’re welcoming a new partner. Phil didn’t tell you?”
“No, and I don’t know if I’m ready to see everyone. No, strike that. I know I’m not ready to see everyone.” She couldn’t imagine having to endure the looks of pity on the other wives’ faces. “None of them called me after the separation, not even Gina.” She hadn’t particularly wanted to talk, but their silence still hurt. These were women Lina had known since Phil started at the firm.
“You can’t hold that against them,” Diane said. “They didn’t know what to say. It was awkward for everyone. They felt terrible about it.”
“I thought they were my friends,” Lina said, sounding naive even to her own ears. “I just…” She sighed. “I don’t know if I’m ready to face them yet. I’m sure they’ll think I’m pathetic for taking him back.”
“When were you going to tell me about the dinner party at Gina and Bob’s?” Lina asked Phil later that evening. She still felt knots in her stomach at the thought of it.
“I thought I had.” He stifled a yawn as he pulled back the comforter.
“No.” Lina began to fluff her pillow. “I would have remembered something like that.”
“I looked at the calendar. There was no conflict.”
“The conflict is in me. I’m not sure if I’m ready to be part of that crowd again.”
His eyes narrowed in confusion. “I don’t understand.”
“You don’t understand how it might be uncomfortable for me to be around all those couples, knowing that they know you fathered a son with an ex-associate at your firm?”
“It’s none of their business.”
“Oh, and that’s how it works?” She tossed the pillow onto the mattress. “People only care about things that are their business?”
“Don’t be sarcastic. I’m trying to understand what you’re feeling.”
“You had an affair with someone in the office, someone all those partners know and have no doubt talked about to their wives. I’m feeling like I don’t want to see them.”
He stared at her across the bed. “I can’t just blow this off. We’re welcoming a new partner.”
“I don’t expect you to blow it off. I just don’t know if I can go.”
“Are you saying you aren’t going to accompany me to work-related functions anymore?”
“I don’t know. I just feel very uncomfortable at the prospect. That’s all I’m saying.” She stretched out on the bed and lay back on her pillow.
“What can I do?” He came around the bed. “Tell me what I can do to make you feel more comfortable.” The mattress shifted as he sat down beside her.
“There’s nothing you can do. You can’t keep people from talking about us. We’d be doing the same thing if one of them were in this situation.”
He pressed his hand into the pillow beside her head, his eyebrows pulled together in concern as he looked down at her. “You won’t be alone. I won’t leave your side.”
“You won’t leave my side? You’ll hang out with the wives all evening?”
“I’ll do whatever it takes to get you to come. I flew solo for six months. I don’t want to do that anymore. I need you with me.”
“Who in the fuck cares what they think?” Adele asked the following morning as they sat side by side, getting pedicures.
“Shh.” Lina gave her a sideways glare.
“Sorry.” Adele held up her hands. “Are you worried about what they think, too?” She nodded toward the women working at their feet. “I don’t think they give a fuck.”
“Forget it,” Lina said. “You don’t understand.”
“One of the perks of growing up is not having to spend your entire life in middle school. You already know these women aren’t your friends. Friends wouldn’t have gone six months without speaking to you, so why do you care what they think?”
“These are Phil’s partners and their wives. They’re not just anyone.”
“But you could be,” Adele said. “Anyone to them, I mean. I’m not talking about Diane, because I know she cares. Although I could never understand how she just expected you to get over what he did. She was like Mom with that ‘boys will be boys’ attitude, but at least she didn’t abandon you. These other women that you’re worried about dropped you. Think about that. Your ticket into their so-called friendship was Phil. Without him you were no longer in the club.”
Adele was right. With the exception of Diane, none of the other wives had made any attempt to contact her after the breakup. She’d known some of them since Phil started at the firm years earlier. At first she’d been relieved, having no desire to discuss the affair, but as time passed with no word from any of them, she’d felt hurt, naively believing they’d been her friends.
“If Phil had ended up with Kim, they would have opened their doors and arms to her,” Adele said. “Think about that.”
***
“Are you okay?” Phil asked, taking his eyes off the road to look at Lina as he came to a stop at a red light. She was studying her reflection in the visor mirror.
“I wish you would stop asking me that.” She closed the mirror and leaned back in the seat. “It’s the third time since we left the house.”
“Maybe that’s because you haven’t answered me.” The car behind him beeped, and he brought his gaze back to the road. He was worried about her. She’d been out of sorts since they’d started getting ready to go out, trying on several outfits before settling on a simple black dress. Then she’d spent an exorbitant amount of time on her hair and makeup. He wasn’t sure what she was thinking, but it was clear her physical appearance was more important than usual to her. “You’re beautiful.” He squeezed her thigh.
She had the visor open again and was peering at her reflection. “My eyes look tired.”
“You’re beautiful. Look at me. Baby?”
She looked away from the mirror. “Stop doting on me. You’re making it worse.” She shifted her gaze to the window.
When she began to finger her wedding band, he knew she was nervous. She wasn’t normally fidgety. He shouldn’t have pressured her to come. “Do you want me to take you out to dinner instead? I can call and cancel, make up an excuse.”
“No.” She released a breath. “I need to do this. I can’t hide from it.”
“She isn’t going to break,” Wayne said to Phil a couple of hours later as he came to stand beside him on the back deck of Bob Smith’s massive Hunt Valley home. “I don’t think you’ve taken your eyes off her for five minutes all evening.”
“Probably not,” Phil agreed, continuing to watch Lina, who was sitting with Diane and some of the other wives on an adjacent patio. “She was nervous about coming tonight. I hurt her confidence. I didn’t get that until tonight. I was out half the day visiting Liam. I’m sure that didn’t help. It’s fresh in her mind.”
“She’s fine.” He patted Phil’s back. “The first time was going to be hard. Diane’s taking care of her. Come on. Let’s get you some scotch.”
***
Shouts of laughter filled the air, drawing Lina’s attention to the other side of the patio, where Phil was sitting around a table with the other men, smoking cigars and drinking scotch. The familiarity of the scene brought back warm memories of so many similar evenings.
“It’s nice to have him back,” Gina said from the chair beside Lina’s.
“Back?” Lina pulled her gaze from the men.
“He was quieter without you. He’s happy again.”
“Me too,” Lina said, because it was the truth. Regardless of what Phil had done, she was happier with him than without him.
“I’m so happy you’re here,” Gina said, sincerity shining in her eyes. “I feel awful that I didn’t call you. I just—I didn’t know what to say. I know that’s no excuse, but it’s the truth. It was such a shock, what happened. I mean if Phil could cheat on you, then none of us were safe. That’s what it felt like.”
“I hope that’s not true.”
“The way he looked at you—no, still looks at you. It boggles my—all of our minds,” she said, confirming what Lina already knew. They’d discussed her and Phil’s relationship, probably at length. “Do you know—”
“What are you two so serious about?” Diane asked as she, Carol Young, and the newest partner’s wife, Amanda Knabb, came from the house.
“Nothing.” Gina touched Lina’s arm. “I’m sorry. I got carried away.”
“No.” Lina covered her hand with her own. “I’m glad you said something to me. I could feel the unspoken questions. It’s a relief.”
“What’s a relief?” Carol asked.
“Gina and I were talking about Phil,” Lina said.
Carol’s eyes widened, swinging from Lina to Gina and then finally to Diane.
“It just came out,” Gina said defensively. She, too, was looking at Diane.
Lina laughed for the first time that evening. “It’s okay, Diane.”
“You and Phil seem so normal,” Carol said, taking the empty chair beside Lina’s. “You’re doing well?”
Again, Lina was touched by the sincerity in the other woman’s eyes. Adele was wrong. They were her friends, maybe not Diane level but friends nonetheless. “We are.” Her gaze traveled back to Phil. Their eyes met across the patio, and he lifted his chin, asking her without words if she was okay. She smiled.
“There it is,” Gina said, witnessing the exchange. “How could someone possibly get between that?”
“Gina!” Diane warned. “I think you’ve had too much to drink.”
“No, it’s okay,” Lina said. “It’s a question I’ve asked myself so many times over the past year. It’s a cliché, but the truth is we stopped communicating. It was just a brief time when we were dealing with issues with the kids.” She couldn’t just say Katie. It would feel too much like she was blaming her.
“Enough. This is supposed to be a celebration,” Diane said. “More wine,” she called out. “And turn up the music. Phil?” She waved at him. “Come over here and dance with your wife.”
“What?” He put his hand to his ear.
“Come dance with Lina—make the world right again.”
***
Something had changed. It was as if a switch had flipped and Lina was happy again. He’d known when he met her eyes across the patio. Phil came to his feet as Diane beckoned him over to them. “Bob.” He paused beside his chair. “Could you play something on the stereo for me?”
“Dance with me,” he said to Lina seconds later, stopping beside her chair.
“There’s no music,” she protested as she let him draw her to her feet.
He slid his palm over hers, entwining their fingers. “There will be.” As if choreographed, Michael Bolton’s rendition of “When a Man Loves a Woman” began streaming from stereo speakers as Phil took her into his arms. They swayed more than danced, his body flush against hers as the song played, and when it ended Phil dipped her back over his arm and kissed her to the delight of their friends, who whistled and clapped their approval.